Topic : 12/22 Parents Falsely Accused

I am mother of three beautiful girls ages 10 8 and 7.  I have given up my  my life for these children.  I have been a stay at home mom since the second was born.  I bring them everywhere with me and do everything with them.  They are into gymnastics and it is very excpensive so the gymnastics school gave me a job to help pay.  My husband and I have been having some problems with finances and he is very stressed trying to provide for all of us.  This past summer we were fighting and i called the police for some help.  Help!!! What I got was a huge mess.  There was no physical abuse but some emotional and they reported it to dss.  What a mess.  We are wonderful loving parents and love our children more than anything in tis world.  They went to see my children at school, talked to the principal who stated we were one of there top parents involved with the childrens school, talked to the pediatricion and the girls are all up to date with everything.  We got a letter stating that there was neglacte.. where??

I too have left my children in the car for a minute, and I am extremely concisous of the dangers, especially heat.  I live in AZ and numerous children have died being left in cars.  But if I have to step out of the car to mail a letter I am not going to get the kids out of the car.  I also carefully consider where I stop so that I can keep the car in my view, and the car is shaded etc.

What amazes me is tonight I ran to the grocery store with both my children.  As I drag the infant seat across the parking lot, while holding the 3 yr olds hand, a car pulls up to the entrance of the store and a woman gets out of the passenger seat, reaches in the back and picks a baby up off the seat.  NO CAR SEAT!!!  And then a 2 or 3 yr old also crawls out of the back seat.   Again.... not only not in a car seat, there aren't any even in the car!!!

Inside the store I passed these people in a couple aisles, and hesitated to say anything.  But when we left they were also loading their car up.  I watched the woman toss her baby into the backseat. (mind you, this baby could barely sit up alone,) She had the other child crawl in and her and driver hopped into the front seat.  At this point, I made the decision to call the police.   This is child abuse.  Actually endangering the life of the child.  I chose not to follow the car, because the people realized I was phoning the police when I drove over to get their license plate.  They tore out of the parking lot and me and the 911 operator agreed it would endanger the children more to attempt to follow them.  I can only hope police caught up to them.

Ironically, the licence plate was  "all4mom"   Obviously in this case, it's all about mom, and nothing about the children.

Three weeks ago my 10 year old was fighting with my 4 year old over a toy.  I explained to the 10 year old that he needed to give the toy to his brother.  He got mad, threw the toy, and called his little brother "a little &%&&) boy".  I went to hold him to let him know that type of talk was unacceptable.  When I did, he pulled away and hit his head on the wall.  When my wife came in and asked what happened, my son said, "It was dad!"  My wife called the police and I was arrested.

Not only was I in shock that I was being arrested, but I was amazed that the cops arrested me based on the word of a four year old.  My wife did not see anything, and the cops did not allow me to say anything.  They just arrested me based on the lie my son told them.

I spent 37 hours in jail and had to beg my father to bail me out.  The case was dropped a few days later because investigation and my son admitting he lied proved there was no case.  But I still have this arrest on my record and could have lost my job had my dad not posted bail.  I have coached little league for four seasons.  This put my volunteer work at risk.  If this case was not dropped, even though it was false, I would not be able to coach again.

I will be the first one to say put a child abuser in jail.  I support the police and respect the work they do.  But that afternoon, all of this could have been avoided had the cops let me explain what had happened.  They just said, "You have the right to remain silent. I suggest you exercise that right."   I was not allowed to explain that my son was ADHD and had a history of false reports, even against his school.  I was not allowed to explain that my wife is bi-polar and can have periods of irrationality.  I wasn't allowed to say anything.

  I used to live in an apartment complex where the people living beneath me left their baby in their apartment (in the crib -I would assume) when they went to church every Sunday.  I saw them leave, and I heard the baby cry for hours.  I told the main office so they can hopefully speak w/ the parents first, as opposed to just calling the cops, as some people (the over emotional/angry ones) are out for revenge and just want to punish the parents as soon as possible.  The people at the office straightened it out, I never saw/heard it again.

  Now, had those people had a house (where they are not as noticed by others), they would probably get away w/ leaving their baby in its crib while they run errands; this is wrong, much more wrong as opposed to taking the baby w/ them, parking in the front row of the store, and popping in for less than I minutes (just long enough to grab an item or pay for gas). 

  And let me make it clear, I would never leave a child in a car for the 5 or less minutes if the weather is hot or overly cold.  Again, you can't lump the people who use common sense (and only leave the child for 5 minutes on a mild weather day) w/ the people who leave kids in a hot/or/cold car -totally different situation that shouldn't be equated as the same thing. 

  Also, the 1 time I  popped into Walgreene's (while parked in front entrance) for 3-4 minutes to buy baby tylenol, my baby was "asleep", had she been awake, I would have taken her in -as I don't want her to worry, and if she was older, I would not want to worry about her getting out of her carseat -if possible. 

  No, the only lesson she most likely learned was that you can count on there being over emotional idiots who don't mind their own business (as she wasn't committing a life threatening act) roaming the streets and are everywhere.  She knows what she did wan't child abuse, and she stood up for herself (as she should), I never saw her say she learned her lesson. 

  Unless you can show the proof (coming straight from the lawbooks) that say leaving a child in a car while going any amount of feet away from your locked car while child is in carseat is against the law, nobody has the right to slap handcuffs on anyone, nobody has the right to stick their nose in the business of others.

  Well great for you, I hope you practice leaving yourself out of other peoples business as well.

  I suppose that if a mom leaves her sleeping child in a carseat, the boogie-man hiding in the bushes will run to your car the moment you enter the store?  Moreover, I guess you should also worry that the child will choke on air. 

  Here's some reality, you run a much higher risk of someone breaking into your home while you sleep and taking your child than you do a stranger taking your kid in a locked car as you pay for gas.  If chidren being snatched or harmed in any way -while sleeping in a carseat while parent is in a store for less than 5 minutes was something that can happen as much as you think, you would be reading/seeing it all over the news; but you don't for a reason, cause lots of people do this and its not an issue.  I have never ever seen an article in the news about a child harmed or stolen from a car while the parent was gone for less than 5 minutes.  And don't bother bringing up those cases where people leave their kids in the car while they shop for an hour or more -totally different and should be treated as such.

I think extremist statements are being made on both sides.  Children can be at risk anywhere & any place.  I personally am of the believe that SOMETIMES safely locked in the car is safer than navigating the cart return with mom.  When the woman insisted that she would take her child out of the vehicle, even to drop a letter in a mailbox, I thought she was being foolish.  THAT to me sounded MUCH more dangerous than leaving the child safely locked in the seat.  I've always been conscious that once that 5 point restraint system is unlocked, my child is a bit more vulnerable.  And having just witnessed a car hit a stroller (kids are okay . . . I think the idiot driver was on a cell phone), I am more conscious than ever that cars don't just hit other cars. They hit pedestrians as well.  And theives don't just target cars.  Sometimes an preoccupied mother with a cluster of kids makes a very tempting target. 

  Looking at it this way:  life is a series of risks, and sometimes we have to calculate our odds & go with what seems best. 

But my real reason for replying to you is because I'm actually a bit concerned.   Please don't take this wrong, because I don't know you & I may absolutely BE wrong.   I don't even know the ages of your kids. (I'm speaking as a mother whose youngest is now 5.)  Your inability to sleep because of worry can not be good for either you or your children. Are you children at a higher risk for choking in their sleep than others that you worry so much?  Do they actually gag or choke at night?  (If so, I'm assuming you've gone to the Dr. to rule out sleep apnea, etc.)  I get the desire to keep them from all harm & difficulty.  (sometimes I joke that I'd bubblewrap my kids if I could) but I also think that one of our jobs as parents is to foster a bit of independence & self-sufficiency in our children. 

 I believe that we are to take appropriate precautions, but having done that, I believe we need to let go & trust God.  . 

 Even constant vigilance is no guarantee that nothing will happen to you or your children.  And if you are not getting a good night's rest, your instincts & reflexes might make you less equipped to deal with what comes your way.  I hope that you can relax a bit more & get some real sleep