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Topic : 12/23 Real Life: Heart Shattered

Number of Replies: 176
New Messages This Week: 0
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Created on : Friday, September 12, 2008, 01:17:09 pm
Author : DrPhilBoard1
(Original Air Date: 09/16/08) Are you prepared for the unexpected? Life is not a success-only journey, but when you're faced with difficult days, you don't have to become a victim. In his new book, Real Life: Preparing for the 7 Most Challenging Days of Your Life, Dr. Phil teaches you how to prepare for a crisis before it arrives, and how to get back to better days. One of the most challenging days can come the day your heart is shattered, especially if you experience a loss. Amber says she was living the perfect life. She and her sisters dreamed of marrying a man like their dad and having a great relationship like their parents'. She says they were totally blindsided on Father's Day when their dad told their mom he wanted a divorce. Hear their emotional story and learn what you can expect to feel when you lose something precious to you. Plus, find out Dr. Phil's action plan to help you get through the difficult period. Then, Sylvia is a mother to 4-year-old twins and is seven months pregnant. She was married to a Marine sergeant for seven years who tragically lost his life —  not on the battlefield — in a car accident when he returned home. Now, each day is a battle for Sylvia. Dr. Phil shares his action steps for grieving, in an effort to help the mourning mom move forward. Today, Sylvia is struggles to pay for her basic necessities. Don't miss Dr.Phil's amazing surprise for her! Talk about the show here.

Find out what happened on the show.

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September 16, 2008, 3:20 pm CDT

Soul Shift - Finding Where The Dead Go

This is the true story of Mark Ireland, a man who seemingly achieved the American Dream. Mark worked hard over the years and enjoyed success - allowing him to build a beautiful home for his family, a wife and two sons, one in high school, and the other in college. In January 2004, however, tragedy struck. Mark's youngest son Brandon suffered a fatal asthma attack while hiking with friends in the mountains near his Arizona home.

 

Practical, driven, and focused on his business and family, Mark Ireland had pushed aside part of his lineage to concentrate on his own life. Mark's father was a famous psychic-medium who counseled celebrities, appeared on television programs...

 

http://www.drrichardireland.com/book.html  By author Mark Ireland, I have read this book and highly recommend it to anyone who has lost a loved one or close friend.

 

~onthechin

 

 
September 16, 2008, 3:24 pm CDT

getting past losing your spouse

I was so shocked by Sylvia's story.  My first husband was also killed in a rollover car crash.  The car he and a friend was in slid on its roof down through a creek, up the opposing bank and settled back down into the creek.  Since he was away with this friend, nobody noticed and the accident wasn't discovered until the following morning.  They both died of drowning.  I was one month short of my 21st birthday with an 11 month old son.
I was better financially than Sylvia and had resources available to me.  I want her to know that as bad as things seem to her now, she will get stronger, love deeper, live better, be a better daughter and mother because of this time now.  She WILL survive because she MUST survive.  The first year after my loss passed in much of a blur.  Little of that time has remained in my memory and that is truly God's blessing.  That horrible day, May 18, 1980 will never be erased from my memory, but the pain passed, life went on and by God's grace, I have lived on.  My son is now 29 and he is journeying on his own path.
I wish her the best of life, luck and love, but most especially, the healing that God can give her when she opens her heart to receive it.
 
September 16, 2008, 3:26 pm CDT

09/16 Real Life: Heart Shattered

I would like to share my experience in case Sylvia ever reads these messages.  The main thing I would like to tell her is that Dr. Phil is right it might seem impossible but you will laugh again. 

 

 My story is  similar to yours.  I was a  divorced mom with 3 boys ages 7, 12 and 13 so i had pretty much figured out I was going to be single probably for the rest of my life  (who would want a woman with 3 boys?) Well my sons and I met Mr. Wonderful (believe me they are out there) and we became engaged. 

 

  In January of 2000 I watched him pull out of the driveway to go out of town to work and that was the last time I ever saw him he was killed in a head on collision.  Just like Sylvia I went thru all the different emotions she described on the show (anger, depression,  thinking about ending it)  and unless you have actually been thru it there is no way to describe it.

 

But each and every day (and it took quite a long time) things started  looking a little better and a litter better.

 

Today my sons are 21, 19 and 15 and when I look at them I know why God made sure I didn't give up. So Sylvia I just wanto to tell you from experience even though it doesn't seem like it now you will laugh, love and live again.

 

God Bless You and your little girls and my prayers are with you.

 
September 16, 2008, 3:31 pm CDT

I can relate to Sylvia

A lot of what Sylvia said today are all feelings that I have been feeling for the last 3 years. The friday before fathers day 2005 my 79 year old dad fell in his apartment was rushed to the hospital , was bleeding on the brain and went right to surgery. He came out paralyzed on his right side had a tracheotomy, feeding tube and was never the same again. Because he had been on plavix and cumudon his blood wouldn't clot. He was put through such suffering and was so miserable. He was not able to speak or eat and we didn't know if he even recognized us. I was with him everyday and even took care of him when he was brought home for a few weeks. He passed away 4 months later. My mother, sister and I were in shock . We had such a close family and we knew nothing would be the same again without dad. Two months after that my husband and I decided to end our 24 year marriage. When Dad had been gone 15 months my Mom was diagnosed with a brain tumor out of the blue. Once again we were in total shock this couldn't be happening so soon after losing dad. After my divorce I went back to school at age 48. I dropped out to take care of Mom who was given 6 months to live without treatment. I took care of her till the end. To loose both parents so close , go through a divorce, move out of my home and go back to school has to say the least been too much to handle.I feel like Sylvia, I am very mad at god. Why did he take such wonderful people and make them suffer so much. Mom had a glioblastoma , so she lost the use of her limbs, and her sight , and it was just horrendous to watch and take care of both parents have to go through so much.I am extremely depressed , don't want to live, and am so lonely. I have tried to be happy but I am still grieving and find that it is so hard to pull myself out of it. At times I don't know what to do ,I like Sylvia want to stay in bed all day. Sometimes I don't answer the phone and don't go out. I need help but don't know what to do.

 
September 16, 2008, 3:35 pm CDT

09/16 Real Life: Heart Shattered

I can't help but feel so sad for sylvia.  My husband and I have been struggling with his kidney failure and two transplants for 12 years and I came so close to losing him two years ago.  We have two teenagers and I thought I would never be able to handle it if he were to pass away.  Watching sylvia on the show today made me realize just how lucky I am.  I sat there and cried for her and I said a quiet prayer for her and her girls.  I can not wait to go out and buy Dr. Phil's new book.  I have had many things happen in my iife and I truly believe this book can help.  Sometimes we just don't realize how hard things could be and how greatful we should all be.
 
September 16, 2008, 3:58 pm CDT

unexpected divorce

Back in 2002 my husband . I thought wa the best thing in the world, until he told me he did't love me anymore. I was Shocked. Never in a milion years would anybody expect us after 28 years. Well I would'nt except this,so he moved out for awhile then came back crying and sad  amost lost the best thing in his life.Everything was god until my 16 year old adopted daughter became pregant. Well I saw him spacing away for me again. So in the bed room he told me he can't make love to me cause he don't love me. Well I knew I had to let him go this time. I still hurt ,hate and can't believe this was my man. Feb 2005 is when everything was over with. I receive almony for life but i'm still not happy. I every year put flowers in a grave marked his so called death, which was the date he said the words to me.
 
September 16, 2008, 4:01 pm CDT

Cherchez la Femme?

When my friends and I see a man suddenly leave his family, we always say, " where's the girlfriend?".

The words that came out of that man's mouth are the same that came out of my husband's when he had a mid-life crisis. The pleading for understanding, the need for people to side with him, the secrecy and the suddenness. When a marriage goes bad, both people want out. When a man cheats, he will hide it until HE is ready to go. That leaves the wife shattered and responsible for picking up thepieces for her kids.

 
September 16, 2008, 4:07 pm CDT

faith

Quote From: grandmaspike30

Today I watched the show re. divorce and loss with utter saddness. you see I have been through it all and time does allow you to go on but i don't think you are ever the same. I was divorced after 23 years of marriage and 7 children. It was so hard to go on, but it was better as my ex was a wife beater and i had to get out of that situation.

After 7 years alone, I met my second husband who was so good to me that it is hard to describe the difference. In 18 years of marriage we never had an arguement.

 Then my world began to fall apart as a building falling slowly into a pile. My 14 year old grandson was grazed by a freight train as he walked home from school. He lived 8 days and then my Daughter had to pull the plug as there was no brain activity. That was in 1999. I have watched my daughter go through every emotional roller coaster that there is.

 when I began to be able to function again, my husband of 18 years left to go to a union meeting at 6pm. At midnight i was a widow. It seems a 16 yr. old went to sleep at the wheel and hit him head on  112 miles from our home . That was in 2002.

In 2003 my Mother was fine in the AM and went to the store with my twin sister. By that evening she was in the hospital and died the next day.

 In 2005 I had to have gallbladder surgery that left me with autoimmune hepatitis and the Dr's.say in a few years i will need a liver transplant. I had to sell out and move to the city as i was not able to care for 2 acres of ground.

My questian is Dr. Phil is there ever a time when you heal enough to stop crying and really feel like you want to go on and feel happy again. I go from day to day and then something happens and i fall apart.

 I firmly feel and believe that God does hand down more tht you can handle, but at times i wonder if God knows i am not as strong as i use to be

Thanks for listening.......Lois

 

 

God doesn't cause these horror's to happen but He does allow it to happen- for now. Things will change. I encourage you to ask questions until you receive satisfactory answers.

"We don't know why God does what He does but we must trust it's okay..." That's not an acceptable answer. There are answers to the big questions: "Why did God "take" Silvia's husband, a good and loving man? Why did He "take" a 14 year old boy and leave his family shattered?  Why do some people have to endure one excruciating pain after another? Life isn't supposed to be like this- this isn't what God purposed and He isn't going to allow it to continue. The answers are in the Bible and if one person can't help you understand, then ask another and another. Keep asking and keep seeking the truth because God will show it to you and will help you make sense of things. Don't give up.  Sylvia, Lois and the rest of you who are hurting, I wish for you comfort; you're in my prayers.

 
September 16, 2008, 4:11 pm CDT

01/05/07

I will never forget that day. I lost my husband and soul mate. I was married for 14 yrs to a man that I had 3 children with but never really loved him . Then came along my soul mate. I only had my second husband for 5 yrs then lost him to COPD. I was his primary care giver for the last weeks of his life. I wouldnt trade that for anything in the world. After he died I wanted to die to. In fact tried to but guess the good Lord above has more plans for me. I blamed and still do blame myself at times for his death. If I had done something different. Called Hospice earlier, saw a different doctor anything to let me have him longer. We married in 2001 and I lost him in 2007. Doesnt seem fair was unhappy for all those years and just when I find the man that makes me the happiest he is gone.
 
September 16, 2008, 4:14 pm CDT

To Sylvia

Hello Sylvia,

  I don't know you, but we are a part of the Marine Corps family.  My husband Scott has been in the Marine Corps for 18 years.  Tears just streamed down my face when you were saying why did this happen to such a good man when there are bad people out there doing nothing good with their life.  I can't relate to how you are feeling, but I know what you mean when you have a good man in your life.  I can't imagine the pain you are feeling and how your heart is breaking, but I do know that your husbands goodness and legacy will live on through you and your three girls.  I have been touched by an angel in my life and that is my husband and so did you with your husband.  Try and be strong and hang in there.  You are so strong to go through what you are going through and I commend you.  I want to give you my email address and ask that if there is anything you need, please email.  We live on base at Camp Pendleton in San Diego CA.  My email is teamgilmanusmc@gmail.com.  May God bless you and your family and please know that you are in my prayers.  Debbie

 
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