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Topic : 12/22 Parents Falsely Accused

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Created on : Friday, September 12, 2008, 01:20:40 pm
Author : DrPhilBoard1
(Original Air Date: 09/18/08) Could you be guilty of abusing your child and not know it? Where are the boundaries when it comes to parenting? Treffly is a mom of three who never thought she would be accused of breaking the law. But that's exactly what happened when she left her daughter in the car to do an errand just 30 feet away. Treffly's case sparked a flurry of opinions and heated debates across the country. People in the community and a criminal defense attorney weigh in. And find out what Dr. Phil thinks about Treffly's encounter with the law. Then, Lynn says her biggest regret is leaving her daughter alone the night the 13-year-old died. Find out how a false allegation landed her behind bars. Her conviction was overturned, and Lynn became the first woman in U.S. history to be cleared by DNA evidence. Hear how the truth came to light and what life has been like since she was released from prison. And, hear about Lynn's son, Ed's, experience growing up in foster care as a result of his mother's incarceration. What can mother and son do to rebuild their bond? Find out what you can do to improve the lives of children in the foster care system. Plus, don't miss the steps you need to take if you're wrongly accused of a crime. Join the discussion.

Find out what happened on the show.

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December 22, 2008, 8:14 pm CST

Oh, to have a chauffeur

Since I don't have a chauffeur and use self serve gas pumps to save money, I found filling the gas tank to be an ordeal when my daughter, Steph, was an infant. I'd only go to stations that had an ATM at the pump; I'd leave her strapped in her carseat, and would watch her constantly, making faces at her through the rear view window to keep her from crying. (And still she would wail at times.) She might have been unhappy but she was never in danger.

The alternative of taking my daughter out of the car would have been far more perilous. Before she was one Steph learned that by pressing her thumb on my Adam's apple she could cause me to reflexively relax my arms, and down she would go. Imagine trying to pump gas and simulataneously juggle an infant so she couldn't press the down button.
 
December 22, 2008, 8:32 pm CST

A parent falsely accused...

While I've never left my children unattended for any length of time (not even to pay for gas) and I've never given a spanking in my life.. I was a parent falsely accused. Here in Alberta, Child family services isn't actually required to charge you with any crime to take your children away from you. A spiteful neighbor, or horrific controlling former spouse, not only do you never get to know who accused you, you have -no- way of defending yourself.

My story:

I had my first daughter when I was 20 years old with a man with whom I'd been engaged to for two years and with for over four. It was far from a fairytale, he was emotionally abusive and rather controlling, but nothing that struck anyone around me nor myself as being dangerous. After my first daughter was born, I unfortunately found myself pregnant again right away and the very next year I had my second daughter. It was after she was born that I started to notice a distinct change in my relationship. He would cut off the electricity if he called and I wasn't home, he would threaten to refuse to pay the bills if I went anywhere but my parents house to visit. I was medicated for depression and basically lived life as a quiet mouse afraid to step out of line. Just after my younger daughter turned two, things got rather bad, our relationship was in tatters and I was finding out that he hadn't been paying ANY of our bills and collectors were banging down the doors so to speak. He was a truck driver, so one day when I was getting ready to drive him back to his truck my eldest daughter (now 3) had a mini meltdown because we were leaving her with a sitter to take "daddy" to work. My husband gave her her very first spanking.. because she was crying! I was angry, hurt and most of all scared. He could punch walls, throw things at me and call me whatever he wanted but to hit a toddler for crying?!?! It was too much. After dropping him off in silence, I called my mother and made arrangements for the girls and I to go to their house. I left him that day. Court dates and missed visitations, lawyers and the hell that is divorce insued for the next few months until one day I get a call saying Child welfare has taken my children from a sitter (one of his friends parents) for suspicion of abuse. According to CFS, they were apprehended on an emergency basis while I was in class (i had returned to college to finish my degree and provide better for the kids) because they had "Diaper rashes" and "odd bruising". This is a fairly important point to note as no pictures of this "bruising" have EVER been presented to anyone. AND under the canadian laws of child protection HAD I neglected the children to cause such rashes and beaten them to cause bruises I would be guilty of neglect and abuse under the canadian criminal code. NO police were ever called, NO charges ever layed, and NO investigation ever made into my home. The only "investigation" done by child family services was to ask my ex husband and his family/friends questions and go on "hunches" of the social workers (at the time not required to have anything more then a basic 2 year diploma certificate from community college)

Through the next three years I used every moment of every day, and every cent I had (which wasn't much) to fight the aligations made against me in family court. They moved from "neglect" to "emotional abuse", to "sexual abuse" to "emotional neglect" and back and forth through the next years. My children were kept away from my family, I was only allowed to see my children in supervised visits at the office, while my husband (who openly admitted to hitting the girls, me and emotionally abusing us all) got free access and the children were placed in HIS friends mother's home. I was portrayed as satan incarnate who would rather sacrifice children then take care of them. At no time was any "proof" brought against me, all was heresay and aligations made by my "ex" and his family.

In the end, CFS approved the move of my girls to my ex's MOTHER's care AND their subsiquent removal from the country itself to the USA. There they also approved an adoption to the grandparents and all without my knowledge. A psychiatrist spoke in court about how she couldn't determine if the emotional trauma the girls suffered was from my hand or the fact they were taken from me so suddenly, but that moving them around so much when they had only ever known a home with me was so traumatic that if they were moved back into my care it would harm them Perminantly. The judge left me no choice but to A) give up the fight to get them back, or B) continue to fight and proove that I didn't care about the girls at all.

So under the permenent guardianship order, I had my children LEGALLY kidnapped, and I couldn't even go to the press. The truth is, they said that I was "histrionic" and if I went to the press it would proove beyond a shadow of a doubt that I was simply seeking attention. So I kept quiet, who would believe a child abuser?! Except I'm not... I was a level 1 daycare worker working with small children EVERY DAY, under CONSTANT supervision by CFS themselves in the daycare where I worked. I found out after that our government funds CFS baised on the number of children in their care, and so they target newly single mothers with low income because they know the best we can manage is a weak legal aide lawyer.

My children were taken at the ages of two and three, and this christmas they are seven and eight years old. They have a baby sister, she's two now.. they've never met her, nor my new husband and his kind kind heart. They've been told by their grandparents that I beat them up and I'm dead, My parents were allowed to see them for awhile... so long as they never told the girls 'who' they really were, but that ended when his parents had the bank foreclose on their house. I tried very hard to keep track of them, even with them being in the USA and my court order to never contact them... For all we know now, my children are on the street because the bank repo'd their house. I still cry every night, its almost worse then loosing a child to death, because there is no end to the pain of knowing they are out there somewhere, they probably hate me, and they will never know the truth. And I was just told last week that if I wanted to reopen the case, I could because no criminal charges were ever filed... I want to so bad, but how would I ever explain all this? How do you tell your child your sorry for not being allowed to be there?


It doesn't matter where you live, or what you do or don't do... Its not just the bad guys stealing our children, its our own governements. Makes me sick to think I actually pay taxes to fund my own childrens suffering.
 
December 22, 2008, 8:39 pm CST

CASA

I live in the Milwaukee area and just within the last few weeks CASA has been in the spot light  partially concerning a particular case.  I am sure that CASA is a Good thing, but apparently it failed a family with the death of a - not even a toddler yet, and his young sister hospitalized.  This was the ultimate ending to the story.  I will also admit that I haven't kept up with this story, but also my point I wanted to make is that apparently CASA is pulling out of this area.  I know & understand that life isn't perfect & all cases aren't "won," but from what I understand if they leave won't that make it that many more that will be lost?!  As spokes-persons, isn't there anything you could do?  Like was said today, who gonna fight for these kids?
 
December 22, 2008, 9:00 pm CST

in and out of sight

I have been farther away than 30 feet from my youngest at the park, she is 5 now. she is always in and out of sight. That child was not unattended. That was a person working at the Wal-Mart with nothing to do except causing a little drama to make their life interesting. 

 
December 22, 2008, 9:06 pm CST

Wow! I am so sad to hear your story

Quote From: emommyof3

While I've never left my children unattended for any length of time (not even to pay for gas) and I've never given a spanking in my life.. I was a parent falsely accused. Here in Alberta, Child family services isn't actually required to charge you with any crime to take your children away from you. A spiteful neighbor, or horrific controlling former spouse, not only do you never get to know who accused you, you have -no- way of defending yourself.

My story:

I had my first daughter when I was 20 years old with a man with whom I'd been engaged to for two years and with for over four. It was far from a fairytale, he was emotionally abusive and rather controlling, but nothing that struck anyone around me nor myself as being dangerous. After my first daughter was born, I unfortunately found myself pregnant again right away and the very next year I had my second daughter. It was after she was born that I started to notice a distinct change in my relationship. He would cut off the electricity if he called and I wasn't home, he would threaten to refuse to pay the bills if I went anywhere but my parents house to visit. I was medicated for depression and basically lived life as a quiet mouse afraid to step out of line. Just after my younger daughter turned two, things got rather bad, our relationship was in tatters and I was finding out that he hadn't been paying ANY of our bills and collectors were banging down the doors so to speak. He was a truck driver, so one day when I was getting ready to drive him back to his truck my eldest daughter (now 3) had a mini meltdown because we were leaving her with a sitter to take "daddy" to work. My husband gave her her very first spanking.. because she was crying! I was angry, hurt and most of all scared. He could punch walls, throw things at me and call me whatever he wanted but to hit a toddler for crying?!?! It was too much. After dropping him off in silence, I called my mother and made arrangements for the girls and I to go to their house. I left him that day. Court dates and missed visitations, lawyers and the hell that is divorce insued for the next few months until one day I get a call saying Child welfare has taken my children from a sitter (one of his friends parents) for suspicion of abuse. According to CFS, they were apprehended on an emergency basis while I was in class (i had returned to college to finish my degree and provide better for the kids) because they had "Diaper rashes" and "odd bruising". This is a fairly important point to note as no pictures of this "bruising" have EVER been presented to anyone. AND under the canadian laws of child protection HAD I neglected the children to cause such rashes and beaten them to cause bruises I would be guilty of neglect and abuse under the canadian criminal code. NO police were ever called, NO charges ever layed, and NO investigation ever made into my home. The only "investigation" done by child family services was to ask my ex husband and his family/friends questions and go on "hunches" of the social workers (at the time not required to have anything more then a basic 2 year diploma certificate from community college)

Through the next three years I used every moment of every day, and every cent I had (which wasn't much) to fight the aligations made against me in family court. They moved from "neglect" to "emotional abuse", to "sexual abuse" to "emotional neglect" and back and forth through the next years. My children were kept away from my family, I was only allowed to see my children in supervised visits at the office, while my husband (who openly admitted to hitting the girls, me and emotionally abusing us all) got free access and the children were placed in HIS friends mother's home. I was portrayed as satan incarnate who would rather sacrifice children then take care of them. At no time was any "proof" brought against me, all was heresay and aligations made by my "ex" and his family.

In the end, CFS approved the move of my girls to my ex's MOTHER's care AND their subsiquent removal from the country itself to the USA. There they also approved an adoption to the grandparents and all without my knowledge. A psychiatrist spoke in court about how she couldn't determine if the emotional trauma the girls suffered was from my hand or the fact they were taken from me so suddenly, but that moving them around so much when they had only ever known a home with me was so traumatic that if they were moved back into my care it would harm them Perminantly. The judge left me no choice but to A) give up the fight to get them back, or B) continue to fight and proove that I didn't care about the girls at all.

So under the permenent guardianship order, I had my children LEGALLY kidnapped, and I couldn't even go to the press. The truth is, they said that I was "histrionic" and if I went to the press it would proove beyond a shadow of a doubt that I was simply seeking attention. So I kept quiet, who would believe a child abuser?! Except I'm not... I was a level 1 daycare worker working with small children EVERY DAY, under CONSTANT supervision by CFS themselves in the daycare where I worked. I found out after that our government funds CFS baised on the number of children in their care, and so they target newly single mothers with low income because they know the best we can manage is a weak legal aide lawyer.

My children were taken at the ages of two and three, and this christmas they are seven and eight years old. They have a baby sister, she's two now.. they've never met her, nor my new husband and his kind kind heart. They've been told by their grandparents that I beat them up and I'm dead, My parents were allowed to see them for awhile... so long as they never told the girls 'who' they really were, but that ended when his parents had the bank foreclose on their house. I tried very hard to keep track of them, even with them being in the USA and my court order to never contact them... For all we know now, my children are on the street because the bank repo'd their house. I still cry every night, its almost worse then loosing a child to death, because there is no end to the pain of knowing they are out there somewhere, they probably hate me, and they will never know the truth. And I was just told last week that if I wanted to reopen the case, I could because no criminal charges were ever filed... I want to so bad, but how would I ever explain all this? How do you tell your child your sorry for not being allowed to be there?


It doesn't matter where you live, or what you do or don't do... Its not just the bad guys stealing our children, its our own governements. Makes me sick to think I actually pay taxes to fund my own childrens suffering.
I am at a loss for words as I read your story.  I am so sorry to hear that.  I pray that your girls will find their way back to you somehow, whether that's by your own doing or not.  Take care.  It breaks my heart to hear tragedies like this.
 
December 22, 2008, 9:08 pm CST

Wow! I am so sad to hear your story

Quote From: emommyof3

While I've never left my children unattended for any length of time (not even to pay for gas) and I've never given a spanking in my life.. I was a parent falsely accused. Here in Alberta, Child family services isn't actually required to charge you with any crime to take your children away from you. A spiteful neighbor, or horrific controlling former spouse, not only do you never get to know who accused you, you have -no- way of defending yourself.

My story:

I had my first daughter when I was 20 years old with a man with whom I'd been engaged to for two years and with for over four. It was far from a fairytale, he was emotionally abusive and rather controlling, but nothing that struck anyone around me nor myself as being dangerous. After my first daughter was born, I unfortunately found myself pregnant again right away and the very next year I had my second daughter. It was after she was born that I started to notice a distinct change in my relationship. He would cut off the electricity if he called and I wasn't home, he would threaten to refuse to pay the bills if I went anywhere but my parents house to visit. I was medicated for depression and basically lived life as a quiet mouse afraid to step out of line. Just after my younger daughter turned two, things got rather bad, our relationship was in tatters and I was finding out that he hadn't been paying ANY of our bills and collectors were banging down the doors so to speak. He was a truck driver, so one day when I was getting ready to drive him back to his truck my eldest daughter (now 3) had a mini meltdown because we were leaving her with a sitter to take "daddy" to work. My husband gave her her very first spanking.. because she was crying! I was angry, hurt and most of all scared. He could punch walls, throw things at me and call me whatever he wanted but to hit a toddler for crying?!?! It was too much. After dropping him off in silence, I called my mother and made arrangements for the girls and I to go to their house. I left him that day. Court dates and missed visitations, lawyers and the hell that is divorce insued for the next few months until one day I get a call saying Child welfare has taken my children from a sitter (one of his friends parents) for suspicion of abuse. According to CFS, they were apprehended on an emergency basis while I was in class (i had returned to college to finish my degree and provide better for the kids) because they had "Diaper rashes" and "odd bruising". This is a fairly important point to note as no pictures of this "bruising" have EVER been presented to anyone. AND under the canadian laws of child protection HAD I neglected the children to cause such rashes and beaten them to cause bruises I would be guilty of neglect and abuse under the canadian criminal code. NO police were ever called, NO charges ever layed, and NO investigation ever made into my home. The only "investigation" done by child family services was to ask my ex husband and his family/friends questions and go on "hunches" of the social workers (at the time not required to have anything more then a basic 2 year diploma certificate from community college)

Through the next three years I used every moment of every day, and every cent I had (which wasn't much) to fight the aligations made against me in family court. They moved from "neglect" to "emotional abuse", to "sexual abuse" to "emotional neglect" and back and forth through the next years. My children were kept away from my family, I was only allowed to see my children in supervised visits at the office, while my husband (who openly admitted to hitting the girls, me and emotionally abusing us all) got free access and the children were placed in HIS friends mother's home. I was portrayed as satan incarnate who would rather sacrifice children then take care of them. At no time was any "proof" brought against me, all was heresay and aligations made by my "ex" and his family.

In the end, CFS approved the move of my girls to my ex's MOTHER's care AND their subsiquent removal from the country itself to the USA. There they also approved an adoption to the grandparents and all without my knowledge. A psychiatrist spoke in court about how she couldn't determine if the emotional trauma the girls suffered was from my hand or the fact they were taken from me so suddenly, but that moving them around so much when they had only ever known a home with me was so traumatic that if they were moved back into my care it would harm them Perminantly. The judge left me no choice but to A) give up the fight to get them back, or B) continue to fight and proove that I didn't care about the girls at all.

So under the permenent guardianship order, I had my children LEGALLY kidnapped, and I couldn't even go to the press. The truth is, they said that I was "histrionic" and if I went to the press it would proove beyond a shadow of a doubt that I was simply seeking attention. So I kept quiet, who would believe a child abuser?! Except I'm not... I was a level 1 daycare worker working with small children EVERY DAY, under CONSTANT supervision by CFS themselves in the daycare where I worked. I found out after that our government funds CFS baised on the number of children in their care, and so they target newly single mothers with low income because they know the best we can manage is a weak legal aide lawyer.

My children were taken at the ages of two and three, and this christmas they are seven and eight years old. They have a baby sister, she's two now.. they've never met her, nor my new husband and his kind kind heart. They've been told by their grandparents that I beat them up and I'm dead, My parents were allowed to see them for awhile... so long as they never told the girls 'who' they really were, but that ended when his parents had the bank foreclose on their house. I tried very hard to keep track of them, even with them being in the USA and my court order to never contact them... For all we know now, my children are on the street because the bank repo'd their house. I still cry every night, its almost worse then loosing a child to death, because there is no end to the pain of knowing they are out there somewhere, they probably hate me, and they will never know the truth. And I was just told last week that if I wanted to reopen the case, I could because no criminal charges were ever filed... I want to so bad, but how would I ever explain all this? How do you tell your child your sorry for not being allowed to be there?


It doesn't matter where you live, or what you do or don't do... Its not just the bad guys stealing our children, its our own governements. Makes me sick to think I actually pay taxes to fund my own childrens suffering.
Hi. I think I accidentally erased my post to you.  Sorry if this is redundant.  I just wanted to tell you that I will pray that your girls will find their way back to you, however that happens.  Your story breaks my heart. Take care.
 
December 22, 2008, 9:28 pm CST

12/22 Parents Falsely Accused

What is so pitiful is that for all the hoopla over that mother leaving her child in the car while she was 30 ft. away, the person who wanted to see Mom go down probably did more damage to the children than good.  What good did it do hauling Mom off to jail while her children watched?  A ticket or a verbal warning wasn't enough.  I guess whatever makes the adults feel better.

 

 
December 22, 2008, 9:32 pm CST

what all mothers do

As I watched the segment on child abuse and how people say they would never leave their child unattended for even a short period of time i thought about how parents let their children play in the front or back yard while they are in the house, and this is dagerous because there is the chance of them falling and getting hurt or do something els that could harm themself and you not even know about it. In my opinion that is even more dangerous than leaving their child in a car for no longer than a few moments. and personaly i do not know anyone who has not left their child unattened for some amount of time. you know people need to use common sense most parents make jugdement calls that they feel will still keep there families safe and do not intend to make decision that will harm the children and at a given moment they will do what they think is best for their own child....some people may disagree but everyone is entitled to their own opinion. and im not sayin that it is ok to hit your child to get your point across but leaving your child in a car for a short amount of time should be ok and you should not be arrested for doing so.

 
December 22, 2008, 9:39 pm CST

12/22 Parents Falsely Accused

Quote From: ilovducky

I have three kids and I have almost lost them at one point in thier short lifes, and I have lost an unborn child. So as far as asking any parent I am one of those parents but I still feel she didn't do anything wrong and people like you make it harder to be a parent. NO ONE can say they have never left thier kids in the car. You can't tell me when you pump gas in the rain you take your little one out of the car seat and hold them while you pump gas then go pay. Sorry not likely.

Sorry about the loss of your child.

 

How do I make it harder to be a parent? Why can't you accept that there are parents who have never left their child unattended in a car? I stated I have never done it and I have no reason to lie.

 

Sorry you don't like the fact, but it is what it is.

 
December 22, 2008, 10:17 pm CST

12/22 Parents Falsely Accused

Quote From: debrisyat

What is so pitiful is that for all the hoopla over that mother leaving her child in the car while she was 30 ft. away, the person who wanted to see Mom go down probably did more damage to the children than good.  What good did it do hauling Mom off to jail while her children watched?  A ticket or a verbal warning wasn't enough.  I guess whatever makes the adults feel better.

 

My sentiments exactly.
 
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