Topic : 12/26 "Brainwashed by My Parents"

I was sympathetic towwad Ken until Mr. Feit made the statement that the child should be "permanately withdrawn from the alienating parent".  What a hypocrite!  When are parents going to get their heads out of their own selfisth asses, and begin to think of their children?  I grew up listening to my mother bashing my father,  then two step fathers after failed marriages to them!  Parents wake up!  I never had ANY contact with any of these "daddies" in my life after their divorces from my mother. You would think I'd have resentment toward them.  But hello, it's my mother I resented!  I resented listening to her never ending critism of the men that I, as a child, loved.  They were my daddies!  The resentments that I had toward my mother escalated to the point where I lost complete sympathy and respect for her.  I was never able to express my feelings of losing these 'daddies".  I percieved that as her never caring enough about me (or my sisters) to ask, much less do anything about.  I am 48 years old now.  As an adult, I realize that my mom must have had her reasons for doing what she did.  Obviously her own insecurities created a need to have my sisters and I on 'her side'. But by doing this, she never realized that she was creating the exact opposite reaction.  My mom's constant critism of the daddies in my life, aliented me from her. Parents wake up.  Your kids didn't ask to be born, and they sure as hell never ask to be in the middle of the emotional tug-of-war a divorce takes on their children.  Please, for the kids sake, do everything in your power to make your marriages work.  If that's not possible, then please make it your goal to have a cordial relationship with your ex-spouse, and, if that's not possible, then NEVER bad mouth your ex to your children.  If that's not possible, then cut your tongues out!

You sound like a very embittered and vengeful woman who subconciously drove a wedge between your husbands children and him because of money. I feel so sorry for your daughters because the trauma that you have caused will effect them for the rest of their lives. Please get professional counseling and suggest the same to your daughters. Your anger is toxic.

If you didn't live there....you can't say NEVER said a bad word. I know good men too. Everyone is pushed to a limit and does something they may regret. NEVER?!?! Doubtful! That's denial!

Yes, you are correct the men are the problem. They should just quit caring about there children and forget the children were ever born just like they used to. I remember the good ol' days when men didn't cry and if a child got there finger cut off you would just yell at them really loud and say "suck it up you wussie"

I am not going to go into sharing about my experience to prove to some of you that this does go on. As you can see from all these messages that have been posted, should help you open your eyes.

It breaks my heart to hear what children are still going through all over the world (even here in Canada), And it is all because of Anger and  Revenge.  And it is not only the parents who are doing this to the children it is also some of the family members. 

I definitely agree with one of the posts on this message board who has mentioned about having a written contract in the divorce and I think it should  definitely  also be  written in a contract before they marry.  It should say the parents will not talk badly about one another in front or  to the children, or try to keep them away from their parents ( male or female, it happens to both!!!)  I also strongly believe that it should be mandatory for "parents(or parent) to be", have to take parenting classes!!!!  and continue through out the child's growing up years!!!. 

My God the damage that is being done out there to so many children because someone thinks by having a child will give them more money on welfare (Canada), or that they will have someone that loves them, or they will have a slave, or be able to control, or make money on, etc.  It is so crazy!!! 

People if you really care open your eyes, denial will not change anything! 

One more thing before I go, this female lawyer that was on this show today, omg.......lady.......you are the reason I dislike ( and I am being polite here) lawyers.

Everyone I wish you all peace in your hearts, ...........and if you want to do anything in this world.... Please, start with the children...because they are the future....yes so is our planet, but who will rule this planet if we don't raise good people.

 

I am a victim too, and I am the MOM. It is almost as if you are talking about my own situation. The only difference is that I have my daughter, now 13 and he has my son, 20. Our divorce took a 1 1/2 years and he has succeeded in sabotaging my relationship with my son and has tried to do the same my daughter. Now, he doesn't even visit her anymore. That has been by his choice. We too, had joint custody and I was suppose to have visits with my son and never got them. Yet, he was able to see his daughter and has now chosen to to blame me because I will not drive her over there for HIS visits. His Wife of 4 years has resorted to posting a blog on her Myspace, trying to make my daughter feel bad. She said some pretty terrible thing to her. What a shame.

I spent 20+ years in the military, 6 years in Law Enforcement, and worked as a contractor overseas on government contracts....all the while, providing a home for my then wife and children.  Me ex and I separated for 8 months in 2003-2004.  During that time she went to child support enforcement and concocted some wild farse stating I didnt pay for the childrens support.  A child support order was signed by a judge.  We got back together and were together until 2007.  From 2004 to 2007 I bought a home We lived there, myself, her and the kids.  While living there, I worked off and on overseas and my checks were direct deposited into a joint account that she used because we were "a family".  Now...child support enforcement has come out and said I owe approximately 45,000.00 in back child support.  I took documentation to the child support enforcement division and showed it to them "PROVING" my children lived with me and I supported them i.e. bank records, school records, a copy of the deed to our home with both my ex's name and mine on it, affidavits from neighbors, friends and relatives....all proving that I supported my children.   And to date.....NOTHING has been investigated by the child support division...and the arrears continue to grow!!!  I guess I will just hold out my hands and tell local law enforcement....."well, lock me up"!!  I was, am and always will be a responsible father to my children but I will be damned if I let a "broken system" railroad me.    Hmmmmmm retired Marine, former law enforcement and a contractor working on US State Department contracts.....yep....a real deadbeat I am!!!  Where in the hell is the justice for those who deserve it???

The lawyer today is in total denial about this issue.  I think she must be a divorced mom and only been on the parent's battle front and not on the child's battle front. 

 

As a child of divorce who experienced this behavior,  I find it disheartening that the lawyer today was in such denial.  She, as a lawyer, will have an impact on the lives of others, and I'm talking about the innocent victims of divorce, and obviously not a clear objective impact.

 

I once had a friend who was going through a separation/divorce with children.  When I tried to relate to him my experiences as  a child of divorce,  he always negated my experiences and went back to what he was experiencing.  I never tried to down play what he was going through, just tried to get him to see the impact on his girls.  He stayed in total denial about what he was choosing for them, as his girls never had any choice in this matter.  Parents always have a choice as to their behavior, they are the adults.  Unfortunately so many parents stop making sane decisions when it comes to parenting during a divorce.

I am surprised that today people don't understand what a relationship is all about by putting their children first.  I think in any relationship the relationship should be first because if a relationship is doing good than the children will, will be doing as good.

Also, children does not want to see their parents fight and if the children comes first why get married.  And if the relationship is first and both are having a great time in their relationship and some problem comes up.  I just bet married people who has put their relationship first will get through what ever problem has come before the married.  They would no how to let the kids out of grow up problems and if a divorce is necessary the kids will do find.

Also, Female violent in this country has got to be stop.  I think when a females lie about any given situation that could cause an individual to get jail time.  She should get the jail time for lying.

are you kidding me right now? You're actually blaming a woman for what's been done to her? You have no right to judge her decisions and actions. Go check your hands before you put the blame on a victim who is already hurting because she became the 4th wife? Shame on you.