Topic : 12/26 "Brainwashed by My Parents"

I think Ms. Kates needs wake up. She obviously has no idea what goes on after a divorce between parents and what usually happens to the children afterward. This Parent Alienation or what ever we want call it usually is done by women because they almost always get the chidren. I was accussed of spousal abuse and child abuse during my divorce and was automatically issued a restraining order at that time. The abuse never occured. She refuses still after 14 years to honor my visitation rights to include not letteing me speak to my daughter on the phone. So Ms. Kates you need to wake up. You are probably also guilty of helping some these deadbeat mothers get custody of their children. 

This is a REAL syndrome! I've known fathers who suffer with children who have been brainwashed by their mothers. The mothers, or fathers in some case, are usually mentally ill and many have borderline personality disorder...a grave mental illness. The child is caught in the middle and afraid to express love for the parent who is not living with them due to the other parent's hostile and controlling attitude.  It's such a sad, sad situation and one many people are not aware of!

I see this from both sides, as being a mom of divorce and a new stepmom. I did my damnedest to stay positive about my ex and promoted my kids visiting with their dad whenever the opportunity arose as he lives in the US and we live in Canada. However on the step side of things, my new husbands ex would find all kinds of reasons to interupt our visits with his boys; whether it be by calling them during our time or by making other plans that we were told we had to follow or the boys would not be visiting.

 

There are several things I saw from the sidelines that I would say are classified as parent alienation from his ex and him just giving up his boys. It hurt both of us so much to see the boys put in the position of spying/being informants and used as pawns to the point that all the time visits were a battle that we finally decided to remove ourselves from the situation. We did our best to be the grown ups but it's very hard to have a relationship with the other parent staying in the child mode and putting the kids in the middle.

When my ex and I divorced we purposely had it put in our divorce papers that we could not pass messages to the other through the children.  We also had it put in there that neither of us could downgrade the other in front of our children.  If either of us violated this we would be found in contempt of the court orders within our divorce papers.

 

Now exactly how we expected to provide proof if we ever went to court I could not really tell you.  We are on friendly terms in fact when he recently moved out of state I starting renting his house from him (same house we had when we were married).  We talk daily and he helps with my third child who does not even belong to him.

 

So to make a long story short.  You can have a decent relationship for the sake of the children as long as you put forth the effort.

This happened to my brother.  He married a beauty queen, miss perfect, pta mom type woman and they had 3 beautiful children together.  They had a great marriage, or so my brother thought.  He heard rumors around the neighborhood that she was flirting with all the neighborhood husbands.  He defended her only to find out later that she was "doing" the neighbor, who was also my brother's good friend.  Miss perfect wouldn't admit to anything, but told him to leave.  He moved back home with me and my parents and she sent the children to us to take care of more than she had them because she wanted to sew her wild oats.  We didn't care.  We enjoyed having them.  She'd still have my brother come over and cut the grass and fix things for her.  He did it because he was hoping for reconciliation.  One day, he snuck into her bedroom and looked in the nightstand drawer and found rubbers. My brother had had a vasectomy years before and they had never used rubbers.  Then he found his neighbor/friend's dishes in the kitchen.  Well, after thousands of dollars in marriage counseling even though she knew in her mind she would never consider working things out, he met another woman and started dating her.  Well, she flipped out!  First she turned the kids against her and then against their own father.  Jeff was 13 and knew what his mom said about his dad was all lies, but she threw the guilt trip on him saying she cried and threw up the whole weekend when they visited their father.  He felt protective of her and convinced his sisters that they needed to stop seeing their dad.  Her new boyfriend with with the CIA and would have other CIA officers threaten him and tell him he couldn't have his kids for the visits.  She took off with him and the kids to Texas.  My brother and my parents received letters from the kids saying they didn't want anything to do with "Bob" or anyone in his family.  He took her to court where they told her she'd better change things and send the kids to their father, but she never complied.  He new CIA husband got her out of any trouble.  They illegally changed their last name to his and called him dad.  They've been living their lives ever since pretending my brother doesn't exist.  This show brought it all back to the surface for me.  All the nights my mom spent crying all night, all the pain my brother has had to suffer and all the injustice.  He hasn't seen his kids, Jeff, Jenny and Jessica in almost 20 years.  The girls may have been too young to remember the truth, but Jeff was 13 and he knows his mom alienated them and that their father was a devoted, responsible, loving, gentle, wonderful man.  Their mom is a completely self-centered woman who only cared about appearances.  She is the one who screwed up and my brother has been the one to suffer for the past 20 years.  Kids, if you are reading this, email me.  shunt66@aol.com

Parental Alienation does exist.  I am a targeted mother and have not had reciprocated communication from my sons since February 2003.  But I refuse to give up hope.  My sons have 1/2 of my genes, I know what our relationship truly was (as do they) before all the fabrications, promises, etc were made.  Each day away is one day closer to reunification.  I pray for the real victims, our children, I also pray for my former husband and his family.  My pain is not decreased, but walled off.  I have to remind myself this does not define me as a wife, mother, Christian, friend, nurse, etc.  Targeted family members, do not give up, our children will be back.

 

To those who do not believe in PA or that their family members are not encouraging the behavior, please remember, if each and every family member who does have a nuturing relationship with the children, regardless of their ages, does not encourage a relationship with both parents they are doing as much harm as the alienating parent.  PA is very difficult to determine, but it is out there.

 

Divorce's can be nasty, but it is not the children's fault.  They are not pawns in a game, they don't understand, and the confusion can lead to incredibly serious and sometimes fatal events.  Something else each feuding parent can blame the other for.  How sad is that?

 

 

I was married for 16 years and have two beautiful children.  My husband and I separated just over 2 years ago.  Throughout the marriage he loved to be in control of everything.  He was very mentally and verbally abusive, but also smart enough to know not to do it in front of the children.  Therefore they never saw that side of him or heard the terrible things he said to me.  I finally gained the courage I needed to get out of that relationship in 2006.  Since that time he has done absoloutely everything he possibly could do to try and turn the kids against me.  He has told them that I left for someone else... which is absoloutely not true. I left our family home because he refused to leave and I refused to stay.  He kept everything that belonged to the children, changed the locks on the house and made it impossible for me to get in to get my things as well as some of the childrens belongings.  I started out from scratch with very little for furniture, or household belongings.  He has told the kids what a terrible mother I am because I can not provide for them like I should.  His Mother, sister and brother are constantly running me down to the kids.  Fortunately the kids will come to me and tell me how upset they are because of the things their Dad and his family have said about me.  I have never spoken badly about their Father to them neither has my family.  I refuse to put them in that position.  They have had to go through enough.  I have spoken to him about the way he talks to the kids and the lies he tells them, but he refuses to listen.  He told me he will do whatever it takes to make my life a living hell.... the problem is he is making my kids lives hell in the process.  I have read books, watched programs on TV trying to learn how to deal with this.  Everything I have ever read and watched says what I already knew.  Not to put the children in the middle and use them as pawns to stick it to the other parent.  I am at my wits end I dont know what else do to.  My kids are fairly well adjusted, and they know that they can come to me with anything thank goodness.  They have seen a side of their Dad they never knew before.  I can sit down with the kids and talk about what is bothering them and try and explain what is happening without running their Dad down.  What A JOB that is!!  I just dont understand why he doesnt realize what he is doing to the kids.  He can say and do what he wants to me because I am stronger now and it doesnt bother me, but leave the kids out of it!  It breaks my heart to see the hurt in my childrens faces when they talk about the things he has said about me  How do I stop this from happening????

      My soon to be ex has very little contact with his children, he doesn't call them, txt them, or see them. Men want to complain but I have seen this with a lot of my friends.  I think there are a lot more dads out there that aren't stepping up than women who are exhibiting this behavior. I would love it if my ex would have something to do with his kids. I am the one who has to tell them there dad loves them.

She's a hottie