Message Boards

Topic : 12/25 The Locator: Reunion Aftermath

Number of Replies: 215
New Messages This Week: 0
Last Reply On:
Created on : Friday, September 19, 2008, 05:26:33 pm
Author : DrPhilBoard1
Original Air Date: 09/24/08) Do you have a friend or relative whom you've lost all contact with or have never even met? While you may dream about a reunion being a great and healing experience, reconciliation could also cause more heartache than you expect. Catherine was raised by her mother, never knowing who or where her dad was. She recently became a mom, and her desire to find her biological dad became top priority. When she did locate him, was the reunion all that she expected? Next, Angel has been trying to reconnect with her twin sons, Tylor and Taylor, for almost 20 years. With the help of Troy Dunn, a professional locator and host of the WE TV show The Locator, her dreams came true. See how the boys react to reuniting with their biological mother. And, when an adoptive mother finds out her children are going to meet their biological mother, emotions can range from joy, to tension, to feeling threatened. Follow the journey of the twins' adoptive mother, Ruth, as she shares her experience of  meeting Angel. Plus, the twins have never met their little sister face to face. Will this be the day? Then, Ricardo contacted Troy to help him find his brother, whom he had never met. Cameras follow their emotional first meeting, and find out the unexpected person who shows up. Have the siblings been able to maintain their relationship? And, if you're trying to find a long-lost loved one, you won't want to miss Troy's top tips for conducting your own search! Talk about the show here.

Find out what happened on the show.

As of January, 2009, this message board will become "Read Only" and will be closed to further posting. Please join the NEW Dr. Phil Community to continue your discussions, personalize your message board experience, start a blog and meet new friends.

September 24, 2008, 2:31 pm CDT

Would love to know who my biological father his

Quote From: sdgambon

I didn't find out that my stepfather was not my biological father until I was 16 years old, and my mother was so upset with me for sassing my stepdad that she blurted it out. My mother would never discuss the issue further. Finally, at age 18 I tricked my mother into giving me the name under which I needed to secure my birth certificate. My mother took the secret of my biolofical father's identity to her grave.

After my mother passed away, I began searching for my biological father. I really didn't wany anything from him, except to tell me if I had half-siblings, and to be a friend. My stepfather was extremely good to me, and always treated me as if I were his very own.

During my search I was able to contact the person whose name was on my birth certificate (Let's call him CL). CL hadn't live in the U.S. since the 1950's, had re-married and raised his wife's daughter as his own.

During a visit to the U.S. he visited me, and told me that he had something to tell me, and that it would cause me some pain. The truth was that he was out of the U.S. during WWII, and was not present for my conception. Those were difficult words for him to tell me, and for me to comprehend. I still couldn't understand why the secret of my biological father could not be discussed with me by my mother once I was an adult.

I did contact some of CL's relatives to see if they had any names for me to search: they spoke to me with vile disgust, and refused to discuss anything. Of course, this made me even more curious because it now appeared there were many people keeping the secret.

CL had asked that I continue to contact him, on the sly, to let him know how I was dealing with the information he had given me. He said that his wife would not understand why he would befriend me. He and I corresponded for a couple of years. Eventually, CL's wife called to vehemently demand that I never contact him again. I've never since been spoken to with such a dispicable tone, and it was crushing.

Ultimately, I stopped searching as I knew that there was no possible way I could get the information that I longed for during my adult life. As much as I wanted to know my biological father and any siblings; and just to know the truth - the truth did not set me free.

It's very difficult to explain to people in a search for biological siblings and parents that it can end in a heartbreaking  tragedy that is unimaginable.

Maybe my story can help someone in a search to prepare for the worst, but rejoice if their search ends with the best.

I was, and still am a strong minded person, and have been able to put the issue behind me.

So am I understanind you correctly that you still have no idea who you biological father is? I have a similar story. I was about 35 when I finally asked my parents for a second time if my father was my biological father and they finally confessed and told me that he was not. My mother was living in Roswell, NM when she got pregnant with me by a guy she was seeing. Apparently this guy was engaged and shortly after she got pregnant he was married and moved away. My mother tells me that she does not remember his name, not even a last name. I don't believe her. Part of my struggle is that my mother was very abusive to me growing up and I can't help but think it was because I was a constant reminder of this man.

 

I understand that a reunion may not turn out good but what is important to me is just knowing who he is and where I come from. My mother is white and my biological father is hispanic but she doesn't know if his family is from Mexico or where he might be from. So I feel as though know nothing about myself.

 

Do you have any tips on where to begin looking? My mother met this guy in college (I think). She supposedly when to the library in Roswell and tried to find Marriage anouncements in the paper but I don't think she even looked in the right papers.

 
September 24, 2008, 2:34 pm CDT

Can Anyone Help Me?!

I am looking for a friend of mine. His name is Ian Lehr, I've known him for over 11 years now. I haven't heard from him in over a year now. He was stationed in Iraq, he was due to be home January of this year. I have done online searches, even paid a search engine to find him with no results. The website he had for 12 years has been closed down due to non payment (he had this website since he was 12!), my emails remain unanswered and I really want to find out what happened to him... Can anyone PLEASE help me?!
 
September 24, 2008, 2:37 pm CDT

What a Tear Jerker!!

What an inspiration! Thank you so much for lighting this fire under me again. I cried this entire episode. I, (like many), have never met my biological father. I have a half brother and a half sister in Texas. We all have different fathers with a mother who raised us in common. There's a wondering emptiness that stays like a void in the center of my heart. I am 34 years old. I am married and I have two children. I've spoken to my mother about this and she states that she and my father were an item back in 1973 somewhere in Mississippi. She tells me that his name is Carlos Carr and he was married then. She also stated that Carlos went back to his wife when my mother was 8 months pregnant with me. Which should have put that time frame around the summer of 74'. I dont want to disrupt anyone's life....but if he is open to meeting me and possibly giving his side of the story....or if he has children that would like to meet their half sister....then let's start by being positive and giving it a try. Where do I sign up? Please understand that I dont want anything materialistic. And I also understand that this could end in a heartache...but I'm willing to take that risk.   
 
September 24, 2008, 2:41 pm CDT

Close to my heart

Thank you for doing this show! I  was adopted in 1955 and met my birth family for the 1st time a year ago this month.

 

A lot has happened in this year and I am thrilled I had the opportunity to meet my biological Mother AND Father along with 1/2 siblings. A few things lead me to be open to finding/meeting them. #1 was the death of my adopted mother. I realized that time was ruining out.

 

In the beginning all went well, but just hours after coming home from the reunion, my 1/2 brother got mad at me for not wanting them to come to our daughters wedding in the summer.  We all have to go at our own pace as this is a major life adjustment not only for us but our adopted family as my dad was 85 yrs old. How would he feel, after all it is not just about me.

 

After the reunion I was really not sure how think, breath, process all of that. What an emotional ride I had been waiting my whole life for and now it was over.

 

I hope you do follow up shows on this as there are may of out there in this boat.

 

Thanks again!

 

 

 
September 24, 2008, 2:44 pm CDT

09/24 The Locator: Reunion Aftermath

Quote From: mbgoodwyn

Dr. Phil,

 

   Thank you for having this show. When I was about 17 years old my mother took my daugther away from me at the hospital and gave her to Social Worker in Charlottesville, Va. for adoption. I did not give any one premission. I was told the baby was a stillborn. But, since then I have find out she was raised in Charlottesville, Va., and alive.  I would like to find her. For two reasons her father is dieing and I want her to know that I didn't give her up. She was born in Richmond, Va. Her birh date is September 25, 1965 or 1966.

 

    I have been looking for her the ways I know how but, no luck. Is there any new ways or avenues I may go through. Is there an organization that might would help?

 

Thanks

 

gfb          Please tell me how to get in touch with them.

 

 

Thanks Again Dr. Phil

Dear GFB,

I feel your pain I was taken away from my mother in 1964 CA. and given to a church who then had me put up for adoption. I wish you all the luck in the world!

 

 

Lynn

 
September 24, 2008, 2:48 pm CDT

This changed my life forever

My father is British and my mother is Canadian.  We moved from England to Canada when I was a baby and lost all touch with my father's family.  To cut a long story short, we found his family quite by chance and made arrangements to fly to England to re-connect with them.  I had no idea at the time, how dramatically this trip would change my life.

 

I was 22 years old and it was my first time meeting my grandmother, aunts, uncles and cousins.  I also met my cousin's best friend and ended up becoming involved in a holiday romance.  How could I resist that sexy British accent?  Anyway to cut another long story short, 10 months later I was on a plane back to England to follow my heart.  Two years later we were married.  We have been happily married for 20 years and have two beautiful daughters aged 11 and 15 and are now living back in Canada.

 
September 24, 2008, 2:49 pm CDT

where to begin

My husband was adopted when he was 5 weeks old, we have talked several times about finding his biological parents but have never done anything more than talk.  How would one go about getting started  looking. All we know is where he was born.  We know not much more.    We have no names or anything like that.  Do you have to have names to be able to find them?? Can someone please help us.  Also is it real expensive to start a search?
 
September 24, 2008, 2:51 pm CDT

can only imagine

I was adopted in 1949..born in 1948.  I had great parents but have always wondered about my birth parents.  I have only one living parent now at 94 years old.  I would like to find out what happened to my birth parents as I am mature enough  now to handle whatever it is I find out.  I don't know where to start or how to go about it since it was so long ago.  The show today made me cry from beginning to end as I can only imagine what these people were feeling.  Any suggestions?
 
September 24, 2008, 2:59 pm CDT

I got pregnant by date rape at the age of 15.

Quote From: kvmogal

I got pregnant by date rape at the age of 15.  Twenty-three years later the child from that tragedy found me.

 

She was given confidential State information illegally by a "birth angel," information that was not available to me through legal routes.

 

She emailed me, and I responded.  I shared stories, medical information and family history.  I told her of the pain involved in the pregnancy, as well as the birth and adoption process.  I also told her that I was NOT able to be her mother, that I had given birth to her, but that was where my involvement ended.  I was a mother to two children now, just as she was a daughter to her parents.  Our lives, though connected at a moment in time, had been separated and gone separate ways.  This, unfortunately, was not what she had dreamed of.

 

She threatens to contact family members, to appear in my hometown and make inquiries.  She states she has a right to know the people involved in my life.  I've had to retain an attorney to pursue legal avenues should she persist in her threats.

 

I'm sorry she did not have the relationship she felt she deserved from her mother.  I'm sorry her life is so miserable that she feels the need to enter mine.  The day I gave her up for adoption, I only wished her good things and that wish continues today.

 

Reunions are NOT always peaches and cream.  Please.....think the decision regarding opening the doors of reunion through very, very carefully.

To the lady who had a child at the age of 15 as a result of date rape.

 

I think I can understand your reasons for not wanting a reunion.  But my understanding comes from a different direction.

 

Several years ago, my mother told me I had a brother as the result of an affair my father had with a married woman before he met my mother.

 

I was able to very easily locate my brother and we talked on the phone a few times.  He did not know anything about any of this.  We decided to be sure to have a DNA test done.  The day before this was scheduled, he called me and said he had changed his mind. He felt if this turned out to be true, it would be too painful for everybody in his family.  He said his mother was a wonderful woman and an upstanding woman in their very small community. 

 

He asked me to please not pursue it anymore.  That was the last time I ever tried to contact him.  I am in my 60's now and he is almost 70.    All of my siblings have died, as well as my parents.  I don't even know if he is still alive. 

 

I guess I will go to my grave not knowing and wondering what my brother was like.  He told me he is a retired minister, so I know he has to be a very good person   But I know I love him eough to not hurt him or his family in any way.

 
September 24, 2008, 3:02 pm CDT

Agreed.

Quote From: momjamestay

I was disgusted by what seemed to be such a "you owe me" attitude from Catherine. What a brat! She said she knew her father didn't owe her anything, but then she kept going on about how he should give her money, or "help financially" as she put it.

She also wrote that letter talking about how she felt "resentment". It seems misdirected. I mean, didn't her mother make the decision to not tell her father about her? What could she possibly resent HIM for??? He had no idea she was even alive. Now she just wants to pop into his life as a grown woman with a child and say "hey dad, pay up". Sound like her mom didn't teach her very well of the ways of the world.

If I were her dad and some woman showed up and said I was her father and then proceeded to complain about her bad financial situation, I think I'd wonder if I was being scammed and ask for a paternity test.

Seriously, Catherine doesn't want a father. She wants a sugar daddy. Watch out boys!

I fully agree with you. I just think that she came off as a spoiled brat, & now that she has found her father, I think that she's planning to use him to support her financial needs. Come on, Catherine. What does your father owe you? Absolutely nothing! He didn't even know about you! Where is your baby's father? Why can't you go & find him & get him to pay up for child support? You made your bed, & now it's time for you to lie in it & take responsibility for your actions. I also think that I would do a paternity test to make sure that he is really her father. You just don't go, find someone you love after for so many years, & then act like he (or she) owes you this & that. Grow up.

 

As for the other segments, I am so happy that the birth mother has found her twin boys & that they're finally reunited, as well as the other guy who was on the show today. God bless you, & always, keep in touch with each other. 

 
First | Prev | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | 7 | 8 | 9 | 10 | 11 | Next | Last