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Topic : 12/22 Parents Falsely Accused

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Created on : Friday, September 12, 2008, 01:20:40 pm

Author : DrPhilBoard1

(Original Air Date: 09/18/08) Could you be guilty of abusing your child and not know it? Where are the boundaries when it comes to parenting? Treffly is a mom of three who never thought she would be accused of breaking the law. But that's exactly what happened when she left her daughter in the car to do an errand just 30 feet away. Treffly's case sparked a flurry of opinions and heated debates across the country. People in the community and a criminal defense attorney weigh in. And find out what Dr. Phil thinks about Treffly's encounter with the law. Then, Lynn says her biggest regret is leaving her daughter alone the night the 13-year-old died. Find out how a false allegation landed her behind bars. Her conviction was overturned, and Lynn became the first woman in U.S. history to be cleared by DNA evidence. Hear how the truth came to light and what life has been like since she was released from prison. And, hear about Lynn's son, Ed's, experience growing up in foster care as a result of his mother's incarceration. What can mother and son do to rebuild their bond? Find out what you can do to improve the lives of children in the foster care system. Plus, don't miss the steps you need to take if you're wrongly accused of a crime. Join the discussion.

Find out what happened on the show.

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kimrubin

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September 22, 2008, 4:44 pm PDT

Child left in car............

This was a ludicrous over-reaction on the part of "authorities".... I agree children should not be left unattended in cars, stores, malls, etc., but this child was not unattended-she was in plain view of her mother. What next-are we going to see arrests of mothers who allow their children to play on playgrounds while they sit on benches and watch? After all, those benches are usually at the edges of playgrounds and anywhere from 15-50 feet away in my experience. Or, are we going to see police going into homes and arresting mothers for being downstairs and out of sight of their children? Or maybe we'll see mothers arrested for going outside to mailboxes or gardens while their children sleep out of their sight, or maybe some mother will get a knock on her door and she'll be arrested because she allowed her kids to play in the front yard or ride their bikes around while she is inside.......Sounds ridiculous, but so was this incidence and the way it was handled. Come on people-use some common sense for once! I have no problem with leaving a child in their car seat sleeping while mom is in the line of sight of the car, as long as she locks the car and takes the keys with her. I was a very cautious mother, but there is a difference between common sense caution and ridiculous over-protection. And somehow I managed to get six kids safely into adulthood while allowing them to be kids and play, ride their bikes, etc. But I used common sense-my children could play outside with age appropriate freedom, ride their bikes or skateboards, etc. while I was inside doing other things and occasionally checking on them. You can't wrap kids in cotton swaddling and never let them be kids-just use some common sense for pity's sake!

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andersal

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September 22, 2008, 6:29 pm PDT

Thank-You

Quote From: kimrubin

This was a ludicrous over-reaction on the part of "authorities".... I agree children should not be left unattended in cars, stores, malls, etc., but this child was not unattended-she was in plain view of her mother. What next-are we going to see arrests of mothers who allow their children to play on playgrounds while they sit on benches and watch? After all, those benches are usually at the edges of playgrounds and anywhere from 15-50 feet away in my experience. Or, are we going to see police going into homes and arresting mothers for being downstairs and out of sight of their children? Or maybe we'll see mothers arrested for going outside to mailboxes or gardens while their children sleep out of their sight, or maybe some mother will get a knock on her door and she'll be arrested because she allowed her kids to play in the front yard or ride their bikes around while she is inside.......Sounds ridiculous, but so was this incidence and the way it was handled. Come on people-use some common sense for once! I have no problem with leaving a child in their car seat sleeping while mom is in the line of sight of the car, as long as she locks the car and takes the keys with her. I was a very cautious mother, but there is a difference between common sense caution and ridiculous over-protection. And somehow I managed to get six kids safely into adulthood while allowing them to be kids and play, ride their bikes, etc. But I used common sense-my children could play outside with age appropriate freedom, ride their bikes or skateboards, etc. while I was inside doing other things and occasionally checking on them. You can't wrap kids in cotton swaddling and never let them be kids-just use some common sense for pity's sake!

Thank-you for being the voice of reason. In this case, it was likely safer for the child to be in the warm car than lugged around in the sleet where an ear-ache would surely ensue. It seems that no one has common sense enough to see the parallels between this event and the other ones you mentioned (playing in the park or being out in the garden.) The people that condemn this poor mother either do not have children, or have children that are literally tied to the apron strings. You could play the "what if" game all day regarding what might have happened, but you simply would never allow children to be children.

Thanks for your voice of reason...one of the few I've seen on this message board.

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andersal

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September 22, 2008, 6:58 pm PDT

Voice of Reason

Quote From: bschwing

These parents should have there children taken away! I have 11yrs and 2 young niece that since they were born NEVER got left anywhere!! There are not many good parents out there anymore.

While you haven't put up much of an argument, I ask you to consider the fact that these children are likely to be put in much more danger if taken out of the vehicle in certain circumstances, as children being hit by a car in a parking lot is a much higher risk than the dangers that may ensue while strapped in a carseat for 2 minutes. Children exposed to harsh weather conditions are much more likely to develop conditions from this (such as ear-aches, etc.) than anything that might occur in the vehicle.

This is not a case of leaving the child in the vehicle for convenience....it is a case of leaving the child in the vehicle for protection. You have to weigh the likelihood of the ensuing consequences and taking two small children out of the car is a much higher risk. Besides, if you had never left the children unattended, I suppose you must have eight arms because you are wither one of those people who do not return the shopping cart to the holder, or you can carry eight bags of groceries AND a child at the same time. I use this example because you have either left the child in the car as you unloaded the groceries OR you left the child unattended in the house while you unloaded the groceries. Leaving a child unattended in a crib can be just as dangerous as a carseat. Moreso, in fact, if there are any toys or blankets in it. I would never believe that a mother has never left her child out of reach. It is proposterous to even make this presumption.

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emarquis

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September 22, 2008, 8:13 pm PDT

What kind of world do we live in?

What is with these people? Do they really live in a world (Melissa from Illinois) where they cannot put a letter in a mailbox (next to the car, mind you) without getting their 'toddler' out of the car? Melissa was worried that the 'toddler' could 'do a lot of damage' in the time it would take her to put the letter in the mailbox at the curb next to her car. What kind of things do you have in your car that your 'toddler' has access to that would allow damage to be done while strapped in a car seat and what can you do to prevent this damage while driving? It seems to me that you need to re-think the whole car seat setup if you are worried about damage and maybe move to a safer location. I believe my children are safer in their car seats than out and about in this world.

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milimama

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September 22, 2008, 9:55 pm PDT

09/18 Parents Falsely Accused?

Quote From: chriskah

I agree--my first born was always spoken to in a soft voice, always rocked when she was upset and I never grabbed anything from her hands insistent that it would just teach her to grab. Now I have my second baby--a 6mth old who already crawls and cruises, is extremely busy and destructive--I find my voice raised on the occasion (DO NOT BITE THE BABY), my daughter is no longer rocked every time she is upset (time out in 1...2...3...), and dangerous objects are whisked away quickly if I do not have the time for explanations (a lollipop has been shared with brother while sister tries to climb on his back, perhaps).

Mind you, there are many "experienced" mothers out there that have quite a bit fewer common sense than the newbies. Parenting books may not equate experience but they are useful in aiding with confidence, midnight madness, or just encouraging parents to try new things (like holding the baby in an airplane position to help with gas). Exceptions to every rule.

Yes, there are some mothers who never do get it. I don't have to look very far to find examples of that.

But there is no doubt that we all benefit from a bit of experience. You do remind me of myself a bit, back when I had more time to devote to thinking everything through. Since my 3rd was born, thinking things through (or reading ANY kind of book) has become a luxury. We evaluate, prioritize, act & move on. I can see that you are aware of that already.

Next thing you know, you'll really take a walk on the wild side & mail a letter while the kids sleep in the back seat. (just teasing you, of course) . . . but know that when you do, you won't be doing anything wrong.

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canonk

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September 23, 2008, 6:21 am PDT

I feel it is wrong to leave children in cars alone

No one on the show gave the example that I wanted to scream into the t.v. screen. Unfortunately the example came true here in Kansas City this week. Well intending parents who believe they are right there and could get to their child, are still at risk. Last night in our city a father was bringing his sleeping children one by one into the house. While he was doing this the last toddler was asleep in his car seat waiting for dad to come back for him. However, a man came up and highjacked the car and drove away with the toddler in the car. They later found the toddler in his car seat thrown in an alley. In this case the toddler was found ok, but much worse things could have happened. A few years ago, and I do not remember where, but a mother ran into a store and she could see her son in the car. A man highjacked the car and drove away with the boy. The mother got to the car and opened the door and tried to get her son out, but he got stuck in the seatbelt and he was dragged to his death. It is just not a good idea to leave children in a car alone, ever!

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bjpink13

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September 23, 2008, 8:04 am PDT

I have been falsely accused

As a parent who has been falsely accused of doing disturbing things to her child. I have to say that until you are in a person's shoes, you do not know how you will act. Divorced 4 years ago, I never dreamed I would be in the position I am in today. Single parent of 2 wonderful children, their father remarries & the problems begin. I know have been forced by the legal system to give temporary custody of my daughter to her father as someone has manipulated, threatened, or brainwashed her. She has been acting out at her fathers since January 2007. She then began to accuse me of not only giving her matches & telling her to light fires at her father's, but of putting them in her vagina as a way to smuggle them there. When she told this to her counselor, she was removed from my home. There was NO investigation, NO evidence, ABSOLUTELY NOTHING but her word against mine. That was almost 7 months ago. I still only have supervised visits with her....I still have my son on the regular parenting schedule. The entire family has undergone full psychological evaluations, I have passed a polygraph test, & to this day NO evidence or investigation has been done. I can assure you, I have done bad things in my life, but a bad parent, I have never been. I have done everything to see that my kids have the best life possible & to completely lose all rights to my daughter for no reason is so inconceivable. Furthermore, I have told the police, attorney's, therapists that I believe she has been abused in some way & am told that until she makes allegations, nothing can be done. What a system. Makes me utterly sick. It is easy to say what a person should do, but until in that situation, you really don't know. My hands are tied, I am at the mercy of the system......the worst part....this is my child they are hurting & when it all ends, SHE will continue to have issues because of the separation from myself, her brother, and being exposed to whatever abuse has occurred. I only wonder how many other families this is happening or has happened to & why is it that we rarely hear about the mistakes made my these agencies which are supposed to be "in the best interest of the child?"

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ramair

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September 23, 2008, 11:22 am PDT

09/18 Parents Falsely Accused?

Quote From: snoopy28173

I don't think this mother was falsely accused. The fact is she left her child in a car alone. It only takes a second for something horrific to happen. Even if she could still see the car there was no excuse. How long does it take to get your child out of the car and take with you? How long does it take to "heal" a devestated child or family?

I don't believe in leaving a young child alone in a car, ever. Even if you can see it.

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ramair

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September 23, 2008, 11:27 am PDT

09/18 Parents Falsely Accused?

Quote From: osborn13

If Treffly had stayed in the car with her sleeping 2 year old and let her older daugthers go donate thier money while she watched from the car, I don't think they police would ever have been called, she wouldn't have been arrested and we'd never even know who Treffly and her family are.

So I ask...what is the difference between leaving your child in the car while you walk 30 and watching your child/children walk 30 feet away while you stay in the car?

What I can't understsand is this. Why couldn't Treffley let her two oldest children donate the money while she stayed in the car, watching them.

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buckeyemom27

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September 23, 2008, 11:59 am PDT

Live with wisdom, not fear

Quote From: canonk

No one on the show gave the example that I wanted to scream into the t.v. screen. Unfortunately the example came true here in Kansas City this week. Well intending parents who believe they are right there and could get to their child, are still at risk. Last night in our city a father was bringing his sleeping children one by one into the house. While he was doing this the last toddler was asleep in his car seat waiting for dad to come back for him. However, a man came up and highjacked the car and drove away with the toddler in the car. They later found the toddler in his car seat thrown in an alley. In this case the toddler was found ok, but much worse things could have happened. A few years ago, and I do not remember where, but a mother ran into a store and she could see her son in the car. A man highjacked the car and drove away with the boy. The mother got to the car and opened the door and tried to get her son out, but he got stuck in the seatbelt and he was dragged to his death. It is just not a good idea to leave children in a car alone, ever!

These things can happen, but they are isolated. I don't know the details, but if it was that easy to take the car, it sounds like the keys might have been left in the car (perhaps on the seat of something). I too would have tried to take my sleeping kids into the house one by one - as I think most parents would. The father did nothing wrong. Hopefully he does not blame himself. It could have just as easily been a home invasion with the child in his own room that was snatched away in the middle of the night. Who is to say the hijacker wouldn't have followed the man into his home if all the kids were with him. There are crazy people in the world, and something simple like a parents presence will not stop them from doing crazy things - think about all those stories of murder,suicides where family members kill their entire family before taking their own life.

It is a shame that we live in a society that is filled with such crime and violence. However, I think we need to be practical about the way we live life. There is absolutely no way we can ever get away from the dangers of our society - unless you move to a deserted island. We have stories of carjackings with children in the car here in my town too. Often times, the parents have left the keys in the car, and the car running! Living life in fear can't be healthy for parents or their children. Even after hearing that story, I would still attempt to take my 3 sleeping kids into the house one by one. I can always lock my door between trips, which sets my car alarm. I would always take my keys in the house with me, and I would turn on my outside house lights while I was unloading my precious cargo from the car.

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