Topic : 08/05 Make It or Break It!

I have to say you are right, she does need to do something but do you know anything about the stats of an abused woman who grew up in it and then laned back in it? I do.  Typically it will take a victim 8 trys to leave before they get it. It took me 5. Nobody believed me either other than a battered woman shelter. So I do agree with the fact that she does have to do something but before you go telling people what they should do, how about a bit of advise on how to do just what you mentioned. People like her are scaired and embarressed. Oh, and yes there is lots of advise to give.

I remarried my ex approx 5 yrs ago and we both agree it was a HUGE mistake.

However, having said that, we are making the best of it ala Dr. P's statement, "Sometimes you make the right decision, sometimes you make the decision right."

It has been a ton of hell.  A ton of fun?  Not so much!

I knew we might end right back up where we were before the divorce and that this was a chance to "do the ending differently this time."

I would not drag our now grown children through another divorce again for anything in this world and it doesn't matter if they are grown or not.  They have suffered enough.

We treat each civil (most of the time), and it is what it is.

True....I feel like I am shrivelling away and will most likely never experience real love but I should have thought about that before I remarried him.

I believe in grandma's old saying, "You made your bed, now lay in it!"

I have to say you are right, she does need to do something but do you know anything about the stats of an abused woman who grew up in it and then laned back in it? I do.  Typically it will take a victim 8 trys to leave before they get it. It took me 5. Nobody believed me either other than a battered woman shelter. So I do agree with the fact that she does have to do something but before you go telling people what they should do, how about a bit of advise on how to do just what you mentioned. People like her are scaired and embarressed. Oh, and yes there is lots of advise to give.

 It's a hard thing to do...walk away...after the time invested..but remember and say to yourself, when you are tempted to return..those times when you are alone, and miss the closeness, or even the sex...remind yourself..to not forget..to not forget the reason that you made the decision the first time. It was good one and now is being reinforced again by the actions he is currently displaying...

 If you hear nothing from me, hear this:

                                           Distrust is EXHAUSTING.

 It robs your energy, self-love, security and sanity. Someone who truly loves you does not do this to someone they care about. I know it's hard to see now, but believe me, once you start to heal from this, you will wonder what took you so long. Once, long ago, I was with a man who preyed on my jealous fears, and it is something that is about him, not you. So even though you are in the middle of it, and it is so very hard, remind yourself of why you left. 

 Don't let time and distance persuade you to go back to that which is not the very best for you and that which you deserve.

 There are so many wonderful men out there. Do your children and yourself the biggest favor and make the hard decision, one last time, and stick with it. In time you will see that someone who loves you doesn't promote doubt, chaos, and insecurity...they don't give you reasons to dis-trust. They will try to support and uplift you, so that you are your strongest, for yourself, for them and for the family that you create together. This is what genuine love is. Remember we ALL need "assurances" from time to time. I am very independant and yes like I stated above, found myself years ago with someone who drove me nuts because of his tendency to womanize. I am the type that will typically say "there's the door!" and I vowed to never allow that to happen to me again...to get out whenever I saw the signs. Forget good looking or whatever it is that attracts you to this type of person. It means changing the pattern and looking for someone who is ultimately Good for you, and never wavering from that decison. 

 Good looks and great chemistry are there in good men too...so stop looking for a fantasy and find a real person who will be there for you in ways that will matter for generations to come...in love and support and in helping you teach your progeny how to be a good mate and partner in the truest sense of the word. What better gift can you give than the foundation you leave of how to hav a loving relationship? This is the best lesson you teach you children, and the most loving way for them to remember your life's effort, as they will be the only legacy you leave on this earth.

 I wish you only the best., and I wish you the strength to know you deserve all that you seek.. you really can hav EXACTLY what you want...it just might take a different approach if you are not finding it the way you are looking for it right now.

I am absolutely FURIOUS right now. Why would she take a man back that she knows abused her son? If my husband ever touched my son like that that would be THE END. I love my son more than anything in my life, and I would never let anyone harm him.

She is weak, she is spineless, she is irresponsible....this guy has 0 going for him, and she comes on here saying what should I do? what should I do? as if it isn't blatantly obvious. GET OUT!  Do you really need Dr Phil to tell you this? I think she just likes playing the victiam--at the children's expense. She doesn't deserve those kids, especially her son.

If we don't stand up for our kids and protect them, who will????

My mother used to say the same silly thing: "You made your bed, now lie in it"....it didn't make any sense then and it definitely doesn't today! My response to her was: "If I don't like the way my bed is made, I will get up and REMAKE it!

Doesn't that make more sense?

Blind acceptance of a bad situation is a defeatist attitude, and always leads to failure.