Topic : 12/25 The Locator: Reunion Aftermath

Would all y'all please help find/contact my mother's mother &/or her second family while we are still able to communicate?  Both Mom & I are computer novices & have tried unsuccessfully to use 'spam-type' offers to locate Lucy and members of her second family. Closest I ever came to seeing Grandma Lucy Forbes was photo in a book by Robert & Dolly Ward about Samoyed dogs printed in 1971.  Mom & I are both breast cancer susvivors and I am currently fighting leukemia, type ALL-T, about half way through treatments. Mom's mother = Lucy Evans Forbes/ her second husband = John Forbes was Army Air Corps. during WWII and involved with aviation industry after WWII. He had son Roger with his first wife. According to book on Samoyeds, John & Lucy had a daughter, Patricia Forbes.  Surprise to us :8-))  Info in book leads us to suspect that all their family was very involved with breeding & showing Samoyed dogs.

 My mother & I are very anxious to offer Grandma's Lucy's family the choice of contacting/communicating/meeting the rest of the family should any of them so choose.  Help Please!

 Thank you for taking the time to read through our request. We Most Sincerely Appreciate any and all help!!

Ninakrantz@aol.com

Hi freckles, I am so happy it all worked out well for you. Bye for now, lightpink

The young lady who was just on the show wants her "father" who didn't even know she existed to give her financial help?!  Get a life!!!  Dr. Phil put her in her place!!! JMO!

 I watched todays show and find it intersting considering my father went through this and 3 weeks before he passed away he broke the news to my husband that he has a brother that his mom put up for adoption. My husband is 42 and finds out at the age of 38 who his father is (never met him) and finds out at the age of 40 he has a brother, I have done as much internet searching, and have gotten no where. His mother apparently has blocked this all out for she cannot remember if he was born in June or jly of 1967 or 1968. My question is.... How can a mother forget??? I can tell you every detail of my sons births and why would she hide this for so long? Please if anyone has any info  on how I woukd go about this please I need help.

My story is so long and painful most couldn't imagine. I will try my best to keep it short. I was 19 when I got pregnant for the first time. I thought I was with a great guy at first but that changed very quickly after we moved into the basement of his parents house. It was the worst move I ever made. I was trapped and under constant surveillance. When I got pregnant it made me sick to think of the guy as a father. He was abusive, mentally, physically, emotionally and financially. I told him that I wanted to give the baby up for adoption on the day I found out I was pregnant.  I just knew that I had to keep him away from my baby. When I tried to leave at 3 months pregnant, he dragged me through a parking lot by my hair and tried to get me in his car. I was screaming that I was pregnant and needed help and finally the cops came. It took 6 of them to get him off of me. Subsequently I moved 3 hrs. away to my parents house and lived in humiliation there. My dad called me fata** for 6 months straight. I grew to love my baby to the horror of my parents and was told that if I kept her they would disown me. I had no where to go and noone to trust. I had a case worker from th Dept. of SS in the adoption agency, as it was still my choice to give up my baby. I was told by both my case worker and lawyer that the father would not get custody of the baby because of his record that had come to light since I left him. I chose the family that I wanted for my daughter and was confident that all would be well. While still in the hospital after delivering a beautiful baby girl, I signed surrender papers, it was the hardest thing I have ever done. Trying to shorten this story...my ex was watching me somehow and knew when I had the baby. He immediately started fighting for her. And after 11 months of her living in the home of the potential adoptive parents (he only saw her 2 times in that 11 months) a judge decided that I was trying to be vindictive by fighting him and granted him full custody. I spent everyday of the next 11 years praying that she could change him somehow. Almost 3 yrs ago now I recieved a letter from my daughter around Christmas time. I thought that it was some kind of joke at first but she was and is very real. I was concerned that a relationship would be difficult since even after all these years the thought of her father makes me sick. We have been talking for the next three yrs. We met, she would come for the weekend, even on family vacations (I have 2 other children, an 11 yr old son and a 3 yr old daughter now). We are born again Christians and her father is still an alcoholic, mean and lets her do anything and everything that she wants. I feel that he feels guilty. He has told me several times in his drunken stupors over the last 3 yrs that he figured that she and I were a package deal and he only fought for her because he thought I would follow. I couldn't. I knew he wouldn't hurt her and he was under CPS care for 2 yrs. He has not hurt her physically but she has had to be the parent, she has had to take care of him when he is drunk. She sleeps in her bedroom whil he has 5 of his buddies partying n the next room and she has been breathing in is pot smoke and cigarette smoke for 14 yrs now. She coughs like a smoker!. I am so angry but at the same time I cannot say anything negative because he was there and I wasn't. Does that make me a bad person? I hope not. GOdDknows how much I ache for her but I couldn't do it, I couldnt' stay with him, it would have destroyed me. We are no longer speaking right now. I have rules and expectations from my children and she doesnt like it but I cannot change to accommodate her and someone needs to let her know that what she is doing and what her father is letting her do is wrong. at 13 she started dating a 17yr old, she stays out until 1 am in the local park, she got drunk for the first time at 11. He has been turned in to CPS but they do nothing and now she really is too old for them to simply take her away. I don't know what to do, say, or handle this. My dream of having her in my life has been dashed and I am still onging for her and angry with him. There is more that I could say but I am tired.... God BLESS you all

September 18th of this year marked the four year anniversary of finding my biological younger brother who was put up for adoption,  When they say start where you started, it's the truth.  My brother only lives 21/2 miles from me.  We used to frequent the same establishments, and I was even at his high school graduation, as he graduated with my best friends younger brother.  We have a very special relationship, and I feel truly blessed to have him in my life.

I am glad that Dr. Phil helped Catherine in thinking about her motivation for finding her father. For someone who has had such a "hard life", she certainly acts like a spoiled brat. Her biological father had no idea about her, and now that they've found each other, she expects him to "pay up" ? She is an adult, and resposible for her own actions. It isn't her father's fault that she is in debt, or in such bad financial shape ! She made her choices, perhaps she should have thought about the financial ramifications of having a child, if things were that bad for her financially. But, no, like so many of today's kids ( those raised in 2 parent or 1 parent families), they feel "entitled" to have what ever they want. Instead of working for it, planning for it, saving for it, they choose the easy way, and then expect others to pay for it. I truly hope that she will work on a relationship with her father. I fear, though, that she will "punish" him and if he doesn't give in to her demands for money, will end things with him before they even get started. Some people need to do a lot of growing up !!!!!!!!!

I wish Dr. Phil would do a comprehensive show on Parent Alienation and the long term affect is has on both children and extended families. It amazes me that out of the blue someone can contact another and announce that they are their parent or child, yet every day there are children that are removed from the lives of a parent without the parents consent and nothing is done about it. Many times these children are told horrible lies about the other parent that color the children's perception of the other parent and there are no consequences.

It is interesting to read that so many men were denied access to or weren't even told about their children.

And, in my opinion, when a couple does decide to give up a child for adoption that they are giving both the child and the adopting family a gift and that we shouldn't be so cavalier about what a selfless act that decision is.