Topic : 12/26 "Brainwashed by My Parents"

Ok so I may no longer be a child and I don't know that I agree strongly with either side of this debate, but I have to say that it is a real thing. My parents aren't even divorced and this happened to me and not until I was in therapy for about 3 years did I realize it. In my early adolescence and even somewhat in my childhood my mother did all she could to try and turn me against my father and tell me horrible things about their marriage and in the end it ended up messing up my relationship with my dad so bad. I didn't realize how much it affected my life and my relationship with him until recently but it definitely did. Her constant feed of negative information about my dad has broken our relationship, and now my relationship with my mom because I resent her for screwing up me and my dad's relationship. It's real. It happens even if the parents aren't going through a divorce. AND IT HURTS. It really affects people psychologically long term and people need to acknowledge that.

It appears that both sides are way too far out on their beliiefs. They are so hung up on defending their position that they aren't making any point what so ever.

 

  This is definately a real problem. Always has been and I am certain it will always be a problem. I'm 27 years old, and I can honestly say that I suffer serious depression, stress, and anger problems due to BOTH of my parents trying to turn me against each other before, during, and after their divorce. I was 7 when they divorced.

 

  It's not the father, and it's not the mother. It's both. My father got custiody because he was financially more capable of giving me a "better" life. My father still bashes my mother verbally. Before the divorce, it was my mother who verbally bashed my father. It was a constant tug of war.

   Long story short, yeah this is a real problem, and has long term effects. Even suicide.. Panic attacks, depression and anxiety disorders....

 

   The guest on the show today are so far left and so far right, that they aren't helping anyone.

In the last year I've learned from my eldest son, 38(he ran away to his dads #11 yrs old) that he and brothers(35 & 33) believe I emotionally abused them.  I am ashamed, embarassed and MORTIFIED. Mine childhood was filled with mental/physical abuse and incest. My eldest has website to load family album but I am unable to access. Just recently found youngest son on MySpace and saw pictures of his new born and 2nd son's child. As I stated my memories are practically nil. I have dreams but just that.

 

What would I do if meeting them face to face? I would stand up from my wheelchair and say:

 

I'M SO VERY SORRY. i DIDN'T KNOW I TREATED THEM LIKE THAT. I APOLOGIZE FOR ABUSING YOU.

 

Many crosses to bear. No pity though. I look up to know one or look to faith. I have faith in myself. Don't want or need people's beatitudes or their platitudes.

I am divorced with one 6 y/o son. My ex wife has remarried and they just had a baby. My son was told by his mother and step dad that he is not allowed to talk about the baby with me. My ex and her new husaband have been alienated towards me. I am a Paramedic who works 24 hr shift and i cant watch my son every 3rd day. My first question is how do i get my son out of that household.

My ex and her new husband have done alot of stuff for me not to see my son. I have a journal from last year from april 07 to present of the stuff that had done to me. I am getting very fustrated on how to deal with this. Her new husband made a comment to my son, I have no business going to lunch with my son at his school.

Come on Dr. Phil, control your guest. Stop being polite and letting this quack woman make a joke out of this show!

I am wife #2. My husband has 2 children from a previous marriage.  He has been going thru the PAS for over 2 years now.  It is a constant battle for him to keep a good relationship with his 13yr old son.  The ex-wife has told the boys things that only adults talk about.  The year of 2006 she would make the boys so mad at their dad that they wouldn't come for weekend visitation. We finally had to take her back to court and she was found guilty of contempt of a court order and spent 2 weeks in jail. She is now making allegations of physical abuse against both of us and his visitation has been halted once while we were being investigated. We have people that have been around the ex-wife when she tells the boys that they should hate their father for leaving them.  He didn't leave his children. He left her.  When the 6 yr old tells me "my mom hates you and my dad, and she doesn't want me to come see my dad on weekends, then there is a problem.  I invite anyone who doesn't think PAS exists to come live in our world for a while and then say that.

My ex has done this to me. everytime I got the children he made them think i was the most awful mother. I never ever got to be close. I always called him if there was a problem with the children and he would turn it around and tell the children your mother is crazy. never ever did he try to work with me. he acts like the children friend instead of a father. I was more of the striker one. just resently my 23 year old son moved in with me  and borrowed 1000.00 I asked him when he was going to pay it back. he said i dont owe you anything. I took him to court and won then he calls his dad and now his dad is taking me to court for back child support mind you we both owed each other for support. He told our son when he wins the support he will pay that bill for him.. what the heck is in his mind? what is he doing trying again to alienate me again trying to be his friend. My daughter is also being alienated from me because I am not letting my children run over me anymore and dad says its ok mom will get hers. He had kept the kids away from me for years by using these tactics. I completely understand  the doctor on your show. I feel we will never win our children back as long as there is another parent putting stuff into there heads that we are bad. YOu are not bad. We just love our children. I have been fighting my ex for 24 years and we are still fighting

Thank you Dr Phil, I hope and pray that my kids, will one day grow out this.

It is sad when a child can tell things that happened before that child was born.

It is sad.

Thank you again Dr Phil.

I hope, this will ring home. 

 

Thanks

WishAday

I don't think either side was well represented today.  The father's story didn't make sense - he claims his ex has been alienating his son for the last nine years but he had a wonderful loving relationship with him until last October?  I think he is in denial about the real reasons his son doesn't want to spend time with him.  He seemed phony especially in his final plea to his son.  Dr Phil said something about "how do you know it's not normal teenage rebellion" - I wish they had elaborated on that and other possible reasons.  I think bad parents want to blame the other parent when their child doesn't want to spend time with them.         I also think to claim alienation doesn't exist is also wrong.  Obviously there are parents who are angry at the other parent and try to influence their children to side with them. They feel better if the children also hate the other parent and that is sad because it will almost always backfire. 

I hope my ex was watching but I'm not counting on it.  My son and I are living this nightmare right now.  The one thing different is he is 26 years old with down syndrome.  I did all of the care and teaching of the majority of his life skills.  I introduced him to many groups to further his exposure.  We had a very great and loving relationship.  HE always wanted a closer one with his dad.  As I always told him your dad is very busy with work and doesn't know how to relax and have fun.  My ex is remarried and my son chose to live with him.  In the past 3 years I have only spent 2 holidays with him.  At times he called and we'd talk about his favorite tv shows etc.  Then all of a sudden things stop. 

 

HIs dad says I ask if he wants to see &/or talk with you.  He says no.  I know he is saying that but I know deep in my heart that is not what he means.  The limited times I did see him, if he wanted to stay longer or do something else, I told him to tell his dad.  My son's comment always was "He'll get mad or he'll be upset".  I told him he won't but you have to tell your dad what YOU want to do. 

 

My son knows I love him.  I told him I will not give up on seeing, talking and trying to do things with him.

 

HE has waited so long to have his dad's approval he is afraid he'll lose it.  I'm not sure where to go from here.  BUt I will not give up.  I'm glad this show was done.  More people need to realize this is going  on.  Unfortunetly it also affects the special needs community.  THey may be adults chronologically  but mentally they are children.