Quote From: ayachihuahuaI heard Dr. Phil state that when the children are older, there will be backlash on the parent that committed the Parental Alienation. We are still waiting. My stepchildren are now 17 and 21 and still seem to be under the influence of their mother. My husband is still the "evil" father that she played him out to be since they were 2 and 5.
We were involved in court battles for 10 years trying to convice the court that she was purposefully alienated the children from their father. Then his ex took the children and moved them 1500 miles away without our knowledge or permission from the court. The court's did not intervene (even with a court order stating she could not do this.)
Now, his daughter never speaks to him and his son very little. I feel she committed the ultimate Parental Alienation by moving them so far away and proved to the courts our years of allegations. But, still nothing was done! (It's hard to practice visitation 3 times a week with children half way across the country.) I would like to believe that the backlash from the years of abuse at the hands of their mother will play out. But, until then . . . . .
I also heard Dr. Phil talk about the older children; when they grow up, it seems reasonable that they would realize what the parent doing the alienating has accomplished: She took my father away from me for no reason! However, your situation is my situation. It is 11 years later, from the time my husband & his ex separated (been divorced for 10 years now). I always felt she had a right to be hurt, to be angry; I agreed the kids needed time alone w/ their father; I agreed she needed time to get on her feet, get a job, etc. I NEVER agreed that she had the right to USE the children to express her anger. She was found in contempt of Court numerous times. She would be ordered to pay laywer's fees, it came out of her settlement, & post-divorce she was warned by the Court, even threatened by the Court that a custody hearing could take place, & she could lose her children if she did not stop keeping the children from their father and did not stop making them lie and say awful things about him....and me, his wife. The problem? No matter how many times my husband brought this before the court, no matter how many times she was found in contempt, no matter how many Court orders were in place to ensure strict visitation and contact by phone, etc. for my husband & his children, each return to Court was referred out to counseling, or to a child custody expert, or mediation. There was a Guardian ad Litem for the children, everyone went to counseling (incl. me if I were asked to be there by the counselor) many, many times w/ many different counselors. No one cared to really listen, to really HEAR, to talk to those children & listen well enough to know that it was their mother talking, not them. My husband was accused by his ex of being a drug addict and alcoholic; he was ordered to comply w/ testing & evaluation; he was neither. So his ex would have his daughter LIE and say that her father threw 13 beer cans out the back window of the house while she was there for the weekend! Okay, the Court saw that one for the lie it was! But, again, the Court only reprimanded the mother, or again threatened an "expert" may see it best for the children to live w/ their father. After each order, she'd calm down and let him see the kids for a bit. Then she'd just stop it, saying he couldn't pick up the kids b/c she said so. My husband was told by attys. to keep a record/diary, to call the police for them to create a report each time she denied visitation to him, etc. We did everything we were told to do. None of it mattered. The last Court appearance was just months ago; it's almost 11 years after the fact, and his ex was again ordered to produce the children for visitation or face sanctions. Both parents went to a parenting seminar, the younger child went to a seminar for children of divorced parents, my husband & his ex went to mediation. Now the bottom line is this: She HATES ME, lies that I abuse her children (even tho she GAVE ME her son for a month, at the age of 4, because she couldn't "handle him"), makes the children lie about me. My husband had to meet his children at a pizza parlour to give his children their Christmas presents b/c his ex would not allow the kids to come to our home if I were there! If he did bring the kids to our home, she would not let him see the kids at all, not even alone. She's used one excuse after another, she never really had consequences for her actions, everyone expected us to just do things her way for the sake of the kids (him see them in public w/o me present, DESPITE HAVING THE COURT'S ORDER that the children come to our home, WITH me present if desired). His children are now 19 and 11. We, like you, are still waiting for her to realize who did what. We never, EVER badmouthed their mother to them. We handled ALL of it thru the Courts. We even stopped having the police document her denying visits b/c it was upsetting to the children. Finally, within this past year, the Courts did nothing but the usual again, and now we have no contact with my stepchildren. His daughter is at college; she refused to say hello to him when she was home for Thanksgiving. She wouldn't come to our home and visit, even if her mother would never know! Their son adored me, and he loved his father more than anything. Now he sees neither of us ONLY b/c my husband's ex SAYS SO. We came to the conclusion that it was better to not pursue seeing the children any more, rather than watch them struggle with feeling like they were betraying their mother if they liked their own father or me, their stepmom; yes, my husband probably could see his son if he went to that public place for a few hours alone; we just didn't think that it was really what was best for his son, as he still had to struggle w/ what he told his father, or him getting yelled at by his mom if he asked if he could go to Daddy's for the weekend. And his daughter texts or calls once in a while. Then she'll stop all contact, w/ no reason given. My husband paid ALL of the bills for the house in which his ex & children lived, PLUS $200/week child support for the first year +, until they were divorced, then he never missed a support payment, paid alimony for a few years to help get his ex on her feet, bought the children clothes & shoes & underwear, coats, etc. for any time those children were "allowed" to visit us in our home b/c his ex wouldn't pack anything for them for the weekend, she told my husband to go buy what they needed.
I know this was a long one! There is SO much to be said, so much has happened. We kept diaries, etc. We were able to prove what his ex was doing, but she'd shape up for just long enough & then it was back to Court again. She has done SO much to hurt these children, but no one ever stood up to her, and certainly NO ONE EVER STOOD UP FOR THE RIGHTS OF THESE KIDS to have a normal relationship with their father, even if his ex did hate his new wife! It's sad, frustrating, disgusting. And it makes me angry knowing that SO many professionals & "experts" did NOTHING. ELEVEN YEARS - NO ONE DID ANYTHING.
(Original Air Date: 10/03/08) It’s being called the ultimate form of child abuse -- brainwashing your children against an ex-spouse to win custody. Could you be harming your child emotionally and not even know it? First up, Ken is a successful surgeon who says he’s the victim of parental alienation syndrome (PAS). He says he hasn’t seen his 14-year-old son since last October and claims his ex-wife destroyed what was once a loving father-son relationship. Mel Feit, director of the National Center for Men, says Ken’s situation is a classic case of kids being turned against their father, but family law attorney Liz Kates says PAS is a phony tactic used by some men to get out of paying child support. What does Dr. Phil think? Then, Karen lost custody of her children after she was accused of parental alienation syndrome by her ex-husband. Karen maintains her innocence, so why were her parental rights terminated when her daughters accused her ex of sexual abuse? Plus, 19-year-old Demi joins the show via Web cam and says her father verbally abused her mother during their divorce. Now, she fears that her 15-year-old sister is caught in the middle. Find out what you can do if you’re caught between sparring parents. And, meet a father so desperate to see his young children, he kidnapped them from his ex-wife and went on the lam for two years. Talk about the show here.
