Topic : 11/27 Extreme Moms

I am a 46 year old mother of 3.  I had the absolute definition of a helicopter mom.  I was never allowed to go to my friend's houses, although they were allowed to come to mine.  I could not go to the mall, the park, walk to school etc.  Finally, in the 8th grade, I was allowed to walk to school with 3 friends.  I was torn between love and resentment as I felt she had no confidence that I could make a good decision. At 17 I began to rebel.  All of the messages my mother drilled in to me kept me from getting in any real trouble.  I MARRIED AT 22 BECAUSE I KNEW SHE WOULD NEVER ALLOW ME TO MOVE OUT ON MY OWN.  (I hope the overprotective moms on your show read that.) When I was 26, I had 2 children and when we visited my mother  which was very often, (a 5 minute drive from my house) she would get in her car a follow me home to make sure I got in the house with the kids safely, even though my husband was home waiting.  At that point I realized that this is what she had to do to have peace.  When I was 28, mother passed away from a sudden heart attack on Easter Sunday.  She was 56.  I am certain she stressed herself to that point.  I would give anything to have her hover now.  I have strugged with the urge to protect my children as she did but I continue to remember how difficult it was to be the one protected. With extreme difficulty letting go, I  knew I had to allow them some freedom.  My children have become  responsible young adults.  They have never been in any kind of trouble.  They make good choices.  I was up front with my children regarding my protected upbringing and they never failed to call me out whenever they thought that I was too overprotective, I know I would have followed the same pattern as my mother.  Children need well defined boundaries.  I believe that you can have a happy medium regarding freedom given to children and have your children grow up well adjusted and independant without the extremist point of view.  I would never have allowed my young child to roam the city unattended, but I don't believe they hold that against me.

I believe there is more danger to locking up your kids in their home, even when you are there, than it is to let a child play in his neighborhood.  How many families do you know who have had a child abducted or molested by a stranger?  How many do you know with obese or overweight children?  There is a huge consequence to restricting children's lives as we do in today's society and it's everywhere.  It is the consequence of becoming an overweight child.  The child who can navigate his own neighborhood independently is not as likely to suffer from diabetes, low self esteem or ill fitting clothes.  The child who is "safe" at home is likely to be watching TV or playing video games which is a setup for obesity. 

I live near Tacoma where Zina was abducted by a stranger during the summer I think 2 years ago.  And her father was right there and able to get the license plate.  This was an absolute tragedy, but it wasn't the parents'  fault.  She was found murdered not too far from our home.  It wasn't the parents' fault.  These types of dangers have always been present in our society, but it doesn't mean you should lock up your children.

I am not physically strong enough to stop a would be stranger abduction if it occurred as we walked together on the street.  This is true for many women.  In some areas of the world, such as Saudi Arabia, they lock up their women to keep them safe.  The women are not allowed to go outside unless they are with a male relative.  This sounds wrong to most American ears.  Yet this is exactly how we have approached the problem with our children.

There is always danger in this world.  Pay attention to what really happens to people you actually know.  Zina cases are huge in the media, but it is highly unlikely to happen which is why it's in the news.  Protect your kids from bad things you see happening to other families in your neighborhood.

   Being raised in the country means everybody has responsibilities.  I knew how to start and drive tractors, cars, and pickups by the time I was 9-10 years old.  I had my own livestock to take care of.  Our travel restrictions left us kids a playground of  about 8 square miles.  I had my own single shot .22 rifle.  I have watched parents put 5-7 year old kids in a saddle, on the back of a trusted ranch horse and told, "Ride to the back of this pasture(might be a few miles before things are done) and gather everything towards the branding corral." 

   Thirteen and fourteen year olds driving bobtail grain trucks weighing 15,000 pounds down gravel roads to the grain elevator and back to the farm for a round trip of 10-40 miles.  Because Dad didn't figure the kids could repair the combine if it broke down.

   Anybody can be hurt anytime by anything.  Childhood should be never be filled because adults build a fence too close to home.  Childhood should be filled will the learning of the ways of the world.

Take Care and God Bless,