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Topic : 09/23 Before You Do

Number of Replies: 116
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Created on : Friday, September 19, 2008, 05:23:49 pm
Author : DrPhilBoard1
Every day, you make simple decisions as you go about your life, but once in a while, you're forced to make a big decision that has the power to change your life forever. When it comes to these big decisions, is there a way to know if you're really making the right choice? Dr. Phil is joined by Bishop T.D. Jakes, author of Before You Do, to arm you with the tools you need to make great decisions you won't regret. Sabrina and Bruce have been married for six-and-a-half years and have three small children. Bruce says there's no affection in their marriage, and Sabrina says they're constantly at each other's throats. To add to their misery, two of their children were born with medical problems, Bruce recently lost his job and their home was foreclosed. Should this couple stay and try to make it work, or part ways? Bishop Jakes weighs in with his five-point decision-making plan. Next, what would you do if your sibling needed one of your kidneys to live? Josh, 21, was diagnosed with kidney disease and needs a transplant. His brother, Tim, is most likely a match, but he can't decide if he wants to make the sacrifice. Find out why Tim says this is the toughest decision he has ever had to make. And, meet a couple who wants to get married, but there's one problem: She wants kids, and he wants a vasectomy! What does Dr. Phil say?

Find out what happened on the show.

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September 23, 2008, 12:10 pm CDT

Thank you

Quote From: cndrlla

Peaches: take it from someone who's been there, and who has gained much wisdom from being in this world awhile:  If your marriage has been "hell since the wedding night", GET OUT!  Value yourself enough to put peace in your life....God's trying to tell you something! Nowhere does it say that He wants us to be unhappy, or "unevenly yoked".

 

After you do get out, take some time to find out who YOU are and what YOU want...give yourself some breathing space, and a lot of time,  before you go out and get involved with another man, and please, for the sake of your own mental health, find out why you allowed yourself to fall for someone who's so bad for you. (I'd be willing to bet that's been a pattern in your life, hasn't it?)

 

We all have that little inner voice that tells us when something isn't right..(I'll bet you had that screaming in your ear BEFORE you married this guy, didn't you...but, you didn't listen)..we get into trouble when we don't listen to that voice.

 

Don't fall for the bull crap line: "You made your bed, now lie in it", either. Better to think: "If I don't like the way my bed is made, I will get out of it and REMAKE IT!"

 

So, get going.....the longest journey begins with the first step!  I wish you well. 

 

Thank you so much for your words of wisdom. I am taking them to heart and have come to a decision and am making plans.

Part of me wants to write a note to him and let him know just WHAT I NEED and WANT in my life, and I will not settle for anything less. It took me a long time to get to this point. But I am there now, and I want a real married relationship that is not only addict free but is full of love, hugs, kisses, conversations, affection, and learning how to make the other happy, and in return you , yourself will be happy. I want laughter and joking and nice serious talks where when you talk about something is actually happens. No lies, about all things. I know this may sound like a fairy tale relationship, but I want it. I know there are going to be circumstances, or problems, but its how we deal and handle it that will make things last. What I have going on now in this marraige is not something that will last. Anyway,,I really don't think I am asking for much, to just be truly loved !

Anyway, Thanks to all for help.

God Bless !

peaches

 
September 23, 2008, 12:40 pm CDT

09/23 Before You Do

To Bruce and Sabrina......Don't let your circumstances control your attitude. Especially toward each other.
 
September 23, 2008, 1:22 pm CDT

Keep your Kidney

My wife & I happened to watch this program in separate rooms and agree that you should keep your kidney.  You may regret either decision later but your brother appears to be wreckless and the gift can't be given unconditionally. 

 

Therefore, my wife and I strongly both believe strongly that you should keep it.  We both have brothers (I have 3 myself) and think you should make a go of your baseball career. 

 
September 23, 2008, 1:44 pm CDT

09/23 Before You Do

I was watching the last half of the show and I noticed that T.D seemed to be talking down to the brother who does not want to give a peice of himself to some one who will just destroy that gift.   I think its a wise thing of the brother after all I would never give a peice of  myself to anyone who will just waste it, not when there are tons of others that would take care of themsleves and are much worther then a addict like his brother.
 
September 23, 2008, 1:44 pm CDT

09/23 Before You Do

As a hemodialysis nurse, I must agree with Tim.  Josh is not taking care of his body now.  He is reminded by his dialysis nurses three days a week to behave and be compliant with his actions.  If he is doing illicit drugs now, chances are that it will be worse when he has a kidney.  I am surprised that physicians are even considering a kidney transplant for him at this point.  It is time for Josh to quit making excuses and get his act together!  After this, then Tim could probably make a decision to donate his kidney.
 
September 23, 2008, 1:48 pm CDT

todays show

Hello Dr. Phil,

I am watching your show as we speak. First of all the first couple that was on your show where the husband blamed the wife for the baby's health issues. It takes TWO!

 I am sorry HE should be VERY lucky that his wife was able to have children, I was not that lucky. Even though I truely wanted them. Oh well GOD works in mysterious ways.

 As far as the brothers Ummmmm that is a hard decision,the one that needs a kidney shouldn't put the pressure on Tim. It is not fair to make him (Tim) put his life on hold and give up his baseball career when his brother is out doing drugs, drinking, etc.

Thanks,

D in Texas

I

 
September 23, 2008, 1:50 pm CDT

For Tim and Josh

Tim, I'm on your side.  And I think that many people that have done dialysis and/or had a loved d one do dialysis, and/or work at a dialysis center, understand  your view point.  There are limited chairs in many parts of our county, and it is hard to see them occupied by some one that isn't trying).  However, people walk into the centers with 36 oz. containers of Pop and the largest size bags of Chips that they can buy to consume while they do their treatment.  Some Druggies have even gone into the restroom and shot up during treatment and passed out on the floor.  And I know of some druggies who have gotten a Kidney Transplant and then felt good and gone back out Drinking, Drugging and eating whatever they wanted to (until their kidney felled again).  Most people don't know much about dialysis.  I think that you should see/ and talk with a Nephrologist (sp - Kidney Doctor - by yourself). And maybe even some of the technicians or Nurses at a Dialysis Center before you make this decision.  I can only tell you that i felt badly for all the families of the patients (myself included), but I also felt badly for the patients that would have loved the chance to have a kidney and who would have done there best to stay on the Dialysis Diet (which is one of the hardest that I've ever seen).  My husband was lucky, after a year and half 'we' beat the system and he got off of Dialysis (I kept him on the Diet and he ate what I gave him - hard to do), only to die 2 months later of Cancer (which we didn't know he had)  My thoughts and prayers are with you as you make your decision.  Do not make the decision based on 'popular' media belief and pressure.  Most people don't know much about this.  Make the decision that you can live with. I bet Dr. Phil or Bishop Jakes or some one will talk to you again and you might want to talk more about your brothers pass/present behavior, which may be bothering you.  Also, more knowledge is always a good thing and certainly it should help you before you sit down with your brother and parents for your meeting.  I think it is better that everyone that is concerned is present and knows just what is said.  Best wishes!  Marian  (P.S. I'm older than dirt and this is first time ever that I have written in to any show. 
 
September 23, 2008, 1:58 pm CDT

The brothers

 I really wanted to post on the topic of the brothers. I think the brother who is expecting this kidney is being selfish. I do not understand why his brother would expect him to risk his life to save the brothers. Could that brother live without guilt knowing that his brother died to give him a kidney and he survived. I myself needed a bonemarrow transplant and I told my family that I did not expect them to donate. I do not think that I have the right to expect anyone else to risk their life for mine. Having a bonemarrow biopsy is not as risky as having a kidney removed, but their is still that chance and I love my relatives enough to not expect them to risk their life to save mine.
 
September 23, 2008, 1:58 pm CDT

kidney donation

When this conversation first started I couldn't believe that Tim would have to think twice about giving up baseball to save his brother's life. Now that the real story is told, I truly understand his reluctance. Josh wouldn't even be eligible for the transplant list with his self destructive behavior and habits. I too would hesitate if my sibling was intent on killing himself with drugs anyway. I hope they can work this out. But what if Josh makes those promises to get clean and then after he receives the kidney he goes back to his previous behavior. What a tough call!!
 
September 23, 2008, 2:45 pm CDT

What is wrong with tim?

First off i am surprised most of you agree with josh. Even if Josh did do drugs before does that mean He should be given the cold shoulder now? I find it really heartless to hear Tim say "I'm all he has and he is all i have, I know if it was me he wouldn't hesistate to give me his." To hear him say that and still not want to help is unbelievable. You guys can say all you want that you wouldn't ask your family to give up their kidney, but it's only because I think you know they wouldn't hestistate to give up their life for you. I feel like if Josh was given a second chance he would use it wisely and let's face it life is more important then baseball. I think Josh thinks baseball is the only way he will be able to make a living and he doesn't want to give that up, but it is very unlikly that he will make pro and if, sorry when he fails when he goes to his brothers graveyard he will regret that decision. Josh don't be so selfish and save your brother  he is young and deserves this second chance.
 
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