Topic : 12/26 "Brainwashed by My Parents"

Bitter

Fifteen years ago, my daughter went through much the same as you have been going through.  When my ex-son-in-law was doing and saying all the bad things about my daughter, we tried not to say things in front of the two kids about how we felt about him.  I know there were harsh words said from time to time and I apologized to the kids for saying them.  I also spent many hours praying for forgiveness for the things I thought about the man.

 

To make a long story shorter, I was finally able to tell my son-in-law that if he didn't stop saying the things he was saying and doing to my daughter that the day would come when the kids would realize what he had done and would probably hate him for it.

 

Well, my grandson is 21 now and is completely alienated from his father.  He says he will never speak to him or respect him again.  My granddaughter is 18 and now lives with her mother and doesn't have anything to do with her father either.  When asked, both children say that their father is a liar and they will never forgive him.  I pray that isn't so, because they need their father, even if they don't know it now.

 

Nana 212

In 1994 I met the man whom is now my husband. He has an ex-wife from hell. They have one son together and she has literally made his life a living hell.  This women has done everything in her power to keep her son hating his father. My husband and his son use to be so close. And over the years all I see is hurt inmy husbands eyes and heart.She has told the child stories of when they were together and he can repeat the story as if he were there. Mind you they divorced when he was a year old. My husband does pay child support. Every year she manages to have some important thing for him to do around the holidays and during summer vacation. She goes against him as far as discipline and schooling. Thsi child has been literally thrown out of over ten schools. When he turned 16 last year they told her to come sign him out there was nothing else they could do for him. Now she has sent him 3000 miles away without even talking to my husband. We have three children together both are on the honor roll and they continue to excel in school. Our daughter is only three  so she isn't in school yet.

 

This is a sad situation and I feel sorry for his ex wife. She has truly damaged this child forever. Her form of raising this child has  not worked because she wanted to continue to be bitter instead of worrying about the best interest of the child.

In 1997 I went through this exact thing with my ex-husband and his new wife, girlfriend back then. My ex husband is abusive and an alcoholic. Because he was so angry that I wouldn't stay married to him for another 7 years and put up with the verbal, emotional, physical abuse and sexual abuse.He and his wife thought it would be great to manipulate their way through the court system into gaining custody of the children I had with him. As soon as that happened he and his wife did all 5 things that Dr. Phil said you should not do. I have had my heart ripped out from losing my two boys. Now that they are older 13 and 16 neither one of them can stand to be in the same household with her or my ex husband. My children were taken away because I had mental health issues. Since when does anxiety, and depression being controlled by meds constitute  a reason that states that you lose custody of your children? One of the other reasons was information that was falsely related from the boys because after every visit they would DRILL the boys for information and find a way to use it against me in court. His wife to this day is a great lier, manipulator, con, drama queen, addicted to pot and suffers from anti- social behavior.  He also made sure that I paid child support, and I still do to this day.

i dont know what to do cuz mines a bit different, my sons dad and i were never together so my son doesnt really know his dad. my sons 6 and his dad has seen him ABOUT once a year. and we're now starting visitation stuff, but its hard for me cuz he doesnt really know him, i dont say anything bad about him but we also dont really bring him up much either.  my son doesnt ask about him. he calls sometimes but..its not enough. i never said id keep him from him but this is hard cuz we werent together and my sons not used to him. im confused how to be.

I haven't seen my 2 daughters in 8 years now, because my ex used them as a weapon against me because I left him. He got what he wanted, I am hurt, but what about my daughters? He never took them into consideration...I heard once that when you put one parent down it hurts the kids more than you think because half of them come from that person and it is part of them. One day maybe I will see them again and hug them, but there is not 1 day that they are not in my heart!!!

Love you always girls!!!!!

I have 7 kids, now ages 27 to 13. The alienation began during the separation, my ex husband would spend all his time bad mouthing me. my kids would come home mad at me and say, "dad said this" and i would have to defend my self, in shock, and try to prove the truth. My ex would even set me up by telling me to do things for him, for example, taake the kids shopping for school clothes, only to have the check bounce because he removed the money from the joint account. I learned the hard way! I never dreamed he would get away with what he did, he broke into my home and kidnapped my 4 minor children, took my posessions, my family photo albums and my cat and 5 kittens. His family was in politics in a small town in Patriarchial Southern indiana and he was coached by his father, his attorney and the bankers who control the town. They even admit it! The president of Integra Bank in Evansville, In said to me "Listen, babe!" and i was told by local bankers, why do i do my husband this way? By the way my ex had a history of drunk driving, public intox, narcotic use, forgery, selling drugs, IRS fraud and even domestic violence. I was not aware of some of his habits until too late.

 

My kids were my best friends until the alienation began, which is one of the main symptoms. After he kidnapped the kids, he let them go into foster care rather than give them to me when my daughter had him arrested for yet another drunken brawl, when he punched his own kids. She was coerced by the CPS to not tell me and put the kids in foster care, which is illegal! I was living in Arizona and the kids were in Indiana. I have written the state senators, Richard Lugar told me he would help me if I would fire my court apponted attorney, which I did, and still no help. I have boxes of documentation and am enrolled in a doctorate program to get my doctorate in psychology. I want to expose the CPS and family court law for the terrorism on families. I have lost everything and feel like a refuge, but I am determined my voice be heard:)

 

Currently, I have 3 minor children who live with a father who is on disability, lithium and methadone. He does nothing, but collects child support from me. I am a fulltime student, straight A's and recommended by my professsors for the doctorate, who say I am brilliant, forthcoming and amazing! The older siblings make sure the younger ones are safe, but they are sadly neglected and BRAINWASHED every day. This is supported by the local courts and CPS in Jasper, Indiana. Dubois County, IN is a blister from the pit of hell, and there are many other families going through the same illegal and unethical abuse of power. It is a nationwide problem and affects both genders. PAS is real and deadly. I have not seen my minor kids since October 9, 2000, when they were kidnapped. That is 8 years ago. I have fought in court and am broke and still got nowhere, because I ran out of money. I am waiting for them to turn 18, one by one, so we can repair the relationship. They are threatened by their dad if he catches them talking to me, so we communicate in secret. This is only one story, read the amount of postings on this board and most are too ashamed or shocked to come forward. Thank you, Dr. Phil, FINALLY, someone is addressing this epidemicof child abuse by the CPS and family court system.

Thank you Dr. Phil for covering this topic.  This topic needs to be on your show everyday to let the public, legal system, custody courts, and couselors know that it does happen.

 

I lost my child to this syndrom, but more importantly, she lost her father.  The courts are so inept in handling this, they actually end up rewarding the parent who uses the child as a weapon against, as in my case, because of a divorce.

 

IT EXISTS, I've seen it, it is evil and the system needs to learn how to deal with it.

 

I love you Mallory and I miss you.  Two hugs two kisses.  Love Daddy.

i was torn in the middle of my parent's divorce and my mother would use me against my father every chance she got and i paid the ultimate price and at 37 don't think the repercutions don't trickle into the future because it does.then in my own divorces my ex's did what my own mother did and it was history repeating itself and it is the worst feeling no matter what side you are on

dlgwinn:

 

I am so sorry to hear of the manipulation that you had to endure at the hands of your mother. I belong to several PAS groups and we are always looking for adults of PAS to tell their stories. Please contact Dr. Amy Baker  (find her website via Google) and let her know that you are an adult of PAS and would like to tell your story. I'm glad you were able to re-establish the relationship with your dad. I wish my stepchildren, who I raised, would re-connect with me.

I have a somewhat simular story dealing with this subject.Back in 2002 I had been having severe depression problems. I would say that it really started after giving birth to my daughter in 2000. Please don't get me wrong I made alot of bad choices throughout my life that aided in what was going on with me by then. In 2002 I was living on my own with my three children,(twins who were three, and a baby girl just under 2), I was working full time until my daycare assistance was cut off. My children were very roudy to say the least, and it was almost impossiable to find someone who would watch them while I worked. They were well out of control, due to the fact that I didn't have the first clue as to what I was doing as a mother.

 

The end of Sep. of 2002 was when things really started to get bad. I was out of work and had no money coming in to help me support my children. As time went on I got very bad off. Getting off the couch just to make my children food became something that was so hard to do. At this time my house got so messed up and it was not safe or a good place for me or the kids. I couldn't figure out what was wrong with me, all I knew was I could not manage myself, much less my children.The first week of December of 2002 CPS came to my home and removed my children. Looking back not I agree that was the best thing that could have happened at the time. I could not take care of myself muchless my children.

 

They went to stay with my father and after a month he and his wife decided that they couldn't handle them anymore. So the the choice I had was to let my aunt have them or to let them go into foster care until they decided I could have them back. I let them go to my aunt;. i thought that would be the best place that way they were not split up.It is now 2008 and I lost my children for good when she sued me for my parental rights to be taken. I have been fighting this women for all these years just to see my kids, I never won. Now my children beleive that I would starve them and I would make them drink out of the toilet, I would hit them, I would lock them in their room. None of these things happened. However because of the situation when I lost them, I never could get the court to understand that these things didn't happen.

 

My children when I would get visits with them would play with me call me mommy and tell me they love me, but then to  other people they would say all these things that I was to have done to them. I know parental alianation is a real thing. I have seen it with my own eyes, she has told my children, if you go back then you won't get good food anymore. I have since gotten married and i have a 3 1/2 year old son. When I was pregnant with my son they were told that I didn't love them anymore and I was starting a new family without them.

 

I think that the courts should pay more attention to this subject. I know from the past, that it is easy to do this. When I was 4 years old my father took me and hid me from my own mother for about 5 months or so. During that time I was told that my mother was dead. By the time I came back I really thought that. When I went back to my mom , I told her she wasn't my mother, that my mother died. I think this is the worst thing you could do to a child. Keeping them from their parents is the worst thing possiable.