Topic : 11/27 Extreme Moms

My mother was the same way.  Like you, I also got married at a young age, then it got downhill after three months, which lead to divorce.  My mother was very controlling.  I was born in the Philippines, but I got adopted when I was 6 yrs old.  I moved to Hawaii when I was 12 years old.  My adopted mother would not let me do anything with my friends or anything for the community.  I had to go to school, then come home straight.  I wasn't allowed to do community services because she doesn't see the point of doing it.  She does not let me go to the movies with my friends because she doesn't believe in having fun.  She didn't even like the fact that I stayed afterschool to get tutoring.  It got to the point where I thought of moving out as soon as I turned 18, which lead me to marriage.  To this day, she's still controlling.  She doesn't know that I got married once, divorced, and got married again because that's going to be a whole different story.  Although I resent her, I still try to keep n touch even though I am lying about the fact that I am married. 

I have two girls of my own.  One is 14 and the other is 6, and I think it is insane for the mother that doesn't allow her daughter to breath.  My 14 year old has been going to the movies with her friends since she was 11, without me.  She has her own cell phone, that I do not go through, and she talks to her friends without me listening in on every word.  I have raised her to be responsible, confident, and respectful.  Until she gives me a reason to not trust her, I will.  Let your kids grow up.

 

In regards to the mother that said she thinks it was crazy for the mom to leave her son in a N. Y. dept. store with 20.00 and a map. I say good for her.  If her son has grown up in that city, knows his way around, and can be trusted to do what he has been raised to do, why not???

I am a mom of three kids, and I do NOT agree that 9 year olds should be able to go wherever they want by themselves. It is our job to be the protectors of our kids and after something happens to them, it's too late. Why take that chance??  I'd rather be cautious and have my kids around for a long time, then let them indulge in freedom and lose them forever.  I live in Canada, and I don't know how it works in the US, but here, we aren't legally allowed to leave them home alone.And that's in our own home, where they can lock themselves in and the rest of the world out.   Why, then, would it be OK to let them lose in the city where there's who-knows-who out there just waiting to pounce on some child who's alone?

On the other hand, I think that by the time they are teenagers, and can prove that they are RESPONSIBLE, then they can be allowed freedoms, and the more they prove they are trustworthy, the more freedom they should be allowed.  But at nine, that's just too young.

Izzy's mom is bonkers.  She puts her child out in the city, at the mercy of strangers, and then blogs it and gets on national TV and tells the world he is out there, free for the picking?  Never mind the kid-touchers, what about drug dealers, kidnappers, freaks and general perverts?  If I saw a child that age walking around alone I would take him to a police officer.  There is a reason children are legally not allowed to be home alone until they are 12.  And that is HOME, with a LOCK.  They lack the capacity to protect themselves!  She counts on total strangers to judge if a child is trying to get away from a pervert or just being obstinent with his parent?  Nutty.  I am all for independence, but not putting my kid out on the perv market and then advertising the fact to the world. 

WOW! You said it all...What a "Mother" should be all about!
This "Mother" that allowed her 9 year
old son to be on his
own in N.Y. City was "wrong".
Yet, a Mother that is
too "overprotective"
is "wrong".
A "Mother" should maintain a middle ground!
In this day and age, there are plenty of books to read to gain knowlege of how your child can be "independent".
There is the Dr.Phil show that gives good advice and has professionals that
talk about this.
There are family and friends you can reach out to when you are
not sure if you are making the right decision.
But for this Mother to put her child in an "unprotected environment" is troublesome!!
It's like taking your
child and putting him
In the wild for the wolves to eat him.
N.Y. City has problems around ever corner from "violence" to
child "predators".
Did she not think of
that when she put
him out there?
No she didn't!!!

This Mother needs counseling on how to be a "RESPONSIBLE MOTHER"!!!!!

I live in a ok neighborhood and I see little kids that look as young as a 5 year old and they play with the other kids and go to the local park and downtown by the river to the ice cream stand. My little girl is 1 year old and I feel that if you don't give your kids a little freedom they will end up lying to you sneaking behind your back and just getting into more trouble then they would if they new that you trusted them.  They break that trust thats when you lay down the rules. Kids need a little freedom to learn how to servive.  my mom didnt give me much freedom until i was 16 and I went behind her back and got in trouble. but once she started to trust I calmed down and nnow she is my best friend. 

Hello Dr. Phil,

I just finished watching your show on overprotective Moms.  I was so sad to see what it was doing to their relationships.  I also tended to be fearful when our daughter was growing up.  So I sympathize with these Moms.  However, I finally realized that in order for our daughter to become a confident, self-assured adult, I learned to let her go, starting out with baby steps...which is how we teach them to do everything.  We don't  put our baby down and say "walk" and expect them to get up and do it.  We teach them to ride a bike by letting them ride a tricycle  first.  The same is true about teaching them about how become happy, self-assured, confident adults who also learn how to cope when things go different from what we want or think it should.  If you can, please tell Moms to start young with allowing their children how to make WISE decisions.  When our daughter was a senior in high school, she asked the questions, "Mama, what are you going to do when I go to college?"  I replied, "I will cry for a few minutes, and so will you, but then we will both get on with our lives and adjust to the new chapter that is beginning.  It was hard for her the first month of college, but I assured her that everyday she would get more used to being away from home and from us (we are a very close family).  She is now in her last year of grad school in NY and amazes me everyday with how confident and assured she is (she was EXTREMELY SHY) when she was small.  God has always watched out for her because we trust Him to do that.  Hopefully, these mothers that were on your show today will help their children grow up with confidence.  By the way, our daughter has called us everyday for the last 6 years, not because we require it, but because she wants to tell us about her day.  Sometimes the call may be a minute or two, other times, when she has had a breakup with a boyfriend, or something else, she may have called 4 times.  She knows that she determines that....not us.  Have a wonderful day and keep telling people the truth.

I have two very special needs children.  One is completely nonverbal and can not tell us what has gone on in his day.  I feel that I have to be in the school and anywhere that he is.  Medical is a nightmare.  Dr's and nurses at the local hospital know our family by sight and name.  So, I will always hover and be protective.  Now on the other side.  When our oldest children were teenagers.  They had a lot of independence.  I did go through their rooms at times.  And yes we found drugs and other things that was not appropriate.  We did not let them go out unless we knew who they were going to be with and what they were going to be doing.  And yes we have had to go get one of them out of jail. 

Today so many ppl do not parent that it looks like over parenting when you have a parent who does parent.  When did we become our childrens friends not their parents.  We get one shot at parenting each of our children.  So, stop being afraid that they will hate you and parent them becouse no matter what your child will not like you 100% of the time. 

My favorite saying to my children has always been if you don't like me i'm doing my most important job of all times. 

 To the overprotective stalker Mom, she must have given her parents reasons to not trust her at that age (17).  She needs to know who and where she goes but DO NOT  follow her.  You have to trust her to a certain point.  The child will respect her more with some trust but will not have rebellion as revenge.  Your daughter will have to make her own (hopefully mature) decisions in Life.  Cut them some slack but don't just turn them loose and let the streets raise them for you.  They will see the light better that way.

I can confirm that being an extreme mom will definitely hinder your child's development and social skills because I am living proof. My parents were very restrictive when I was young and I didn't have to do much for myself. I don't blame them because I do not think they understood that it was wrong in many ways. They loved me and wanted the best for me. Because of the way I was brought up, I now have bad credit, social anxiety, and fear of many things. Unfortunately, I was not urged to do things for myself and am now a lazy adult. I hate doing chores daily. I do not have the necessary skills for life and am not sure how to get out of this circle. I pray to God that I can change before my 2 year old picks up these habits. No doubt she has a few now. Can anyone provide some type of literature that will help?