Topic : 09/05 Party Mom

And Doctor Mom Party Phil/Robin. Doctor Phil have your mom ever have a Mom Party before? See you on--

Friday September 05th, 2008. Sincerley Your. Russell Vlaanderen.------------------------------------------------------

My Mother and Step Father bought a bunch of land as an investment five years ago.  They to us to move on the land take care of it and they would give us an acer.  We did all that we cleared the land and worked very hard.  We have for five years.   They sold there home in Florida a year after they bought the property and moved next door.  Don't get me wrong, I have no problem with them living next door.  It is the control thing I have a problem with.  They both Drink and get drunk every night, my mother hides it and drinks Vodka.  She is 72 and I don't know if it is Alzimers setting in or the Vodka, but my life is a nightmare.  My husband is a self employed roofer and he works hard six days a week.  They treat him like something they wiped off their shoes.  My husband is a good man that works hard and does what he can around the property. By the way, this place is groomed perfectly.  But nothing is ever enough.  They do not allow any one on the property, so we can't even have friends over, and when we walk outside they sit there and watch everything we do.  I tried to talk to my Step Father about my mothers problem, and he told me it was none of my business.  About a year and a half ago, late in the evening, she fell and cracked her face in five places.  He let her go to bed.  The next morning there was blood all over her pillow, her eye stayed blood red for a month and her face stayed black and blue for a long time.  The tention has gotten so strong, my mother called the other night yelling  at me about why I was acting like I was acting and why I hated her husband.  She didn't like what I had to say and hung up on me.  Her husband shows up at my door, walks in gets in my face screaming at me, drunk I should add.  I told him to get out of my house.  He told me to get off of his property.  My home is here and we have worked very hard,  I'm not sure what leg I have to stand on.  Because they have held this peice of land over our heads. But  I can't afford to just pick up my home and move it.  Yesterday my cousin called her because she was on the phone with me when my step father walked into my home screaming at me.  My mother told her that he never came over to my house.  I don't know if she is lying or if she is in complete denial.  They also called ten times that night and left messages, but I wouldn't answer the phone.  I really don't know what to do.  I love my mother, but you wouldn't believe what we have been through, I can't take it anymore.

It is shocking, really, how many parents these days condone teenage drinking - or at best, turn a blind eye.  It's hard to understand why it is so hard for some parents to tell their kids, "no".  How many kids have to die while doing foolish things under the influence of alcohol (and drugs) before parents wake up?   As a parent, I would like to think that there is a "parental code" and we can trust that our kids' safety and health are being looked after when they are at a home where there is supposedly "adult supervision".  Not so -- many parents allow their children and their friends to drink in their home -- while I find it inexcusable that  a parent allow their child to drink, it is reprehensible that they make decisions regarding drinking for other people's children!  Their argument is the kids know what they are and are not allowed to do -- are you kidding me - we're talking about teens here!  It's hard enough to fight this war with our teens, we certainly do not need the aiding and abetting of parents!

 

Many parents feel that if they allow their kids to drink at home, they somehow have a handle on it.  Right...it does not replace drinking outside the home, it only adds to it.  These parents need to quit being friends to their children, and start being parents.  They have friends -- their own age!

 

 

I was shocked to discover that you even can make a show like this.

 

In my country all children are introduced to alcohol in relationship with their confirmation. It has been so for more than 200 years. We see only one danger with alcohol and that is drinking and driving. By allowing the youth to drink openly we also can spot those that drinks more than 11 liters of pure alcohol per year with is the norm for normal behavior and a limit where the health is not hurt by the amount consumed.

 

Drug are also less seen because on most countries it is the same people who deliver both illegal alcohol and drugs til the children. By having the parents supplying the children, they are not so easily introduced to such criminal circles.

 

When a youth turns 16 they are often given an ID-card which enables them to purchase all kind of alcohol in shop. It is only the nightlife that is off-limit. This is done so the youth stay in an environment where there are sober adult supervision.

 

Needless to say: We have less violence, less number of people in jail, less teenage pregnancies and of course lower number of people killed in DUI-related accidents.

 

More info about our alcohol culture is to see here:

http://alcoholcultureindenmark.webbyen.dk/

and for youth: http://www.espad.org/denmark

 

I really dont get why you consider the behavior of this mom a problem.

I do agree the Mom lets her mouth say Dad too often BUT even you Dr. Phil has repeatedly stated the same sex parent has a bigger impact.  Did you hear it said they drink Alcohol with thier Dad?

Did you hear that Dad would not help when the kid was drinking?

Did you hear at all half the blame is the Dad?

Absolutely get with this Mother, and definately include the Father.

I am sick and tired of not sharing this blame unless that Father ticks someone off.

I think the rootbeer party was harmless, do not think the police was defamed, but they sure was camped

there while not stopping a drunk driver somewhere else?

A single parent without a respectful agreement with the absent parent is a very hard road to travel.

I do not see here that thsi father is held accountable.

I bet this Mother has serious issues, she needs help, so does that father.

I feel bad for all the children, especially the boys now living in an aftermath of TWO adults, divorced from each other and apparently from shared responsibilty to thier children.

The teenage girl is living in fear of her brothers constant visitors that Mom is not hearing about with an honest ear.  The father is doing what?  Nothing?

Our police should watch a house with a bunch of kids drinking or not, one cop.  That cop can call for help.

Those same cops should be watching the fathers house as much, drinking obviously more there in in a role model manner that is so much more dangerous, same sex role model?

I can relate to Ruthie's daughters and their feelings. As a daughter of a Borderline Personality Mother, I can understand their feelings of being unloved and unwanted.  BPD (Borderline Personality Disorder) persons deflect blame and are unable to accept blame themselves. BPDs truly cannot remember many traumatic situations they were the cause of, and so they are not capable of relating to the memories of their children, or to help them heal. I have found my mother to be controlling, distant, and unable to express emotions other than anger and rage on a regular basis. The "walking on eggshells" comment that her daughters made hit home with me, there is even a book about BPD with that title! C'mon Dr. Phil, get to the root of it here with Ruthie and ask her how her relationship with HER parents was/is!!!  My bet is that her father either wasn't there, or "abandoned" her somehow, and that she is not emotionally developed as a result, setting the stage for the life she leads now. I also believe you might find that her relationship with her mother is strained at best. Healing can happen for children of Borderlines, and it is usually AFTER they get away from the parent's clasp. Amanda and Ariel, my heart goes out to you both. Do not give up! You can heal yourselves and learn how to have a relationship with your mother on YOUR terms. I recommend a book by Christine Ann Lawson, "Understanding the Borderline Mother".  Good luck to you both. 

 You berated that women and did not try to help her. She obviously is  hurting from past experiences  and needs help.  We all can not just bounce back from being hurt.  Unfortunately it effects our lives forever. I really enjoy your show, but sometimes you need to be a little bit more helpful to the people that really need it.  Sometimes we don't always see our problems.  It is not as simple as you think it is.

  I am the proud wife of a Sheriffs Deputy for Iredell county North Carolina.  He puts his life on the line everyday to protect and serve the citizens of our county.  He sees children that are neglected, abused, and living in crack houses with parents who don't care.  Several times a week he has to remove children from their homes, which has him coming home in a rare mood.  It is disgracful to think that a mother found a prank for the cops amusing and appropriate.  What is that teaching her kids about respect?  Plus it wastes the valuable time of people like my husband who after 11 years doesn't regret a day.

 

And this woman was allowed to breed?  I am the mother of a 16 year old daughter and this would never even be a conversation in my house.  She should be grateful that her son has not brought home a girl pregnant or killed someone while drinking and driving!!!!!!  I am outraged at this mother's tenacity!  She expects pepole to believe her?  Your children are a reflection of you!!!!!!!!!   They are projecting on societly what they see in their mother.  Some of the kids see the bad sides and do not like what they see, some of the kids see the cool fun mother and love what they see, but they all see the same person!!!!!!!  I think DFACS should be called in immediately!!!!