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Topic : 12/22 Parents Falsely Accused

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Created on : Friday, September 12, 2008, 01:20:40 pm

Author : DrPhilBoard1

(Original Air Date: 09/18/08) Could you be guilty of abusing your child and not know it? Where are the boundaries when it comes to parenting? Treffly is a mom of three who never thought she would be accused of breaking the law. But that's exactly what happened when she left her daughter in the car to do an errand just 30 feet away. Treffly's case sparked a flurry of opinions and heated debates across the country. People in the community and a criminal defense attorney weigh in. And find out what Dr. Phil thinks about Treffly's encounter with the law. Then, Lynn says her biggest regret is leaving her daughter alone the night the 13-year-old died. Find out how a false allegation landed her behind bars. Her conviction was overturned, and Lynn became the first woman in U.S. history to be cleared by DNA evidence. Hear how the truth came to light and what life has been like since she was released from prison. And, hear about Lynn's son, Ed's, experience growing up in foster care as a result of his mother's incarceration. What can mother and son do to rebuild their bond? Find out what you can do to improve the lives of children in the foster care system. Plus, don't miss the steps you need to take if you're wrongly accused of a crime. Join the discussion.

Find out what happened on the show.

As of January, 2009, this message board will become "Read Only" and will be closed to further posting. Please join the NEW Dr. Phil Community to continue your discussions, personalize your message board experience, start a blog and meet new friends.

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forstonc

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December 30, 2008, 6:22 pm PST

12/22 Parents Falsely Accused

Quote From: newmankitten

Dr. Phil:
The problem of people leaving their children in their cars, somehow got out of hand several years ago here in Kelso, WA. My husband, Mayor of Kelso at the time, stepped in when the local police force and the City Attorney couldn't come up with verbage that made sense on this issue. My husband, then finishing out about 25 years of work with juveniles, knows kids all too well, not to mention the role of parenting. This is the law that was created to address the situation, and we understand that other locales have adopted it verbatim. It makes so much sense, it's scary it's an issue. Here is the law, as written into the Kelso Municipal Code:
Chapter 9.52
UNATTENDED CHILDREN IN VEHICLES*

Sections:

9.52.010 Children unattended in a vehicle.

Every person having the care, custody, or control, whether temporary or permanent, of minor children under the age of eight years who shall leave such children in a stopped or parked vehicle unattended by a person twelve years of age or older shall be guilty of an offense punishable as provided in Chapter 1.40 of this code. For the purposes of this section, a person shall be considered attended if the person charged with attending is within sight of the vehicle and within a distance where sounds from the vehicle may be heard. (Ord. 3372 § 1, 1997)

This is a smart law, every state , county and city should have this law.

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irelandg1

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January 2, 2009, 4:39 pm PST

leaving kids in the car

Quote From: bcanen

I am watching a re-run of this episode. I absolutely cannot believe what some people are saying in response to this. I am a mother of three beautiful children whom I treasure with all my heart. I would never leave my children in the car for very long periods of time, but I do not take my children into the gas station to pay for gas, run into the house when I forget something, grab the mail after coming home, etc. It's just not a very reasonable act to try to carry a two-year-old, a car seat, and hold on to a five-year-old's hand while trying to perform all these tasks. I especially would not risk their health by getting them out in the cold weather. They are safer in my van than out in the cold. I question whether or not the people angered by these actions have many children of their own. If they did, they would realize it is not something that is reasonable. I love my children and I would NEVER put them in any significant danger. If I can see my children, they can see me and they know everything is alright. Get real people.

I went to the bagel shop in our town on two occasions just to drop something off (NOT to stand in line and order bagels). The first time, I left the kids locked in the car and strapped in their car seats. I never left sight of the vehicle and was never more than 20 feet away. The second time, I thought I should bring them in, NOT because I thought they were in danger, but because my friend did the same thing and some people had commented on it (she doesn't have tinted windows). As I was strapping in my four year old, my two year old had gotten away from me and I found him behind the van and almost in traffic. So I think they were much, much safer strapped in the car. People do not take circumstances into account when they judge. I am an intelligent person and I love my kids. I don't just pull up to a truck-stop right by the interstate and leave kids in a running car. I take everything into account - the weather, the location, etc, and - and I always watch the car. I don't leave other peoples' kids in my car.
The woman on the show could have put her kids in more danger had she woken up the two year old and struggled to the door of Walmart carrying a groggy two year old with two or three other kids in tow. They could have been run over for that matter, or kidnapped - how helpless she would be with all those kids. Should she have been arrested for being outnumbered in a parking lot in the dark with young kids? That sounds MUCH more dangerous to me.

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irelandg1

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January 2, 2009, 4:51 pm PST

all in moderation

Quote From: efffy_

'Every' is too broad a term to describe anything or anyone. When I take my children to the park I do not sit on a bench. I sit on the edge of the sand box with them. If it is inconvenient to take them with me I find another time to do it, or I wait until my husband and I can do it together. I have never stepped off a curb without looking or signed anything without reading it. I have never left my child alone for a second in public, so please do not lump us all together. If something had happened to that child she would crucified for being neglectful.

We all want to protect our children. Watching them grow up is hard because it is so worrisome to think of all the things that can happen to them. Where you live has a lot to do with how far you sit away from them at the park. But do you think that a little independence is a bad thing? We hover so much over kids these days that we risk overprotecting them. Read LAST CHILD IN THE WOODS, by Richard Louve. It was the best book I ever read. We need to teach our kids to live in the world, not to fear it. Now that doesn't mean I'm going to take stupid risks. I live in a rural area, and the idea of having to sit on the edge of the sandbox sounds just plain overprotective and stifling (if done all the time). However, in New York City in a crowded park with lots of strangers, perhaps it is duly justified. So the circumstances have to be taken into account.
And speaking of lumping people together, what about single moms who do not have husbands who can nip out to do an erand? We're not talking about leaving your kids in a parking lot while you are shopping. We're talking about thirty feet away or less,locked cars, secure car seats, within eyesight for a few seconds!

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irelandg1

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January 2, 2009, 6:04 pm PST

Last child in the woods

Quote From: sandrastehly

I'm a little miffed about Dr. Phil's contradiction on this show. Just a few short months ago, he had Lenore Skenazy on, the reporter that had her 9 year old safely ride a New York City subway (and lived!! *gasp*), and Dr. Phil was of the opinion that yes, we do indeed live in a safe society.

Statistics prove that our country is as safe, if not safer, than the early 70's. The difference? Seven twenty-four-hour news channels that sell blood, not love. Every teeny tiny bad thing is highlighted, exaggerated, and replayed again and again until one is almost forced to believe a child molester lives behind every tree, and a murderer lurks in every shadow.

It's simply not true.

We have scaremongered ourselves into not only looking behind us everywhere we go, but severely stifling our children - no freedom, no independence, no privacy, no imagination, no experience, no education. We must let go of this constant fear.

Your child will not be kidnapped if left in a vehicle for 2 minutes. Nor will he be molested if he plays in the back yard unsupervised. Nor will she be murdered if she rides her bike down the street without a parent helicoptering them.

I for one am so blessed to live in such a safe society, and my children reap the rewards.

read LAST CHILD IN THE WOODS, by Richard Louv.

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efffy_

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January 2, 2009, 6:13 pm PST

12/22 Parents Falsely Accused

Quote From: irelandg1

We all want to protect our children. Watching them grow up is hard because it is so worrisome to think of all the things that can happen to them. Where you live has a lot to do with how far you sit away from them at the park. But do you think that a little independence is a bad thing? We hover so much over kids these days that we risk overprotecting them. Read LAST CHILD IN THE WOODS, by Richard Louve. It was the best book I ever read. We need to teach our kids to live in the world, not to fear it. Now that doesn't mean I'm going to take stupid risks. I live in a rural area, and the idea of having to sit on the edge of the sandbox sounds just plain overprotective and stifling (if done all the time). However, in New York City in a crowded park with lots of strangers, perhaps it is duly justified. So the circumstances have to be taken into account.
And speaking of lumping people together, what about single moms who do not have husbands who can nip out to do an erand? We're not talking about leaving your kids in a parking lot while you are shopping. We're talking about thirty feet away or less,locked cars, secure car seats, within eyesight for a few seconds!

I don't mind being called over protective. I would rather that then forever lamenting that I just turned my back for a second. As for single mothers I've been one after my divorce and I applied the same level of care and attention then as well. It is up to every parent to decide what is safe and what isn't, within reason. Unfortunately some peoples reason is lacking. My children are not timid, scared or dependent. My eldest daughter moved away for University at eighteen and lives in a very large city on her own. She is independent, intelligent and ambitious. I guess I have done alright sitting on the edge of the sandbox after all.

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amyaaron86

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January 3, 2009, 4:01 pm PST

WHAT FACTS

Quote From: utwospy

Facts??. What you descibe is an inditemnet on our child judicial system. Isn't child abuse "A" criminal act?. What is the matter with Law enforcemenet ? Are children NOT important enough to be investigated by police rather than Welfare. I don't know what you know, but police are more equipped to invetigate abuse AND crimes better than welfare, but I guess it is self explanatory why abuse goes to welfare and not police. It is because (like you said) it is not a crime. Since when?

You might have ALL the Facts but dont get too confident over it because they are all screwed up. I could know alot about politics, but that doesn,t mean I got (know) anything good. (Or the Denver Bronco's)

Good to know where our problems start with this subject though and thanks for the tips. Anything you can offer to change this BROKEN ( and it is very broken) ( or maybe the in the closet child molesters are running it ) system would be greatly appreciated. And dont forget to pay YOUR loyalty dues to your employer and or union or you will be out in the cold like all those neglected children. Thanks. The Spy in the sky.

I know you are in a different state then I am, CA, at least the county

I live in, takes kids away on aligations that are false, and could be

proven so. But they do not seem to care about checking the facts.

There was no abuse what so ever, it was all based on a persons

remarks abd aligations, so I do not trust them. Then a child died in

the care of a foster home that was left in a hot car when they arrived

home, forgot a baby was in the car. Nothing happened.

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robinlynnh

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January 15, 2009, 4:08 pm PST

12/22 Parents Falsely Accused

While watching the above mentioned show, my 12 yr old granddaughter told her aunt that she had been sexually abused by her father. The aunt took her to the hospital for an examination, called the girls mother, and the ball got rolling. The police and CPS were called. Her father had been having sex with her for 2+ years. He had admitted it to the police. He is my only son. He is 32 years old. He is now in jail on $25000 cash bail. We don't have the bail money so he is staying in jail. This is shocking. It has hit the whole family very hard, not just my granddaughter. If it had been a stranger who did this to my granddaughter, I would hate the person responsible. But I cannot hate my son. I am torn. I do not condone what he has done, it is wrong. Very wrong. My son is currently being charged with 8 counts of gross sexual abuse and one count of incest.
I immediately sought counseling. I am disappointed that my daughter in law is not actively seeking therapy for herself and her two daughters. Everyone needs help with this thing that has happened. It has affected everyone. My 12 yr old grand daughter has a 10 yr old sister who says she was not abused. But she is affected just the same. It seems like all the attention has been focused on the 12 yr old and the 10 yr old has been pushed to the background. And the mother is trying to hold the household together on her income alone. It is hard. Very hard.
The girls come to visit and spend the weekend with me frequently. The older one is very defiant, is untrustworthy, lies constantly all things consistent with all that has happened to her. She refuses to go to counseling, so her mother is not encouraging her to go. We already see problems with her, I just don't know what to do. I am learning how to cope in my own counseling sessions.
My physical health is poor. Just last summer I suffered 3 heart attacks. I have numerous other health issues to cope with on a daily basis. My biggest fear is that I will die before my son is released from prison.
Who knows how much longer my granddaughter would have kept quiet about this had she not watched this Dr Phil show.

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amyaaron86

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