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Topic : 11/27 Extreme Moms

Number of Replies: 264
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Created on : Friday, September 26, 2008, 01:14:58 pm
Author : DrPhilBoard3

(Original Air Date: 09/29/08) Parents: Is it better for your children if you're a helicopter mom who hovers over them, or a hands-off mom who allows them to learn independence? This hot-button topic has sparked debates across the country. Lenore is a mom who says kids need more freedom so they can learn to survive in the world. To prove that children are more adept than most parents think, she left her 9-year-old son, Izzy, in a New York City department store with $20, a subway card and a map. Was he able to find his way home safely? Some moms, like Maria, say Lenore's actions were extreme. Maria, a mother of three, says she's constantly hovering over her children, especially her 17-year-old daughter, Madeline. Is Maria doing more harm than good? You won't believe what Madeline has to say! Next, hear from Sarah who admits her 12-year-old and 8-year-old sons are almost never more than a few steps away from her, and comedienne Daphne Brogdon who says helicopter moms need to "let go and lighten up." Then, Dr. Jim Sears, co-host of the new show, The Doctors, weighs in with the biggest health risks of being a hovering mom. And, follow up with Ashlee and her mom, Teresa, who first appeared (link to: /shows/show/595/ on the show to discuss Teresa's overprotectiveness. Five years later, Teresa says Ashlee is a rebellious and rotten teen. Ashlee, now 17, wants to go to college and live in a dorm room, but her mom won't let her. Does Teresa have valid concerns for keeping Ashlee on a short leash? If you're a parent, or about to become one, you don't want to miss this show! Talk about the show here.

Find out what happened on the show.


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September 28, 2008, 12:51 am CDT

EXTREME MOMS

I was an over protective mom not hovering just over loving and protective. My mother was an absentee mom, she was there when she hhad nowhere else to go, but I don't belive she truly wanted to be there. I have two  children three and a half years apart in age. I felt and still feel I treated them both the same out of fear and love. I grew up abused and neglected and felt unloved or wanted. I didnot want my children to go through what I went threw, so I always wanted to know where they were and who they were with. Where the  friends lived, who their parents were,what they did, how they raised their children. Were they respectful of their children and vice versa. No matter how I tried to give freedom and independence my oldest would give me reason to fear for her safety. She did not in my opinion show maturity or awareness for herself or her surroundings. She now has two daughters of her own the oldest just short of 17,who she has left on her own since she was about 5yrs. old off and on. She has a rocky relationship with her. She says she doesn't understand why her child is the way she is, selfish, unappreciative and uncooperative. My daughter basically let her child raise herself because it was easier for her (the mother) to be able to do what she wanted to do if she just let her child do what she wanted to do stay with  people she didn't know or like. Now my daughter has just given birth to another daughter ( 9months ago) and she expects her other daughter to babysit and raise basically so she can go out  and continue to party. I have been told that I am not needed or wanted to have anything to do with the new granddaughter except to provide money .IT IS WHAT IT IS. I have no answers
 
September 28, 2008, 1:58 am CDT

09/29 Extreme Moms

Dr.P is featuring the extremes of the 2 examples. I think the goal is to find a happy medium. I was very close to my 2 kids when they were little. I tried to give them more freedom as they grew older. It's not easy being a parent and knowing when to let go a little at a time. Most parents I know are somewhere in the middle of the mothers on the show.

 
September 28, 2008, 2:13 am CDT

EXTREME BAD BEHAVIOR

Quote From: angel111999

I CAN'T BELIEVE A PARENT WOULD LEAVE THEIR 9 YEAR OLD
SON IN A N.Y. CITY DEPARTMENT STORE WITH $20, A SUBWAY CARD AND A MAP.
BEING WITHOUT PARENTAL SUPERVISION IS A FORM OF "ABUSE".
IN THIS DAY AND AGE, THERE ARE CHILDREN BEING ABDUCTED
THAT ARE STANDING RIGHT NEXT TO THEIR PARENTS. WHY DOES SHE THINK SHE HAS THE RIGHT TO DO SOMETHING LIKE
THAT TO TEACH HIM "INDEPENDENCE" WITHOUT THINKING THAT SHE MAY BE CAUSING HIM HARM? THERE ARE SO MANY SEXUAL PREDATORS LOOKING FOR AN OPPORUINITY TO
TAKE ADVANTAGE OF OF A CHILD ALONE LIKE HER SON IN NEW YORK CITY!!!!
THERE ARE BETTER WAYS OF TEACHING YOUR
CHILD "INDEPENDENCE".
THIS WAS NOT THE RIGHT WAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
SHE NEEDS TO GO TO SCHOOL TO LEARN HOW TO BE A
PARENT..........NEEDS TO KNOW THE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN "RIGHT" AND "WRONG".
WHEN YOU ARE A PARENT, YOU MUST BE "RESPONSIBLE" NOT "IRRESPONSIBLE"!!!!!!!.
DOES ANYONE AGREE THAT THIS WOMAN'S BEHAVIOR IS A FORM OF ABUSE?
 
September 28, 2008, 4:36 am CDT

Helicopter Mom

Although I do not regularly follow my child, when my suspicions are aroused, I may.   I do expect for him to tell me where he is and for him to be there, which has not always been the case.  He NOW knows that I may very well phone a parent or drive by to see where he is.  He has not always been where he said that he is.  He has not always been sober either!  I make no apologies for checking his texting and finding that he is driving down the interstate and texting at the same time (yes, the texting service was immediately suspended). I believe that if I can discourage negative behaviors before they become ingrained, then maybe life will not degenerate.  I make no apologies for doing what I feel is in his best interest and to be a responsible parent.
 
September 28, 2008, 6:19 am CDT

09/29 Extreme Moms

Could it be the reason why there are extreme moms out there is because of the way they were brought up?  Or they were wild in their younger years and afraid that now that they have children they don't want to experience the heartaches they gave their parents?  Allowing kids to be independent is a process that is practiced - not only overnight - but all the time in every day living.  To make it work, it should start at an early age.  Mutual trust and worthiness will developed as youngsters grow and learn from what we teach them.

 
September 28, 2008, 6:39 am CDT

Finding a Balance

I was accused of being an overprotective mother, mostly by my family members and x-husband.  One of the main reasons I was overprotective is because I was sexually abused at the age of 6 by a neighbor that lived four doors down from my parents.  I never wanted my son to go through anything that I went through because it really does haunt you for a lifetime.  The trick was for me to put my own fears aside and find a balance so that I didn't smother my child.  (I let up considerably when he turned 9 years old).  I found that it was better to have trust than to worry sick.  My son is now in college, (a few hours away from home).  And though he grew up playing soccer and I could never get him on a schedule of chores, he is independent and has aquired a soccer scholarship, keeps his grades up, does his own laundry, and is also giving back to the community.  We all thought it would be best for him to go away to college in order to gain independence and it's working beautifully.  (even though it broke my heart to let him go).  We're very close....he's one of my best friends :)  I agree that you have to let your children experience life and make their own mistakes and suffer the consequences....this is a must!  But on the other hand, your job as a parent is to protect them.  Another thing to keep in mind is that children mature at different levels.  Some children are capable of more and your child will let you know when you need to let the rope out.  I totally disagree with leaving a 9 year old in the mall unattended; that's just crazy!  That mother would never forgive herself if something happened to that child.
 
September 28, 2008, 7:31 am CDT

extreme moms

I  do not know what kind of mom i am . i did the hands off mom and as a result i got a teen who is completely out of control. she had her school report me to children and youth. that i am not mad about they are only doing their job. but my daughter is drinking, she is sexually active, may be doing drugs. i have had to have the police out to our house 2 days ago because she has threatened me with harm. chidren and youth, the police, crisis intervention all know what is going on you think someone would help to get her into a boot camp or residentual treatment place ?  NO  no one has helped me at all now i got to deal with being on the verge of a breakdown myself am so afraid to sleep at night. someone please help
 
September 28, 2008, 8:43 am CDT

MOTHER'S ACTIONS ARE A FOR OF ABUSE

Quote From: shelly_80

Oh, you took the works right out of my mouth!!!  As I'm sure everyone knows, NYC is by far one of the the craziest cities on the map.  I love it there as far as historical marks but even I was nearing a mental breakdown and I was with a group of people.   

 

One of my personal experiences on a NYC subway, I was with my family riding just to see some points of interest and as you know you can walk car-to-car.  It was night time and a lesser than desireable man walk into the car we were in.  I am in no way passing judgement because he could not help his outward appearance but it looked like he was completely covered with leprosy.  He was steadily prophesying on how everyone was going to be damned to hell if they didn't turn their life around and live the way he was talking about.  It scared me to death, I just knew someone was going to whip out a gun and we were going to get caught in the crossfire.  Luckily, I was wrong.  I've never been so scared in my life!  That's why I can't imagaine a woman DELIBERATLY leaving her son there ALONE with nothing but $20 a SUBWAY card and a map.  You're absolutely right, that's child abuse in every since of the word!  Anything could have happened, like you said.  I am constanly asking the "what if" questions.  It's sad that people don't have anymore smarts than that.  This mom isn't "just irresponsible," she's down right stupid!!!

YOUR STORY CONFIRMS WHAT CAN REALLY HAPPEN IN NEW YOUR CITY TO A CHILD OR AN ADULT. I CANNOT UNDERSTAND HOW THIS "IRRESPONSIBLE" PARENT CAN GET
AWAY WITH SOMETHING LIKE THIS WITHOUT PAYING FOR THE "CONSEQUENCES"????? SHE IS AN "UNFIT MOTHER" THAT SHOULD BE FORCED
TO GO TO SOME TYPE OF "COUSELING" TO GAIN KNOWLEDGE OF "HOW TO BE A PARENT".
 
September 28, 2008, 8:47 am CDT

help

Quote From: kjfake

I  do not know what kind of mom i am . i did the hands off mom and as a result i got a teen who is completely out of control. she had her school report me to children and youth. that i am not mad about they are only doing their job. but my daughter is drinking, she is sexually active, may be doing drugs. i have had to have the police out to our house 2 days ago because she has threatened me with harm. chidren and youth, the police, crisis intervention all know what is going on you think someone would help to get her into a boot camp or residentual treatment place ?  NO  no one has helped me at all now i got to deal with being on the verge of a breakdown myself am so afraid to sleep at night. someone please help
unfortunately there is not much help for your case, been there, the best you can do is get up and make the best out of each day and stand up for yourself , to dept of state and your child, anger rules this world and you cant let it rule you. dont feel it s all your fault either, at some point your child has to take responsibility for her own actions!!! if you break down , she will not have anyone to fall back on when her world falls apart! Dont forget who you are and your strenghts and your abilities. find a support system if you can , let the state know you are strong and willing to work with them , or against them if you have to. depending on your state there are options , every kind of mom has problems at some point and sometimes certain children just act like jerks no matter how good you are. If you have something going on with you  personally that you need to fix start there, if she follows suit good for her if not , you will be better for working on you! Sounds kinda selfish but the trueth is most daughters act out because of lack of respect for thier mothers. The point is, you feel weak and scared and you need to feel strong and secure.  Work on that. You will be happy you did.
 
September 28, 2008, 8:56 am CDT

not your right

Quote From: angel111999

DOES ANYONE AGREE THAT THIS WOMAN'S BEHAVIOR IS A FORM OF ABUSE?

well this is the point, YOU , dont know the child or the mom yet you are outraged at her actions, I would guess the situation would depend on the two people in guestion and the time in training for this journey, In some parts of the world children do not have parents by this age and are left to fend for themselves. At some point you may need to get off your pedistool and look at the reality!! This parent feels her son needs to learn how to do certain things to survive and honestly You do not get to judge her reasoning, if you wanna help go after the pedifiles not the MOMS.

Thanks for reminding us how limited in mind some people are in this country!

 
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