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Topic : 12/23 Real Life: Heart Shattered

Number of Replies: 176
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Created on : Friday, September 12, 2008, 01:17:09 pm
Author : DrPhilBoard1
(Original Air Date: 09/16/08) Are you prepared for the unexpected? Life is not a success-only journey, but when you're faced with difficult days, you don't have to become a victim. In his new book, Real Life: Preparing for the 7 Most Challenging Days of Your Life, Dr. Phil teaches you how to prepare for a crisis before it arrives, and how to get back to better days. One of the most challenging days can come the day your heart is shattered, especially if you experience a loss. Amber says she was living the perfect life. She and her sisters dreamed of marrying a man like their dad and having a great relationship like their parents'. She says they were totally blindsided on Father's Day when their dad told their mom he wanted a divorce. Hear their emotional story and learn what you can expect to feel when you lose something precious to you. Plus, find out Dr. Phil's action plan to help you get through the difficult period. Then, Sylvia is a mother to 4-year-old twins and is seven months pregnant. She was married to a Marine sergeant for seven years who tragically lost his life —  not on the battlefield — in a car accident when he returned home. Now, each day is a battle for Sylvia. Dr. Phil shares his action steps for grieving, in an effort to help the mourning mom move forward. Today, Sylvia is struggles to pay for her basic necessities. Don't miss Dr.Phil's amazing surprise for her! Talk about the show here.

Find out what happened on the show.

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December 21, 2008, 7:32 am CST

You gotta friend

Quote From: thejewelfmga

You have my complete, hearfelt sympathy.  My 21yo daughter had 2 surgeries within a couple weeks of each othr. She had complained of headache and nausea since the first.  I got her out of the hospital on Thursday, and she went into seizures on my LR floor Monday.  The ambulance got lost.  Every time I would touch her, she would go into another seizure.  By the time the ambulance arrived, her lips were purple from lack of O2.  In all, it took almost 30 min. to get her to the hospital.  They unplugged her 2 days later, although I begged for more time.  She had 2 children (10mos and 22mos) who had lived with me since birth.  My 2 other daughters blamed me for her death because I did not perform CPR.  I ended up loosing one daughter to death, two daughters to grief (we are estranged), both grandbabies, and my home, car, breeding dogs, etc. do to lawyer fees and no medication coverage. Everything was lost.  My health is too poor for me to develop new friends or support system.  My prognosis is 3-5 yrs.  Therefore, I sit daily and weep for ALL that was lost ---alone---waiting to die.  I do not know how to move forward even if my life expectancy was longer.  I agree with your sentiments.  A blogger above claimes she had nothing to do, but see her grandbabies.  I consider her blessed.  I would cut off my legs just to SEE my babies.  I WILL pray for you, but have no words to offer---just my empathy.  I have never believed in the adage, "Misery loves company."  Knowing someone else hurts does not make me feel better at all.  It just makes life seem more filled with pain and loss.  People encourage you to be positive.  How can you do this when ALL, ALL, ALL you had was lost and you do not have the health to be master of your own fate, or just someone to watch a TV show with even.  I don't know.  I admire your ability to deal with her illness for so many years.  Take care and God bless.

   Come on over to the grief support board.  It is a valuable thing to communicate with your friends.  We don't have to talk about our loss all the time. 

   Me?  I lived because of figure skating.  I didn't want to die and miss the 00000.     

     

 
December 21, 2008, 9:27 am CST

Get medical help if you are that unhappy

Quote From: cprimmer

I know how loss feels.  Although I divorced my husband and didn't loose him through death I was 26 years old with 3 children under 4 to raise.  It was very difficult and although I did remarry that too went the way of divorce but like I always told my children more so as a reminder to myself life is not fair you just have to get used to it.  It was and is a day to day struggle but I feel that's the key.  To not look too far into the future.  When you do that it gets daunting.    For me I had to tell myself every day and still do for most days that I am walking and breathing that's something, my children are here with me and are healthy that's something too.  I think sometimes that people(myself included) try to Leap out of the hole maybe we should just try and crawl out a little at a time.  I'm no expert and what works for some may not work for others but I found for myself that keeping track of the positives instead of the negatives helped me.  Keep your chin up!!!!
You are absolutely right. I think one thing people should know is that some people need a little help getting their brain boosted for positive thoughts. I am a neuroscientist and I suffer from depression. I lost my husband following hiring his lover into our same department, and have nearly lost my faculty position through a collaborative effort by my exhusband and chairman to drive me out. I have developed nerves of steel and am still working but it has been very difficult. On top of this, I have one son with a serious neuropsychological disorder that has been exacerbated by the divorce, his dad's abnormal fathering behavior and an ineffective school system. I know that some people don't like to pop pills, but the brain needs certain chemicals to function and antidepressants, antianxiety drugs, sleeping pills, and other medications can help you get through the tough times successfully until you can develop the psychological strategies to deal with the tragedies of life. So if you are not living a content life for long periods of time, you should definitely go see a psychiatrist. It does not mean you are crazy. These are doctors that prescribe medicine to get your brain chemistry balanced. It is not a stigma and you would be surprised at how many people these days need to see a psychiatrist.
 
December 22, 2008, 8:22 am CST

And, you'll sleep better at night

Quote From: neuromom

You are absolutely right. I think one thing people should know is that some people need a little help getting their brain boosted for positive thoughts. I am a neuroscientist and I suffer from depression. I lost my husband following hiring his lover into our same department, and have nearly lost my faculty position through a collaborative effort by my exhusband and chairman to drive me out. I have developed nerves of steel and am still working but it has been very difficult. On top of this, I have one son with a serious neuropsychological disorder that has been exacerbated by the divorce, his dad's abnormal fathering behavior and an ineffective school system. I know that some people don't like to pop pills, but the brain needs certain chemicals to function and antidepressants, antianxiety drugs, sleeping pills, and other medications can help you get through the tough times successfully until you can develop the psychological strategies to deal with the tragedies of life. So if you are not living a content life for long periods of time, you should definitely go see a psychiatrist. It does not mean you are crazy. These are doctors that prescribe medicine to get your brain chemistry balanced. It is not a stigma and you would be surprised at how many people these days need to see a psychiatrist.

 

    I have a depressive disorder.  And, I was too proud to take medication.  I suffered, and I was determined that if I was unhappy, I would "get over it in time."  It heals all things, ya know.

   One day, while I was at the doctor's office complaining about how miserable I felt physically, he asked me,"Do you want to sleep better?  You need something that will help you sleep all night."  I whined and complained about having to take pills like a--like a weakling who couldn't pull herself out of "it."  I whined and complained--for two minutes.  Following his advice was the best thing I ever did for myself. 

 
December 23, 2008, 4:17 am CST

Absent Dads

So, Dad announced he was leaving his family.  That makes him only one of the 12% who do. In 88% of cases, it's MOM who initiates the divorce, and breaks up the family.  Furthermore, we aren't being told WHY dad chose to leave.  Was Mom a shrew who didn't give him a moment's peace?  Was she an alcoholic, Bi-Polar, a drug abuser, or was she having one affair after another?  We don't know the "rest of the story" because Dr. Phil most often takes the side of the women involved. If there's a story here, why isn't it the fact that MOTHERS are most often the ones who choose divorce, instead of the male-bashing inherent in a "woman as victim" story?  And why does Dr. Phil choose THAT slant more often than not?  The fact that 88% of divorces are initiated by the woman makes this a national problem, not the anomaly of the 1/8th of divorces filed by the father. If Dr. Phil were REALLY a problem solver, he'd be attacking the MAJOR problem, not the rating-enhancing anomaly. 

NOTE TO DR. PHIL'S PRODUCERS:  Presenting the truth would be an anomaly. Maybe viewers are getting tired of the same old-same old "woman as victim" programming. Sometimes the truth can be stanger than fiction.  You should try it sometime.  Present a "man as victim" show for a change. They're easy to come by.

 
December 23, 2008, 9:48 am CST

12/23 Real Life: Heart Shattered

After reading this account of this family's ordeal, I wish that I had had someone like Dr Phil to help me thru my divorce back in 1980.  I feel perhaps I would have faced the world with a lot better attitude and maybe my children too would have been better off.  However, with God's help, I have finally found a wonderful man who treats me and the children, tho now grown, as his own and our life could not be better.  That's not to say we did not have some rough times dealing with it all, but we made it!  Your show is so needed in this time when families just seem to split without even thinking of what it is doing to the children...not to mention each other.   I even could relate to the lady who lost her husband in an accident....that's what a divorce feels like sometimes...death.  Only, you still have to see them walking around, and usually with someone else.  The pain becomes unbearable at times. 

Continue to help people, Dr Phil.....you are truly a gift from God!

 
December 23, 2008, 1:04 pm CST

12/23 Real Life: Heart Shattered

Its been 10yrs since my Mom passed away and I still grieve.I dont feel the loss everyday,but alot of the time,it adds to my depression.It seems like one vicious circle.
 
December 23, 2008, 1:13 pm CST

Sylvia's loss

I just want to hold her... I want to be there for her.. My husband died 1/26/06.. I know the loss, the anger, the mood swings, devastation, etc... I know it all and I want to help her.. Greater credience is given to those that have walked the walk... As simplistic as it may sound, her husband lived his life cycle, and his came to an end.. The hard part of that analogy is her life cycle was entwined in his and hers continues whether she wants it to or not.. Unfortunatley we don't get to orchestrate this life... One realizes as we get older just how little of this life we control..I wish I could be her friend to help her thru the process... I believe by helping her, I would be strengthening me... Sincerely, Marsha in SC
 
December 23, 2008, 1:53 pm CST

Today's Topic

It is clear that most of these posts refer to the woman who is a widow; however,  I can truly relate to the woman who is going through divorce.  I have been married 26 years, have 3 girls (23, 21, 17), and my husband filed for divorce without telling me.  I found out, fortunately, by accident before it was printed in the paper. He filed 3 weeks before Christmas, during finals week for my 3 girls.  Please don't downplay the pain divorce inflicts on the unknowing children of divorce.
 
December 23, 2008, 2:02 pm CST

12/23 Real Life: Heart Shattered

Thank you for this show! I know this helped many people.

 

6 years ago I delivered twin boys. One of my son's was diagnosed with potter's syndrome and the other quit breathing and was diagnosed with sepsis. I carried them nearly full term never knowing anything was wrong. I got to be with them for 3 days as much as I could, which was very hard since I had a C section. After having them it was so hard dealing with this. I blamed my husband and anyone I could. I laid in bed for days and days,  just crying. I sought out lots of help. I was put on medication for a period of time. I then took grief classes. Am I any better? I am better than I could have been. I think of my son's everyday. But it did ease each day that I lifted my head and tried. I have now had 2 more boys, not twins, but they look and act like they are. I am blessed to have them. They are my miracles. And I know i have 2 miracles in heaven watching over us now. I was blessed to be able to be with them those 3 days. Those 3 days changed many peoples lifes around me. And I am thankful for them!  

 
December 23, 2008, 3:01 pm CST

Heart Shattered

I have lived through many heartaches and life tragedies. I always tried to stay strong for my five children no matter what the tragedy. Life does not come with guarantees for happiness. You have to find it and deal with the bad along with the good. My children all turned into good responsible people although they had to live through the tragedies with me. I self published my story in a book "Life Does Not Come With Guarantees" and have finally found peace with it all. You will survive. The key is to keep your faith no matter what. Life can be cruel and very hard, but life can be tolerated if you keep your faith during the worst of it.

 

My first husband died in Viet Nam. My second husband ran off with my neighbors wife. I got engaged to the neighbor and he died before we got married. All that is only the tip of the iceberg.  

 

I am happy now and have found peace.

 
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