Topic : 12/26 "Brainwashed by My Parents"

 

I am also wife #2 and my husband is still going through this PAS.  His two boys from his previous marriage will have nothing to do with him anymore.  This has been going on two years now.  Before that, it was a rocky relationship.  His ex hates my guts for no reason and has purposedly bad mouthed me for years.  He has been divorced for several years and was the main parent in the raising of his two boys due to her mental issues (mostly in her mind, but nothing proved by numerous doctors).  When my husband decided to leave her due to her having an affair and admitting she didn't love him anymore, she started her evil plan to alienate their children from him.  She has so much anger and bitterness, it is insane.

 

If I call her house, she freaks out on me immediately for no reason, so I have given up on that.

 

My husband and I have an 8 year old son who was thrilled to death to have 2 older brothers, they are now 18 and 21.  They refuse to see their dad or their little brother, of course I guess he's evil too, my young son.

 

He is heartbroken and so is my husband.  I see the despair and hurt in my husband's eyes and it kills me that I cannot do anything to help. 

 

Both boys are still living with the mother, so I tell him, hopefully, when they leave the house, they will come back to him.

 

thanks for your post, it is so amazing how much this is going on today, and it is a shame.

 

It's also a shame how that attorney made the whole issue into a joke.

 

 

My parents divorced when I was two years old. I can't remember my father at all but that is not the problem.
Even though he wasn't in my life or even in the state, my mother lost no opportunity to tell my how terrible
he was. According to her he was wanted by the FBI and that was probably the nicest thing she said about
him. I always felt unworthy and unlovable because of having such a terrible father. I did finally locate my father, however he had already passed away. I had the opportunity this summer to meet my half sister and
find out what kind of person he was. He was actually a loving father and a hard working man. Seems like if the FBI wanted him they would have been able to find him since he never used a false name, paid his taxes and worked under his SSN. I have been able to forgive my mother. I believe she had some mental problems, but it is something i can't ever forget.

Thank you Dr.Phil for finally addressing this issue that has this country up in arms. I would like to say that I have seen and lived through PAS and for anyone to say that this does not exist is clearly living in their own world as with today's divorce rate, if you aren't going through it yourself, you know someone who is. This is not rocket science, it's common sense. All we have to do is watch the news to see how today's children are reacting to all of the situations we put them through. We are supposed to love them, teach them, and do what's best. When did everyone get so selfish? When did divorcing parents become '2 year olds' playing tug of war with their own children like they're nothing more than play dolls? When you fight in court, there is no "winner", there are only losers and sadly they are the children who didn't ask to even be born much less a piece of meat in court. False allegations, Parental Alienation, Grandparent violation...it all exists and it needs to stop NOW. These kids are tomorrow!!! What kind of tools are we giving them? What are we teaching them? I have seen it, I have lived it, and I will survive it. I would also like to thank Melissa for her story as she has given me hope that one day my own neices and nephews may remember that they're father, grandparents, cousins, aunts and uncles all love them and never gave up on them. Please, Dr.Phil, don't stop tackling this issue, it needs to be brought out in the open because they are worth it.

this does happen on the other foot also. my friend and her husband split after he had an affair with his secretary. while they were married, she took care of her boys and worked also. supper was on the table every night. bills were paid. once he got his own business and more money, this is when the affair happened. she used her charge cards to pay lawyers, he just had more money than her and the business ties. when it was her weekend, he tell the boys "oh it is too bad you have to go to your mom's, we were going to bush gardens, maybe we'll go another time" or "too bad you have to go to your mom's, cause we are going to have a party and so and so will be here". they would look at her and just melt her heart till she felt they would hate her if they missed all this. he did this every time. then eventually they just stopped coming. i think she just gave up, can't fight city hall with no money. they now are in their 20's and she hasn't seen them for over 10 years. they still live in the same town. this was total child abuse. when my son played baseball with their sons, i could not take pictures of them together cause they did not want the mom to have any. he was very obvious about it. i want to tell the boys that she always loved them, they must have that in the back of their minds. i don' know if i should but in.

Johnny “The DAD”    Haven't seen her in over 2yrs  

Age 43

 Julia “The Daugther”

Age 17

 Theresa “The Step-Mother”

Age 34

 Teresa “The Mother”

Age 45

 Juliaa Tessaa August 23 at 11:23pm

so i hear theresa's pregnant by the sounds of it?
are you gonna support that child!

 

Juliaa TessaaAugust 29 at 7:27pm

stop calling my house, i obviously dont want to talk about this.
im done.

 

Johnny October 11 at 12:20pm

I am THRILLED you sent me a message!!! HAPPY HAPPY HAPPY...and I am sorry I didn't receive it earlier but this is the first time I've been back to the computer!!! You know me and computers....not a great mix...hahahaha

Anyways, NO I won't stop calling your house unless you tell me its causing you hardship..? I NEVER will give up on YOU, do you understand? You are my flesh and blood wether you like it or not!

I will always be your Father. There is nothing you can say about money or other BULL S*** lies that will make me go away! BS has NO meaning in my life and it never has or will. Take all the time you need to grow and I will wait as long as it takes.

Theresa and I wish you the best of health happpiness and success in school, with friends and whatever career you choose! From what I can see in this 'tiny' picture you are growing into a beautiful young woman! I'd love to see more pictures...

Julia just know that I love you dearly and the family loves you unconditionally and always will.

p.s. I have no idea where you got this silly idea about Theresa being pregnant hahahahaha (YET) perhaps in the future you may have a brother or sister some day...but aside from that YOU and I must have a TALK alone...do not be afraid, I am not mad nor do I want to sit and rip into your Mother's actions...I just want a chitchat...thats all!
LOV YOU DAD

 

I'm so glad you gave me the information. Miss you lots. For now lets just communicate on FB...its probably easier this way. Hope all is well, school, exams and work.

I'd love an update...anyways summer is soon to come and Tree and I plan to rebuild the cottage! We'll be living up there all summer long so if you want to get away you are more than welcome join us.

Our door is open.

P.S. Got ur license yet..? Hows that going?

Love You Lots, Dad

 

Juliaa Tessaa August 6 at 11:30pm

dont you have any tats of me?

 

JohnnyAugust 6 at 11:35pm

I'd love to one day if you're 'in' my life and not just a part of it...and you know I'd want you right there by my side...

 

JohnnyAugust 6 at 11:35pm

...Cause it frikken hurts!

 

Juliaa TessaaAugust 6 at 11:38pm

well its too late.you had a chance, you even denied me.
im not stupid anymore.
im your flesh and blood.theresa is just someone your married to.

 

JohnnyAugust 6 at 11:56pm

WTF?

 

JohnnyAugust 6 at 11:57pm

when were you denied?

 

JohnnyAugust 6 at 11:57pm

I never thought you were ever stupid???

 

JohnnyAugust 7 at 12:00am

and yes you are my blood but what does Theresa have to do with any of this...? Explain and make me understand...

 

Juliaa TessaaAugust 7 at 12:01am

im not saying you did
im saying im clear of things
i know about the child support bull
like you go on all thses trips and dont pay
you make a lot more than 15 grand a year
your wife owns a company.
and it means im your daughter but yet no tattoo of me?
im saying all this s*** now cause i was too young to than

 

Johnny August 7 at 12:12am

there are always 3 sides to every story...and if you want to know about my BUISNESS I'll gladly sit with you now that you are a little older and wiser.

But never have I denied you...

 

Johnny August 7 at 12:13am

And yes I travel wherever my clients take me. Remember one thing Julia...its not always about how much you make but do what you love and do it with passion.

 

Johnny August 7 at 12:19am

Amazing its always about money isn't it...

 

Juliaa TessaaAugust 7 at 12:21am

k but it does matter how much you make when you have to someone to support
im turning 18 in 11 more months, you got it easy eh

 

Johnny August 7 at 12:21am

easy...you call what I went through easy...how dare you

 

 JohnnyAugust 7 at 12:22am

nothing about having a child taken from you is easy

 

 Johnny August 7 at 12:23am

dont ever forget that...

 

Juliaa TessaaAugust 7 at 12:26am

taken away?
im sorry but the last time i checked i grew apart from you cause certain people came in between.
i now chose not to be apart of your life
you were never a father to me
im sorry but lifes life
you can have all the money and friends and trips and tattoos you want but it must suck knowing your daughter doesnt want to be apart of your life.
you chose to live like this.
sorry to say but im gladly changing my last name to di falco.

 

Johnny August 7 at 12:52am

You know what I mean about being taken away....don't try to turn this around my dear...you never grew apart....you hardly were ever a part. How could you be with what little time we shared. What sucks is the playing of different roles to each parent. That must have been really tough on you? I'm sorry you were placed in that situation.

This had never been about money, trips, friends or tattoos...and yes it is your choice to ignore your family but every time you look in the mirror just know that 50% of what you see will always be Verdile.

You can change your name, you can even change your looks but you can never change your blood. You are and will always be a Verdile. At least you admit your sorry about changing your last name.

 

Johnny August 7 at 12:56am

Having a beautiful daughter in or out of my life will never suck no matter what.
Peace

 

Juliaa TessaaAugust 7 at 12:20pm

k well the person typing this sounds like theresa cause ive never heard my father call me my dear.so who ever it is..its not my problem i was 'never apart' you chose not to be in my life.i LIST you things you SHOULD of done as a father.my nonno and uncles were more of a father than you were or ever be.
no it wasnt hard on me cause i had my mom for support thank god.i had nothing to do with the divorce.being a parent has nothing to do with me, im the daughter that got stuck in it.
i could care less if im a verdile.it means nothing to me.
ya sure i can change my name and looks etc but it must suck for you to know that you must of been a bad parent in order for his child to change her name cause she was embarrassed to keep the verdile name.
THATS what im sorry for.
have a nice day:)

 

Johnny August 7 at 12:24pm

CALLING HER LINE OVER AND OVER AGAIN

…your wrong....so wrong...answer the phone s*** head...is that better...its me...

 

Johnny August 7 at 12:27pm

why are you so afraid to speak to me?

 

 Johnny August 7 at 12:31pm

Oh please give me a break you tell me how I could be a father with all the negative BS that went on year after year...you know in your heart I have nothing but love for you no matter how s****yI was made to look. from a young age you were taught to hate...and it shows in your actions...

 

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Johnny August 7 at 1:19pm

Its okay hunny...you feel ripped off that i was never a father and I feel ripped off that i never had the opportunity to be the father I wanted to be. But thankfully your mother was there for you to pat you on the head to say 'its okay hunny you have me'...please understand im not judging the job ur mother did raising you... Im glad you had a roof over your head and clothes on back. Im just saying Im upset I never had an equal opportunity. your entiled to your feelings and Im entilted to mine, I will never judge you for that...

 

Juliaa TessaaAugust 7 at 3:47pm

you never had an equal opportunity??
ya you did you had rights to call me and see me but you never did
its not my fault your a deadbeat.
i dont feel ripped off either, i could care less.
i have friends and family that make up for you not being there.
and ya i was taught to hate but only towards you.
its too late to say sorry and try to take things back.
but keep going on trips and rebuilding your house to make it perfect,and tats of your wife.wont make up for your daughter hating you.

 

Johnny August 7 at 5:36pm

Call me whatever immaturities you want but I'll never stop calling. even to this day you and your mother make it difficult to speak to you??? take a good look at whats happening right now. thats not my doing. I've always tried to call you and always wanted to spend time with you.

Friends and family members can never replace a fathers love.
you may want to grasp that now but its true, one day you'll realize.

See you were taught to hate, which is horrible...I take nothing back and am proud of who I am my beliefs and what I stand for. no regrets none!

i dont want to go back I only want to go forward...with you in my life which is your choice not mine because again I keepa callin but still the door is closed.

Johnny August 7 at 5:40pm

P.s. I dont rebuild or get tats or travel...for you... I do it for me...this is who i am, this is my life...its sad you choose not to be a part of it.

 

Juliaa TessaaAugust 8 at 1:05am

so you have no regrets to not seeing me or being in my life? hmm interesting.
like your stillllll in denial
your the adult and your not acting like one clearly
and i KNOW this isnt you its theresa
if i could i would take a lot back, like you being my father.
you wernt one at all and you need to realise it.
im not afraid to talk to you, i am now arnt i???
whats the difference on the phone or cmputer, its me im not the liar.
you for sure as hell wont be walking me down the isle.
you MIGHT get an invite.

 

 

Johnny August 8 at 1:45am

Not seeing you or you not being in my life was far from my control.
I tried but obviously its not hard enouhg for you.

whatever about T...if you would come with me for that 1/2 hour like I asked than you'd know for sure wouldn't you. The difference is facial expression and eyecontact. words sometimes can be misinterpreted (sorry no spell ck) and I hate typing.you dont know how hard it is for me to type this...and listen carefully...the isle is the last thing you should be thinking about at 17...

please tell me why you are so angry?

 

Juliaa Tessaa

August 19 at 12:37am

Ya it wasn't. Gd enough for me u can't just walk in my life like that.u shud know y I'm so angry

Sent via Facebook Mobile

 

Johnny August 24 at 9:42pm

Im home til wed then going back up to the cottage for our traditional family LW...your always welcome just so you know...

well Im alittle confused on your statement about 'walking in my life like that???' If you wont talk to me or come over to spend time with me than tell me what I am supposed to do?

can I ask if your so mad at me why are you taking it out on the rest of the family like Zia and Nonna and the rest??? They are missing you soooooo much. just last week Nonna sat in her store and cried for you the whole day...

anyway enjoy the rest of your summer, nice tat (hurts like a mofo eh?)
later kid

 

 

Juliaa Tessaa

September 14 at 9:00pm

So I was thinking since u havnt really gotten any gifts that I like from u, for my 18th I could get something I wantd and that made up for the gifts u didn't get me..

Sent via Facebook Mobile

 

Johnny September 15 at 9:00pm

tell me...

 

Juliaa Tessaa

September 16 at 9:48pm

iwas thinking, 10 grand for school and 10 grand for myself.since im going to italy for school.its only fair.

 

Johnny Today at 1:32am

would love to contribute to your education and for anything else in that matter as long as it benefits your future. The day you decide to come over and talk with me is the day we discuss funds.

P.S. T and I move to Dubai Nov 24th 08, so if you need money before you turn 18 than I suggest you call very soon to book something. And remember if you need a ride I’ll be there to pick you up…

 

Juliaa Tessaa

Today at 11:11am

welll in that case, id like to get the money before you move.and ill come see you to 'discuss'.ill also have a paper so you can sign for me to change my last name.is just better so i wont have to ask for you to sign stating that your my dad, when i would like to go away.i calculated for my schooling and im going to george brown for 4 years and each year is 6 grand, plus all my knives etc.id like to ask for 30 grand.i know its a lot to ask for in one shot but its for my schooling and nothing more.if you want whats best for my future..thats whats best!

if you would like to set up a date for me to come visit you, id prefer it be on a sunday.and ill be beinging a friend with me.i dont know if you know her or not but her name is dorota.this whole money thing isnt a joke, and if i dont get the check for the money on the day i see you,well thats not going to happen cause im not leaving without a check and a signed paper.

thanks.

 

Juliaa Tessaa

Today at 11:21am

oh and for child support, just so that when you move and i dont get it, i obv wont be able to track you down.so if you give me a check for roughly 2 grand, my mom can sign something saying your off and doesnt have to continue paying child support.its just easier for the both of us

I beleive Dr. Phil said that the mother and her lawyer refused to answer his calls? They had a chance and turned it down. It sounds like Melissa had a very clear memory of her childhood and wishes nothing to be different, it sounds like the mom had that chance years ago and she blew it. Personally, I hope it was very painful for her because she had already made her bed and in thinking soley of herself she had lost.

I am well aquainted with PAS as I watched in horror as my fiance's ex-wife turned their two kids against him.  Both are teenagers and he thought they would be wise enough to make the right choices.  He has not seen or heard from either child in almost two years.  The divorce is still not final and one of the kids is now an adult.  The younger is 17 and his ex now wants the court to take away his legal custody because he hasn't seen his son.  He chose to leave the visitation schedule up to his son so he (his son) wouldn't be caught up in a custody fight.  His mother has lied and hidden addresses from us.  She is a pathological liar and a narsissist.  Our greatest fear is what will happen to him when she doesn't need him anymore.  Our attorney will not fight nfor him and his son's minor's counsel won't return his calls for help.  His ex-wife is a family law attorney and is using the system that she knows to "protect" the kids.  Everyone says that the kids will come back to him.  His fear is the damage they are suffering now.  His son didn't attend school for two years and has radically changed since the last time we saw him.  He was exhibiting scary violent behavior that makes us wonder if we would even feel safe around him.  

The pain I watch him suffer is unbearable.  He doesn't sleep much or eat much and loves both of his kids.  He made the ultimate sacrifice and she took advantage of it.  I have known these kids since they were babies and to know who they are with and the pain they will eventually experience in that relationship is overwhelming.  He goes back to court in 2 weeks and will not sign off on legal custody so that his son has a place to run to.

There are many, many , many parents caught in this Alienation tactic. Good caring parents.. We want to see our children and care for them.. The court system needs to acknowledge what is happening. These children ar helpless to defend themselves...We want to do the right thing by our children.......... This is abuse.

This is so true and is being done in both directions.  The dad brainwashing against the mom, the mom brainswashing against the dad!!!!  I am living it right now.  Had a great relationship with my kids up to the point when i started seeing someone.  When my ex husband found out, he was so angry that he started using the kids against me.  Teling them bad things about me and that I abandoned them.  I was and still am always there for my kids at every turn.  I want my kids back equal time as stated in the legal agreement but my ex says he won't MAKE the kids come to my house.  And to be honest, if I listened to all the crap he has said about me, I wouldn't spend time with me either.

Somehow, there has to be a way to deal with this.

the judicial system, from the lawyers to the courts are wicked!!!. i wish that honest lawyers would take a couple of free cases a year to help someone in need. all we need is some of these cases brought to justice.
GOD will be their judge in the end, but right now there is a lot of suffering. hope the children see your side and know if they are ever in a split relationship with kids, that they will be more understanding to the children and not let this repeat. i pray for you and your children that this makes you closer, stronger and more loving