Quote From: sueervinI would like to comment on the one very tragic moment in my life that I shattered my heart. November 3, 2004, I lost my 20 year old son in a car accident. I was home alone when the state troopers came to the door to inform me of his death. I can remember saying over and over, "Please tell me you have the wrong boy." From that moment until the funeral was over, I lived on automatic pilot. I think it is a blessing that I do not remember those first days, because I remember fully, the years that have followed. Within the month, my husband and I entered grief counceling which was once a week for a year. After that, I went for an additional six months. The third of each month I go to the cemetery and write my son a letter which I keep in a folder. It would have been so easy to give up and die if it hadn't been for my oldest son. I did not want him to think that I didn't love him enough to live. God has been my strength and my help through this tragic time, and I still lean on him for support. My husband and I have drifted apart because we grieved differently. I'm not saying this has been easy. Just living each day has been very difficult, because there is not a day that goes by that I do not think of my son and miss him. I know this is something I will never get over. It took me three years to convience my husband to sell our house and let me move to where there were people around me and no memories hitting me in the face each day. Since I have moved, I found so much peace because I am not faced with each room holding a memory of my beloved son. He was such a joy to me, and he and I were very close. My husband refuses to move into the townhouse with me, because he felt I should have stayed where we were. He felt I could just close our son's bedroom door and everything would be alright. I know my life will never be the same again because a huge part of my heart is buried with my son, but I do know that through Christ, I will see him again. Isn't that all we have? Our Faith? S.Ervin
My father was an alcoholic. He drank every Friday, Sat., and Sunday. On Friday night I remember we would ride around to the bars so my mother could get at least some of the money because if not he would drink it up and no bills would be paid. This kept on all my life. I never spent one single weekend in my own home because my father would come home and try to get the money from my mother and violence would result. I was the DA. I was in charge of getting the other children out of the house and into the car. We had emergency bags packed, i had to make sure they were in the car also. I had my own key to the car and could back the car out of the driveway and in front of the front door, so my mom could run and get in and off we would go to a relative or a friend's house to spend the night or the weekend. This went on until I was sixteen. I got a job at General Telephone part time and was making good money for someone so young. I bought my own car which my father stole and wrecked. I fixed it. But when he burned our house down, that was it. My clothes that were store bought for the first time in my life were burned and melted to nothing. I remember telling my mom, we were sleeping in the same bed at my grandma's house, that something wasn't right, I could feel it in my bones. She just told me to relax and go to sleep, fifteen minutes later the phone rang and it was my Uncle Jake (my father's brother) telling us our house was on fire. We drove up and I remember the fireman were pulling the carpet out of the living room and the piano that I loved so much was half in and half out the window. The firemen were trying to save the piano but it was no use. The house was a total loss and we had lost everything. Let me back up and say that before I started working, I had to make all of my clothes. Which now is a great skill, but I wanted to look like all the other girls. I remember getting my first very own sewing machine which had melted in the fire. But my clothes...I was sixteen....and my clothes were ruined. My grandma (father's) lived three doors down from us and I ran down there with murder on my mind. I was going to kill the SOB even if he was my father, some father. Anyway, it took four police officers to pull me off of him because I was wailing him for all I was worth. He was drunk so it was easy. My father also molested me at 10 years old and nobody believed me. He would taunt me about that - telling me nobody will believe you - so I'm going to do this with you and you are going to cooperate. It was horrible. I am still not over it. My own daughter was molested at 10 years old by her stepfather. If only I had known what he was. But I have learned we are doomed to repeat the past unless we recognize it and chart a new course for ourselves. If only I knew that then. Amanda, my daughter, will not even acknowledge that I am alive. She will not let me be in my granddaughter's lives - she says it is their decision, but how can children make that kind of decision. I kept those children when they were young for no money and I was driving from a town away. But it didn't matter because I loved them so much. I sit here all alone night and day and try to think of a way to make amends with Amanda. She is my only child. But I wasn't the one who did it to her. I own that I brought that man into our lives but you can see I was ill attempted to a full and useful life, I was broken. I didn't know the right thing to do. I got her our of that house the next day and we didn't go back. He was found guilty and served his five years for taking indecent liberties with a child and given a bus ticket out of North Carolina because he was from St. Joseph, MO. And told never to come back here. He did though. I was terrified to see him sitting at the end of our street one day. And the hell of it is he has not registered as a sex offender in Missouri. And I can't get the police to do anything about it. Alcohol has destroyed my life (even though I don't drink), and my daughter's life (I don't know if she drinks or not). I heard she got remarried and had a baby, I don't know the sex of the baby, and has taken advantage of the housing problem going on and bought a house. She has a secure job and he probably has too or she wouldn't have married him...she is all about the money. There is no solution for this. I will be dead in my grave and she will not even care a flip. I would love to make up with her and maybe work on our relationship. But she will not do it. She doesn't care. It is so awful. I feel useless and unworthy and why should I feel that way. But I do. And nothing is going to change it. I do see a counselor every six months...but that is just to renew my drugs. There is no therapy going on there.
So I will just go on with my life and hope that someday she needs me. I would love to make a baby quilt for the baby but she would probably just throw it away. She hates me. It's all my fault.
The End.
Barbwire1970 from North Carolina
(Original Air Date: 09/16/08) Are you prepared for the unexpected? Life is not a success-only journey, but when you're faced with difficult days, you don't have to become a victim. In his new book, Real Life: Preparing for the 7 Most Challenging Days of Your Life, Dr. Phil teaches you how to prepare for a crisis before it arrives, and how to get back to better days. One of the most challenging days can come the day your heart is shattered, especially if you experience a loss. Amber says she was living the perfect life. She and her sisters dreamed of marrying a man like their dad and having a great relationship like their parents'. She says they were totally blindsided on Father's Day when their dad told their mom he wanted a divorce. Hear their emotional story and learn what you can expect to feel when you lose something precious to you. Plus, find out Dr. Phil's action plan to help you get through the difficult period. Then, Sylvia is a mother to 4-year-old twins and is seven months pregnant. She was married to a Marine sergeant for seven years who tragically lost his life — not on the battlefield — in a car accident when he returned home. Now, each day is a battle for Sylvia. Dr. Phil shares his action steps for grieving, in an effort to help the mourning mom move forward. Today, Sylvia is struggles to pay for her basic necessities. Don't miss Dr.Phil's amazing surprise for her! Talk about the show here.
