Topic : 09/12 The N-Word Debate

As an attractive succesful white chick, here is my theory:

I have a dear friend who is morbidly obese, and has been since childhood.  He constanly makes fat jokes, which drives me up a wall... we had a long heart to heart and I demanded to know why.

His explanation after much thought and many difficult questions: He feels that making fat jokes or derogatory comments about fat people offers him a bit of protection.  If he does it, it somehow lets others know that they don't hurt him; that they won't say it, or if they do, it doesn't bother him because he himself already took the sting and hurt out by doing it himself.  When beautiful thin people say it, it hurts.  He is very funny, just like the black comedians using the N-word on TV, and can get a whole crowd just roaring.  But all that humor is just his way with dealing with the pain.  I never thought it was funny, and I called him out privately after years of hearing it.

I believe it may be the same with black people... perhaps making "the word" their own and saying it themselves in a lighthearted way is their way of taking the sting out of this hurtful word if others shoud say it. 

The problem: It's degrading and hurtful!  Every time my friend did this, he hurt a little bit, only he was doing it to himself in an effort to control it hurt and prevent others from hurting or embarassing him.  He is a wonderful person, a hard worker, and a devoted father... there is so much more to him than just being fat!  How can people see that if they are too busy laughing at his fat jokes?

Bigger problem:  I love him dearly and am protective of people I love.  I told him, I would always defend him and anyone else I see being mistreated, and I want to kick anyone's a$$ who says these hurtful things, since when someone I love is hurt, I hurt too. So now, who's but am I supposed to kick?  The person being rude and hurtful, or the person I love and want to protect from this emotional abuse? Because they are the same person.

Our agreement:  He will not degrade or put himself down anymore, even in jest.  He will hold his head up high and find other things that are funny to joke about.  For every month he "stays clean" I take him out to dinner, or send him a "motivational" picture (I am an exhibitionist, but that is a whole other topic) as a reward.  If other people say horrible things because of his weight, it's ok to feel hurt.  Let them look like the cruel thoughless people they are... this did happen once, his worst fear, where someone had a hard time getting around him at the bar and let an insult about his weight drop.  He was shocked to see that complete strangers around him stood up and responded and stood up for him, very vocally. 

So now, he doesn't put himself down anymore and his confidence has actually improved a little, he gets to see that people like having him around, and that he is still wonderful, funny and well-liked without his fat jokes, and he also get to see that there are good people in the world, and many more than bad ones.  Too bad he was almost 40 before he gave people a chance! After MUCH practice (this is a lifetime attitude) he now knows that even if one person or even a group of people say awful cruel things about his weight, he gets to see the good in the rest of the people who defend him, which is usually the majority.

I don't know if it is exactly the same with black people and the "N-word" or even similar, but it is a very cruel and hurtful word, designed specifically to tear down black people.  Seems like it might be similar though, as a way to protect themselves from the pain and sting of other groups using it.  If ALL of us take personal responsibility and object to this word, maybe those who have heard it their whole lives as an insult can also sit back and observe the good in people who will defend them against this weapon of hate.  It is up to all of us though to change the stigma and let those who still use it to inflict pain know that we won't take it anymore.  Just my humble opinion... sorry if I have offended anyone who has been hurt by this word by being clueless or off-base.  I have my own emotional baggage and hurt, but being prejudiced against because of my color is not part of my experience.  I can only try to understand, but it's not really possible not having experienced it myself.

One thing I do know... this word does not and will not cross my lips in private or in public. I can only control my own behavior, not anyone else's, but I sleep at night knowing I am not contributing to the problem, or using other's actions as an excuse to.  My friends and family, even the ones who use the word amongst themselves, refrain from doing it around me out of respect for the same reasons my heavy friend doesn't make fat jokes anymore... they don't want to get their buts kicked when I get protective. :-)

True That!

Why do blacks watch BET if it makes white men richer?

I think the show on the N word was good this show was very informative in presenting how different ethnic groups including African Americans view themselves as a people. I personally being an African American understand where my more mature brothers and sisters come from when they speak of how the "N" word has a history in its meaning used to manipulate, demean and destroy ones right to live free as a human being. The "N" word was created and designed by a race of  inadequate hateful people to breakdown and destroy another for their own filthy and deceitful pleasure and gain! I myself think that it is a lazy, ignorant and incompetent race of people who could do such a thing to another God created human being.

As for me personally using the "N" word, when I was younger I did I can admit, being under the influence of ignorance and immaturity and a slave mentality was my reasoning. While being an mature adult I think it is not only disrespectful to use the "N" word I think it is very calculating. This was a seed and a plan put in motion centuries ago to destroy and sever a people and here we are again in 2008. What the heck is wrong with the human race? Do we love tearing eachother other down to just feel more superior?

because clearly when it comes down to it we all bleed, die, eat and digest in the sameway! the way God created us! I saw on the board and on the show how white people felt it was reverse racism and that we as Black people are contradicting ourselves when we use the word, What!?  Not a contradiction, but clearly a horrible cycle of a repetitive demise toward a people. Listen it is a seed that was instilled in our race, it went from generation to generation, this is what happens when you teach a people how to view themselves. Just as the majority of white people were raised to believe they were the superior race, by their own ancestors, we were stolen and kidnapped and reprogrammed. Todays African American rather it be a rapper, activist, preacher or commoner he or she is only acting out of what they were programmed to do. Yes I do believe it can change and be stopped by way of example and consistency by our own African race. As we saw today on the show even the scholastic African American attorney could not see the damage she was doing. It is a mind set and if a my people feel as if they are not doing any damage torward themselves and others by using this word, I can honestly say we are still enslaved even in this day! Another thing is if you have never felt the pain of being rejected, belittled, misused, abused, beaten, seperated, and raped by a perpetrator filled with hate and evil while you clean, cook, raise their children while being called a "N" to controll you then you will never feel the pain and agony my ancestors felt! So NO I do not feel that anyone in their RIGHT mind should use this term for anything other than history notes!