Topic : 12/23 Real Life: Heart Shattered

   Come on over to the grief support board.  It is a valuable thing to communicate with your friends.  We don't have to talk about our loss all the time. 

   Me?  I lived because of figure skating.  I didn't want to die and miss the 00000.     

    I have a depressive disorder.  And, I was too proud to take medication.  I suffered, and I was determined that if I was unhappy, I would "get over it in time."  It heals all things, ya know.

   One day, while I was at the doctor's office complaining about how miserable I felt physically, he asked me,"Do you want to sleep better?  You need something that will help you sleep all night."  I whined and complained about having to take pills like a--like a weakling who couldn't pull herself out of "it."  I whined and complained--for two minutes.  Following his advice was the best thing I ever did for myself. 

So, Dad announced he was leaving his family.  That makes him only one of the 12% who do. In 88% of cases, it's MOM who initiates the divorce, and breaks up the family.  Furthermore, we aren't being told WHY dad chose to leave.  Was Mom a shrew who didn't give him a moment's peace?  Was she an alcoholic, Bi-Polar, a drug abuser, or was she having one affair after another?  We don't know the "rest of the story" because Dr. Phil most often takes the side of the women involved. If there's a story here, why isn't it the fact that MOTHERS are most often the ones who choose divorce, instead of the male-bashing inherent in a "woman as victim" story?  And why does Dr. Phil choose THAT slant more often than not?  The fact that 88% of divorces are initiated by the woman makes this a national problem, not the anomaly of the 1/8th of divorces filed by the father. If Dr. Phil were REALLY a problem solver, he'd be attacking the MAJOR problem, not the rating-enhancing anomaly. 

NOTE TO DR. PHIL'S PRODUCERS:  Presenting the truth would be an anomaly. Maybe viewers are getting tired of the same old-same old "woman as victim" programming. Sometimes the truth can be stanger than fiction.  You should try it sometime.  Present a "man as victim" show for a change. They're easy to come by.

After reading this account of this family's ordeal, I wish that I had had someone like Dr Phil to help me thru my divorce back in 1980.  I feel perhaps I would have faced the world with a lot better attitude and maybe my children too would have been better off.  However, with God's help, I have finally found a wonderful man who treats me and the children, tho now grown, as his own and our life could not be better.  That's not to say we did not have some rough times dealing with it all, but we made it!  Your show is so needed in this time when families just seem to split without even thinking of what it is doing to the children...not to mention each other.   I even could relate to the lady who lost her husband in an accident....that's what a divorce feels like sometimes...death.  Only, you still have to see them walking around, and usually with someone else.  The pain becomes unbearable at times. 

Continue to help people, Dr Phil.....you are truly a gift from God!

Thank you for this show! I know this helped many people.

6 years ago I delivered twin boys. One of my son's was diagnosed with potter's syndrome and the other quit breathing and was diagnosed with sepsis. I carried them nearly full term never knowing anything was wrong. I got to be with them for 3 days as much as I could, which was very hard since I had a C section. After having them it was so hard dealing with this. I blamed my husband and anyone I could. I laid in bed for days and days,  just crying. I sought out lots of help. I was put on medication for a period of time. I then took grief classes. Am I any better? I am better than I could have been. I think of my son's everyday. But it did ease each day that I lifted my head and tried. I have now had 2 more boys, not twins, but they look and act like they are. I am blessed to have them. They are my miracles. And I know i have 2 miracles in heaven watching over us now. I was blessed to be able to be with them those 3 days. Those 3 days changed many peoples lifes around me. And I am thankful for them!  

I have lived through many heartaches and life tragedies. I always tried to stay strong for my five children no matter what the tragedy. Life does not come with guarantees for happiness. You have to find it and deal with the bad along with the good. My children all turned into good responsible people although they had to live through the tragedies with me. I self published my story in a book "Life Does Not Come With Guarantees" and have finally found peace with it all. You will survive. The key is to keep your faith no matter what. Life can be cruel and very hard, but life can be tolerated if you keep your faith during the worst of it.

My first husband died in Viet Nam. My second husband ran off with my neighbors wife. I got engaged to the neighbor and he died before we got married. All that is only the tip of the iceberg.  

I am happy now and have found peace.