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Topic : 09/25 Fireproof Your Marriage

Number of Replies: 103
New Messages This Week: 0
Last Reply On:
Created on : Thursday, September 25, 2008, 01:17:13 pm
Author : DrPhilBoard2

Have you ever had a horrible day at work and came home and dumped your baggage on your spouse? Or are you the type to bottle up your emotions and shut yourself off to loved ones? Police officers and firemen have to look death in the face every day. Their stress levels are so intense that 75 to 90 percent of their marriages end in divorce. This was the outcome for Ty and Wendy's 11-year marriage. Ty is a police officer, and Wendy says he brought his anger home and treated her and their three kids like they were inmates in jail. Ty acknowledges his negative behavior and wants to know how to change it. The couple is considering getting remarried, but will they feel the same after Dr. Phil tells them the five things they must do to make their relationship work? Then, get a sneak peak at Kirk Cameron's new movie, Fireproof, which explores the private battles many people who work extreme jobs face. Kirk and the moviemakers join Dr. Phil and share why they were so passionate about getting this movie made. Then, Kelly says her marriage is in trouble. Her husband of 16 years, John, recently became a firefighter, and she says she feels like a single mom because he puts more time into his job than his family. And, hear from Karin whose husband, Karl, has been a firefighter for 19 years. Learn the ways she handles her husband's intense emotions and how they maintain a good relationship. These are not the only extreme jobs that can cause marital crises. If your spouse is a workaholic and your marriage is suffering, you don't want to miss this show. 


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September 25, 2008, 1:39 pm CDT

This is not just a problem for men.

First off Dr,. Phil when you work in Public Safety it is hard to switch on, switch off like a light.  Secondly you focused on this problem as if only men work in Public Safety jobs (police, fire and EMS) and only the men have this problem.  I did not see one firefighter in your audience with her husband only ones with their wives. Well I have been in EMS for over 30 years and have seen the same problems happen to the women in public safety jobs.  Sometimes it is even worse because there are many pressures placed on women not only on the job to perform as well as off the job to be a wife and mother.  Because really Dr. Phil how many women do you know that wear bullet proof vests to work, carry guns, use hurst systems, know how to really swing an axe, carry 500 lb people frequently, wear still toe boots, have haz mat training ...the list goes on and on of what women as well as men do in public safety jobs.  The points you make are excellent but I do not think you realy understand what it is like to put your life on the line day after day, year  after year and rarely be thanked. 

 
September 25, 2008, 1:50 pm CDT

Wow! I've been there!

Man could I relate to this show.  The only thing we had different was a chronic ill child.  She not only had one medical problem, but two medical problems and trouble in school.  We made it.  This past spring I found a t-shirt that reads:  "If you think being a firefighter is tough, you should be a firefighter's wife!"  How true.   With our daughters medical issues it only added to the fuel of the job.  Of all people I should have understood better, it should have been me.  I worked as an EMT-B for an Ambulance Service for 15yrs.    My husband has been a Fire Fighter for 20 yrs now.  We are now faced with new things going on.  The dept. is cutting back personnel and our youngest is now having some major medical problems.  We have to remember once again what we went through and how to make it again.  We have been in those shoes of divorce, but choose a different path and made it.  Don't ever give up.   

 

 
September 25, 2008, 1:56 pm CDT

What about the Paramedics & EMT's

Dr. Phil,

   I am married to a Paramedic and have been around EMS for awhile now and I am very insulted at the fact that you failed to mention anything about EMS people in your show today. This show was very touching to me because our family is effected by everything you have mentioned today. Paramedics save lifes and lose lifes just as Firefighters and Police Officers do and to leave them out of the group of Public Service individuals today on your show is insulting to every Paramedic and EMT that has saved a life, had to come home to their family, have no way to vent and take things out on the their family members. Our Public service workers need better care in their mental health while on jobs!! In the future I would hope that you wouldn't forget about the men and women that may need to save your life or one of your family members! Nothing upsets me more then when people forget about the job that my husband carries out everyday!

Very UPSET & Offended Wife!!

 
September 25, 2008, 2:04 pm CDT

I agree....

Quote From: iswimalot

First off Dr,. Phil when you work in Public Safety it is hard to switch on, switch off like a light.  Secondly you focused on this problem as if only men work in Public Safety jobs (police, fire and EMS) and only the men have this problem.  I did not see one firefighter in your audience with her husband only ones with their wives. Well I have been in EMS for over 30 years and have seen the same problems happen to the women in public safety jobs.  Sometimes it is even worse because there are many pressures placed on women not only on the job to perform as well as off the job to be a wife and mother.  Because really Dr. Phil how many women do you know that wear bullet proof vests to work, carry guns, use hurst systems, know how to really swing an axe, carry 500 lb people frequently, wear still toe boots, have haz mat training ...the list goes on and on of what women as well as men do in public safety jobs.  The points you make are excellent but I do not think you realy understand what it is like to put your life on the line day after day, year  after year and rarely be thanked. 

We in the public safety rarely get thanked.  Both, me and my husband are in public safety.  It's hard being mom, wife and caretaker to your own sick child.  I never carried a gun or fire hose, but I have been at scense'se picking up the weight of people and caring for them in the back of an ambulance while the gun fire is going off.  I don't think my BP cuff is very good defense.  Yes, I have always thanked the Officer for saving my butt(had to keep it clean) when I've been in the bad situtation. 

 
September 25, 2008, 2:04 pm CDT

Fireman and spouse

My husband was a volunteer firefighter for 25 years and I wish I had a nickel for everytime we went to go somewhere and got to the door and his fire pager would go off. The kids and I would go back into the house and off he would go to the fire. That is what he chose to do to give back to the community and we supported him 100%. You never knew when he left what would happen or if he would come back okay. It is hard to deal with but if they choose to do this profession and you love them enough you will support them. I also was an EMT on our volunteer ambulance service and I was gone a lot. We both gave for the other. We had a gas station and my husband spent a lot of time there so I quit my job and worked with him. When the kids were babies they sat in a swing in the window and they grew up around the business and the active life we had. I did not become an EMT until our kids were both teens. They also followed in our footsteps. Our son became a volunteer firefighter and our daughter became an EMT. We were all very supportive of each other. When my husband passed away in March of this year we had been married 36 years and not one fight. That is the truth.
 
September 25, 2008, 2:12 pm CDT

Thank you Dr. Phil

Quote From: iswimalot

First off Dr,. Phil when you work in Public Safety it is hard to switch on, switch off like a light.  Secondly you focused on this problem as if only men work in Public Safety jobs (police, fire and EMS) and only the men have this problem.  I did not see one firefighter in your audience with her husband only ones with their wives. Well I have been in EMS for over 30 years and have seen the same problems happen to the women in public safety jobs.  Sometimes it is even worse because there are many pressures placed on women not only on the job to perform as well as off the job to be a wife and mother.  Because really Dr. Phil how many women do you know that wear bullet proof vests to work, carry guns, use hurst systems, know how to really swing an axe, carry 500 lb people frequently, wear still toe boots, have haz mat training ...the list goes on and on of what women as well as men do in public safety jobs.  The points you make are excellent but I do not think you realy understand what it is like to put your life on the line day after day, year  after year and rarely be thanked. 

Dr. Phil,
Thank you so much for supporting this movie. My husband is not a firefighter but he is a Football Coach. We have had problems for a couple of years. The one thing that holds us together is our love for God and because we meant the vows we took. On tues, I came home from work (I am a school teacher) and I had fully decided that I would tell my husband that I wanted a divorce. I wasnt happy with the decision and the fact that I would not be honoring God, but I felt that this was the only way to have peace. Anyway, my wonderful Pastor and friend called me and convinced me and my husband to come in and talk to him.  By the end of the meeting I had decided to give this marriage another try. My husband is a wonderful man, but there is just  a piece missing. Anyway, my Pastor asked me to do one thing before our next meeting. That one thing is to see Fireproof by myself. So I am planning to see the movie on Sat 9-27. I sat on my couch crying just from the scenes that were shown. I am so impressed with your willingness to see the impact that this movie potentially has for so many. Thank you.

To the lady who signed in above....Thank you so much for the hard work and tireless effort you put forth daily. I can so relate with never getting thanked because as a teacher who dearly loves her students, I deal with more negativity then positivity. My job is not as near as dangerous so I cant make the same comparision. But I am very thankful and grateful to all the men and women who serve us. That should also include our military families. There are several people in the world who respect you, love you , admire you, and I am one of them.

Sincerely,
Michelle
 
September 25, 2008, 2:17 pm CDT

09/25 Fireproof Your Marriage

I just watched this show, and one thing the show and the boards have failed to mention is that before a Police Officer, Firefighter, Paramedic, or EMT can respond to a call... a DISPATCHER has to take that call. Dispatchers are often caled the "real first responders" because they truly are. I have rough days at work and the stress of the job gets to me, and my b/f doesn't get it. He doesn't know what it's like to do what I do.
 
September 25, 2008, 2:24 pm CDT

TOTALLY RELATED

Just got done watching the show on how to fire proof your marriage~could't have come at a better time me and my husband were married in april just shy of 6 months now and i'm starting to wonder will it be like this forever? He works narcotics and undercover for the sheriff's dept. so he is gone alot, like right now he has currently been at work for humm... let's see 27 hours now. It is so frustrating sometimes! I totally respect him and support him in what he does,i think it's awesome but it seems like we(the family)are constantly put on the back burner! By the time he gets home he will be exhausted (understandable) and i will get no help with the house or the kids(i sound so sellfish) nor will we be able to spend any time together. I thought the show was great although i missed half of it, it feels good to know that there are so many people feeling the same way i feel.
 
September 25, 2008, 2:30 pm CDT

another cop

My lord..  so what he's a cop.  He seems like he feels he's God and the wife and kids should listen to him and bow down .  LOL  My brother is a cop as well.  This guy talked alot about respect.  Well buddy u earn respect in the sreets and at home! He looks to me to be a bit arrogant and self centered.  He is just 1 of many who thinks the badge and gun make him someone SPECIAL.  You are NO special than anyone else.  Just look around at the corruption and bad press of late.... respect?  As I said earn it.   We all have stress at work, we all want to be heard, but theres a time for it all, when you have a spouse and children.  He may be a real nice guy ( doubt it tho)  but he came off to me as just another cop who wears the badge for the power.   Well budd u have no power at home!
 
September 25, 2008, 2:30 pm CDT

09/25 Fireproof Your Marriage

Quote From: anniedobs

My husband was a volunteer firefighter for 25 years and I wish I had a nickel for everytime we went to go somewhere and got to the door and his fire pager would go off. The kids and I would go back into the house and off he would go to the fire. That is what he chose to do to give back to the community and we supported him 100%. You never knew when he left what would happen or if he would come back okay. It is hard to deal with but if they choose to do this profession and you love them enough you will support them. I also was an EMT on our volunteer ambulance service and I was gone a lot. We both gave for the other. We had a gas station and my husband spent a lot of time there so I quit my job and worked with him. When the kids were babies they sat in a swing in the window and they grew up around the business and the active life we had. I did not become an EMT until our kids were both teens. They also followed in our footsteps. Our son became a volunteer firefighter and our daughter became an EMT. We were all very supportive of each other. When my husband passed away in March of this year we had been married 36 years and not one fight. That is the truth.
I can totally relate me and my husband just got married in april but have been together for 4 years he is a police officer(undercover narcotics)and it's so frustrating to always have to plan around their schedule and even when you do it still seems like things always come up how did yall get threw all that
 
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