Topic : 12/26 "Brainwashed by My Parents"

Quote From: neenna66

I realize that you think because she is addicted she cannot feel your love.  This might be the very boost she needs to get her to ask for the help she needs.  If the abuse was this bad to you by your father, one can only imagine what your mother endured.  And what you suffered from is not PAS, it is traumatic bonding.

Quote From: debkids3

It is very difficult walking the thin line between teaching a child to be a person of good character, about honesty and integrity when they have a parent who has no morals and values. My ex-husband has told my college age son that he should try anal sex,he makes sexually inappropriate comments. I have received an anonymous letter stating he fathered a child when he was married to me. He has cut off our water, dental insurance, the children's cell phones and told my daughter two days before she went to college that he wouldn't pay for her college which he was contractually obligated to pay. He doesn't make a move unless he runs it by his men's group that is listed as a cult on a website. This man is a  narcissictic physician who has refused to pay anything but the baseline child support or any of the funds that he was supposed to pay us.  I spent $68,000 on an attorney trying to get him to face up to his financial responsibility. He was fired from his job for erratic behavior. A housewife of 24 years, I didn't sit around; I went to work to support my children but it is difficult starting a business at 48 and there have been times I haven't had money to eat. Had he lived up to his responsibilities, I would have had some funds to fall back on when my business was slow.

My question is this? How do you teach a young man to be a person of good moral character when that is his role model? I have had to send my youngest child to his home with a wife who lost custody of her own son and didn't even know it because she had moved out of the country without him. I sent my child because I know he needs his father but I was afraid he could be hurt. There are times I feel like I have to tell him that his father's behavior is inappropriate and quite frankly, there are times I have been so upset that I haven't been as circumspect as I should be. He has used the term parental alienation syndrome about me because his oldest two children , who are adults, won't have anything to do with him. 

I would love for my children to have a relationship with their father for their benefit, not his but he hasn't even given them a Christmas present in the last seven years. I believe his behavior has hurt my children. 

And what will happen? He has the funds to pay an attorney to make accusations about me having PAS while I don't have the money to take my children to counseling to help them learn how to handle all of this.

Quote From: debkids3

I wish I had seen this before I sent my message because this mom expresses my feelings so much better than I did. I am still living this nightmare and I am so frustrated! There is nothing as hurtful and frightening as sending your child somewhere where you don't feel that he is safe. My son actually asked me one time why I let his father kidnap him and why I didn't help him. What did I have to do? Send him back the next week.

Quote From: lioness813

My ex-husband is an abusive & controlling narsissist.  He was so enraged when I threw him out and filed for divorce.  He looked me in the eye and said, "You'll be sorry."  I was a stay-at-home mom with a stellar reputation.  He filed for custody using a "father's rights attorney" who was also a family friend.  He continued to harass me for years ensuring me it would continue "until you die."   Years later, I'd hoped he moved on, but again, his anger escalated when I got married.  He began his campaign to poison the minds of my children.  Using threats, he wouldn't let me daughter invite me to her Sweet 16 party.  He turned my 20 year old son totally against me and he refuses to speak to me because I didn't give him money for college.  He's turning into his father.   It's unfortunate that so many children are punished by a parent in an attempt to "get back" at their ex.  It's more unfortuante that our courts don't have the awareness and means to make decisions where the children won't suffer.  I have no guilt in me except for NOT ending the marriage after my ex locked me out of the bedroom when I was 7 months pregnant with our first child because I discovered the nude photos of a former girlfriend & barretts left from another women he had in my bed.. 

Quote From: restless57

Dear Dr Phil, When i first separted and filed for a divorce my ex told my kids  "See it's your Mom that doesn't want to work out the marriage" He had my kids write letters against m e  to his Lawyer. My lawyer should have showed these letters to the judge. I am still dealing with brainwashing. My  youngest right now won't speak to me or have anything to do with me. MY oldest even said to me Mom you have done nothing wrong to her. It is hard enough to file for a divorce without having an ex brainwash my kids against me.Please contact me and I can tell you my story you won't believe some ot the things  he did to turn them against me.  Laurie

Quote From: trlarson78

I would have loved to be on this show with Mel and Liz and be right in the middle of the debate.  I am 30 years of age and my parents have been divorced since I was 2 years of age.  These "professionals," made me sick!!!!!!!!!!!  I would not trust either of them to argue a case for me.  What a joke.  Liz seemed to be very naive as a Representative for this topic. 

When Liz said "why would they do that?"  talking about using your kids as a pawn made me angry.  Has she just been introduced to divorced parents?  What made me angry about Mel is when he told the woman in the audience to "come over to our side," also made me sick.  This is not about sides this is about the well being of a CHILD!!!!!!!!  This is an example of two closed minded individuals trying to make a valid point in a serious case.

Quote From: rubyemartin

I am a 74 year old retired teacher and principal.  I have seen parents use their children to get even with each other.  In my opinion, this is child abuse.  I have held little children, (elementary and junior high school). in my arms as they cried and tried to do their school work after a day or weekend of visitation with parents who are fighting and involving their children.  It is so sad !  I myself was divorced and had 2 children whose father never visited or took them to visit him even though I told him that he could come to see them anytime night or day and he had visitation rights, but he chose not to see them.  I never wanted this to happen to my children, but I knew better than to put him down.  I told my children that I was sorry that Dad did not see them so he could see what great children they were.  I told them that Dad loved  them as much as he could love anyone and that I loved them very much also.  I also told them that I could not be their father, but I would be as good a Mother as I could.

They missed him and loved him  too.  I wish parents could see the what they are doing to their children in these situations.

Quote From: clarkee

I think first of all parents that make false allegations should absolutely be prosecuted, that being said I believe parental alienation exists, not saying in all cases and yes I believe it can be used as an excuse at times but it DOES exist.

 

And honneslty Liz, the Family Law person drove me NUTS. I was so happy when the daughter of the man who kidnapped his children put her in her place....I wanted to do that through the whole show. Couldn't believe she questioned Dr Phil as to why parents would actually  use their kids as a pawn, I've seen it time and time again - they're mad at eachother and the divorce becomes a competition to try and hurt the other party more...including the children digs deeper, therefore gaining more ground.

 

People should put their kids first, not just say they do but actually put them first. And the more you keep the kids out of the divorce the better off their are. Bottom line being a "bad" spouse has nothing to do with being a bad parent, the are in my mind completely separate issues.