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Topic : 12/25 The Locator: Reunion Aftermath

Number of Replies: 215
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Created on : Friday, September 19, 2008, 05:26:33 pm
Author : DrPhilBoard1
Original Air Date: 09/24/08) Do you have a friend or relative whom you've lost all contact with or have never even met? While you may dream about a reunion being a great and healing experience, reconciliation could also cause more heartache than you expect. Catherine was raised by her mother, never knowing who or where her dad was. She recently became a mom, and her desire to find her biological dad became top priority. When she did locate him, was the reunion all that she expected? Next, Angel has been trying to reconnect with her twin sons, Tylor and Taylor, for almost 20 years. With the help of Troy Dunn, a professional locator and host of the WE TV show The Locator, her dreams came true. See how the boys react to reuniting with their biological mother. And, when an adoptive mother finds out her children are going to meet their biological mother, emotions can range from joy, to tension, to feeling threatened. Follow the journey of the twins' adoptive mother, Ruth, as she shares her experience of  meeting Angel. Plus, the twins have never met their little sister face to face. Will this be the day? Then, Ricardo contacted Troy to help him find his brother, whom he had never met. Cameras follow their emotional first meeting, and find out the unexpected person who shows up. Have the siblings been able to maintain their relationship? And, if you're trying to find a long-lost loved one, you won't want to miss Troy's top tips for conducting your own search! Talk about the show here.

Find out what happened on the show.

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September 22, 2008, 11:32 am CDT

Would love to meet my father

I too grew up with out my biological father but not knowing that the man who raised me was not my father until I turned 18 when my mother told me.  From that point on I did my best to try and find my biological father but kept coming up with dead ends.  All I had was a name and approximate age to go on so it wasn't much to begin with.  I don't have a lot of money so I couldn't do anything that involved money that was for sure.  After 14 years of looking I was just about ready to give up.  My mom's spouse walked me down the aisle at my wedding which I really would have preferred my father and as of right now, my husband's parents are both deceased and my grandfather is deceased so as far as grandparents go my children have my mom, her spouse and my grandmother who will be 95 in November.  A couple of years ago a friend of mine sent a web link to me called NamesDatabase.com.  It's a website that you can search old high school, school or college friends on that you may have lost track of but that person has to be signed up with the website so I gave it a shot and typed in my father's name.  It came up with a couple of him in his age group so I emailed one asking certain questions that only he would know the answer too and after a couple of emails that way it turned out he was my father.  At the time of meeting him he was living in Russia with his new bride so I thought for sure there was no hope of us ever meeting each other.  He is now back in Canada living in Calgary.  He still has to get his wife into Canada, apparantly this is happening next month though.  Now that he is closer there is a little more chance that we would finally meet but I honestly don't know how good that chance is.  See my family is in the low income bracket and we would love to drive out to Calgary so I can be reunited with him before anything drastic happens to him because he does have heart problems but we just can't afford to do that.  I would much rather drive than fly but if the chance to fly came up for my family to unite with him than I don't think we would hesitate either.  My husband and I are actually trying to save up everything possible so when next summer comes around I can take my two weeks holidays and we can go out to Calgary but the more I do our bills and such, the more it's not looking like a possibility.  With a family of four and only me working full-time it's not that easy to save up much of anything.  We have been speaking to each other constantly via email and I have sent him a disc filled with pictures but my children deserve better, they deserve to meet their grandfather.  They didn't know my husband's parents.  My daughter was just shy of 2 when his mother passed away and my son wasn't even born and his father lived in New Brunswick and was just to ill to travel and we could only fly my husband there for his death.  So you see why I would love for my family to meet my father, especially me.  The man that raised me was not the best, he was abusive towards me and to this day my mother denies it all but the sad part is nothing was ever done about it because child abuse then was not an issue.  I remember going to the police one night at the age of 12 at 3am showing the police officers bruises that my step father gave me that day and they sent me back home and all I got was another beating out of the deal.  I need my biological father, I need a hug from the man that should be giving me a hug and my children need that grandfather.  Thank you for taking the time to read this, sometimes it's nice to let some of these issues out.
 
September 22, 2008, 11:38 am CDT

Watch the show?

 
September 22, 2008, 12:59 pm CDT

09/24 The Locator: Reunion Aftermath

I have a 1/2 brother I have never met , He only contacted my dad twice once was to tell him he wanted part of my dads disability and the other was to tell him he got a girl pregnant and invited him to his wedding, I don't even know if he knew our dad pasted away in 1989. I doubt if he even cared. I think some people are better not knowing their missing family members. They only want to get in contact if they need something, He didn't even care enough to ask my dad how he was, his mother talked bad of my dad after she got the divorce, he left and tried to find her for visitation but she wouldn't allow it, my dad was not abusive and paid suppport he had a right everytime he went when able due to bad health she had moved with another unknown address. So sometimes things are better off to be left alone. 
 
September 22, 2008, 1:13 pm CDT

I too have been searching...

For nearly 10 years. I am 44 years old and my mother informed me 23 years ago that I had an older sister that was given up for adoption at birth. She was born at Mercy Hospital in Moline ILL. She is one year older than me She was born to James Bednarik and (my mom) Judith Bednarik, now Judith Romo. Catholic Charities took care of the adoption. My mother did not want to say anything more about it after she told me. She does not know that I am searching for my sister. At the time, James threatened to leave my mom and their 2 small children if she did not give the baby up for adoption, he did not believe that she was his. He left her anyway and has never had contact with his other 2 children. I have contacted him via phone and he states that he does not want to talk about it. My mom remarried Manuel Romo and had me and my two younger sisters and one brother. I would love for this person to know her mother and what a wonderful woman she truly is. Her health is failing and she is in a wheelchair and on oxygen. She and my father moved with me into a bigger house that would accomodate her wheelchair. We can hardly afford it but we had to do it so that I can take care of her. Please give me some information on what I can do to find my Sister while mother is still here.

Thank you,

Angel

grdnnurseangel@cox.net

 
September 22, 2008, 4:09 pm CDT

09/24 The Locator: Reunion Aftermath

Why in the world would anyone want a bunch of cameras around for something like this?  When that meeting day comes, you are already very nervous; you don't need a bunch of strangers watching. Oh, well, to each his own.

 

I never went looking for my birthfamily; they went looking for me. When they found me, I agreed to start corresponding with them. I'm fine with letters and email, but I'm very shy and not a people person at all, so the face-to-face meeting with some of them was mentally exhausting for me. It went fairly well for a while, until I ran out of things to talk about, then it was awkward.  I've seen 2 or 3 of them about once a year or every 2 years, but never met the biological mother, and the biological father doesn't know I exist. Honestly, sometimes I wonder what I got into. That family is nothing but DRAMA 24/7. Maybe they need to be on Dr. Phil!

 

I've kinda backed away from them because I don't need that drama. I had the unfortunate luck of being raised by 2 people who didn't have any business raising a child. It was WW3 in my house every day growing up, we were poor, my 'dad' was a selfish tyrant who didn't care anything about me, and openly resented me, and my mom stayed right with him and took his abuse, hoping he'd change. I had a very sad, lonely, chaotic childhood which I blame 95% on them.

 

So yeah, I was a typical, spoiled adopted kid. Not. I always laugh when people say how lucky and spoiled adopted kids are.  I guess in the 70's they let just anybody adopt. I've said on here before that I'm glad the process is so hard now. It needs to be, so others won't have to grow up like I did.

 

I understand that lots of people grow up in dysfunctional and/or abusive homes, but I consider it an extra hard slap in the face to be adopted into one.

 
September 22, 2008, 4:56 pm CDT

An Adopted-abused-author-poet-alcoholic-mother

 First I would like to say that I am no longer an alcoholic. I was abused by the hands of my church going adopted parents from the age of 3 until i was eighteen and thrown out for getting pregnant. I became addicted to alcohol just to block out all those terrible memories of being tortured and abused. I have 3 children and a loving fiance. My siblings were adopted and we have been separated since i was 6 months old. Oh how I wish that something great could come out of all the bad things that has happened in my life. My books are not selling because I dont have money to promote so i am the unheard about talented published Author of two books.

Right now I am back on welfare and starting school for CASAC worker on the 29th of Sept. I write so that people that have been hurt can be able to forgive then start the healing process. The New York Foundling handled my adoption and 1800 us search sent me my money back because they could not help me. I am 35 years old now and it took me over 30 years to cope and deal with a terrible frightening past but I am still here hanging in there and maybe someone will read this and give me the chance that I deserve. Thanks, Aleja Robbins Bennett
 
September 22, 2008, 5:04 pm CDT

1975 adopted-tortured and abused

Quote From: ineedcoffee

Why in the world would anyone want a bunch of cameras around for something like this?  When that meeting day comes, you are already very nervous; you don't need a bunch of strangers watching. Oh, well, to each his own.

 

I never went looking for my birthfamily; they went looking for me. When they found me, I agreed to start corresponding with them. I'm fine with letters and email, but I'm very shy and not a people person at all, so the face-to-face meeting with some of them was mentally exhausting for me. It went fairly well for a while, until I ran out of things to talk about, then it was awkward.  I've seen 2 or 3 of them about once a year or every 2 years, but never met the biological mother, and the biological father doesn't know I exist. Honestly, sometimes I wonder what I got into. That family is nothing but DRAMA 24/7. Maybe they need to be on Dr. Phil!

 

I've kinda backed away from them because I don't need that drama. I had the unfortunate luck of being raised by 2 people who didn't have any business raising a child. It was WW3 in my house every day growing up, we were poor, my 'dad' was a selfish tyrant who didn't care anything about me, and openly resented me, and my mom stayed right with him and took his abuse, hoping he'd change. I had a very sad, lonely, chaotic childhood which I blame 95% on them.

 

So yeah, I was a typical, spoiled adopted kid. Not. I always laugh when people say how lucky and spoiled adopted kids are.  I guess in the 70's they let just anybody adopt. I've said on here before that I'm glad the process is so hard now. It needs to be, so others won't have to grow up like I did.

 

I understand that lots of people grow up in dysfunctional and/or abusive homes, but I consider it an extra hard slap in the face to be adopted into one.

 Yes this is the worst to be abandoned by your natural parents and then to be adopted by a deacon and deaconess of the church while they were trying to kill me, They fed me when they wanted to and the beatings were so unbearable. I really nthought they wanted me dead
 
September 22, 2008, 7:34 pm CDT

Reunion Aftermath

Quote From: beautibug

I CAN TRULY RELATE TO THIS SHOW I'M 51 YRS OLD AND MY FATHER DOESN'T EVEN KNOW i EXIST. i ONLY KNOW HIS NAME AND THAT HE WAS IN THE SERVICE AND THAT HE WAS FROM THE SOUTH. IT WOULD BE SO NICE TO FILL IN THE BLANKS;  I WOULD LIKE TO GET TO KNOW HIM IF HE WOULD BE OPEN TO IT. .HE SHOULD BE IN HIS EARLY SEVENTIES.  HIS NAME IS HENRY DOUGLAS DAVENPORT.
I can truly relate to you about your situation of your father. I am 33 years old and have 3 beautiful children, and I myself don't know my father. I know his name and his mothers name and that is it. Several years ago, I tried to locate him by first, using the telephone book and calling people that have the same last name as he. But that came to a halt. When I explain to people why I was calling, some understood and wished me luck and some wouldn't let me even explain. Then I tried the internet by signing up with one of the missing people locators. I never got far with that because I couldn't come up with the money that was needed to continue the search. So now everything has come to an end. Like you Mr. Davenport, I to would like to get to know my father as well as his family if they are all up for it. I am getting married next year and would love for my father to walk me down the isle along with my oldest son. My name is Yasandas Sharomn Collins.
 
September 23, 2008, 10:19 am CDT

Lost Family Members

I lost my father when I was 3 years old, when he passed away my mother decided for whatever

reason to keep us from our family on my dad's side. Anytime I would ask her names or anything

she would get all defensive and then I wouldn't get any answers, just don't remember. I have been

on the internet trying different ways to locate them. I found something on the ancestry  website with

 my fathers name and date he died. I have been trying to find the one who started the family tree there.

I don't think parents realize what damage this does to a person. I have felt like a part of me has been missing. I don't feel whole. My mother was a horrible abusive person. She remarried a year after my fathers death to a wonderful man. He was and always will be my dad. When I was 10 she abandoned all 5 of her children for another man. She came back 2 years later, packed us all up and moved us to another

province and I have never had contact again. I was being mentally and sexually abused by this boyfriend of hers till I was 16 years old. In 2003 I went down to Ontario hoping to find some relatives to no avail. My father does not even have a marker on his grave, I walked around this cemetary 3 times looking at every gravestone and still nothing. I want everyone incuding the ones that think that we are better off without you in our lives to know that it doesn't matter what the past is we still like to know you care. My 4 children are fatherless, their fathers choice to not be involved. I see how it hurts them and their relationships. He is a deadbeat but he is still their dad, it would be nice if he would call them at least on their birthdays, christmas or anytime. He doesn't even know his 4 grandchildren either. I could go on forever but this is how my life has been affected.

 

 
September 23, 2008, 1:01 pm CDT

I found my birth family

Dr.Phil,

 

I wanted to let people know what it was like to find my birthfamily. I found a half-sister through a adoption registry that was free. My birth mother had 5 children and me and another child was taken by children services due to neglect. I found my little sister and my 2 older brothers and my birthmother. It did not work out with my birthmother but, I am getting ready to leave this weekend on vacation with my family and my birth sibling's families. I just want people to know that you have to be mentally ready and physically ready for the reunion. My birthmother was in the total wrong when we were children, she wanted to party and such... When I called her, we talked, I was willing to give her a chance because people do change. Well she was totally in denial, and it hurt but, I accepted it and went on with my life and talk everyday to my newly found sister and my brother's.

 

Thank You,

FRECKLES

 
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