Topic : 12/26 "Brainwashed by My Parents"

I invite anyone to learn more about this bogus syndrome and the misogynists (it doesnt matter how many women are victims, it's still junk science based on the allegation that the mother & child are liars; provides a ready defense to abusers; it used in the propaganda machine that also uses MMS (malicious mother syndrome) and the likes)......http://english.ohmynews.com/articleview/article_view.asp?code=2561018&menu=c10400&no=383438&rel_no=1&opinion_no=1&page=&isSerial=&sort_name=&ip_sort=

This movement is based on lies, half-truths, negative stereotypes and woman bashing.

I'd like to say to step mom that she may not be wrong that "alienation" happened. It's a word in the language, and parents and family members do it. But that Parental Alienation (with or without the word Syndrome - note: it technically can't be called a syndrome but that's another story), is something different!

So where you may have had alienation happening, please don't mix it up with the travesty that is happening in our courts. Real alienation exists. When it does, evidence can usually be shown (you had emails for example) ,and the offending parent then should be sanctioned appropriately, and not by punishing the child in the process.

But what's happening now is that whenever abuse allegations arise, (and let's imagine real abuse to a child for the moment), the accused parent need only pronounce the words Parental Alienation and VOILA! the case is closed, the child is silenced and parents (usually moms) end up having to pay $90 per hour to see their children in a tightly supervised setting (because otherwise they'll 'coach' the kids, some fear) OR the kids are sent off to some unknown, untested "workshop" where they are "deprogrammed"  (in ways that are unknown and unstudied in the medical or mental health community) OR they lose custody of their children for an indefinite period, (usually years), and with no "way back in" to the child's life.  They are made to go for counseling to cure their "PAS' problem but there is medically no such thing, so how does she demonstrate she is better? Who is judging her wellness? If a counselor sends her away because she is fine, the court finds a "PAS therapist." And they are out there charging fees, to be sure. So when a parent does the right thing and reports the abuse in good faith, (and good faith is a key phrase here) that parent is cut off at the knees., and worse, children are denied a perfectly good parent, their home, friends, grandparents.. and worse things happen in the abuse arena, as you can imagine in this circumstance. .  .An additional note: An industry of "PAS" has developed such that attorneys use "PAS" counterclaims whetjher their clients are guilty or when they are innocent! -- because pronounce "PAS" and things are swiftly over. It's expeditious. Thanks for listening to  a professional child advocate.  D'

*  note: it technically can't be called a syndrome which has a specific definition. So many have dropped the word Syndrome, but act the same way.

My husband was falsely accused of abuse, and once we got it cleared up, there were no repurcussions. It's way too easy for someone to make a false accusation without any proof needed. They play the system and make everyone's lives miserable, most especially the children.

 

When parents get divorced, custody should be an automatic 50/50 split unless one parent is proven unfit.

 

False accusations happen mostly against fathers, but as you can see from this board, it can happen to moms, too.

I am sorry but we will have to agree to disagree with that statement.  You reached out and twisted/tweaked your wife's nose for whatever reason.  You laid your hands on another person in a moment of anger or who knows what and without her permission.  You then go on to discuss an unnamed charge through dependency court.  We are left not knowing exactly what you were charged with through them.  It must have been somewhat founded or they must have had some concern for your chidlren to not allow visitations.

 

I am saying positive things.  I just do not agree with your view.  In my view, when I had a differing opinion with my ex-husband, he would abuse me further.  He would say things like shut up, be quiet (one of his nicer moments, stay out of it, and more).  I will not "stay out of it" simply to make your view easier to peddle.  I have a young child about whose welfare I am concerned and I have to remain vocal until the child is old enough to vocalize.

Greetings, after my divorce I always told my children that their father loved them, the kids did not want to see him, then my teenage daughter began having horrible nightmares, I had been taking her to see a therapist, where she received counseling, along with; at times her father; she never disclosed the fact until she was 16 that she was sexually molested by her father! (she tried to commit suicide, she had repressed the memories of what was done to her)  my oldest daughter was at the time over 21 (and never forgot!) but it was prior to the law changing allowing people over 21 to testify during a preliminary trial, the judge did not find that repressed memory was enough to bind over to Circuit Court; my oldest daughter could then testify! Even though protective services were involved, and the police record of her abuse was taken and in front of that judge! After a time, the sperm donor as the kids refer to him, tried to file charges to reap his attorney fees from my youngest daughter, both girls were then in the Circuit Court, and this Judge believed them, yet he is free, with the words; "do not go anywhere near these girls or a PPO would be issued!" now doesn't the Judge order an arrest warrant? Yet, the records are still open and when he re-offends, then the kids can go and give testimony again! Stranger danger? well the stranger lives in your own house! I don't feel that this monster should be walking the streets, as we all know they don't stop, and someday will again ruin another young girls life, forever taking their innocence from them! So, I was doing what was; I thought the right thing, telling them that they should visit, he loves them etc... only to find out later that he horribly took their innocence from them, at a young age, and the dreams my youngest daughter had was of him murdering me in my home! which was My home, different from where we had lived, I left with what fit in my car, and he kept everything else, I left finally due to being tired of the jealousy and possessiveness and control and he refused to work, I worked too many jobs and finally realized it would be easier for me to raise and care for my girls and myself, and finally felt free, despite the threats he made to me, regarding "me having accidents, among other threats", yet I continued to say "he loves you, to my girls!" Stolen innocence! a horrible place, and then I felt guilt for not knowing, but he did this while I was working, he also had a special niece, I am sure was abused prior to our marriage! I have been divorced from him for nearly 20 years, now! I was an abused child, by friends of the family and their son who babysat for his parents, he watched and abused his sister and myself! I know the heartache and the damage that is done to children when that happens, I told my kids to always tell me if someone touched them in their private parts, no matter who it was, I even used the name of their Uncle who would never do such a thing and I was close to him; (my brother), but they did not tell me, and with the nightmares; or night terrors; I understand children are powerless to inform us, as the threats are; that it is our fault, and we would be in trouble, and then the other threat that they would kill their mother if they told, both kids are grown and Thank God have great families, I just know the hurt that was felt and at times still affects their grown up life with their husbands, and even though they have informed them of this it is difficult to get across to some, just how it is once you have been abused in that way! You feel powerless, as I felt the same way, afraid to tell; and my own children could not  tell their Mother what was happening! Monsters live in our own homes, and not always a stranger!  As for brainwashing children, we need to believe what they say, no child makes this stuff up! When will the Courts begin to believe these kids, no one asks for this life altering abuse! I believe them! I also know some women, and men abuse the right of parenting as well, putting the child under so much pressure to please! But for the most part, children who say they were abused, should be believed!

 Having come from a similar situation myself I have to voice my concern for the children. The emotional abuse that my mother committed against my bio dad manifested into abuse against me long long long after the divorce. Her abuse against me became much more advanced and...elegant. I lived with family for seven years away from my mother, the courts and my family insisted on continuing visitation. and there was no alienation or bad mouthing my mother in front-but i still did not want to see her. Children want to be loved, want to be happy, and they want to be children, they KNOW when they are in situations that don't provide these things. If a child wants to end contact with a parent it is for a real and personal reason that mot likely has nothing to do with the other parent, and to me the real abuse in all this is that these children's voices are not being heard, or being considered as thinking and feeling individuals who probably have a better scope of the situation then our egos will allow us to admit.

I am currently embroiled in a 6.5 year nightmare that has cost my children and I dearly. Parental Alienation Syndrome is very real and very misunderstood - not only by lay people, but by judges, lawyers, counselors, guardian ad litems and even custody evaluators. PAS is poorly recognized by so-called  'professionals' whom actually are a big part of the problem. I never would have believed that my children could be turned against me and that family court judges could be so easily decieved. The family courts offer little to no protection for the victims of PAS but actually facilitate it the syndrome ruining thousands of lives in the process.

 

False abuse allegations, false memories, twisting reality are all part of it. But, what really distinguishes it is that the children participate with the guilty parent and become co-perpetrators. Everything thing even remotely related to the targeted parent is hated and targeted for abuse of every kind - even my dog and every member of my extended family.

 

PAS must be accepted as a legitamate disorder by the professional community or many more lives will be destroyed.

  It used to hurt when my girls would come home from there dads and tell  me all the things he had said about  me and our marriage. I could  not defend myself against it, would not. I will not share my side of the story with them until they are much older! They are too young to hear about the physical and emotional abuse that went on! They do not remember and I will not share! Yes, I broke up our family. He is right about that. He fails to tell them that the final straw was watching my seven year old slide across the carpet on her knees and forhead because he shoved her. I have been listening to how wonderful dad is for years, and I couldn't say a thing! Dad has a better house a better car, everything is better. Of course it is, he is an NBC news anchor and I sell real estate.(you can imagine how well that is going) But we have a home now, filled with love and respect. Someday they will realize that. Someday may be sooner than I think. After an argument with her father, my fourteen year old  wanted to say to him that she understood why mom left. And I couldn't say a thing.

I moved out here to Texas in Novenber of 1997, with my now, husband. I had been  beaten severly by someone i slightly knew. He kidnapped me & my girls at a friends apt. & took us to the lake where he beat me almost to death....he stalked me, came by & pointed guns at me in front of people. So to make a long story short, i took my girls to  friends i had known for 15 years, & trusted them to care for them while i got back on my feet. My friend got sick & let 1 of my daughters go to her dad's , whom she didn't even know, & my sister got 1 of them, my baby girl went to another friend....all separated.....which i never wanted to happen.....my ex (who was in prison at the time) had his wife go to my sisters & ask if she could take her to the zoo, & never brought her back. Now my ex's have custody of my daughters, & i've seen them off & on but they refuse to call me mama, or listen to the TRUTH about really made me make the choice to leave them behind. They treat me horribly! They say the meanest things to me & are very rude & disrespectful. When no one is looking though, they'll hug me & tell me they love me......then if i try to see them, they yell at me & their dad causes a big scene & threatens to call the police.Our girls don't remember being kidnapped or going through everything, except what their dad's put in their heads, & it's making it so hard on us all because we can;t begin the healing process living like this.....I want more than anything to "visit" them "legally" without all the chaos that is caused by dad's & my past (according to them & the  stories they've heard)Please tell me what i should do to begin this "Process" of healing & getting the truth out  about why i did what i did & why i haven't been in their lives more Dr. Phil. I agree that "Brainwashing" of a child is very harmful in so many ways & it is very confusing to the child when they love both parents , but are afraid to tell them or show it for fear of "getting in trouble" or causing problems. My ex's wife doesn't even know that i've been seeing my girls for the last 6 years Dr. Phil! I mean, this guy is a professional CONMAN. He's spent 90% of his life in prison & all of a sudden he & my other ex are "Fathers of thyear" & i'm a "piece of crap"....Please help us all work this out & learn to get along? Thank you for taking the time to read this & i anxiously await your reply! Sincerely, Kelly Weger

When a child's feelings are based upon abusive conduct by one parent, even emotionally abusive or neglectful conduct, it is not PAS. Unfortunately, not many have been able to remain neutral enough to grasp this simple fact. And if there is absolutely NO history of abuse, it may be a simple "disconnect" between the child and the parent. Even in intact households, children tend to gravitate towards the parent who is more like them.....in their opinion. The older children get, and the more sophisticated they are, the more likely they have formed their own opinions based upon many factors: what they learn in school about how to treat others, tv, movies, etc. In my experience the young people who are most adverse to spending time with one of their parents are those who have experienced, at the very least, emotional abuse or neglect from that parent when younger. Instinctively, that child feels unloved or threatened by that parent. This is NOT PAS.