Message Boards

Topic : 12/25 The Locator: Reunion Aftermath

Number of Replies: 215
New Messages This Week: 0
Last Reply On:
Created on : Friday, September 19, 2008, 05:26:33 pm
Author : DrPhilBoard1
Original Air Date: 09/24/08) Do you have a friend or relative whom you've lost all contact with or have never even met? While you may dream about a reunion being a great and healing experience, reconciliation could also cause more heartache than you expect. Catherine was raised by her mother, never knowing who or where her dad was. She recently became a mom, and her desire to find her biological dad became top priority. When she did locate him, was the reunion all that she expected? Next, Angel has been trying to reconnect with her twin sons, Tylor and Taylor, for almost 20 years. With the help of Troy Dunn, a professional locator and host of the WE TV show The Locator, her dreams came true. See how the boys react to reuniting with their biological mother. And, when an adoptive mother finds out her children are going to meet their biological mother, emotions can range from joy, to tension, to feeling threatened. Follow the journey of the twins' adoptive mother, Ruth, as she shares her experience of  meeting Angel. Plus, the twins have never met their little sister face to face. Will this be the day? Then, Ricardo contacted Troy to help him find his brother, whom he had never met. Cameras follow their emotional first meeting, and find out the unexpected person who shows up. Have the siblings been able to maintain their relationship? And, if you're trying to find a long-lost loved one, you won't want to miss Troy's top tips for conducting your own search! Talk about the show here.

Find out what happened on the show.

As of January, 2009, this message board will become "Read Only" and will be closed to further posting. Please join the NEW Dr. Phil Community to continue your discussions, personalize your message board experience, start a blog and meet new friends.

September 24, 2008, 10:28 am CDT

Catherine's wants a sugar daddy...

I was disgusted by what seemed to be such a "you owe me" attitude from Catherine. What a brat! She said she knew her father didn't owe her anything, but then she kept going on about how he should give her money, or "help financially" as she put it.

She also wrote that letter talking about how she felt "resentment". It seems misdirected. I mean, didn't her mother make the decision to not tell her father about her? What could she possibly resent HIM for??? He had no idea she was even alive. Now she just wants to pop into his life as a grown woman with a child and say "hey dad, pay up". Sound like her mom didn't teach her very well of the ways of the world.

If I were her dad and some woman showed up and said I was her father and then proceeded to complain about her bad financial situation, I think I'd wonder if I was being scammed and ask for a paternity test.

Seriously, Catherine doesn't want a father. She wants a sugar daddy. Watch out boys!

 
September 24, 2008, 11:11 am CDT

Been there and Done that

I was so grateful for the show today. These adoptive mother told the children from the start that they were adopted. This was so important. My husband was also adopted, however it was only his father. His mother was his real mother. His name is Bob and for 29 years he thought that he was named after his father. He was adopted at age 5, put has no memory of the adoption. His mother and adoptive father never told him that he had been adopted. In the next 10 years, Mom and Dad had 2 more children each 5 years apart. As Bob grew up, he started to feel different then his brothers. His mother was 5’5” and his father is about 5’7”. My husband is 6’3”. His brothers were like Mom and Dad. His looks were different then his mother, father, and brothers. He always felt poles apart from the other members of the family.

I met my husband when I was 17 years old and we dated on and off for the next 4 years and then we became engaged for on other year. Then, 5 years after we met, we were getting ready to be married. We went down to the record department to get our birth certificates in order to get our marriage license . He told me to go to the window first and I did. I was given an 8” by 11” paper that was stamped with the state seal and with all the signatures and my parents names on it. My husband went up next, but instead of getting a paper like I did, he received a business card stating his birthday and parents name. He asked the lady why he didn’t get the same thing that I did. All she said was that he had to ask his mother that question.

We were married a few months later, but the had a lot of problems. My husband was having some anger problems. It took the next 5 years to come to a head, but we had 2 children and I come to the decision that I have to leave the him until he got help. That day, he collapsed on the floor and (to shorten the story) ended up in the hospital for the next week. When he returned home, he was under the help of a psychologist . He went faithfully for the next year, but he wasn’t making any gains. His mother asked me why my husband was going to the psychologist. I told her that many children when they are teenagers get the idea that they most be adopted and as they grow up, change that thinking. For some reason, Bob still thinks he is adopted. She never said anything about this. Another year went by when I got a call from an aunt of my husband. She wanted to talk to me.

The next day I went to his aunts house and the story of my husband’s life was told to me by this aunt. She told me how my Mother-in-law had been married to another man (actually 3 men all total). The marriage didn’t work out, but she was already pregnant with her son when she was getting the divorce. When I husband was still a young baby, his mother remarried a man by the name of Raymond Ford. My mother-in-law named my husband after her brother (Robert) and the man in the second marriage (Raymond). So, at this time his name was Robert Raymond Remington. After divorcing this man, she met Robert Warren and married him. He was the right man for her, and she has been married to him ever since. He adopted my husband and raise him as his own. Roland Remington, Dad, was in the navy and could not be there for his son, so when Bob mother ask him to give us his rights and let Mr. Warren adopt his son, Roland agreed. It would mean no questions asked by the school or Bob’s friends and he would not be an outsider. I didn’t work. This aunt told me who Bob real father was and where he was.

I went home that nigh worried about telling my husband all this news. I fixed him his favorite dinner, had the children in bed early (before he came home), and made a peaceful and calm evening to tell his. That night, I might have told him it was raining out. He had no emotion. All he said was, “I knew it.”

We found out that his father was married and had 3 other children. We didn’t know if his wife knew that her husband had been married before and that he had a child from that marriage. For this reason, Bob was afraid to call this man. A year went by, and he was still in counseling. I can remember him picking up the phone 3 times to call this man, but he always backed off. One day, as he backed off once again. He left and went to the drug store. I picked up the phone and dialed the number. Mrs. Remington answered the phone. Roland was away on a hunting trip with his son, Guy. I told her that my husband had just found out that he was adopted and he knew that his last name had been Remington. He was now looking for his Dad. Did she know if her husband was ever married before. She said yes he had. I then asked if she knew if he had any children in that marriage. Her answer was yes. From here, I introduced myself as the wife of that child.

We talked on the phone for about an hour, and when my husband came home, I told him everything. Bob called Mrs. Remington back and talked to her for the next 2 ½ hours about his Dad and his family and why he had not called sooner. She asked to have some time to tell her husband that Bob had called finally. Roland had a bad heart and she didn’t want her getting too excited. She would call us when she had told him everything. Roland was due home a week later, so we didn’t expect a call for 2 weeks. However, one day after Roland was due home, we got the call Bob was waiting for.

Roland and Bob made arrangement to meet for the first time at our house on Thanksgiving Day. When that day came, Bob was a nervous wreck. He didn’t know what to call him, what to say to him first, should he hug or shake hands, etc. I told him not to work at it so hard. Just do what comes natural. If he wants to try a hug, do it. If he doesn’t want to, don’t. If he didn’t know what to call him, ask what he feels comfortable with.

We were watching for a car, and saw a car pull into the house across the street. A woman got out and went to the door of our neighbors house. She knew what was going on and told the woman by pointing and telling her where we lived. Bob and I saw her point and knew it was them. Bob started to pace the floor a bit, and wring his hands. I hugged him and told him to calm down. When the car stopped in our driveway, the woman got out. Bob was standing by the door and when she knocked, Bob answered it. Without a word, Mrs. Remington turned to the car and said, “It’s the right house, Roland.” Roland got out and we saw why Ceil never asked. Bob was a younger version of his Dad. The couple came in and we sat and talked about many time including how they had told each of there children that they had another brother out there somewhere as they turned teenagers. The only one that did not know about Bob was the youngest. She was 12. The meeting was a great meeting and will always remembered.

This all happened in 1977, and throughout the years we have had a wonderful relationship with the Remington’s. The Warren’s did not like the idea that Bob had found his real Dad and didn’t want to know anything about him. We respected this. However, our children knew both sets of grandparents and when my daughter got married, she wanted both of them at the wedding. Bob knew that the Warren would not be happy, but we felt that we did not owe anyone an explanation of who would be at the wedding to anyone. If they came to the wedding, it was for my daughter’s sake. We put Bob on Valium and sent invitations to both grandparents. We made arrangements to have one set of grandparents in one end of the hotel, and the other set in a different area of that hotel. We did not make any seating arrangements at the reception and as for the church, the Warren’s were in the first pew behind us, and the Remington’s were put in the next pew. The wedding went off with no problems, but the Bob mother was a little upset that we didn’t tell them in advance. I asked her if it would have made a difference, and she said no. All seemed well after that, however they still didn’t want us to talk about the Remington’s. That was 10 years ago.

In 1976 the Warren’s moved from Massachusetts to Myrtle Beach to start a business. In 1980, Bob’s company transferred us to Ohio. The Remington’s remained in Massachusetts. Once a year, Ceil Remington comes to visit us for a week. Bob’s sister moved to Hilton Head, SC and Ceil will visit them also. The Warren’s have not been back since the wedding; however, they had only visited 3 times in 30 years anyway. We go to Myrtle Beach to see them yearly.

Meeting the Remington’s has been great for all of us. Bob has no longer needed counseling. The memories about the adoption and other things in Bob past is very allusive, however he no longer has angry felling about it. Roland and Ceil Remington have excepted up and loved us and our children as if we had known them all our lives.

 
September 24, 2008, 11:52 am CDT

siblings reunited

A year ago last march we located our 2 youngest siblings.   They were twins and were given up for adoption shortly after birth.  Our mother was left alone with 5 kids to look after and pregnant with them.  We all feel that she made the best choice for them.  Our reunion was filled with tears when we saw each other for the first time.  It has been mostly us girls developing a relationship with them, they are girls too.  They always knew that they had been adopted, and their parents supported our reunion.  I just can't describle how I felt the day the social worker called me and told me she had found them 35 years after our separation.  I cried....tears of joy, and they did too.  Ours has been a wonderful journey and I'm looking forward to the next 35 years to make our own memories.

 

I was very young when they were born, maybe 6 or 7 and I had all these memories that I didn't know if they were true or not.  I was so glad that my memories were true, things like their names, they were girls.  My siblings always said I probably just made it up, but I was always hanging around not old enough to go play on my own yet.  I had heard our mother's conversations on the phone with aunts and uncles.  I am just so happy that we are together, and we have found our 2 little sisters.

 
September 24, 2008, 12:17 pm CDT

...

I didn't meet my big brother until i was 15 and he was 17.  Appparently, not only had we been living within 30 miles of each other for 90% of our lives, but we had cousins that knew both of us. Although all the adults in the family knew this, no one in our age group knew for years. Now my big brother is like my best friend and we love the relationship we have now we might not have had this kind of relationship if we had grown up together. But we are resentful of those 15 years we were cheated. i hope no one keeps there family members from each other for their own gain. Think of the people you are taking a relationship from first.
 
September 24, 2008, 12:26 pm CDT

This is my life

I'm 19 yrs old and I have not seen my father since I was about 3 months old, i can't remember anything about him. It's really sad not knowing your other half. There are so many questions that NEED answered. I Need to see where I come from. All my life I've had people come and go. People who say they love me and wont leave but they leave me. I believe that because my father left me is why I'm  not being able to trust people. I just want answers!!!!!
 
September 24, 2008, 12:57 pm CDT

Finding my son

After seeing your show today, I had to write in.

About a year ago, a person saying he was my son, called me. After thirty years without him. And having to give him up for his sake. So he wouldn't be on the street's with me. We talked to for several month's. He being in Tenn,. Me being in West Virginia We finally got to see one another last sept. We've had our problems, but have gotten through them.

Thank you for the show 

 
September 24, 2008, 1:01 pm CDT

Our reunion led to estrangement in our family

When our oldest son's first marriage ended in divorce he surrendered his 2 year old daughter.  12 years later we were reunited with her -- at her request.  As a result of that reunion our son estanged himself from our entire family -- and now we cannot see his 2 beautiful twin sons from his second marriage.  The quick and simple story is that we are grandparents who love all our children and six grandchildren -- we shouldn't have to decide between them, right?  It's been over 3 years and has torn apart 4 generations of our families.
 
September 24, 2008, 1:04 pm CDT

Reunions

Dr Phil it was really hard watching this show. Took me back a few years. And at the same time wish I could have talked to you about this show. People just don't realize the damage that can happen out of finding a lost family member. You are just so happy in the moment that you don't think about whats going to happen after everyone calms down and the high is no longer there. If you are going to find someone I suggest going to some type of counseling at the same time. There is just no way you stay on that cloud forever. And I am speaking from experience. I was raped at 14 and had a son as the result. My mom made me give him up right after birth. I never forgot him and as I got older and had a family it was really all I could think about at times. So I decided to start the search for him. It really was pretty easy as he had started searching for me and had put a few postings up on reunion boards. Needless to say we finally met up and confirmed he was mine. Man we were on such a high. He fit right in with my other children. And he lived close by. We saw each other a lot. He would come and spend the weekends with us. Then reality hit. All of a sudden he was having marriage problems and his wife didn't know why. She was all for him being with us. And then I noticed some changes in him too. Well in the end he was just out to hurt me for giving him up. He got my youngest daughter away from me to the point her and I were no longer talking. And she moved up with him. They are now together and I don't speak to either one of them. So because I wanted to find my son I have now lost a daughter and a son. Please refer these people to some counseling as they go along their journey. It has just tore my life apart.
 
September 24, 2008, 1:07 pm CDT

Unfortunate Reunion

I didn't find out that my stepfather was not my biological father until I was 16 years old, and my mother was so upset with me for sassing my stepdad that she blurted it out. My mother would never discuss the issue further. Finally, at age 18 I tricked my mother into giving me the name under which I needed to secure my birth certificate. My mother took the secret of my biolofical father's identity to her grave.

After my mother passed away, I began searching for my biological father. I really didn't wany anything from him, except to tell me if I had half-siblings, and to be a friend. My stepfather was extremely good to me, and always treated me as if I were his very own.

During my search I was able to contact the person whose name was on my birth certificate (Let's call him CL). CL hadn't live in the U.S. since the 1950's, had re-married and raised his wife's daughter as his own.

During a visit to the U.S. he visited me, and told me that he had something to tell me, and that it would cause me some pain. The truth was that he was out of the U.S. during WWII, and was not present for my conception. Those were difficult words for him to tell me, and for me to comprehend. I still couldn't understand why the secret of my biological father could not be discussed with me by my mother once I was an adult.

I did contact some of CL's relatives to see if they had any names for me to search: they spoke to me with vile disgust, and refused to discuss anything. Of course, this made me even more curious because it now appeared there were many people keeping the secret.

CL had asked that I continue to contact him, on the sly, to let him know how I was dealing with the information he had given me. He said that his wife would not understand why he would befriend me. He and I corresponded for a couple of years. Eventually, CL's wife called to vehemently demand that I never contact him again. I've never since been spoken to with such a dispicable tone, and it was crushing.

Ultimately, I stopped searching as I knew that there was no possible way I could get the information that I longed for during my adult life. As much as I wanted to know my biological father and any siblings; and just to know the truth - the truth did not set me free.

It's very difficult to explain to people in a search for biological siblings and parents that it can end in a heartbreaking  tragedy that is unimaginable.

Maybe my story can help someone in a search to prepare for the worst, but rejoice if their search ends with the best.

I was, and still am a strong minded person, and have been able to put the issue behind me.

 
September 24, 2008, 1:10 pm CDT

Been There, Did That...

As I sit here typing this, I am watching the last few minutes of Dr. Phil.  While I am happy for the 2 brothers who reunited and am happy that there are good feelings with the birth mother, I am compelled to tell my story.  I am 35 years old and just found my birth mother (and 2 sisters - one older and one younger) on Mother's Day this year.  Before locating her it had become almost obsession for me to find her.  I wanted to know who I was, what my heritage was, etc.  After I submitted information to a few different places, it only took a month to get a hit on my birth mother.  I received a message on my voice mail from an unknown woman, in the same area I was in.  No name, just a message she wanted to meet with me.  Needless to say that was a sleepless night.  I called the next morning and when she picked up all I could say was "this is Lynda."  The woman went berserk.  I was finally talking to my birth mother.  The WOW!  Turned into a Wow.  We were to meet the following day (mother's day).  Later that day she calls me and tells me that she wanted to meet me in an hour.  So we met at McDonalds.  I sat and waited.  She was late.  Suddenly a lady comes around the corner and loses it.  When we hugged I couldn't cry.  I felt NOTHING.  Only numbness.  A little later that evening I met my cousin and my older sister.  The next day I met my niece, nephews, brother-in-laws and younger sister.  Time has gone by now and I have feelings of only friendship for my younger sister.  Nothing really for my birth mother and nothing but adoration for my older sister.  Other than my older sister, I could live without the entire situation.  I have no trust for my younger sister or mother.  They are 2 of a kind.  Devious and 2 faced.  I have mentioned repeatedly that I want to find my little brother and my biological father.  Birth mother vows to help one minute and the next tells me she forgot they existed.  She tells me one minute she has no idea where they are and the next that they are in the same town as us.  The only one I want to talk to on the phone or anything is my older sister.  She is the only one who understands I am not a phone person.  Mother and little sister complain if I don't call.  And to them the phone and door only swings ONE way. 

Do I wish I could re-do all of this?  No.  Then I wouldn't have my older sister.  I wouldn't know my nationality.  I wouldn't know I have a little brother out there to find (though I have NO leads to him or father).  Can I say I am disapointed?  Yes.  There is so much more that I can't tell here.  I just wish things were better.

All in all, my parents, the ones who adopted and raised me, are MY PARENTS.  NOTHING and NO ONE will EVER change that.  Especially not this new found person.

I am not trying to discourage anyone or say that all turns out this way.  I am not, and they don't.  I am just sharing one experience out of many.
 
First | Prev | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | 7 | 8 | Next | Last