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Topic : 09/25 Fireproof Your Marriage

Number of Replies: 103
New Messages This Week: 0
Last Reply On:
Created on : Thursday, September 25, 2008, 01:17:13 pm
Author : DrPhilBoard2

Have you ever had a horrible day at work and came home and dumped your baggage on your spouse? Or are you the type to bottle up your emotions and shut yourself off to loved ones? Police officers and firemen have to look death in the face every day. Their stress levels are so intense that 75 to 90 percent of their marriages end in divorce. This was the outcome for Ty and Wendy's 11-year marriage. Ty is a police officer, and Wendy says he brought his anger home and treated her and their three kids like they were inmates in jail. Ty acknowledges his negative behavior and wants to know how to change it. The couple is considering getting remarried, but will they feel the same after Dr. Phil tells them the five things they must do to make their relationship work? Then, get a sneak peak at Kirk Cameron's new movie, Fireproof, which explores the private battles many people who work extreme jobs face. Kirk and the moviemakers join Dr. Phil and share why they were so passionate about getting this movie made. Then, Kelly says her marriage is in trouble. Her husband of 16 years, John, recently became a firefighter, and she says she feels like a single mom because he puts more time into his job than his family. And, hear from Karin whose husband, Karl, has been a firefighter for 19 years. Learn the ways she handles her husband's intense emotions and how they maintain a good relationship. These are not the only extreme jobs that can cause marital crises. If your spouse is a workaholic and your marriage is suffering, you don't want to miss this show. 


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September 25, 2008, 5:25 pm CDT

army wife

i    like  i said  i am  and army wife   and  i know  how hard  life is  please  help   me  with this topic  is like  fire proof..     somwtimes  we dont know  how to  work    thing  and the kids    and even  the husban  ,,  please make a show   abouth this    so pleople   know  abouth  us too. yhank you  mrs..... Rodriguez
 
September 25, 2008, 5:25 pm CDT

Message of today's show

I think many people are missing the message of today's show.  It was not about being a fireman, police officer, or someone employed in public safety.  The message was about having a stressful job and not separating it from your personal life at home. Any job or career can be stressful. We need to learn to manage that stress so that when we return home we can enjoy our marriage and our family.

 

His point was that too many of us cannot or do not separate the stress or have time to detox and it affects our family/marriage to the point that many end up in divorce.

 
September 25, 2008, 5:33 pm CDT

09/25 Fireproof Your Marriage

Dr. Phil,

My ex-husband also had a very demanding, long houred job (12 or more hours a day) and on top of that he would go to the gym and work out for a few hours, because he was an amature body builder.  Usually I would make two dinner meals, one for me and our children, and a second special meal just for him (bodybuilder).  He would come home about nine or ten and rarely see our children awake, except for weekends, if he didn't work or spend his day at the gym.  When he would get home he too would bring his job or the adrenaline from the gym home.  I would have done almost anything to make our marrige work, but sadly it didn't work out.  I wish that we could have seen this program when we were going through our problems.  I am glad that there will be a lot of people helped by your show and I am deffinately going to watch the movie "Fireproof" and recommend it to all who might be experiencing marrige problems.  Thank you so much for helping so many people!

 
September 25, 2008, 5:39 pm CDT

Great Timing For This Show

I was grateful to see that men are getting interested in the mentoring of other men to be good husbands. That was very encouraging with the men in the audience and Kirk Cameron. I could not agree more that most men do not know how to be good husbands but have had every class imaginable to help them feel completely sucessful at their jobs. No wonder they are better equipt to be at work. I am a nurse and when the doctors complain about "what their wifes spend at Macy's each paycheck" , I usually remind then, that if they went home their wives would not be out shopping but spending good quality time with them. But unfortunately they are far more comfortable at work. I am married to a pilot, currently separated because does not understand the demands of my job in the ICU. When I come home from working a 12 hour shift I am exhausted and in need of some creature comfort myself. He is not working any longer and cannot seem to adjust his day to productivity, consequently telling his stories to bartenders  or watching tv on the days I am at work. How can 2 people grow so far away from each other? I can't wait to see this movie.
 
September 25, 2008, 5:41 pm CDT

why not?

 
September 25, 2008, 5:41 pm CDT

why not?

 
September 25, 2008, 6:22 pm CDT

Feeling Left Out

Quote From: kris12

I'm sorry but he didn't leave you  out. He specifically mentioned, "all first responders" several times. I'm pretty sure the category, " all first responders," includes EMS.

Think of it this way.  How about if your Mom and Dad had a party to honor all of your brothers and sisters, but only publicly recognized two of them, and you weren't one of the two? And on top of that, you weren't invited to the party?  How would you feel?  We as EMS workers weren't even represented on the show.  I have been a paramedic for six years now and have VERY rarely heard EMS mentioned specifically when the subject of front line responders is brought up.  You must not be in EMS or you would know what I'm talking about.  I mean no disrespect, but you just have to be in an EMS worker's position to truly understand where we come from.  We see as much death and destruction as fire fighters do.  Who do you think transports the burn patients to the hospital?  It's surely not the police or firemen. 

 

I have the utmost respect for both of those fields.  My life has been protected more times than I can count by these brothers and sisters.  I think that if I brought up the subject to any one or all of my colleagues in those fields, they would understand how I feel. 

 
September 25, 2008, 6:39 pm CDT

fire proof

Thanks Dr. Phil.  Been there.  I married a fire fighter, I worked in social work which meant we were both on call 24 - 7.  Many nights I had to respond to an emergency when he was at work which meant taking our young son to his grandmother's, waking everyone up.  Thank God I had a support system for child care.

 

Divorce was more common than not in our fire & police dept. 

 

My husband always complained about the stress, & hardly talked about anything but the fire dept & what was going on.  I couldn't talk about my job due to confidentially but couldn't have gotten a word in anyway.  He never listened just talked.  We had a few screaming matches, never physical, but not good for any child to hear.  

 

 On his days off we took on projects together like line dancing, ceramics, fishing.  We've been married 36 yrs. both retired and adjusting to a different kind of stress (being together all the time).

 

 

 

 

 
September 25, 2008, 6:46 pm CDT

Thank you, Dr Phil!

We recommend all First Responders' families read 'Emotional Survival for Law Enforcement" by Kevin Gilmartin. Although the book was written from a Law Enf perspective, the concepts and facts are applicable for all First Responders.

Thank you, Dr Phil, for giving visibility to the tragic divorce statistics of First Responders' marriages. My husband has been a cop for 18 years. I have watched the man I love with struggle with cynicism and pride, characteristics that no one would have used to describe him 18 years ago. Characteristics that keep him alive on street today. First Responders often become participants on the worst day of someone's life. They see the brutality, and it impacts their perspective and personality in order for them to stay alive. That is my husband's only goal each day....STAY ALIVE. The lady on the show got it right who spoke of listening to her husband at the end of the day, to let him unload the weight of the world. It may not be a pleasant story that we hear, but hear it we must in order to keep them alive. We divorced our 7th year, but God restored our hearts and our marriage the following year. We'll be married 20 years in Dec. We count our separation and divorce as part of those 20 years because through the reconciliation process we learned how to meet each other's needs when one is in a high-stress occupation. Oh how much we have learned over the years!!
 
September 25, 2008, 7:17 pm CDT

Surprised

I am surprised that Dr. Phil did not mention military families...my husband is gone 6 months out of the year every year and it is hard and very stressful! I know it is stressful for families with police men and fire fighters but what about us that only get to talk to our husbands maybe once a month and only then get a letter or e-mail or 5 minute phone call. It was just upsetting that he didn't address this aspect of awful jobs!
 
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