Quote From: gabbytabby OK, SERIOUSLY, DR. PHIL WHAT ARE YOU DOING?? YOU DON'T MESS WITH A MOTHERS INTUITION. AS MOTHERS WE KNOW OUR CHILDREN BETTER THAN ANYONE ELSE. HOW CAN YOU TELL US TO JUST LET THEM GO?? WHAT IF SOMTHING HORRIBLE WERE TO HAPPEN NOW TO THOSE KIDS YOU HAD ON THERE, WOULD YOU FEEL BAD?? WE LIVE WITH OUR KIDS EVERYDAY, WE KNOW HOW MATURE THEY ARE AND WHAT THEY CAN HANDLE AND WHAT THEY CAN NOT HANDLE. THERE ARE WAY TOO MANY SICK, SICK DEMENTED PEOPLE OUT THERE IN THE WORLD AND WE NEED TO FIRST AND FORMOST PROTECT OUR CHILDREN FROM THESE NASTY PREDITERS. MY JOB AS A MOTHER IS TO TEACH MY KIDS RIGHT FROM WRONG, PROTECT THEM, AND DO MY BEST TO MAKE THEIR LIFE BETTER THAN THEIR DADS AND MINE, TO GIVE THEM ACCESS TO OPPERTUNITYS THAT WE DID NOT HAVE, TO LEAVE THIS WORLD A BETTER PLACE THAN WE FOUND IT. I WAS RAISED HEARING THIS PHRASE...."YOU RAISE YOURS THE WAY YOU WANT AND I WILL RAISE MINE THE WAY I WANT." NOW WHAT DO YOU THINK ABOUT THAT??? MY MOM WAS NEITHER OVERPROTECTIVE OR PASSIVE, SHE STILL TAUGHT ME MANY THINGS ABOUT MEN, AND I HAD MY GRANDMA AND GRANDPA TO TEACH ME RIGHT FROM WRONG AND WHAT LOVE REALY WAS. THANK GOD I GOT TO WATCH THEM AND BE WITH THEM ALOT BECAUSE MY MOM AND DAD WERE DIVORCED WHEN I WAS SEVEN AND FAUGHT ALOT. I MYSELF HAVE BEEN TOLD BY SCHOOL TEACHERS THAT I AM OVERPROTECTIVE BUT MY DAUGHTERS THERAPIST SAYS THAT I AM DOING A GREAT JOB. MY DAUGHTER HAS O.D.D. AND IT CAN BE A CHALENGE SOMETIMES. HOWEVER I BELIEVE THAT WHEN WE LET OUR KIDS GO AT AN EARLY AGE THAT IT OPENS DOORS TO DOING ADULT LIKE BEHAVIORS AT A MUCH EARLIER AGE. I HAVE BEEN TRYING TO MENTOR MY NEIGHBOR GIRL WHO IS 15 NOW AND HAS BEEN SMOKING SENCE SHE WAS 11, AND NOT JUST CIGARRETTS. THIS IS BECAUSE NO ONE PAYS ATTENTION TO WHAT SHE WAS DOING THEY JUST LET HER GO. I SAW THE SAME THING IN MY HUSBAND HIS PARENTS DID NOT PAY ATTENTION SO HE WAS DOING DRUGS AND ALLKINDS OF THINGS STARTING AT AGE 9, YES 9 YEARS OLD! THAT WAS ALL BEFOR THIS TIME OF TECHNOLOGY, NOW IT IS WORSE WITH ALL THE TECHNOLOGY. I HAVE ATTRIBUTED THE TEACHERS SAYING THAT I AM OVERPROTECTIVE TO THE FACT THAT MY KIDS AREN'T HAVING SEX LIKE THE OTHER 5TH GRADERS AND SMOKING AND JUST PLAIN ACTING LIKE IDIOTS. MY 12 YEAR OLD DAUGHTER STILL THINKS THAT BOYS ARE STUPID AND GROSS SO WE MUST BE DOING SOMETHING RIGHT. I AM SURE SOMEONE OUT THERE WILL AGREE WITH ME.
I agree with you to a certain point, although, sometimes a mother's instincts are not always right. I know mine weren't. I do sympathize with you about your daughter having O.D.D. I have two daughters, one is 28 and one is 23. My 28 year old has ADD and ODD, which she was diagnosed with when she was in junior high. We tried everything with her, counseling, medication, court intervention, discipline. Nothing helped. She started smoking cigarettes and pot at the age of 12. She was in and out of group homes from the ages of 13 to 18. It wasn't because she didn't have the attention and it wasn't because we gave up and just let her do what she wanted. As a matter of fact sometimes we focused so much on her and her issues and gave her so much attention that, at times, we didn't give our younger daughter enough. Four years ago, our older daughter got addicted to heroin. She has been in Los Angeles since March (we live on the East Coast) and has gone through a 90 day treatment program, sober living, and is now working and living on her own, and, has been clean for six months. She has come a long way, and, so has our relationship. In contrast, our younger daughter, was a model child gowing up. We gave her very little restrictions. She always did the right thing. She was aloud to have sleep overs and go to sleep overs from the time she was in 5th grade. Neither me or my husband ever hovered over her. We basically let her make alot of her own choices when we felt she was old enough to do so and she always made the right ones. She did her homework every night without being asked and she was a straight A student, she cleaned her room without being asked, and did her own laundry from the time she was a teenager and there was no allowance either. It was what was expected and she abided by that. When she went out, she always came in by 11:00 p.m. on weekends and 9:00 p.m. on weekdays without ever having a curfew. She just knew what the right thing was to do and she never gave us any reason to doubt her. She always appreciated our faith in her judgments, and, she tells us now that one of the reasons she always did the right thing is because, we didn't question her decisions. Sometimes less can be more. She is 23 now, graduated with honors from college and has a full time job, is living on her own, paying her own bills, and she has her own responsbilities, and, is now looking into attending graduate school. It is not always the parents fault if a child becomes rebellious. I blamed myself enough, but, I have done everything I can as a mother to help my older daughter, and, I have no regrets. It took me a long time to get to that point. I know I made mistakes, but, doesn't everyone? However, you can't look back. You can only move forward.
(Original Air Date: 09/29/08) Parents: Is it better for your children if you're a helicopter mom who hovers over them, or a hands-off mom who allows them to learn independence? This hot-button topic has sparked debates across the country. Lenore is a mom who says kids need more freedom so they can learn to survive in the world. To prove that children are more adept than most parents think, she left her 9-year-old son, Izzy, in a New York City department store with $20, a subway card and a map. Was he able to find his way home safely? Some moms, like Maria, say Lenore's actions were extreme. Maria, a mother of three, says she's constantly hovering over her children, especially her 17-year-old daughter, Madeline. Is Maria doing more harm than good? You won't believe what Madeline has to say! Next, hear from Sarah who admits her 12-year-old and 8-year-old sons are almost never more than a few steps away from her, and comedienne Daphne Brogdon who says helicopter moms need to "let go and lighten up." Then, Dr. Jim Sears, co-host of the new show, The Doctors, weighs in with the biggest health risks of being a hovering mom. And, follow up with Ashlee and her mom, Teresa, who first appeared (link to: /shows/show/595/ on the show to discuss Teresa's overprotectiveness. Five years later, Teresa says Ashlee is a rebellious and rotten teen. Ashlee, now 17, wants to go to college and live in a dorm room, but her mom won't let her. Does Teresa have valid concerns for keeping Ashlee on a short leash? If you're a parent, or about to become one, you don't want to miss this show! Talk about the show here.
