Topic : 12/26 "Brainwashed by My Parents"

Dr. Phil,

There are two sides to every story and who determines the conclusion to that story bears the ultimate responsibility.  Nine times out of ten, it is our judicial system that is already over extended and is not always unbiased nor in the best interest of the true victims of divorce. . .the child(ren).  I know this from personal experience.  My exhusband left for another woman and her family and simply walked out of his daughter's life when she was 13.  Counseling enabled her to work through the abandonment and with the love of many friends and a loving family, has enabled her to blossom into a beautiful, loving woman.  I am so very proud of her but know deep in my heart that despite all the good and successes, there is still a hole in her heart left from the absence of a father.  His actions speak much louder than any words could.  Unfortuantely, I believe this situation is a real dilemma in many lives and we, as a village, must work together to help each other.  It does take a village to raise a child! 

I'm sure that there are two sides to everything -- here's mine.   My ex assaulted me, verbally abused me was charged with resisting arrest when the police came to remove him from the home.  Fast forward -- my daughter and ex  went to three court appointed counselors because of my ex's problems.  The last counselor reported to the court that my ex had severe problems in his relationship with his daughter and that he also allowed his mother to get involved when she shouldn't have.  The end result was that my ex was ordered by the court to have a psychological evaluation performed in order to speak to or see our child other than in the presence of the counselor.  That was more than three years ago and he hasn't made one move to see our daughter even in the presence of the counselor.

My only concern was how he verbally treated her (he also left disparaging messages on the court appointed answering machine).  Most single parents enjoy having some time to themselves when their child goes for visitation with the other party as long as the parent feels the child is safe.  As long as my ex abided by court rules, I had no problem with him having visitation.  This man called the police on me twice in one day (pick up and return of our child); the second time was because "I brought my daughter home two hours late and my wife (I wasn't at the time) is giving me a hard time."

I'm sure that "parental allienation syndrome" exists in some forms, but please don't only take the side of fathers.  My ex has done everything and anything he can do to cause problems -- he reported me to DYFS for abusing my daughter and I had to get Senator Diane Allen involved to call off the people from DYFS) not paying support, calling my friends and relatives, bad-mouthing me to people, even neighbors (calling me a drug addict, showing lists of doctor prescribed medications to everyone), told PSE&G that he moved from the home (he forgot to tell them that his daughter and wife -- at the time-- still lived there and then I got a "shut-off at any time notice"), and he cancelled my automatic oil delivery (it was in winter and we could have run out of oil).  I could go on and on and on, but you probably have heard it all.

I watched your show and was having a slow, rapidly increasing burn over almost every comment that you guest made.  I just had to get my angst out via this message board.

PAS-Parental Alienation Syndrome is real. The group Justice for Children (JFC) destroyed my daughter and me. This is one of the groups that rejects PAS. This group is also sexist. In the May 2, 2007 edition of the Houston Chronicle attorney Alene Levy was interviewed as she was about to go to work for JFC on loan from Haynes and Boone, Llp. In the interview she stated that "when a mother discloses child sexual abuse on the part of the father she is correct". Then she went on to say that "this father will retaliate by claiming parental alienation of him by the mother especially in a custody suit".

In my case her mother was given for free two lawyers from the Fulbright and Jaworski, Llp law firm and I had none. Her mother was out committing three felonies while she got their help.

I had raised successfully and with love and respect our daughter form the time she was only eighteen months until she was six and one half. Our daughter had overcome a lot of the neurosis her mother had inculcated into her. She was thriving. When her mother got her back she failed high school and made a baby. This baby is now without a father herself.

As with Glen Schulz,  a friend, a guest on the show, and author of Unlawful Flight, www.unlawfulflight.com I had been also falsely accused of child sexual abuse.

A position must be taken in the family courts of this land about this PAS. And as with the opinions of Mr. Feit in the show the alienating parent must be stopped forthwith. This is the only thing that will work on behalf of the affected child to keep them from being destroyed.

Justice for Children should be put out of business and lose thier 501c3 status at a minimum. If there are others of you who have been so affected please get in touch with me. Another good book on PAs is Dr. Amy JL Baker's Adult Children of Parental Alienation: Breaking the TIes that Bind and Taken into Custody by Dr. Stephen Baskerville. and go to www.paao.org

Robert Gartner

Houston, Texas

Hello Dr. Phil

I am holding on by a string my ex-wife is keeping away from my children. It seems that she can get away with murder and evil is rewarding her for mis deeds. The law is not working for me, she makes false reports on me and jeopardizing my job and my wife job. I try to do the right thing but it seem as I do the right thing it works against me and she still have my kids.  I can not even speak with them on the phone on a daily basis anymore because she will not allow it and she got some lawyer to write to tell me that I can only speak to them on Wednesday and Sunday at 7:30. I try to work with that and she still will not answer the phone.  When she do let the kids talk it last about 75 sec then she making them hang up the phone. the conversation is shorter when the kids try to tell something she does not want me to know exspecially when my 5 year is telling what going on. My 10 year old has gotten to a point not to say anything around his mother to me. there been times when I called and my son was trying to tell me something quickly -- Then he say mommy coming and what he trying to say is never said.

I love my kids they are my world and I do not know what to do. I can understand why that man kidnapped his kids because the law do not work for fathers and it pushes people like me  into a corner. Getting beat by ex wife as she use the kids against me and I try not do the same because it hurting them and my exwife does not care if she hurting or using my kids as long as she can enflict injury to me.

I can't afford a lawyer, my kids are not with me and I about to be deployed and not being able to see them or hold them or talk to them is tearing at my heart. it seem the only choice is to run away with them because that the choice law put in front of us as men who do care, who do pay child support without reservation is to take them because men do not need protecting from the wife. Wife need protecting from the husband sexism at it worst. What can I do because part of me want..... I am continuing to do the right thing but it hard I am holding on by a string while my exwife continue to keep my kids from  and it hurts.

I also had it put into court orders that there was to be absolutly no communicating through the children and that there was to be no disparaging comments made to or around the children about the other parent, but my ex has never followed the court orders, they mean nothing to him and the courts don't enforce them when you do file complaints.  Unfortunately it takes both parents working together to put the childrens needs first for things to work.  My ex fights over everything and refused to work with me on anything, he doesn't want to be reasonable or fair or do the right things for the kids.  My ex is consumed with "punishing me" and "making me suffer" and he knows that the only was he can do that now is through our children.  He is a very controlling, selfish, angry, angry person and doesn't care about what it does to our children.

My son has not seen his two daughters for two years. His ex-wife has taken the girls and not complied with the court orders . He has already spent over $20,000 in lawyers fees and still does not see them. She has claimed abuse and claimed he molested them and it was all false information. It was proven in court that none of it was true. He now has enormous bills and having a problem paying child support. His daughters have been brainwashed to say daddy is bad and they are very angry at him. He is expected to pay for his children and does not see them. The courts definitely need better therapists that can see through some of these evil parents.