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Topic : 12/22 Parents Falsely Accused

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Created on : Friday, September 12, 2008, 01:20:40 pm
Author : DrPhilBoard1
(Original Air Date: 09/18/08) Could you be guilty of abusing your child and not know it? Where are the boundaries when it comes to parenting? Treffly is a mom of three who never thought she would be accused of breaking the law. But that's exactly what happened when she left her daughter in the car to do an errand just 30 feet away. Treffly's case sparked a flurry of opinions and heated debates across the country. People in the community and a criminal defense attorney weigh in. And find out what Dr. Phil thinks about Treffly's encounter with the law. Then, Lynn says her biggest regret is leaving her daughter alone the night the 13-year-old died. Find out how a false allegation landed her behind bars. Her conviction was overturned, and Lynn became the first woman in U.S. history to be cleared by DNA evidence. Hear how the truth came to light and what life has been like since she was released from prison. And, hear about Lynn's son, Ed's, experience growing up in foster care as a result of his mother's incarceration. What can mother and son do to rebuild their bond? Find out what you can do to improve the lives of children in the foster care system. Plus, don't miss the steps you need to take if you're wrongly accused of a crime. Join the discussion.

Find out what happened on the show.

As of January, 2009, this message board will become "Read Only" and will be closed to further posting. Please join the NEW Dr. Phil Community to continue your discussions, personalize your message board experience, start a blog and meet new friends.

September 14, 2008, 10:42 pm CDT

09/18 Parents Falsely Accused?

Quote From: robin457

we recently saw on the news that a school teacher left her child in the car and it died. the baby sat in the car seat for 9 hours. then last year a vice principle of a well to do school left her child in the car. she even went outside to move her car closer to the school so she could get the doughnuts from the back of her suv. then she got back in and moved her car again. i hate to say this. both women were not charged. i am sorry but i raised five children and i never left them in the car for anything. i was always afraid that they would knock it out of gear or anything. i don't see how anyone can forget thier kid. i don't care how busy you are. if you can remember the doughnuts you can remember the kid. anyone else had done this they would have been prosecuted ..hung out to dry..i am sorry that thier children died. but, i cant see how they could forget.
I absolutely think that you should never leave a child in the car by his/herself to do anything. It is a danger to there lives. I think that if you are in that big of a hurry then for the most part you should have left earlier. There is no reason to run into a gas station and leave your children, go into the post office, nothing. If people were more involved with there children then they would realize what a precious, god givin gift that they have received just by having a child. My husband is a fire fighter and the stories he tells of ignorant parents who leave there children in the cars so they can run into a store are horrific..........100 degrees outside...lady goes into grocery store and leaves sleeping two year old in back seat..........car not running!!! People wake up and slow your lives down enough to realize your children are your life and our future. If we take care of them then we will raise individuals who will make the world a better place.
 
September 15, 2008, 7:27 am CDT

happened to me too

my now ex wife made false accusations and called 911 after I served with divorce papers claiming "I'm afraid fo what he MIGHT do".  This claim had me removed from our home, this resulted in a restraining order preventing me from contact my two children as well.

Under this cloak, she was no able to move at will without any family/probate court hearing.

 

She moved 1200 miles away from FL to Mass.   Knowing this would be an ugly custody matter, I moved to Mass. as well (both our native home).

As soon as she found out I was in the area, she called my town police and claimed I was "stalking" her; she called her local police and said I "loosen up the lugs nuts" on her car.  Week after week I was battling allegations of violence, mishief and she later called my employer claiming I was violent and she had an RO... resulting in my release from work.

 

This carried on and on until Family/Probate court decided my rights to parent OUR children, vistation and now shared custody.

Her allegations have stopped AFTER the family court intervened, granting my children and I liberty to be a family.

 

Although divided and prevented from contacting them, talking to them, visiting or calling... our 18 months apart during moms temper tantrum and rage towards has not hindered my childrens feelings towards me and now openly speak about how what "mom did was wrong".

I'm told they were constantly asking for me, but her excuse was "the courts won't let you"... little did she say, they were acting on her complaints and allegations.

 

So, after a DCYF investigation, court ordered anger management/ batterers intevention classes, 6 months of psych. care and endless evaluations, her complaints about me abusing her, abusing drugs, abusing alcohol... all busted with these reports and investigations.

 

Consequently, the FL judge terminated her RO for her based on my defense... Mass., well, still too big a business to remove that from her.

 

In turn, I live in fear, wondering when her next allegation/ accusation will take place and what will that do to my career and relationship with my children.

 

Sincerely,

David in Providence.

 
September 16, 2008, 11:33 am CDT

Use Common Sense

Aside from my rant, I will say people also need to know sometimes realize what looks like a parent being neglectful can infact being a different picture.  Last night, I met of friend of mine whose a cop at a gas station.  We each pulled up to the pump.  I only had cash on me so I asked my friend if he would keep an eye on my kids while I went in and paid.  Mind you my friend is in uniform with his patrol car and I have three sleeping kids in the mini van.  The van is off but I have the windows rolled down some and it is 73 degrees outside.  So the kids are supervised by a police officer, they are buckled in, and not about to fry to death in the car.

 

Yet when I came out a woman in her 60s or so started yelling at me telling me how she was going to called child welfare.  I yelled back at her that my kids were being watched by police officer.  There of course was no come back or recovery for her.  My friend explained that the law says children need to be supervised but it doesn't say the person supervising has to be in the car.  He was on the other side of the pump so clearly had a child woke up and cried or needed help he was there and my kids know and love him. 

 

My point being is before you call child welfare make sure the picture is what it seems.  How much trouble would it have been for that old woman to say to me that it wasn't right for me to leave my kids in the car then come up in my face yelling at me?  Plus maybe we as a society should take a lesson from our grandparents.  If you see someone has left their kids in the car to run in for a second maybe you should be the adult and keep an eye out of that child or make sure that there isn't someone else watching for that child for the parent.  Remember every call you make has to be investigated.  So while you may call on a child left in a car who was being watching by an adult; nearby another child may have another minute, hour, day, or week of abuse.

 

If you see a parent whose kids are sleeping in the car and he/she needs to pay for gas or anything to that matter.  Would it kill anyone of us to volunteer, "Hey, I'll keep an eye on your kids while you go in a pay."  What's the worse that's going to happen?  You make a person's day a little easier.  Have you never need a break or hand in life?  I ask which will you want next time you are in need of help with your kids; someone tattling on you or someone with a good heart offering you help?

 
September 16, 2008, 12:11 pm CDT

left in car

if that was me i would get thrown into jail and my kids put  into dcyf
 
September 16, 2008, 1:11 pm CDT

PLEASE BE ACCOUNTABLE AS PARENTS, RICH or POOR!!!

I LIVE IN THE CINCINNATI AREA AND WE HAVE HAD TWO CHILDREN, YES TWO CHILDREN IN THE LAST TWO YEARS DIE IN CARS, BECAUSE OF PARENTS NEGLECT.  THESE TWO MOTHERS, ONE A  ADMINISTRATOR AT A LOCAL SCHOOL and THE OTHER A DR/PROFESSOR AT A LOCAL COLLEGE.  THESE BABIES WERE LEFT IN A HOT CAR FOR OVER 8 HOURS AND NEVER ONCE DID EITHER OF THESE MOTHERS KNOW WHAT THEY HAD DONE UNTIL IT WAS TO LATE.  I HAVE READ THIS STORY ABOVE AND FIND IT HARD TO BELIEVE THAT THIS MOTHER IS BEING JAILED AND CHILDREN TAKEN AWAY AND BOTH OF THESE MOTHERS HERE IN THE CINTI AREA HAVE NEVER BEEN CHARGED WITH ANY TYPE OF CRIME AT ALL, HOW DOES THAT HAPPEN.

IN A MORNING ROUTINE, HOW DO YOU GET UP, PREPARE FOR YOU AND YOUR FAMILY TO START A DAY AT WORK, PUT YOUR INFANT CHILD IN A CAR SEAT, START TO DRIVE, STOP FOR DONUTS, UNLOAD YOUR CAR AT WORK, MOVE THE CAR INTO A PARKING SPOT NEVER TO REMEMBER THAT YOUR INFANT IS ASLEEP IN HER CAR SEAT.  A CO-WORKERS GOES TO THEIR CAR AT AROUND 3-3:30PM AND FINDS THE CHILD DEAD IN THE CAR???????????  NO CHARGES FILED AT ALL  8/2007.

ALMOST SAME STORY ONE YEAR LATER AT A COLLEGE ACROSS TOWN, NO DONUTS or UNLOADING OF THE CAR, AND THIS MOTHER FOUND THE CHILD IN THE CAR AT THE END OF HER DAY???????  AGAIN, NO CHARGES. 8/2008.

I DON'T UNDERSTAND THE PROSECUTORS / LAW ENFORCEMENTS STAND ON THIS AT ALL, IT MAKES NO SENSE TO ME.

MY BUSINESS(FAMILY OWNED FLORIST) MEANS A GREAT DEAL TO ME, HOWEVER, MY FAMILY(HUSBAND/CHILDREN) ARE TOP PRIORITY IN MY LIFE.  NO CAREER/JOB/ERRAND WOULD EVER MAKE ME FORGET WHAT IS IMPORTANT AND HOW MUCH MY CHILDREN MEAN TO ME.

I HAVE HEARD THE ARGUEMENT THAT THEY DIDN'T MEAN IT, IT WASN'T ON PURPOSE, YOU HAVE KNOW IDEA HOW MUCH THEY HAVE SUFFERED, YOU CAN'T PUNISH THEM ANYMORE.

I DISAGREE, I FEEL THAT WHEN PARENTS MAKE A BAD DECISION THEY NEED TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND "OWN" THE RESULTS or CONSQUENCES, ISN'T THAT WHAT WE AS PARENTS ARE TO TEACH OUR CHILDREN TO MAKE THEM GOOD ADULTS?????

PLEASE DR. PHIL KEEP UP THE OWN IT/BE RESPONSIBLE FOR IT ATTITUDE ON YOUR SHOW, THAT IS ALWAYS WHAT I TAKE AWAY FROM EVERY SHOW I WATCH. 

 
September 16, 2008, 6:37 pm CDT

Melissas Mom & JohnJohn and Maddies Meemaw here...

Quote From: pearamedic

Aside from my rant, I will say people also need to know sometimes realize what looks like a parent being neglectful can infact being a different picture.  Last night, I met of friend of mine whose a cop at a gas station.  We each pulled up to the pump.  I only had cash on me so I asked my friend if he would keep an eye on my kids while I went in and paid.  Mind you my friend is in uniform with his patrol car and I have three sleeping kids in the mini van.  The van is off but I have the windows rolled down some and it is 73 degrees outside.  So the kids are supervised by a police officer, they are buckled in, and not about to fry to death in the car.

 

Yet when I came out a woman in her 60s or so started yelling at me telling me how she was going to called child welfare.  I yelled back at her that my kids were being watched by police officer.  There of course was no come back or recovery for her.  My friend explained that the law says children need to be supervised but it doesn't say the person supervising has to be in the car.  He was on the other side of the pump so clearly had a child woke up and cried or needed help he was there and my kids know and love him. 

 

My point being is before you call child welfare make sure the picture is what it seems.  How much trouble would it have been for that old woman to say to me that it wasn't right for me to leave my kids in the car then come up in my face yelling at me?  Plus maybe we as a society should take a lesson from our grandparents.  If you see someone has left their kids in the car to run in for a second maybe you should be the adult and keep an eye out of that child or make sure that there isn't someone else watching for that child for the parent.  Remember every call you make has to be investigated.  So while you may call on a child left in a car who was being watching by an adult; nearby another child may have another minute, hour, day, or week of abuse.

 

If you see a parent whose kids are sleeping in the car and he/she needs to pay for gas or anything to that matter.  Would it kill anyone of us to volunteer, "Hey, I'll keep an eye on your kids while you go in a pay."  What's the worse that's going to happen?  You make a person's day a little easier.  Have you never need a break or hand in life?  I ask which will you want next time you are in need of help with your kids; someone tattling on you or someone with a good heart offering you help?

 I agree with you but just be careful if someone offers to watch your kids, you never know how honest they are.  Personally, I would volunteer to watch, yet I would be fearful of being wrongly accused.  Unfortunately, back in our grandparents day, there weren't as many whackos out there wanting to kidnap, rape or murder your children.  Be Careful Mom. :)
 
September 16, 2008, 6:47 pm CDT

Melissas Mom & JohnJohn and Maddies Meemaw here...

Quote From: dtrudeau1

my now ex wife made false accusations and called 911 after I served with divorce papers claiming "I'm afraid fo what he MIGHT do".  This claim had me removed from our home, this resulted in a restraining order preventing me from contact my two children as well.

Under this cloak, she was no able to move at will without any family/probate court hearing.

 

She moved 1200 miles away from FL to Mass.   Knowing this would be an ugly custody matter, I moved to Mass. as well (both our native home).

As soon as she found out I was in the area, she called my town police and claimed I was "stalking" her; she called her local police and said I "loosen up the lugs nuts" on her car.  Week after week I was battling allegations of violence, mishief and she later called my employer claiming I was violent and she had an RO... resulting in my release from work.

 

This carried on and on until Family/Probate court decided my rights to parent OUR children, vistation and now shared custody.

Her allegations have stopped AFTER the family court intervened, granting my children and I liberty to be a family.

 

Although divided and prevented from contacting them, talking to them, visiting or calling... our 18 months apart during moms temper tantrum and rage towards has not hindered my childrens feelings towards me and now openly speak about how what "mom did was wrong".

I'm told they were constantly asking for me, but her excuse was "the courts won't let you"... little did she say, they were acting on her complaints and allegations.

 

So, after a DCYF investigation, court ordered anger management/ batterers intevention classes, 6 months of psych. care and endless evaluations, her complaints about me abusing her, abusing drugs, abusing alcohol... all busted with these reports and investigations.

 

Consequently, the FL judge terminated her RO for her based on my defense... Mass., well, still too big a business to remove that from her.

 

In turn, I live in fear, wondering when her next allegation/ accusation will take place and what will that do to my career and relationship with my children.

 

Sincerely,

David in Providence.

 This is so sad.  It amazes me what lengths people will go to (lying) to get what they want, especially when it comes to children being involved.  It's sad what your ex put your children through, and yet, see how they KNOW in their hearts, who was wrong (mom) and who was right (you!)  I feel so sad for the kids, that they were asking for you and she would not allow them to talk to you.  God Bless you, I hope the truth will be known.  The good thing is, your kids are growing older, and will be able to know right from wrong, truth from lies.  Take good care David
 
September 17, 2008, 11:24 am CDT

09/18 Parents Falsely Accused?

Quote From: dthompson56

I babysit 3 grandchildren the oldest is 4 ,and there is no way I can walk into a store to pick up a pizza etc. with the 3 of them.  I have parked right in front of the window and walked in.  I lock the doors, the children are in their car seats and the windows only cracked.  I know something can happen in a second, but how can you always have all children at your side when you go pay for gas etc.  to be away for 1 minute.  I am very conscious of every second I am away from their side and they never leave my line of vision or if someone is too close to the car, I run back to it.

However in our city we have had 2 very educated women (1 a professor and 1 an assistant principal) who left their children in the hot car all day resulting in the children dying and nothing happens to them.  I think it is time for people to be responsible for their actions and pay attention to what they are doing.  I can't imagine not looking in your back seat to see if anything or anyone is there before you get out of a car.  If people complain about this, I think people are afraid they will come up with riduculous laws, like stopping by a trash can to throw trash out and not taking the children with you, that you will get arrested.

 Although I fully realize you believe you are doing the right thing with your grandchildren, I would have to ask, "Why would you even take the risk if you are aware 'something could happen in a second?'"  Further, if you can't monitor 3 very young children (as thier age dictates), then I would suggest you are overwhelmed.  Perhaps there is someone who can ride with you to get pizza, or better yet, there's delivery.

No risk is worth taken as far as children's safety is concerned.

 
September 17, 2008, 11:50 am CDT

It's all Public Record................

  In 2000, my then wife left my two children in our car while she went into the local WalMart to shop for "an outfit."  I was at work at the time in a nearby city when she decided to take a chance with our childrens safety.  Fortunately, a woman was parked nearby and watched my ex-wife leave the car and the children unattended.  At some point after my ex-wife entered the Store, leaving my children well out of site, my son who was then 5 years old exited the vehicle and locked himself out.  This left my daughter who was less than 2 at the time still in a carseat.  Although I can't remember for sure, I beleive it was late fall., so it was probably in the upper 30's to 40's that night. 

     After 10-15 minutes of waiting, the woman who had observed my ex-wifes departure from the vehicle called the police.  By the time the officer arrived, it had been nearly 20 minutes with my children unattended save the watchful eyes of this good samaritan.  The officer himself had noted in the police report that it was several more minutes before my ex-wife returned to the vehicle.  When she finally showed up, she claimed she was simply in the entry way of the store and the children were in full view. 

     Although she was not arrested, she was charged and convicted of two counts of child endangerment.

I fully supported my ex-wife at the time, as I believe this is what is expected of a good husband and father.  I never denied the allegations, but I did acknowledge in court that I believed this would never happen again.

     Fast forward to 2002 and we are divorced.  Fast forward to 2006, and we are amid a custody dispute.  Even though my ex-wife hasn't left the children unattended in a vehicle since, I believe she has been at least "mildly" neglectful in many respects.  I also believe she is guilty (along with her mother and father) of attempting to alienate my children from me and my side of the family.   It's a sad state of affairs when the lowest possible standard is the most accepted when it comes to our childrens safety and well being.  What I mean is that children need to be completely psychologically destroyed and/or near death before anyone (Child and Family Services) will do anything about it.

 

 
September 17, 2008, 12:08 pm CDT

09/18 Parents Falsely Accused?

Quote From: meemaw2jjmm

 I agree with you but just be careful if someone offers to watch your kids, you never know how honest they are.  Personally, I would volunteer to watch, yet I would be fearful of being wrongly accused.  Unfortunately, back in our grandparents day, there weren't as many whackos out there wanting to kidnap, rape or murder your children.  Be Careful Mom. :)

I don't believe there were less wackos out there.  I believe people just tended to not to talk about the molester, murderer, kidnapper, rapist.  I believe rather then accepting that our parents and grandparents did the best they knew how under the circumstances they knew we just look at the situation with hind sight being 20/20. 

 

Yes, there's always a chance there's a wacko but teaching your child to live in constant fear of every stranger is in my opinion a form of abuse.  If you teach your child to fear all strangers then where would they go if they needed help finding help?  There aren't always police men or secruity guards.  99% parents and grandparents have had that moment of 'Oh God where So-So go?'

 

I taught my four year old if we become separated and there is no secruity or police officer in sight to look for a man or woman who child or someone to that nature.  At the store, I ask my daughter occasionally to tell me who she would go to if she was lost.  She look and even walk around until she sees someone she would be comfortable with.  I then have her go up to them and ask them the time.  

 

Just one thing I've always wanted to know.  This is a question for someone who believes leaving the child in the car for second is wrong, someone mentioned John's Walsh's son was kidnapped from I believe Walmart while his mother was an aisle over.  Should police have charged her neglect?  She had her child in the store not in the car and something happened. 

 

I really more fearful of people who dictate what is abuse and neglectful then I am of the strangers who could be wackos.

 
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