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Topic : 09/25 Fireproof Your Marriage

Number of Replies: 103
New Messages This Week: 0
Last Reply On:
Created on : Thursday, September 25, 2008, 01:17:13 pm
Author : DrPhilBoard2

Have you ever had a horrible day at work and came home and dumped your baggage on your spouse? Or are you the type to bottle up your emotions and shut yourself off to loved ones? Police officers and firemen have to look death in the face every day. Their stress levels are so intense that 75 to 90 percent of their marriages end in divorce. This was the outcome for Ty and Wendy's 11-year marriage. Ty is a police officer, and Wendy says he brought his anger home and treated her and their three kids like they were inmates in jail. Ty acknowledges his negative behavior and wants to know how to change it. The couple is considering getting remarried, but will they feel the same after Dr. Phil tells them the five things they must do to make their relationship work? Then, get a sneak peak at Kirk Cameron's new movie, Fireproof, which explores the private battles many people who work extreme jobs face. Kirk and the moviemakers join Dr. Phil and share why they were so passionate about getting this movie made. Then, Kelly says her marriage is in trouble. Her husband of 16 years, John, recently became a firefighter, and she says she feels like a single mom because he puts more time into his job than his family. And, hear from Karin whose husband, Karl, has been a firefighter for 19 years. Learn the ways she handles her husband's intense emotions and how they maintain a good relationship. These are not the only extreme jobs that can cause marital crises. If your spouse is a workaholic and your marriage is suffering, you don't want to miss this show. 


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September 25, 2008, 2:38 pm CDT

Fireproof your marriage

 If the woman in this segment wants to be closer to her husband she needs to listen to him and show some compassion for what he sees on the street every shift. As far as the kids not respecting him, they should be respecting what their dad says not matter what his profession, so I think that is a whole different  subject. I was married to a police officer, you cannot be the oh poor me wife. You have to understand that your spouse is not like every other husband. As the wife of a police officer of a fire fighter you are no different than being married to a man in the military. There are sacrifices. 
 
September 25, 2008, 2:42 pm CDT

09/25 Fireproof Your Marriage

I had to cut my last post short...but to continue:

 

My b/f doesn't understand my job, and doesn't understand that the guys I work with (Police, Fire, Medics) are like family. It's always a question of trust and crap like that when I talk about work. I get sick of it. I totally understand the CO/Police Officer they had on the show that - you want to be appreciated . You want your spouse/partner to acknowledge the job that you do. No offense to anyone, but it takes a special kind of person to work in PS...not everyone can do these jobs. I've seen girls come into Dispatch and not be able to do the job. However, you want to be appreciated. You want to take a minute and tell someone about your day and you want them to understand what you go through. Everyone has bad days at work, but only in PS do you have a bad day where someone's dead body had to be cut out of a mangled car, or your bad day consists of a near fatal car accident where the vehicle caught on fire, and the driver had to be life-flight'd out to a trauma center. I mean you can have a bad day where people were rude to you, but you don't experience what people in PS experience.

 

I also understand where the guy said he ran his home like a prison or police dept. When you've listened to crap all day long, and dealt with crap all day long, let alone have a truly traumatic day...and then you come home and find more crap or chores havent been done or your spouse/partner is griping about something and you want to snap and just tell them to shut up. Yes, it sounds like "my issues are more important than your issues" but I think that's why people in PS tend to date/marry other people in PS...because they understand one another. I know that if the relationship I'm currently in ends, I will not date anyone else who's not in PS.

 
September 25, 2008, 2:44 pm CDT

09/25 Fireproof Your Marriage

Quote From: megmillspaugh

Dr. Phil,

   I am married to a Paramedic and have been around EMS for awhile now and I am very insulted at the fact that you failed to mention anything about EMS people in your show today. This show was very touching to me because our family is effected by everything you have mentioned today. Paramedics save lifes and lose lifes just as Firefighters and Police Officers do and to leave them out of the group of Public Service individuals today on your show is insulting to every Paramedic and EMT that has saved a life, had to come home to their family, have no way to vent and take things out on the their family members. Our Public service workers need better care in their mental health while on jobs!! In the future I would hope that you wouldn't forget about the men and women that may need to save your life or one of your family members! Nothing upsets me more then when people forget about the job that my husband carries out everyday!

Very UPSET & Offended Wife!!

I'm sorry but he didn't leave you  out. He specifically mentioned, "all first responders" several times. I'm pretty sure the category, " all first responders," includes EMS.
 
September 25, 2008, 2:50 pm CDT

09/25 Fireproof Your Marriage

Quote From: mpierre

My lord..  so what he's a cop.  He seems like he feels he's God and the wife and kids should listen to him and bow down .  LOL  My brother is a cop as well.  This guy talked alot about respect.  Well buddy u earn respect in the sreets and at home! He looks to me to be a bit arrogant and self centered.  He is just 1 of many who thinks the badge and gun make him someone SPECIAL.  You are NO special than anyone else.  Just look around at the corruption and bad press of late.... respect?  As I said earn it.   We all have stress at work, we all want to be heard, but theres a time for it all, when you have a spouse and children.  He may be a real nice guy ( doubt it tho)  but he came off to me as just another cop who wears the badge for the power.   Well budd u have no power at home!

You obviously don't get it. Your BROTHER is a Police Officer. You don't work in PS nor do you have a romantic relationship with someone in PS. Therefore, you can't grasp the concept. There is a huge difference between someone who works at Wal*Mart, a grocery store, a gas station, at a bank, a call center or anywhere else and people that work in PS. You might have a bad day at work, but it doesnt involve someone raping a child, it doesnt involve someone's mangled dead body being pulled from wreckage, it doesn't involve a house fire with people trapped inside, it doesn't involve what our jobs involve.

 

Responses like this are the idiocracy that spread poor opinions of people in PS. We are different. We go out and we serve our communities, states, and our country as first responders out to help the public. If we were selfish people who were only concerned about ourselves we'd probably be in whatever line of work that you're in. We want to be appreciated for who we are and what we do.

 
September 25, 2008, 2:52 pm CDT

Thank you

I am so thankful for the show today. I have been married right at three years and my husband is a firefighter/EMT/Paramedic. When I saw the clip from the movie, "Fireproof," when the couple was screaming at each other, I just broke down into tears. That fight is identical to the fights me and my husband face almost every day. It is so hard being married to a firefighter. We have tried counseling but nothing seems to work. Every counselor we have gone to doesn't even comment about his stress from his job and what he's bringing home to his family. I know you can't fix a problem if you don't know the root of it and I'm almost positive our problems are rooted to his job. I am so excited to go see this movie and I hope that it can give me and my husband some advice. We have already thrown the big D word at each other, but I hope and pray that it never comes to that conclusion. I love him dearly and he's my hero.
 
September 25, 2008, 3:04 pm CDT

Cop's wife

This show really hit home for me and my family.  My husband is a state law enforcement officer and was not in this profession when we met, dated, and married.  He started out as a corrections officer and has moved on to a state LEO.  He loves his job and he is great at it.  I am a stay at home mom of our three children 6 years, 3 years, and 10 months.  We have very different days and when we come together at the end of our days we are both very stressed.  He deals with ignorant people all day and forgets that his children are not ignorant they are learning.  He has a short fuse with everyone.  When he gets home at the end of his shift he just wants to relax and doesn't want to contribute with the care of our apartment and children.  We are in it for the long haul and we have conversations very frequently about what each of us needs and what our children need.  After watching the show I realized that I am not the only wife that has to deal with the same issues.  I felt relieved to know that there are other women out there in the same boat as me.  I actually want to sit down and talk to him more about some of our issues and the needs that each of us have that are not being met!  THANKS SO MUCH Dr. Phil!!

 

 
September 25, 2008, 3:07 pm CDT

Ty and Wendy

Dear Ty and Wendy, I hope that you can work through this and I hope you are able to get your family back together.  I would like to comment on your situation with a different spin...as I am a female officer and have been for 17+ years. First of all, I want to say I agree, Ty you have a lot to be forgiven for and I hope Wendy does forgive you...and you must remember she has a tough job as well.  I'd rather be shot at, then sew up a bloody injured person...I just couldn't deal with people in pain....when I get to someone they are usually "gone" and I don't have to witness the suffering.   On the other hand (I disagree w/ Phil), Wendy you need to let Ty vent, and be happy that he just wants you to listen...I don't even discuss the horrible things I see with me family...so at least Ty wants to communicate.  Also Ty, this might hurt to hear, but you are taking yourself too seriously. I know it may be crushing to your "ego" that some 6'5" 250 bad ass might fear you ,and then you can't get your own child to respect you, or always listen....but that is actually a good thing....children can't understand what you see, etc. they are selfish by nature and take you for granted, they are kids....they are suppose to act that way.  They see you as their dad, the man that loves them no matter what....not as a police officer that can take their freedom away, etc. Hang your gun-belt at the door, after all your wife and kids aren't those dirt-bags that we deal with on the street...they are your soft place to fall, not your enemy...let your guard down...you can't nor do you need to control everything.  At home, you are Ty, dad...nobody else. Ty the more you try so hard to control things, you will build resentment and your kids will rebel against you....just because you lock scum-bags up and lay down the law, they don't change right? So find a different way in how to deal with your kids. As for you Wendy, as Ty hopefully makes changes...understand where he is coming from...it is hard to stop being that "cop".  Ty maybe you should workout before you go home, or something, to decompress and make a conscience change before you get there.  I know when I was married with step-kids....everyone knew to let me unwind for 30 minutes.  Wendy I hope you Can forgive him....I see a lot of officers "cheating" and I do think it's because we feel so disconnected, NO EXCUSE, but it's true.  We work hard all day, but make no effort at home. You have a beautiful family and I hope it works out.
 
September 25, 2008, 3:13 pm CDT

Married to police officer

 I am so upset.  My police officer husband of nine years walked out last night and I am tired of dealing with the police culture, the drinking, the ego and the attitude.  I blame so much of this on his job.  He joined late, 39 years old,. has been on force for nine years and our relationship has suffered.  He is not the same person that I married.  He is in the bar literally every day.  We had already started going our separate ways but there is always a catalyst that leads to the end and that came last night. 
What a time for this show!  I am just venting.  I don't know if there is any help for us at this point. 
We were in marriage counseling until he unilaterally decided to quit it.  Oh, well.  I hope other people out there are having a better day than I am.  Thank you for listening. 
 
September 25, 2008, 3:14 pm CDT

fireproof

Well Dr. Phil I just watched fireproof your marriage and I must say that although i have alot of respect for police/firemen I really get frustrated because whenever there is a national disaster these are the only people that get any sympathy from shows like yours or news programs. I have been married to a high voltage lineman for 18 years and he has gone to put up power lines from the ice storms in New york and Canada to today when he will return from 2 weeks of sleeping in his bucket truck from hurricane Ike! when he returned from Katrina it took months or longer for him to adjust to our normal living. the stories these men have to tell are amazing. I just wish someone would do a show on these courageous men for a change. as the wife who stays at home wondering worrying and trying to raise my children without showng them fear of what could happen to their father it is frustrating to never see these men/ women recognized ever! I know what its like to stay in a marriage where my husbands career consumes him daily and its never been easy!
 
September 25, 2008, 3:20 pm CDT

Boy does this sound familiar to me

My husband was a policeman for 25 yrs.  He had three wives before me.  Two of them while he was a policeman.  When he retired he promised me he would not work and we would travel.  I am a nurse and do not work because we would never see each other.  He often talks down to me.  When he questions me during an argument (which are many) I feel like I am being interrogated.   He took me away from where we grew up...  I live in a retirement community.  There are NO people here my age , and there are none at church. My husband is 18 (yes I said 18) years older than me.   I am often left alone.  We have one car but he takes it to his part time job.  All the decisions made (like where we go to eat for my birthday are his, yet he cannot choose a gift).  I am out of my mind because I just wish I had someone to talk to.  I married this man because I thought he would provide me with security.  That was a big mistake.  He feels he work all those years and will not give up his retirement to ANYONE.   However my money is our money but his money is his money! There is one psychiatrist in my area but he deals mainly with older people and he is getting ready to retire.  Sometimes I want to scream.  I really can't take anymore.  I have been married 4 times myself.  My husband #3 died.   I don't want to be a serial bride!  Please help!!!!!
 
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