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Topic : 12/25 The Locator: Reunion Aftermath

Number of Replies: 215
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Created on : Friday, September 19, 2008, 05:26:33 pm
Author : DrPhilBoard1
Original Air Date: 09/24/08) Do you have a friend or relative whom you've lost all contact with or have never even met? While you may dream about a reunion being a great and healing experience, reconciliation could also cause more heartache than you expect. Catherine was raised by her mother, never knowing who or where her dad was. She recently became a mom, and her desire to find her biological dad became top priority. When she did locate him, was the reunion all that she expected? Next, Angel has been trying to reconnect with her twin sons, Tylor and Taylor, for almost 20 years. With the help of Troy Dunn, a professional locator and host of the WE TV show The Locator, her dreams came true. See how the boys react to reuniting with their biological mother. And, when an adoptive mother finds out her children are going to meet their biological mother, emotions can range from joy, to tension, to feeling threatened. Follow the journey of the twins' adoptive mother, Ruth, as she shares her experience of  meeting Angel. Plus, the twins have never met their little sister face to face. Will this be the day? Then, Ricardo contacted Troy to help him find his brother, whom he had never met. Cameras follow their emotional first meeting, and find out the unexpected person who shows up. Have the siblings been able to maintain their relationship? And, if you're trying to find a long-lost loved one, you won't want to miss Troy's top tips for conducting your own search! Talk about the show here.

Find out what happened on the show.

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September 24, 2008, 1:11 pm CDT

searching for biofamily

Quote From: lightpink

Hi freckles, I am so happy it all worked out well for you. Bye for now, lightpink
hi.............i would like to  know the place where it was free to find your biofamily.............I'm 43 yrs. old and searching for my bio mom and dad and any siblings i may have...........I was only 6 weeks old when I was adopted and would like to begin a search.............Thanks...........Deyna
 
September 24, 2008, 1:14 pm CDT

Reunion Aftermath

I gave my son up for Adoption 38 years ago August 30.  He had been trying to find me for 8 years.  The day before he was going to hire an attorney to locate me a Social Worker called me and verifired who I was and asked if he could call me.  I said yes and gave him his father's number.  My son called both of us and met us seperately on the same day. He looks just like his father.  I was sooo scared and excited both.   He and his wife are now expecting and I am excited for them.  I do not know what to do now though.  I do not know how much contact he wants.  What is the next step? Do I contact him or wait for him to contact me?

I think this is a wonderful service. But I do know how the Birth Mother feels.  Not a day went by that I did not think about and pray for him. I longed to see him again and am very grateful to have the opportunity to know and talk with him now. 

 
September 24, 2008, 1:16 pm CDT

Thank you

Thank you so much for this show. I was crying like a baby with all of the families. I, myself was adopted by my grandparents. I have always wondered about my biological father, I felt like a puzzle walking around with a missing piece. I decided I was going to start my own search with the help of my husband. It took us about 5 months, at the age of 36 years old I meet my father for the very first time Oct. 2007. It was incredible and we are working very hard to build our relationship and make up for a lot of lost time. It was so nice to watch the show and to honestly be able to say I know how all those families felt.  Thank you again for an incredible show~~ Gena from Va.

 

 

 
September 24, 2008, 1:19 pm CDT

What I think you should do!

Quote From: jaimie1974

This situation is different, and Im wondering if anyone here has advice or opinions.
My husband was adopted into a loving family in 1967. Throughout the years, he wondered what his biological family was like; especially because he is so very different from the family that he was adopted into! (His parents had been married 7 years, had no children & assumed they were infertile. They adopted him as an infant, and then his mother became pregnant within months! A few years later, she had another child, making the total 3.) When I say different from them, I mean things such as temperament, personality, character, etc. His sisters are feisty & argumentative; he is calm, rational, and very level headed. There were also many questions about his family medical history, since he had absolutely no information on that.
Fast forward: after years of thinking about it, he finally hired an agency to find his biological mother. This agency was great, they counseled my husband about the possible outcomes; we were hoping for a good outcome, of course; but it wasnt what we got. The agency suggested writing a letter to the biological mother, sending pictures, asking the questions he needed to have answered regarding health, and then, let her know that if he didnt get a response within a reasonable time, he would contact her again.
Within a week of sending the letter, he got a response. It broke my heart to read the letter. His biological mother wrote that she was raised in a strict Catholic home, that NO ONE knew about this pregnancy except for her mother (who is in a nursing home now) and she intended to keep it that way. She has two other biological children, she has been married for many years, and she doesnt want anyone to know about my husband. She is now a Baptist and when she received his letter, she spent hours at her church praying about what the right response would be. She returned the pictures to my husband, telling him she couldnt risk anyone finding them. She answered his questions about her family history, and then ended the letter telling him to never contact her again. She did enclose a picture of herself with her two daughters- a decision that softened me towards her.
Every once in awhile, my husband looks up his two biological sisters on the internet; they have no idea that he exists. He simply wonders what they are like, something I think is common human curiosity. Im wondering what people think of this; would you follow the biological mothers wishes and not contact the sisters, not telling them that they have a brother? Or, would you feel no loyalty towards her (he doesnt; however, he also doesnt want to break up a family- the letter had a  if my husband found out hed ditch me.. vibe) and contact them?
Im just curious to know what others would do in his position. If his biological mother passed away tomorrow, he would contact the sisters and tell them about himself. But until that day comes, he feels that leaving it alone is best for everyone. (And I think I agree.)
I gave my son up and I did tell my current husband before we were married. I told my daughters once they were old enough to understand.  I feel that you should abide by his mother's wishes.  She did what she thought best for him.  He would only makes matters worse between him and her.  I know she is ashamed of what she did and maybe in time and with prayer she will do the right thing and aknowledge that his exists and then they can have a relationship.
 
September 24, 2008, 1:26 pm CDT

grateful to Mary

Dear Dr. Phil,

   Too many people have ultimately given up hope for finding their loved ones. However, I have not given up in my search. I have been looking for my birth mother since I turned 16 and am now 47. There is not one day that I have not thought of my birth mother in a grateful and loving way. Back when in 1961 there was a thing known as an abortion and Mary could have chosen that path, yet, not only for her religion, which was catholic, but, in her heart-of-hearts could not do such a devastating thing.

     I am therefore asking, Dr. Phil, for help in finding Mary, not only for myself, but for my daughter as well.

 

Thankyou!

 

 

 

 
September 24, 2008, 1:27 pm CDT

Looking for my sister

I found out a little over a year ago that my Mom had given a baby girl up for adoption in 1970. My sister attempted to contact my Mom and my Mom doesn't understand how anyone would want to know her after what she did to her. I on the other hand do understand. I never knew my father, and I have lost 2 of my brothers tragically. I don't have the money to hire a PI and the adoption agency in Texas says I can not have contact without my Mom's permission. It's hard for me to go against my Mom. I don't want to hurt her anymore than she is now,but I want to know my little sister. I don't have a clue how to start being Texas has closed adoptions.
 
September 24, 2008, 1:34 pm CDT

Not all nice....

I got pregnant by date rape at the age of 15.  Twenty-three years later the child from that tragedy found me.

 

She was given confidential State information illegally by a "birth angel," information that was not available to me through legal routes.

 

She emailed me, and I responded.  I shared stories, medical information and family history.  I told her of the pain involved in the pregnancy, as well as the birth and adoption process.  I also told her that I was NOT able to be her mother, that I had given birth to her, but that was where my involvement ended.  I was a mother to two children now, just as she was a daughter to her parents.  Our lives, though connected at a moment in time, had been separated and gone separate ways.  This, unfortunately, was not what she had dreamed of.

 

She threatens to contact family members, to appear in my hometown and make inquiries.  She states she has a right to know the people involved in my life.  I've had to retain an attorney to pursue legal avenues should she persist in her threats.

 

I'm sorry she did not have the relationship she felt she deserved from her mother.  I'm sorry her life is so miserable that she feels the need to enter mine.  The day I gave her up for adoption, I only wished her good things and that wish continues today.

 

Reunions are NOT always peaches and cream.  Please.....think the decision regarding opening the doors of reunion through very, very carefully.

 
September 24, 2008, 1:37 pm CDT

where are they now?

I was wondering if there are any tips for finding siblings?  I was adopted at birth to a wonderful couple--my mom and dad.  I was always curious about my birth parents and siblings.  My birth records are sealed so I only have limited info.  My father died in the Korean War, I have 15 brothers and sisters and my birth mother was in her 40's when she gave birth to me.  I was born in Alexandria, VA.  Without a name to go by, is there anyway to find someone?  Thank you
 
September 24, 2008, 1:42 pm CDT

advice

I will be meeting with my adopted daughter 1st week of Oct.  I am very happy about this reunion.  My 23 year old daughter would love to be with me.  Do you think this is approriate, or should I go solo?  Please give me some advice on what to say or do.  I am very nervous, Iove her very much . Do not want to scare her away.   I am afraid of saying the wrong thing or giving a bad impression.  I know nothing she could do would discourage me from caring for her .  I could accept her regardless of anything.  Guess I would like for her to accept me.    Any advice for me. Thank you, Linda Ott
 
September 24, 2008, 1:42 pm CDT

Reunions

In our case, finding the bio family of my now ex husband was probably the worst experience of our lives. My ex and his brother were adopted together at the age of 3.  When he was 41, he decided to search and after about 6 months we found his mother and 2 sisters, later to find another brother and sister.  Oh, things were soooooo wonderful, she had her "babies" back, cried all the tears, yadda yadda. Now ....she doesn't even acknowledge his existance. Some of the facts of the "adoption" came out that were devastating to my ex, sending him into a spiral of alcholism and mental problems. Later to be diagnosed as bi-polar (as well as several of his sibling with both of the above). Since he now has problems..they..the whole family wants nothing to do with him.  In hindsight, we should never have looked. He did not go to a good adoptive family and then finding out all this other stuff...I guess the bottom line is, if you are going to search, you have to be able to accept what you find, good or bad and make sure that you can handle it.  Being an adoptive mother myself, my child does/will continue to know his birth parents and siblings. This archaic notion of hiding their history can only lead to trouble.  I have a lot of anger towards his birth family as in the long run, this situation broke up my marriage and has lead to years of heartache for all involved. I'm not saying don't search, but be careful. These people are strangers even if you are blood, build up slowly, get to know them as you would anyone else. And if it doesn't feel right..your gut is telling you something. We should have listened to our guts.
 
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