Topic : 11/27 Extreme Moms

My question here is, if you can leave your child in NYC with a subway card to find his way home yet you  can be arrested for leaving your child in a vehicle while running into a store to purchase milk all while able to view the child from the store, this does not make sense.  Personally i would never do either.  It is risking the safety of your child while you can not be there to protect them.  Yes, cars are dangerous and the mother said you are more likely to die in car accident than to be abducted but fact being, i bet stats would be different if all parents left their children alone to fend for themselves -then the charts would change. 

 

Overbearing parents are not doing much benefit either.  But I think both of these cases were quite the extreme.  I still keep tabs on my adult child for my own piece of mind and she knows that I love her dearlly and she says she hopes to be the mom that i am to her son.  i love my children and while i would love tokeep them in a bubble it is not possible or beneficial to them but on the other hand i would not purposely put them out there in harms way to fend for themselves. 

 

Again, how can it be possible to be arrested for leaving your child in car, such as the story of the  woman who went to drop something off with her kids at the mall in the rain, and didn't want to wake her sleeping child but yet you can leave your nine year old alone in NYC?? 

I think I am somewhere in the middle between the mom who let the child take the subway and the "helicopter" mom.

 

I think as a parent it is my job to take care of my child and make sure that he is safe but at the same time I need to give him his independence (Well as much as you can give a 4 yo), Of course I wouldn't him send him out unsupervised at this age and run around the street but I would let him run ahead of me on the sidewalk etc..

 

Obviously as my son gets older he will be able to do more things without me but I will keep tabs on him, I have to. (Not to the point of the "helicopter" mom though)

Sorry but I believe that children need guidance and they can still have their independence all at the same time.

 

When my two boys were 16 and 18 we took a family trip to Cabo, Mexico.  My oldest son was so awful there not wanting to do any of the activities and only wanted to watch tv in the hotel room that my husband and I called the airline and got both boys return tickets back home.  We took them to the airport the next day, got them to the gate, gave them money and instructions of how to get through customs at LAX airport, get their luggage, how to find their next boarding gate and then get a taxi to our home.  My husband and I then went back to the hotel where I cried with dissappointment over having to spend the remaining days without them - not that they were getting themselves home alone!  The end result was fine.  After arriving in LAX they got through customs, then in searching for their next gate they asked and received help from a flight attendant, boarded the plane to Seattle then instead of hiring a taxi (which I gave them money for) they called a relative to pick them up at midnight!  All was well and they felt proud of themselves.  This was 8 years ago and they have never forgotten this experience for future endeavors in their lives and never once did I feel guilty over this decision.

Everyone, in my opinion, has the right to make their own decisions about their child, but is New York safer than Chicago?  I would never let my son ride the L alone in Chicago!  Not until he was a teenager, maybe. I would role-play he's the adult and I'm the child, etc., but not go alone.  TOO MANY PEDOPHILES!

 

Dr. Phil, your other show showed that parents can be arrested for leaving kids alone in a car, but it's OK to leave them alone on a subway???

 

THAT'S JUST CRAZY!

 YA KNOW ..... I DO HAVE SOMETHING TO TAKE PRIDE IN AND THAT IS  MY KIDS.  I THINK I AM SOMEWHERE IN BETWEEN THE TWO EXTREMES, BUT I DON'T LIKE HEARING SOMEONE SAY THAT OTHER MOMS HAVE NOTHING ELSE TO DO. IT IS NOT THAT THERE IS NOTHING ELSE TO DO, IT IS THAT NOTHING, AND I DO MEAN NOTHING, IS MORE IMPORTANT THAN YOUR KIDS.    NOTHING.

We moved to the burbs about four years ago into a newly built home , a "community" , these people are horrifying .   They will send your child home in tears and let every other child on the block do the activity because their lil' BOBBY does'nt like your child that day??????   Parents belittling 5yr olds instead of telling their own sweetie pie to share and get along they kick the poor child out ??  In this community I will not gossip therefore they make things up about me .HOWEVER on the 4th of Sept it got MUCH WORSE than gossip.  My three year old is VERY SMART and we not only have our house child proofed but have had to put duck take on the door handles as well , as he figured those out in a short while.  He never got out though , well on that day he was sick and had gotten up at 1:00 am and had his dad and I up all night , fever bad cough etc.  he finally curled up and fell asleep in my bed in my arms and I fell asleep as well , I woke up about every 30 min just my mom meter to make sure all was well and he was still sound and in my arms.  The next thing I know their is a policeman at my door and my neighbor one door down told this officer that she did not know who's child was outside with a backpack on.  He wanted to take the bus to school like his big brothers and sister  and it was on this day that he finally got that door opened. They had been to bday parties at my home and vice versa here they are claiming to not know me or my son so intent on getting me in trouble as a bad parent because my son figured out the lock??? Why would anyone do such a hateful thing.  I ran to get my son and they had him in a dirty diaper with a rash that took three days to go away , they KNEW ME , (HE was only out for approx 15min as I looked at the clock at 10:30 and he was still with me and the officer came at approx 10:45or so . they could have at least brought him to me and let me change him if they cared so much .  They lied , I was called by a person from the Cfs I think it is , and I told them this was a one time thing and that I had NO OTHER issues ever and I have four children and a loving home and husband these woman just have nothing else to do.  So my advice is be very careful about a helicopter mom they just may think you are not helicopter enough and try to get you in trouble as a bad parent.  THANK GOD the rep from CFS put this down as unfounded and a neighborly dispute I am still in an utter panic every minute of every day that he may get out again if I am not right next to him , I cannot live like this it is ripping me up. I thank GOD in HEAVEN that he did not get hurt but these were women that  waved to me every  day ??  Why did they try to have one of my children taken and the embarrassment , I do alot of volunteering at my kids school , I am asst coach of my daughters cheerleading, learning karate with one of my sons etc .  What is this going to do to that if someone sees they had to check up on me as a parent who just let her three year old run around and did not care??  I wake up in the morning and cannot breathe and that is the problem with the way parents are parenting their own and YOUR children. Thanks for listening I 'm open to any suggestions on how to make sure they cannot lie and do this to anyone EVER again, the rep told me to get a lawyer and take it to court for harassment as they are now telling other neighbors they needed to teach me a lesson?? God forgive them .  Again thanks for listening.

I'M SO HAPPY TO SEE THAT I'M NOT THE ONLY  ONE THAT THINK'S IT WAS A IRFESPONSIBLE THING TO DO!!  WE LIVE IN A CRAZY WORLD, SHE TOLD EVERY CHILD PREDATORS HERE IS MY SON, GO FOR IT, THANK GOD THEY DIDN'T TAKE HIM, THIS TIME , AS HE SAT ON THAT SUBWAY CARRING A SHOPPING BAG AND NO PARENTS AROUND!!

I'M THE MOM OF FOUR, THEY ARE ALL GROWN AND HAVE FAMILIES, THEY ARE WELL BALANCE CARING PEOPLE IN THEIR 30'S , YES ( MY HUSBAND & I )

 WE HAVE HAD TO MAKE SOME ANJUSTMENTS TO THE WAY THEY RAISE THEIR CHILDREN, BUT NOT ONE OF OWN CHILDREN WOULD HAND OFF THEIR KIDS TO A WORLD THAT IS FULL OF CRAZY PEOPLE WITHOUT PARENTAL SUPERVISION.!! ,

AND YES, WE HAVE INDEPENDENCE GRANDCHILDREN ALSO!! (AGE RANGES FROM 4 TO 24,)

WE ARE  RESPONSIBLE FOR OUR CHILDERN FROM BIRTH TO 18 FOR MALES AND 21 FOR FEMALES, WHY, IS IT SO HARD FOR THE WORLD TO GET THAT NOW A DAYS?

 WE ARE THE ONE'S THAT NEED TO WATCH OVER THEM , CARE FOR AND LOVE OUR KIDS  AND, YES TEACH THEM TO BE INDEPENDENCE AS WE GO ALONG WITH THEM TO THEIR SCHOOLS , MEET THEIR TEACHERS AND THEIR FRIENDS, BE WITH THEM ON THE SUBWAYS, IN THE PARKS, AND THE MALLS , WOW, WHAT'S HAPPEN TO REALLY PARENTING!!!!

 INDEPENDENCE DOES NOT MEAN TAKING OUR EYES OFF OF THEM AND GIVING THEM AWAY TO THE WORLD AT SUCH A YOUNG AGE!!!

THE LITTLE BOY SAID THAT HE WANTED TO SEE WHAT IT WOULD BE LIKE AND HE WANTED TO FEEL THE FREEDOM OF BEING ON HIS OWN,

HE IS WAY TO YOUNG TO MAKE THOSE KIND OF DESIDIONS , I WONDER WHAT OTHER THINGS HAS HE TOLD THEM THAT HE WANTED TO DO ON HIS OWN AND THEY LET HIM.!!!

NOT TO LONG AGO THEY WOULD HAVE BEEN JAIL FOR CHILD ARUSE, WHAT A SAD WORLD WE LIVE IN NOW !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

First off, It's not necessary to use all caps and basically yell your lungs out. Second, you might want to check your spelling and grammar if you want people to take you more seriously.

And I want to know what makes you think that parents need to have a responsibility over their daughters until they are 21, but only over their sons until 18. Either you think that girls can't handle themselves until three years AFTER they have already reached legal adult age, or you are sadly mistaken on how the law works, or you have been conditioned to think that men are more mature than women and that girls are perpetually childlike until the magic age of 21 and need to be watched over. Hate to break it to you, but mentally and physiologically, females develop faster than males and female bodies stop growing sooner than male bodies. Aside from that, the legal adult age for both males and females is 18.

Parenting should not entail following your kids to every location they ever set foot to, and it does not mean being involved in every thread and fiber of their growth.  Helecopter parenting DRIVES KIDS AWAY. It pushes them to be rebellious. The more you tell them they can't do something, the more they will want to do it. It makes things, including freedom, all the more enticing when parents seek nothing other than to prevent it from happening.

I believe that the woman should not have left her son in the middle of Bloomingdale's with only a map, a card, and $20. That, I agree, was a very unsafe choice. She is wrong when she assumes that New York subways are safe, because they are some of the most dangerous parts of that city. HOWEVER, I do believe had been OLDER, maybe 15 or so, it wouldn't have been as dangerous a move because he would be more mature, and more aware of what could happen to him. But you are incorrect in the assumption that she would be in jail for child abuse. She did not beat him, she did not physically abuse him, she did not starve him, she did not leave him alone for days on end, nor did she shove him out the door and tell him to fend for himself. and the boy was unharmed. Granted, she should not have let him go by himself through the subway, but she did not abuse him. Don't discredit the child's intelligence or abilities just because he is only 9. Physiologically, he is not developed enough to make decisions like that, BUT he did. Children are not all the same, and they don't always follow the same pattern of development.

I also believe that the other woman who was hovering over her daughter and made the first guy she brought home pee in a cup is in the wrong. That's the other end of the extreme parenting spectrum. Her daughter is correct in saying she needs to cut the cord. It's unhealthy for both mother and daughter. If my mom had been like that, I would have run away. Plain and simple. That is what I would have done. A mother like that is more abusive than the other mom, because in asking her daughter's first boyfriend to pee in a cup, she violated his rights, because there was no need for a drug test, and he did not consent to one before arriving at the house, nor did his parents, nor did he consent to DNA extration of any kind. She hampers her daughter's social life, and damages the relationship between her and her daughter, because her daughter refuses to talk to her about anything. That mother destroyed communication, probably damaged her daughter's reputaion at school (being in High School, I'd bet that everyone and their dog knew who "psycho mom" was, especially boys, and avoided that like the plauge.) and is making her daughter more rebellious every day.

There should be a medium between these two. Extremes are almost never the right answer. Not in politics, not in relationships, and especially not in parenting. Allowing a child freedom to think and be themselves, and progressively give them more freedoms and responsibilities as they grow and mature. Freedoms with responsibilities. Not free-of-rules, not hovering.

I feel sorry for your husband then.

Oh, my gosh! This is the blonde psycho-mom from this show. I cannot believe you thought that was a factual statement. The "pee in a cup" quote was meant in jest. It was a joke! I would never, ever have demanded someone actually pee in a cup! I have a sarcastic sense of humor and I see now that it was lost on some of the viewers. ps: My daughter's social life is really just fine. Honest.

But thanks to everyone for commenting. I appreciate your honesty and interest.