Topic : 12/25 The Locator: Reunion Aftermath

I was so grateful for the show today. These adoptive mother told the children from the start that they were adopted. This was so important. My husband was also adopted, however it was only his father. His mother was his real mother. His name is Bob and for 29 years he thought that he was named after his father. He was adopted at age 5, put has no memory of the adoption. His mother and adoptive father never told him that he had been adopted. In the next 10 years, Mom and Dad had 2 more children each 5 years apart. As Bob grew up, he started to feel different then his brothers. His mother was 5’5” and his father is about 5’7”. My husband is 6’3”. His brothers were like Mom and Dad. His looks were different then his mother, father, and brothers. He always felt poles apart from the other members of the family.

I met my husband when I was 17 years old and we dated on and off for the next 4 years and then we became engaged for on other year. Then, 5 years after we met, we were getting ready to be married. We went down to the record department to get our birth certificates in order to get our marriage license . He told me to go to the window first and I did. I was given an 8” by 11” paper that was stamped with the state seal and with all the signatures and my parents names on it. My husband went up next, but instead of getting a paper like I did, he received a business card stating his birthday and parents name. He asked the lady why he didn’t get the same thing that I did. All she said was that he had to ask his mother that question.

We were married a few months later, but the had a lot of problems. My husband was having some anger problems. It took the next 5 years to come to a head, but we had 2 children and I come to the decision that I have to leave the him until he got help. That day, he collapsed on the floor and (to shorten the story) ended up in the hospital for the next week. When he returned home, he was under the help of a psychologist . He went faithfully for the next year, but he wasn’t making any gains. His mother asked me why my husband was going to the psychologist. I told her that many children when they are teenagers get the idea that they most be adopted and as they grow up, change that thinking. For some reason, Bob still thinks he is adopted. She never said anything about this. Another year went by when I got a call from an aunt of my husband. She wanted to talk to me.

The next day I went to his aunts house and the story of my husband’s life was told to me by this aunt. She told me how my Mother-in-law had been married to another man (actually 3 men all total). The marriage didn’t work out, but she was already pregnant with her son when she was getting the divorce. When I husband was still a young baby, his mother remarried a man by the name of Raymond Ford. My mother-in-law named my husband after her brother (Robert) and the man in the second marriage (Raymond). So, at this time his name was Robert Raymond Remington. After divorcing this man, she met Robert Warren and married him. He was the right man for her, and she has been married to him ever since. He adopted my husband and raise him as his own. Roland Remington, Dad, was in the navy and could not be there for his son, so when Bob mother ask him to give us his rights and let Mr. Warren adopt his son, Roland agreed. It would mean no questions asked by the school or Bob’s friends and he would not be an outsider. I didn’t work. This aunt told me who Bob real father was and where he was.

I went home that nigh worried about telling my husband all this news. I fixed him his favorite dinner, had the children in bed early (before he came home), and made a peaceful and calm evening to tell his. That night, I might have told him it was raining out. He had no emotion. All he said was, “I knew it.”

We found out that his father was married and had 3 other children. We didn’t know if his wife knew that her husband had been married before and that he had a child from that marriage. For this reason, Bob was afraid to call this man. A year went by, and he was still in counseling. I can remember him picking up the phone 3 times to call this man, but he always backed off. One day, as he backed off once again. He left and went to the drug store. I picked up the phone and dialed the number. Mrs. Remington answered the phone. Roland was away on a hunting trip with his son, Guy. I told her that my husband had just found out that he was adopted and he knew that his last name had been Remington. He was now looking for his Dad. Did she know if her husband was ever married before. She said yes he had. I then asked if she knew if he had any children in that marriage. Her answer was yes. From here, I introduced myself as the wife of that child.

We talked on the phone for about an hour, and when my husband came home, I told him everything. Bob called Mrs. Remington back and talked to her for the next 2 ½ hours about his Dad and his family and why he had not called sooner. She asked to have some time to tell her husband that Bob had called finally. Roland had a bad heart and she didn’t want her getting too excited. She would call us when she had told him everything. Roland was due home a week later, so we didn’t expect a call for 2 weeks. However, one day after Roland was due home, we got the call Bob was waiting for.

Roland and Bob made arrangement to meet for the first time at our house on Thanksgiving Day. When that day came, Bob was a nervous wreck. He didn’t know what to call him, what to say to him first, should he hug or shake hands, etc. I told him not to work at it so hard. Just do what comes natural. If he wants to try a hug, do it. If he doesn’t want to, don’t. If he didn’t know what to call him, ask what he feels comfortable with.

We were watching for a car, and saw a car pull into the house across the street. A woman got out and went to the door of our neighbors house. She knew what was going on and told the woman by pointing and telling her where we lived. Bob and I saw her point and knew it was them. Bob started to pace the floor a bit, and wring his hands. I hugged him and told him to calm down. When the car stopped in our driveway, the woman got out. Bob was standing by the door and when she knocked, Bob answered it. Without a word, Mrs. Remington turned to the car and said, “It’s the right house, Roland.” Roland got out and we saw why Ceil never asked. Bob was a younger version of his Dad. The couple came in and we sat and talked about many time including how they had told each of there children that they had another brother out there somewhere as they turned teenagers. The only one that did not know about Bob was the youngest. She was 12. The meeting was a great meeting and will always remembered.

This all happened in 1977, and throughout the years we have had a wonderful relationship with the Remington’s. The Warren’s did not like the idea that Bob had found his real Dad and didn’t want to know anything about him. We respected this. However, our children knew both sets of grandparents and when my daughter got married, she wanted both of them at the wedding. Bob knew that the Warren would not be happy, but we felt that we did not owe anyone an explanation of who would be at the wedding to anyone. If they came to the wedding, it was for my daughter’s sake. We put Bob on Valium and sent invitations to both grandparents. We made arrangements to have one set of grandparents in one end of the hotel, and the other set in a different area of that hotel. We did not make any seating arrangements at the reception and as for the church, the Warren’s were in the first pew behind us, and the Remington’s were put in the next pew. The wedding went off with no problems, but the Bob mother was a little upset that we didn’t tell them in advance. I asked her if it would have made a difference, and she said no. All seemed well after that, however they still didn’t want us to talk about the Remington’s. That was 10 years ago.

In 1976 the Warren’s moved from Massachusetts to Myrtle Beach to start a business. In 1980, Bob’s company transferred us to Ohio. The Remington’s remained in Massachusetts. Once a year, Ceil Remington comes to visit us for a week. Bob’s sister moved to Hilton Head, SC and Ceil will visit them also. The Warren’s have not been back since the wedding; however, they had only visited 3 times in 30 years anyway. We go to Myrtle Beach to see them yearly.

Meeting the Remington’s has been great for all of us. Bob has no longer needed counseling. The memories about the adoption and other things in Bob past is very allusive, however he no longer has angry felling about it. Roland and Ceil Remington have excepted up and loved us and our children as if we had known them all our lives.