Topic : 12/26 "Brainwashed by My Parents"

 I am a child who had a parent who used alienation to feel better.!!! My mother was hurting..she wanted him to hurt. She told me my fahter was a f*****t..a womanizer an selfish loser... she pointed out every reason why he wasn't a good father in her eyes!. Is my mother evil? Not at all ,was she hurting..absolutely!! For parents to think that this behavior is harmless....pisses me off. I am a 38 year old mother myself. I still harbour bad feelings about the whole divorce. To this day, talking about the hurt they inflicted upon each other through me..makes me cry.  I hear people talk all the time about how well adjuisted their children are after a divorce,,, your children would like you to think they are adjusting well.. We hurt well into our adult  years. Shame a parent ..shame a child. This IS a problem. I alienated my father for a long time. Is my father a saint in the whole situation ...no! Did I need to be told evil things about either parent from the people I trusted most??? No! Do you want to see the damage done? Interview me Dr. Phil...  Words spoken in hurt ..hurt. Hrt people...they hurt people.

 I agree with you Karen...  When kids get to be a certain age they easily identify our character flaws and flaunt them against us so long as it suits them.  Especially in the teenage years.  How many times can one parent defend the misbehavior of another without losing total credibility with the child?  Even the small things - my son wants to go to his schools football game, he doesn't drive, I take him and pick him up because I really prefer him not to get into a car with a teen driver.  His Dad won't take him or pick him up when it's his weekend so I end up doing it.  His dad doesn't pay child support, or support him in any other manner either,  His son knows this without me saying a word,  So my son and I have a better relationship than him and his dad.  His dad is now making ridiculous accusations in court that I have alienated him from his son and brainwashed him against him.  Of course, he's not filed  any "formal motions" just throwing these accusations out in the midst of court for establishing an order of child support. 

Yes, it is all about responsibility and ownership. 

Hello.  I must say that I'm extremely disturbed by some of the things I saw on today's show.  Let me tell you about myself.  I'm a 20 year old female student with divorced parents.  My parents separated when I was two years old.  Their divorce took several years, and their custody battle dragged out nearly until I was a legal adult.  At the ripe old age of 10, my brother and I were plucked from my mother to go and live with my father; it was the first case in the  state of New York in which custody was transferred based on Parental Alienation Syndrome.

I'm not going to share my entire life story with everyone, but I will say that the transfer of custody based on PAS did not help the situation for either of my parents, my brother, or myself; it made it far worse.  My brother and I eventually returned to live with my mother after nearly a year and a half.  Neither of us were ever the same since the original custody transfer.  However, despite everything, my brother and I turned out well.

My simple message is this:  parental alienation syndrome or not, children aren't stupid.  If a child adimently "hates" a parent, especially when in front of the parent, chances are that the parent is not consistently sweet, caring, and affectionate towards the child.  The worst thing you can do in a case of suspected PAS is to force a child to live with someone that he or she is fearful of and does not trust.  Believe me, it does permanent damage.

I was married for 23 years. The marriage was troubled from the begining and I had a lot of trouble dealing with my ex but I did not want a divorce for many reasons. Anger grew in me continuously and sometimes I could not handle it. But my ex was forever alientating me from my kids from the time that they were very little. After 23 years, I finally moved out of the house and I have not seen my kids since that time. It has been 3 years. My wife made several false accusations ranging from stealing money to rape.

My kids are older (23 & 25) and I want nothing more than to reestablish the relationship that I did in fact have with them. I was a very good father. I was always there and they wanted for nothing including me but she made me to be nothing more than an ATM.    

I THINK THAT THIS HORRIBLE THING HAPPENS AND IT HAPPENS ALOT.

MY HUSBAND OF 7 YEARS IS GOING THROUGH THIS WITH HIS EX-WIFE STILL . HIS DAUGHTER IS NOW EIGHTEEN YEARS OLD WE DO NOT SEE HER AT ALL, WE DON'T EVEN TALK TO HER ON THE PHONE. HER MOTHER HAS DONE A GREAT JOB AT ALIENATING HER FROM OUR LIVES. HE ALSO HAS A THIRTEEN YEAR OLD SON WHOM SHE DISOBEYED COURT ORDERS AND DIDN'T LET US SEE OR TALK TO HIM FOR ALMOST A YEAR. WE FINALLY WON IN COURT WE HAVE HAD VISITION FOR TWO YEARS NOW AND THINGS ARE GETTING BETTER. HIS KIDS STILL DON'T ALWAYS RESPECT HIM AS A FATHER. MY HUSBAND DOES NOT SAY ANYTHING ABOUT THEIR MOTHER IN FRONT OF HIS SON. THE EX-WIFE DID CALL MY HUSBAND ALTHOUGH WANTING MONEY FOR THEIR DAUGHTERS COLLEGE BOOKS, MY HUSBAND SAID NO, SHE REPLIED I'LL SEE YOU IN COURT. SHE IS THE MOST GREEDIEST, SELFISH, ONESIDED PERSON I'VE EVER MET IN MY LIFE. I HOPE EVENTUALLY ONE DAY HIS DAUGHTER REALIZES HOW MUCH MY HUSBAND LOVES AND MISSES HER AND WANTS HER TO BE APART OF OUR LIVES.

 My husband was married before and had a daughter.  His wife was very controlling of him, she told him what to do and gave him a time limit to and from the store. She told her  other 2 children from her fist husband that their father was mean and hated them. Then my  they had a daughter and things got worse she wouldn't let him take their daughter to see his parents. So he had enough and left. Then came court and she accussed him of everything which was proven to be  all untrue. She wouldn't be there when he came to pick his daughter up. In and out of court  $28,000 and a bankruptruptcy later still nothing since 1999. She is now 14yrs old. We are starting to find some help now hopefully. But we don't know what her mother told her about him. So we will see.

Mr.  Feit needs to find a big hole and crawl into it.  I've heard enough about fathers' rights, and my granddaughters are going to be permanently scared by shared custody that their father insists upon.  The man had an affair with my daughter's best friend, and now has done every thing he can just to prolong the divorce.  It has been five years, and he is still fighting over petty things and shared custody of my darling granddaughters who used to be outgoing and sweet.  Now my youngest granddaughter who is five sucks her thumb and has temper tantrums.  The other granddaughter who is 8 has begun wetting the bed again. The man is horrible and because of people like Mr. Feits, he has an equal say in the lives of these little girls. My granddaughters have become human baseballs being thrown back and forth between their parents every few days.  They have no place to call home, no bed to call their own, no place where they can be themselves because they are being constantly uprooted and thrown to the other parent.  I am a high school teacher, so I deal with the effects of this at an older age, and it scares me.  My kids are constantly leaving stuff at one parent's or the other.  They can't remember where their books are, or where they left their homework.  As with my granddaughters they have to have two of every thing.  Now tell me this is a good environment for kids.  All father advocates and judges who allow joint custody should have to live in the world they create for these innicent children for eternity.

 I was married for 17 years. He was also a evil genius, started very early on to brainwash our 3 kids. Once our divorce went through 4 years ago he would never stop talking badly of me. My kids were confused and unhappy, brought my older so through depression. I was able to clearly see the pain in their eyes and faces. I saw how it impacted them in every way. I ensured my children that it was ok to love both of the parents equally. No sides need to be chosen. My ex had during the past 4 years harass me and it came to a complete stop when he e mailed me and threaten my life and job. After this e mail was sent he was able to convince my daughter to move with him. She lied in court and has barley any contact with me. That happen in February. If my ex had kidnapped my daughter he would of had been charged with this action. However I feel he kidnapped her emotionally and mentally. I feel cheated ,not being a part of her life. I did not fight in court for her. The reason being, is while she lived with me, she never had a brake or rest of the relentless convincing and bribing of her father. She made the move now were she was almost 16.I let her go in peace not wanting for her to be torn apart.My ex tried in all different ways to get to me, and finally realized he can only reach his goal through our kids. He has already begun to 'work' on my youngest child who is 12. I worry for him and try to be a neutral person, and it is very difficult for me to continue on his support to love his Dad. I will however do it because I love him and want nothing more then my son and my other 2 to be able to love both parents without feeling guilty, remorse or feel as if they are betraying the other parent. I know that this alienation syndrome is a fact and do not care what the blond "Dr." is saying on your couch. It is a sad ,real fact of todays world, it exists and as soon as it is being acknowledged as quicker we can find help for the small little souls who need everyones support. I miss my daughter everyday and can only pray for her and hope one day I can be her Mom again.I am afraid that she may face a troubled hard life because of what is going on in her life now. Hopefully she does not have to pay the price of her fathers mistakes.

I am a 40 year old divorced female. I am an only child. My mom used to ALWAYS try to brainwash me against my dad when I was growing up. She left him more times than I can count, and the final time, in August 2000 at her age of 63, she became horrible.  She yelled, cried, threw temper tantrums, hung up the phone on me and so on,  if I was going to see my dad or talk to him.

I tried to explain to her that I am an ADULT and do NOT want to be involved in this because it has nothing to do with me, but she persisted. My mom and I even quit speaking to each other for 3 months because of her controlling ways. Unfortunately, I can say from experience, the emotional pain and turmoil she has put me through has changed me severely. I still do not understand why she thinks I can't love them both.  I am  in counseling and still trying to learn how to be assertive with my mother. My father passed away in January due to his suicide. Now she professes her love for my dad. I think she's nuts.

My counselor told me that I need to start dealing with the anger I have with my mom because of rejection issues, her manipulation attempts, and now her lying . It makes me so angry because she professes to be a Jehovah's witness. This is my first attempt to let go of my feelings and heal. Thanks for reading.

 

 

        I would first like to say that any parent that subjects their children of this do not always realize it. My mother did it to me for the first 3 years of the divorce she started seeing a great deal of depression in me because I loved my dad so much I was a daddys girl. My mother took me to a therapist and that is when my mom learned the damage she was doing and stopped doing it.

I have a friend that is going through this with one difference she is a mother she loves her son so much but her ex told the court that she sleeps with a knife under her pillow and that she drinks and takes drugs. But she still has visitation I guess but she cannot see him her husband keeps moving so they cannot find him and she has no car and is very low income paying over $200 in child support every month willingly she has no problem with that but what bothers her that she can not see her child. I dont think its fair to pay child support and not be able to see your children I hope nothing ever happens to my husband and I so this will not be an issue.