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Topic : 12/23 Real Life: Heart Shattered

Number of Replies: 176
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Created on : Friday, September 12, 2008, 01:17:09 pm
Author : DrPhilBoard1
(Original Air Date: 09/16/08) Are you prepared for the unexpected? Life is not a success-only journey, but when you're faced with difficult days, you don't have to become a victim. In his new book, Real Life: Preparing for the 7 Most Challenging Days of Your Life, Dr. Phil teaches you how to prepare for a crisis before it arrives, and how to get back to better days. One of the most challenging days can come the day your heart is shattered, especially if you experience a loss. Amber says she was living the perfect life. She and her sisters dreamed of marrying a man like their dad and having a great relationship like their parents'. She says they were totally blindsided on Father's Day when their dad told their mom he wanted a divorce. Hear their emotional story and learn what you can expect to feel when you lose something precious to you. Plus, find out Dr. Phil's action plan to help you get through the difficult period. Then, Sylvia is a mother to 4-year-old twins and is seven months pregnant. She was married to a Marine sergeant for seven years who tragically lost his life —  not on the battlefield — in a car accident when he returned home. Now, each day is a battle for Sylvia. Dr. Phil shares his action steps for grieving, in an effort to help the mourning mom move forward. Today, Sylvia is struggles to pay for her basic necessities. Don't miss Dr.Phil's amazing surprise for her! Talk about the show here.

Find out what happened on the show.

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September 16, 2008, 2:20 pm CDT

bs

Quote From: barbski50

I am beyond crazed- I just turned on todays show and cannot believe that these are what people consider  a crisis. If ever they actually had to deal with a real crisis what would they do. Four years ago we lost our oldest son-he was in the Army and we were thrilled that he was stationed in the states. At least he is safe we thought. That thought was brief . At 24 years of age he was hit by a car while crossing the street. CRISIS No. 1. Six months later our youngest son was found unconcious. He was diagnosed with Brain Cancer. He never did come back. He was in a coma for three weeks and lost his life to the disease. I replay my last words with our boys every day. But- alas life goes on and we have a wonderful strong daughter who has given us three beautiful grandchildren. We have accepted what has happened. When our middle granddaughter was diagnosed with lukemia we don't know how we survived. But then a miracle- no one can explain why or how, but her blood test are fine and Doctors can't explain. Our boys will always be with us. If we let the anger take over, what will we have to offer the loved ones that are left.
i agree with you!  but let me say, i am sooo sorry for your losses.  the 1st set of people, i dont think they needed to be on this show. i really dont get it.  i would have given anything in the world if my parents DID get a divorce when we were kids. all they did was fight ALL the time, the jealousy,insecurities, they cheated on each other, the alcoholism,             so i think its crap when parents stay together "FOR THE CHILDREN" what the heck .
 
September 16, 2008, 2:20 pm CDT

loss

Today I watched the show re. divorce and loss with utter saddness. you see I have been through it all and time does allow you to go on but i don't think you are ever the same. I was divorced after 23 years of marriage and 7 children. It was so hard to go on, but it was better as my ex was a wife beater and i had to get out of that situation.

After 7 years alone, I met my second husband who was so good to me that it is hard to describe the difference. In 18 years of marriage we never had an arguement.

 Then my world began to fall apart as a building falling slowly into a pile. My 14 year old grandson was grazed by a freight train as he walked home from school. He lived 8 days and then my Daughter had to pull the plug as there was no brain activity. That was in 1999. I have watched my daughter go through every emotional roller coaster that there is.

 when I began to be able to function again, my husband of 18 years left to go to a union meeting at 6pm. At midnight i was a widow. It seems a 16 yr. old went to sleep at the wheel and hit him head on  112 miles from our home . That was in 2002.

In 2003 my Mother was fine in the AM and went to the store with my twin sister. By that evening she was in the hospital and died the next day.

 In 2005 I had to have gallbladder surgery that left me with autoimmune hepatitis and the Dr's.say in a few years i will need a liver transplant. I had to sell out and move to the city as i was not able to care for 2 acres of ground.

My questian is Dr. Phil is there ever a time when you heal enough to stop crying and really feel like you want to go on and feel happy again. I go from day to day and then something happens and i fall apart.

 I firmly feel and believe that God does hand down more tht you can handle, but at times i wonder if God knows i am not as strong as i use to be

Thanks for listening.......Lois

 

 

 
September 16, 2008, 2:26 pm CDT

09/16 Real Life: Heart Shattered

lol, has to be a really tough guy to be able to just up and leave his wife, no one seems to be thinking.  Maybe he's gay you never know what they aren't saying what they want to hide.

 

CLEARLY this is one-sided dr. phil i must say you seem to be a smart guy but man nearly always take a side instead of trying to help them understand what's going on.  I'd love to have a long arguement with you.

You put too much emphasis on gender.

 
September 16, 2008, 2:27 pm CDT

loss of a loved one

I was a  hit by a drunk driver and lost my first child at first I was in shock and had been blessed by the doctor who had to tell me this news. He took my hand in the intensive care unit and told me that this was going to be one of the hardest days of my life, but that I had a choice to let this tragedy to someday let it  make me a stronger person or that I could let this tragedy take two lives. At first I was angry at God and everyone kept saying things that they though would be comforting. But it only hurt more even though they though that saying at least you can still have another child some day,which brought me no comfort. It took me time to manage my grief and to go through the process. I can feel for this young woman on today's show I know the feelings that she is experiencing right now.  But there are stages of grief  and some days you go through all of them and other days you only go through one or two. Then I took on the care of my blessed mother who died from metastatic bone cancer, I quit my job and took care of her by myself until she finally passed away. She was a missionary and counselor all her life, and taught me and my children one last lesson. We weren't allowed to cry in front of her we could talk about things that we had done together. No sad stories just happy times to celebrate her life and the impact that she had on their lives. One month later my son went into the Marine Corp. and was deployed to Iraq while he was in the Marines he took everything that both myself and his grandmother had taught him and helped his Marine Brother's survive there time and losses there. It was very hard to go through his time there but what helped me hold strong was my mother's last words to my son "Bryce God has his hand on your life and a calling on your life besides serving your country remember your first calling is to be a light for the men and women by your side." She then held my hand and told me that since she would not be here to cover him with prayer that if I would pray daily for my son and his unit  that she would  have God's ear. All I know is that my son's came home safely. My neighbor's son did not come home from Iraq, but because of what I had gone through in surviving loss I could hold her hand and repeat what a very wise  doctor once told me.
 
September 16, 2008, 2:28 pm CDT

Dear Sylvia

Quote From: lordschild61

DEAR SYLVIA,

 

I JUST WANT YOU TO KNOW THAT YOU ARE NOT ALONE, I TOO LOST MY HUSBAND AT AGE 29 (I WAS 27) AND WE HAD A 3 YR OLD DAUGHTER. THIS YEAR MAKES 20 YEARS SINCE WE LOST HIM. WHEN I WAS AT THE POINT YOU ARE, NEVER FOR ONE MOMENT WOULD I BELEIVE IT WOULD EVER BE OK AGAIN. BUT I'M HERE TO TELL YOU IT WILL. SOMEDAY YOU WILL LEARN TO ACCEPT IT. IT WILL ALWAYS HURT BUT YOU WILL EVENTUALLY COME TO A POINT WHERE LIFE IS OK AGAIN. YOU ARE NOT LOSING YOUR MIND BUT MAN IT SURE FEELS LIKE IT DOES'T IT?

 

ITS OK TO BE ANGRY WITH GOD (HE KNOWS JUST WHAT YOU ARE FEELING AND THINKING) . HE DOES NOT MAKE PEOPLE DIE BUT HE DOES ALLOW IT TO HAPPEN. IT MAY TAKE SOME TIME BUT HE WILL ANSWER THAT OVERWHELMING QUESTION ****WHY****.

 

HAVE YOU CHECKED INTO SOCIAL SECURITY SURVIVORS BENEFITS FOR YOU AND THE GIRLS IF NOT PLEASE DO. WITHOUT THAT MONEY I WOULD HAVE BEEN IN A HUGH MESS.

 

MAY GOD BLESS YOU AND YOUR GIRLS IN ALL THE WAYS HE KNOWS THEY  NEED BLESSED

 

LOVE IN CHRIST,

 

LORDSCHILD61

 

I would like to say that I lost my husband when i was 32 and he was 33 from a terrible motorcycle accident.

The news came out of nowhere on a beautiful Sunday afternoon.  I was devastated!  I had two wonderful children ages 9 & 5, and then found out the day of the funeral I was pregnant.  My life could not have been anymore upside down.  8 months later I had a little girl, she had his eyes. I would like to say that has been 6 1/2 years ago, and I still have some hard days.  Its not that I feel sorry for myself but the fact that the kids

have lost alot.  Its not having anyone to share their life with that loves them as much as their parents do..

My kids have really helped me get through this time and i try to stay busy to keep the emotions down. I know they say " Time heals all wounds" but I think maybe you just get to where you don't think about it quite as much..The pain will always be there, everytime you look into your childs eyes.  Just rememeber you have to get through it for them... 

 
September 16, 2008, 2:37 pm CDT

Losing a husband

Watching Sylvia today on the show brought me back to May 29, 2005. I lost my husband of 81 days to an ATV accident. He was the love of my life and the father to our then 7 month old daughter. I never believed that I would ever survive the darkness that engulfed me on that day. Not even my baby girl could shed light onto my darkness. I wanted to desparately join my husband it seemed the easiest choice. Thank god I never chose that path, because I would of missed out on the greatest little girl ever born. Dr.Phil is right that when you lose a loved one you want to reach out to anyone who can make you feel safe. I too was left alone to raise my daughter with no finances to speak of (stay at home moms don't make any money). My husband never changed the beneficiary of his life insurance policy. And subsequently his mother kept the life insurance (a whole other story).

 

Watching Sylvia made me see strength in her even if she can't see it herself. She doesn't believe it now but in time the pain will become bearable, and the grief will not be all consuming it will find a way to coexist in your life. My prayers go out to Sylvia and her girls and she is stronger than she will ever know. Just to get up each and every morning is an accomplishment. And her girls will be fine, my little darling knows her daddy loved her and my biggest fear never came true. My grief didn't destroy her little spirit. She is a happy, loving, caring, adorable, intellegent perfectly curious precious four year old. And I did it, I was the best mommy I could be. And she will never truely realize that she is the reason I had purpose in my life she was my star to navigate towards, she brought me back to the world of the living with a simplI e smile and lots of hugs. God does work in mysterious ways and I too still wonder why my husband was taken from me, and I realize now that I will never know truely why he was taken so soon. All I can do is thank god that I was able to have him even for the short time I was blessed to call myself his wife.

 
September 16, 2008, 2:42 pm CDT

Unxpected death of my mother

In February of 2000, I was vacationing in Disney World when I got the devastating news my mother had died suddenly in her sleep.  What stareed out as a glorious day turned into a nightmare of finding tickets across the country to plan a funeral and take care of her personal effects.  During those first few days I was on auto pilot dealing with family and friends.  Since then in all these years that have passed, I have lost my job, ruined any chance of ever having good credit, and find myself stangant in my life.  I know life goes on, and she wouldn't  want me to continue on this sad slow path, butI can't for the life of me pick myself back up.  Its as if with her leaving my purpose in life is gone.  I am so tired of feeling this way, but nothing seems to bring joy back into my life.  I have a beautiful new grandson, but all I can think of is how much she would have adored him.  I am wasting my life now.  Lord I want to live again!
 
September 16, 2008, 2:46 pm CDT

best advice i received...

My heart really goes out for the woman who lost her husband in the car accident. I lost my boyfriend of almost 2 years in the same way. I just wanted to share the best advice a friend ever told me that I will never forget. She said there WILL be a day that you wake up and do not cry. I didn't believe her at the time, but that day came. To anyone out there grieving right now, I'm passing this on. There WILL be a day that you wake up and do not cry. Keep fighting the fight.
 
September 16, 2008, 2:47 pm CDT

the lady who lost her husband

    Since this lady's husband has a military backgrouond and they were married she qualfies to get a lump sum of money each month and for the children. if he had a life insurance throught the military she is entitled to that also and all she has to do is call her nearest veterans service office and ask to speak to someone about the benefits for herself and kids after losing her husband, also social security pays out a lump sum of $255 and thats it.

 i lost my fiance on may 3, we were going to get married this year last June he got us a house thru a va loan but they wouldnt let me have my name on the loan, well any on may 2,08. he stayed up to watch tv and I went to bed kissed him good  night. he was a 100% disabled vietnam veteran and i was iwth him 2.5 he was the workd to me. I woke up on sat morng. the 3rd to find him dead on the floor leaning over the coffee table/floor. he has a history of seizers, stroke b4 i met him. i screamed and yelled and called 911 , i called my daughters and his best friend, it was so horrible to find him  i was so angry at god and why did he do this to him ,he wasn tsuppose to leave me i was angry at everyone and anything, he got me an engagement ring and wedding band together and i wore it and he had his to us we were married but not on paper. his family wanted me to pay for everything funeral exspences.etc. i had to wait 2 weeks b4 i could have the services becuz his dad was to busy he was moving i wanted closer to this. I made the arrangements at the VA chapel for his services and just becuz i was his beneficiary i got a 10,000 life insurance i couldnt get the  social sec of $255 or the spouce support because our marriage was legal; so I lost out on alot of things. i did volunteer at the local va but i have a hard time going back    at times because i exspect him to meet me at 115 at the location where we always met. before he died the dr. gave his the chantix smoking pill and after the funeral i got a letter from the va stating all the side affects that this pill could have, its to late for him now. th emedical examier said he died by natural causes and he didnt suffer or in any pain, so i am still having to deal witha house now it wasant in my name so i had to let it go into forecloser, we got that house to live in till we died , that is what my fiance wanted he joked iwth me one day and said they will have to drag me out feet first b4 i leave , thats wasnt funny, i took his death very hard and i still, just writing this i am crying, i had to move out of 2 bed 2 car garage to a 1 bed apt. and garage. i had to use the life insurance and pay 6 months in advance because my credit was bad and i didn thave enought income coming in each month I am on SSD and you only get so much to live on  plus i get food support and medical. thank god for that I have alot of health issues ,I took care of my fiance 24/7 where was his family no where to be fouond, no calls from brothers or sisters dad called oncein a while to see how he was doing, I disowned his family and told them to leave me alone. just 2 weeks ago i had written a poem to my fiance and he is buried in the family plot 2.5 miles away i couldnt get him any closer becuzof his dad. I would have perfer he was buring my the camp ripley cemetary which is about an hour away from me. but no i couldnt go that.I went to the cemetary with my neice and I took the poem i had written andbut it in a baggie and put it faced down so the rain wouldnt get in it , I took a yellow bush of roses, pink bunch of roses and a bunch of red roses. and I got to see his marker for the first time and when i got there i noticed that one flag and a bunch of roses were gone and also a red/white/blue bow. I was upset.

 I sat and talked to him and cryed. all i can do is cry and am depressed i am on a antidepression met and a started a grieving group but each time i went it was worse for me they kept talking about the same thing, I felt good going there and when i left i was crying. so I quit going.

 he's been gone going on 4.5 months and i still cry talk to him look at his things and cry, I did donate his clothes to the va so other veterans good use the clothes and other medical supplies. i hate to stayi n the house that night of his death by myself and all i did was cry,scream yell i was so mad at everyone it took me over a month to leave the house but lately its like its startign all over again, been keeping to my self.not going any where and  sit at the computer to pass the time away. I even tryed dating that didnt work the guys called it off and said i was still grieving and trying to cover it up with a new relationship.

 well i hope this lady can get the help she can only wish i could have gotten the help.. thisis my story and still grieving over my fiance. I had to vent sorry so long. kat

 
September 16, 2008, 2:52 pm CDT

Heart Shattered

Back in 2006 my husband moved out and left me with a broken leg due to us arguing. Left me with all the bills no car and a house mortgage that I could not manage with my income. Dr Phil how do I get this book. I still find myself so angry with all that I had to do to come out of this ordeal. I lost my home, 401k, I was fired from my job since I let my divorce get in the way of my work. I have since now took out my pension and 401k to pay all the bills that he left me with and since I did not have money for a good lawyer I managed to get a 150.00 a month alimony. How can you help? Well now that I am jobless I am wanting to try and get a job that I will be able to afford what I need to manage the rest of the bills I have at home which is not much but I still need a job that makes 15.00 dollars an hour. Do you have any good advise?

Thank you to someone that after all this is still here today to talk about it and I know it will get better.

Mary

 
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