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Topic : 09/23 Before You Do

Number of Replies: 116
New Messages This Week: 0
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Created on : Friday, September 19, 2008, 05:23:49 pm
Author : DrPhilBoard1
Every day, you make simple decisions as you go about your life, but once in a while, you're forced to make a big decision that has the power to change your life forever. When it comes to these big decisions, is there a way to know if you're really making the right choice? Dr. Phil is joined by Bishop T.D. Jakes, author of Before You Do, to arm you with the tools you need to make great decisions you won't regret. Sabrina and Bruce have been married for six-and-a-half years and have three small children. Bruce says there's no affection in their marriage, and Sabrina says they're constantly at each other's throats. To add to their misery, two of their children were born with medical problems, Bruce recently lost his job and their home was foreclosed. Should this couple stay and try to make it work, or part ways? Bishop Jakes weighs in with his five-point decision-making plan. Next, what would you do if your sibling needed one of your kidneys to live? Josh, 21, was diagnosed with kidney disease and needs a transplant. His brother, Tim, is most likely a match, but he can't decide if he wants to make the sacrifice. Find out why Tim says this is the toughest decision he has ever had to make. And, meet a couple who wants to get married, but there's one problem: She wants kids, and he wants a vasectomy! What does Dr. Phil say?

Find out what happened on the show.

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September 23, 2008, 8:35 am CDT

I am for Tim

Quote From: firemans12

I am surprised to read that Tim has to think about donating one Kidney to his brother John.      My mother was diagnosed with kidney failure and out of her 7 kids I was the only one that matched, I did not hesitate to make the decision, considering that I had just had a baby girl, my mother is the love of my life  and so is my daughter, she is now 10 years old and as healthy as can be.    

 

My mother on the other hand has been healthier than every member of the family and very much active at 65 years old with her kidney of 9 years old (my kidney).    I encourage Tim not to hesitate and give life to his brother John.   I would be devasted to know that I can give life to a loved one and continue to live with one kidney and find out that a member of my family died because I had a hard time making the decision.    Just know that it is such a wonderful feeling to give life to a loved one.    

 

I would be lying if I told you I was not scared, but that did not change my decision to go ahead with the transplant.

 


 

I am not suprised at Tim.  He has every right not to give his brother his kidney.  His brother has no respect for himself or anyone else.  If he cared about his brother as much as Tim seems to care about him, then he would tell Tim to not even considered giving him his kidney.  He would want his brother to go for his dreams as far as it will take him.  Not many young men have the talent to even be considered by Major League.  Tim seems to have that talent.  He is being heavily recruited.  The brother, John, will not even give up smoking for a surgery.  He has a history of not caring for himself.  Chances are that if his brother was a match,  the surgery would not matter because John won't take care of himself. 

 

TIM SHOULD FOLLOW HIS DREAMS...... and not look back.

 
September 23, 2008, 9:40 am CDT

You are so right!

Quote From: gstone

Making a decision about organ donation is not as easy as it is described in some of the postings.  I worked in dialysis for years so have some experience in this.  Yes, I would like to say that if I had a loved one who needed a kidney to save their life that I would do it. 

However, a kidney transplant is rarely needed to save a life.  I have heard these statements and discussions many times.  It upsets me when I hear this discussion characterized as if it were life and death or that it needs to be an immediate decision.  Dialysis is certainly not something that someone would choose but there are difficulties in living with a transplant as well. 

I took care of patients that had been on hemodialysis for 20 years.  Also, there is an option of ambulatory dialysis that is done at home and does not involve blood.  This is usually more preferred for younger patients. 

First, a transplant is not a cure.  The patient must take antirejection drugs for the rest of their life and continue to have many health problems that they may have developed pretransplant.  A transplanted kidney is never as good as having your own natural kidney.

The potential donor may give his kidney to his brother (if he is a match) and then develop kidney disease himself or have an injury and end up on dialysis.  The fact that the gentleman has a history of not caring for his body is a huge issue.  You would think that he would treat his kidney like gold because of the sacrifice of his brother.  I have seen patients who were thrilled to get a kidney and it wasn't long before they went back to their old ways and even stopped taking antirejection drugs regularly, thus losing the kidney.  Also, a rejection could happen even if he were totally compliant.

His brother is not his only option.  He could go through the procedure of being placed on a list and wait for a cadaver donation.  This takes a while but then would also show that he has made the lifestyle changes necessary for accepting a transplant. 

You are absolutely right!  In addition, it is alarming that a transplant is even being considered for this patient since he admittedly has a problem coping with this stage of his disease.  It is not a good idea to give him a kidney at this point and I cannot believe that anyone would even consider risking the life with surgery of another person until and unless the recipient is mentally, physically, and emotionally able to handle the responsibility of handling the transplant.  Let me tell you that I know personally that transplantation is not a cure.  I am currently awaiting my 3rd and dealing with prednisone, cyclosporine, and the other necessary drugs is simply not for the unstable!
 
September 23, 2008, 9:48 am CDT

Gods Command

Quote From: angel111999

You are going through a DIFFICULT time and when you used the word NERVOUS BREAKDOWN it concerned me. You must go for some type of help so you can make a decision as to what to do with your LIFE living with a husband with 2 addictions. Try to go
for THERAPY or going to a CHURCH GROUP to start as soon as you can to obtain HELP! Dr.PHIL has a lot of good books you could read that might help you. His list of books are on his webstite. Don't Hesitate on getting the HELP that you need. You can also e-mail Dr.Phil with your problem...maybe he can find some help for you. GOOD LUCK!
For those of us who serve God, we must keep in mind that He alone is God and that we are not.  The addictions that your husband "enjoys" are his God and you and he are simply unequally yoked!  I know that this may be painful to hear but I speak from the very same experience and must be honest with you to tell you that unless and until we are honest with ourselves about the flaws in our own lives, we will not heal and will be candidates for a NERVOUS BREAKDOWN  at all times.  You cannot fix your husband.  Only God can fix him and you.  Sometimes if we move out of the way, those that really need to know God will realize that they too can only rely on Him for the help that they need with the problems of their lives.  This is an " EMPTY WELL" situation and you will always find yourself thirsty and unfulfilled when you look to another to fill the hole in your life that only God can fill.  Obey God and leave the consequences to Him!
 
September 23, 2008, 10:11 am CDT

Renal failure

I'm 56 years old, three years ago I lost a kidney to infection and last month I found out that my "good kidney" isn't so good.  I'm in stage 3 kidney failure.  They tell me I have maybe 2 to 5 years before I have to go on dialysis.  Not one of my family members has even asked if they could be a donor when the time came.  It hurts, but I have already decided that I would not ask anyone in my family to make that sacrifice for me.  With the family history of diabetes and cancer, I just couldn't bring myself to ask any of them to make that decision.  I'm not even sure I'm willing to go through dialysis and when the time comes I may choose not to do anything and let nature take it's course.

 

I totally agree with the brother that doesn't want to give up his kidney.  If this other brother doesn't care about his health and well being then why should he. 

 
September 23, 2008, 10:11 am CDT

09/23 Before You Do

Quote From: sistersforever

I have been where this brother is.  My twin brother needs a liver and there is no way that I will give my liver to him because of the drugs he does.  He will not change and will continue to use the drugs and I can not see my liver going to someone who doesn't care.  He doesn't care about himself and so he will not care about the gift I would be giving to him.  It was a hard decision but I have to think about myself and understand that with or without the liver he is going to die.  I pray for a change in him daily but until he is ready to change his lifestyle, I will keep my liver and not judge those who chose to do the same. 
I agree. You brother destroyed his own liver. And, if you give him part of yours, unless he changes his ways, he'll destroy it, too.
 
September 23, 2008, 10:20 am CDT

09/23 Before You Do

Quote From: immom2all

I am not suprised at Tim.  He has every right not to give his brother his kidney.  His brother has no respect for himself or anyone else.  If he cared about his brother as much as Tim seems to care about him, then he would tell Tim to not even considered giving him his kidney.  He would want his brother to go for his dreams as far as it will take him.  Not many young men have the talent to even be considered by Major League.  Tim seems to have that talent.  He is being heavily recruited.  The brother, John, will not even give up smoking for a surgery.  He has a history of not caring for himself.  Chances are that if his brother was a match,  the surgery would not matter because John won't take care of himself. 

 

TIM SHOULD FOLLOW HIS DREAMS...... and not look back.

I agree. Why should Tim give one of his kidneys to Josh when he destroyed his own by behavior he refuses to give up? Dr Phil dealt with a similar situation last year. A woman destroyed her kidneys by abusing drugs and smoking. Killed her first transplanted kidney by continuing this behavior. And, wanted one of her sister's. Who refused, knowing she'd destroy it, too.
 
September 23, 2008, 10:46 am CDT

Better think it over...

To the couple who were wondering if they should get married when she wants kids and he wants a vasectomy......I truly hope you took Dr. Phil's advice to heart!  Please don't make the biggest mistake of your lives by getting married, because it would be a nowhere street leading to heartbreak!

 

And I hope you, young lady, don't think you can marry him and **oops** get pregnant "by accident", thinking he will change his mind as soon as he sees the baby. I can almost guarantee that he will more likely resent you, lose all trust in you, and deeply resent the baby as well. You think babies are "wonderful" and "fun" and can't wait to have one or two....but, unless you've been there, 24/7,  you don't know what you're really in for...and it's NOT fun!

 

And you, young man, age 22, who's brain is not even finished growing yet: Do NOT have a vasectomy at this point! If you don't want kids, make sure you don't carelessly get some girl pregnant! Take responsibility for birth control yourself....and hey..how about considering abstinence? (Yeah, I know...at age 22, THAT'S not going to happen!...like I said, your brain isn't finished growing yet.)

 

Just don't marry each other.. the divorce rate is ridiculously high as it is! 

 

 

 
September 23, 2008, 11:04 am CDT

09/23 Before You Do

Quote From: peaches1063

I need to know how to make peace or live with my decision on being on my own again. I am married for the 2nd time to a man that has at least 2 addictions that are not good. I am about to have a nervous break down because I am tired of trying to deal with them and make things work. He sees nothing wrong with what he is doing. (At least that's what he tells me) We have been married only 7 months and it has been hell since the wedding night. I want to do right in God's eyes and would like to hear from Bishop T.D. and  you Dr. Phil and anybody else who has great advice.

 

Thank you,

peaches1063

Peaches: take it from someone who's been there, and who has gained much wisdom from being in this world awhile:  If your marriage has been "hell since the wedding night", GET OUT!  Value yourself enough to put peace in your life....God's trying to tell you something! Nowhere does it say that He wants us to be unhappy, or "unevenly yoked".

 

After you do get out, take some time to find out who YOU are and what YOU want...give yourself some breathing space, and a lot of time,  before you go out and get involved with another man, and please, for the sake of your own mental health, find out why you allowed yourself to fall for someone who's so bad for you. (I'd be willing to bet that's been a pattern in your life, hasn't it?)

 

We all have that little inner voice that tells us when something isn't right..(I'll bet you had that screaming in your ear BEFORE you married this guy, didn't you...but, you didn't listen)..we get into trouble when we don't listen to that voice.

 

Don't fall for the bull crap line: "You made your bed, now lie in it", either. Better to think: "If I don't like the way my bed is made, I will get out of it and REMAKE IT!"

 

So, get going.....the longest journey begins with the first step!  I wish you well. 

 
September 23, 2008, 11:06 am CDT

09/23 Before You Do

Quote From: cndrlla

To the couple who were wondering if they should get married when she wants kids and he wants a vasectomy......I truly hope you took Dr. Phil's advice to heart!  Please don't make the biggest mistake of your lives by getting married, because it would be a nowhere street leading to heartbreak!

 

And I hope you, young lady, don't think you can marry him and **oops** get pregnant "by accident", thinking he will change his mind as soon as he sees the baby. I can almost guarantee that he will more likely resent you, lose all trust in you, and deeply resent the baby as well. You think babies are "wonderful" and "fun" and can't wait to have one or two....but, unless you've been there, 24/7,  you don't know what you're really in for...and it's NOT fun!

 

And you, young man, age 22, who's brain is not even finished growing yet: Do NOT have a vasectomy at this point! If you don't want kids, make sure you don't carelessly get some girl pregnant! Take responsibility for birth control yourself....and hey..how about considering abstinence? (Yeah, I know...at age 22, THAT'S not going to happen!...like I said, your brain isn't finished growing yet.)

 

Just don't marry each other.. the divorce rate is ridiculously high as it is! 

 

 

I see no reason for Chris not to have the vasectomy. It's a simple out-patient procedure that can be reversed, should, after his brain is finished growing,  should he change his mind.
 
September 23, 2008, 11:08 am CDT

09/23 Before You Do

Quote From: cndrlla

To the couple who were wondering if they should get married when she wants kids and he wants a vasectomy......I truly hope you took Dr. Phil's advice to heart!  Please don't make the biggest mistake of your lives by getting married, because it would be a nowhere street leading to heartbreak!

 

And I hope you, young lady, don't think you can marry him and **oops** get pregnant "by accident", thinking he will change his mind as soon as he sees the baby. I can almost guarantee that he will more likely resent you, lose all trust in you, and deeply resent the baby as well. You think babies are "wonderful" and "fun" and can't wait to have one or two....but, unless you've been there, 24/7,  you don't know what you're really in for...and it's NOT fun!

 

And you, young man, age 22, who's brain is not even finished growing yet: Do NOT have a vasectomy at this point! If you don't want kids, make sure you don't carelessly get some girl pregnant! Take responsibility for birth control yourself....and hey..how about considering abstinence? (Yeah, I know...at age 22, THAT'S not going to happen!...like I said, your brain isn't finished growing yet.)

 

Just don't marry each other.. the divorce rate is ridiculously high as it is! 

 

 

I see no reason for Chris not to have the vasectomy. It's a simple out-patient procedure that can be reversed, should he change his mind.
 
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