Topic : 11/27 Extreme Moms

I was an over protective mom not hovering just over loving and protective. My mother was an absentee mom, she was there when she hhad nowhere else to go, but I don't belive she truly wanted to be there. I have two  children three and a half years apart in age. I felt and still feel I treated them both the same out of fear and love. I grew up abused and neglected and felt unloved or wanted. I didnot want my children to go through what I went threw, so I always wanted to know where they were and who they were with. Where the  friends lived, who their parents were,what they did, how they raised their children. Were they respectful of their children and vice versa. No matter how I tried to give freedom and independence my oldest would give me reason to fear for her safety. She did not in my opinion show maturity or awareness for herself or her surroundings. She now has two daughters of her own the oldest just short of 17,who she has left on her own since she was about 5yrs. old off and on. She has a rocky relationship with her. She says she doesn't understand why her child is the way she is, selfish, unappreciative and uncooperative. My daughter basically let her child raise herself because it was easier for her (the mother) to be able to do what she wanted to do if she just let her child do what she wanted to do stay with  people she didn't know or like. Now my daughter has just given birth to another daughter ( 9months ago) and she expects her other daughter to babysit and raise basically so she can go out  and continue to party. I have been told that I am not needed or wanted to have anything to do with the new granddaughter except to provide money .IT IS WHAT IT IS. I have no answers

DOES ANYONE AGREE THAT THIS WOMAN'S BEHAVIOR IS A FORM OF ABUSE?

Although I do not regularly follow my child, when my suspicions are aroused, I may.   I do expect for him to tell me where he is and for him to be there, which has not always been the case.  He NOW knows that I may very well phone a parent or drive by to see where he is.  He has not always been where he said that he is.  He has not always been sober either!  I make no apologies for checking his texting and finding that he is driving down the interstate and texting at the same time (yes, the texting service was immediately suspended). I believe that if I can discourage negative behaviors before they become ingrained, then maybe life will not degenerate.  I make no apologies for doing what I feel is in his best interest and to be a responsible parent.

I was accused of being an overprotective mother, mostly by my family members and x-husband.  One of the main reasons I was overprotective is because I was sexually abused at the age of 6 by a neighbor that lived four doors down from my parents.  I never wanted my son to go through anything that I went through because it really does haunt you for a lifetime.  The trick was for me to put my own fears aside and find a balance so that I didn't smother my child.  (I let up considerably when he turned 9 years old).  I found that it was better to have trust than to worry sick.  My son is now in college, (a few hours away from home).  And though he grew up playing soccer and I could never get him on a schedule of chores, he is independent and has aquired a soccer scholarship, keeps his grades up, does his own laundry, and is also giving back to the community.  We all thought it would be best for him to go away to college in order to gain independence and it's working beautifully.  (even though it broke my heart to let him go).  We're very close....he's one of my best friends :)  I agree that you have to let your children experience life and make their own mistakes and suffer the consequences....this is a must!  But on the other hand, your job as a parent is to protect them.  Another thing to keep in mind is that children mature at different levels.  Some children are capable of more and your child will let you know when you need to let the rope out.  I totally disagree with leaving a 9 year old in the mall unattended; that's just crazy!  That mother would never forgive herself if something happened to that child.

YOUR STORY CONFIRMS WHAT CAN REALLY HAPPEN IN NEW YOUR CITY TO A CHILD OR AN ADULT. I CANNOT UNDERSTAND HOW THIS "IRRESPONSIBLE" PARENT CAN GET
AWAY WITH SOMETHING LIKE THIS WITHOUT PAYING FOR THE "CONSEQUENCES"????? SHE IS AN "UNFIT MOTHER" THAT SHOULD BE FORCED
TO GO TO SOME TYPE OF "COUSELING" TO GAIN KNOWLEDGE OF "HOW TO BE A PARENT".

unfortunately there is not much help for your case, been there, the best you can do is get up and make the best out of each day and stand up for yourself , to dept of state and your child, anger rules this world and you cant let it rule you. dont feel it s all your fault either, at some point your child has to take responsibility for her own actions!!! if you break down , she will not have anyone to fall back on when her world falls apart! Dont forget who you are and your strenghts and your abilities. find a support system if you can , let the state know you are strong and willing to work with them , or against them if you have to. depending on your state there are options , every kind of mom has problems at some point and sometimes certain children just act like jerks no matter how good you are. If you have something going on with you  personally that you need to fix start there, if she follows suit good for her if not , you will be better for working on you! Sounds kinda selfish but the trueth is most daughters act out because of lack of respect for thier mothers. The point is, you feel weak and scared and you need to feel strong and secure.  Work on that. You will be happy you did.

well this is the point, YOU , dont know the child or the mom yet you are outraged at her actions, I would guess the situation would depend on the two people in guestion and the time in training for this journey, In some parts of the world children do not have parents by this age and are left to fend for themselves. At some point you may need to get off your pedistool and look at the reality!! This parent feels her son needs to learn how to do certain things to survive and honestly You do not get to judge her reasoning, if you wanna help go after the pedifiles not the MOMS.

Thanks for reminding us how limited in mind some people are in this country!