Topic : 12/26 "Brainwashed by My Parents"

Just listening to your show Dr. Phil, and it's as if you are talking about my situation. I am going through the same thing. My ex-wife Melissa is doing the exact same thing. I have done research and homework about this very matter. There is an existing Court Order that has been in place for three years and she has made many violations against this Court Order. I am a very loving and caring father of two boys ages 7 and 9. Their "toxic mother" has refused to let there be any such contact between our sons and myself. She has also moved out-of-state and did not notify my of any relocation(s). I myself have always notified my ex-wife of any relocation.

I have had no contact with Dylan and Cody, our sons, that currently reside in Craig, Colorado. I continue to write Dylan and Cody letters but receive nothing back. I leave my cell phone on 24/7 in case by an off chance one of them calls. I have no idea how they are doing or what they are being exposed to by their mother. All I want out of this entire discussting situation of an ugly divorce is to either talk or at least see my sons Dylan and Cody.

I know for a fact that Mel has "brainwashed" them from day one only because I have a letter from Dylan from some time ago that wat writen  by my son but not writen by my son. I know exactly what the law says and what it stipulates. I do know that when our sons grow up they will start to put  information together and they will know what is going on and they will resent her for what she has done to them.

My husband and I have been married for almost 2 years. For the first year of our marriage, his ex-wife was always in our business. She would call him at least 5 times a day for absolutely no reason. They have 2 children. One was actually my husbands child from a previous relationship in which his ex-wife adopted her and then they have one child together. She is constantly bad mouthing my husband in front of the kids. The day after we got married, she got on the phone with my mother-in-law, my husbands work, etc. It has been a nightmare! She tells him when he can have the kids and will not allow any additional time for vacations, etc. She is seriously psycho! She tells them that he's an alcoholic-he doens't even drink, tells them he's a child trapped in a mans body, he's worthless, he's addicted to women, we just got married so that I wouldn't leave him, etc. She stalks him AND me. It's seriously CRAZY! He filed a motion with the court a year ago to get his kids more as we live out in the country and they each have their own room, etc. She refused to let us have any time with the kids other than every other weekend. Not one more hour, not one more day, nothing. She told him that if he wanted more time with them that he could come take them out to dinner once in awhile. His teenage daughter is too far gone- the brainwashing that she has entailed will forever damage her and his son, well he's mentally not all with it. She looks for things and ways for him to be sick. It's to the point that every time we see or talk to him, there's something else wrong with him. It's so sad! Well, after a year of battling back and forth with her and the strain she has placed on our marriage, my husband just threw in the towel and gave up. She is a control freak, apparently always has been and she is seriously SICK in the head. He has told her very simple that she is not to call him or contact him ever unless one of his kids are in the ER or he will file a restraining order against her. These 2 kids are unfortunately going to have to live with what she has done to them. I'm very sad for them. She is a classic case for PAS. I strongly believe that people suffer from this "syndrome" and I strongly agree that it should be addressed in courts. This is a REAL issue that people all over the country suffer with. My heart goes out to anyone and everyone that has been affected by this and I think it's about damn time that someone steps up and does something to STOP and PREVENT this from damaging any more children.

Sick of PAS- Wisconsin

My daughter in law was one of those children who was torn up between two parents who divoriced.  He father kidnapped her, telling her that her mother didn't love her anymore.   It really did a job on her and she didn't think her mother loved her and gave her a lot of trouble when she finally got her back.  He gave her back to her mother only when her mother agreed to pay off his credit card debt.  My daughter in law didn't know this until a few months ago, now she feels that her father sold her more or less.  I know she has a lot of anger towards her father and really doesn't have a lot of contact with him other then phone calls and his coming for her wedding and once for a family reunion with is parents.  He didn't offer to pay for any of the wedding and that bothers my daughter in law a lot.  I also wish her mother wouldn't add to the fuel by sharing the facts that he made her pay off his debts to get her back.  That is in the past and it doesn't do anything but hurt my daughter in law... so yes... years after the fact, what they put her through while divoricing still affects her very much.  Parents need to put children's welfare and security first.  They need both parents if possible unless one is abusive towards the child.  What they don't need is to be pulled in different directions.  When I split up with my first husband our son was only 3 weeks old.  My husband adopted him at 2 but I never said anything bad about my first husband to my son.  When he asked I would say "he has problems loving himself so it is hard for him to understand how someone else loves him and pushes them away"  He also drank and got involved in drugs and I wasn't going to raise a child in that situation but I did not tell that to my son.  I let him know that he was a nice guy who had problems and grew up in a bad home.  Now my son is an adults and I did tell him that I worry about his able to control his drinking because Alcoholism runs in his biological fathers family.  I still try never to say anything negitive about him.  I am glad that I realized from the beginning that to insult a parent is to insult the child and that isnt acceptable.

I am a school teacher.  I am female.  I am not a parent.  Watching today's show brings up some strong emotions for me, as I am one of the people who see the effects divorce/custody battles have on kids.  Parents have no idea how much their children suffer when they speak ill of the other parent, and even more when they do anything to sabbotage the relationship with that other parent.  We know their reasons behind it (jealousy, spite, vindictiveness...), and as the lawyer who spoke on the show said, it may be common.  But that does not make it okay!   

As a teacher I see how the child is often affected.  Symptoms are real!  They may be depressed, angry, hurtful, withdrawn, and their grades may suffer.  Also, be aware, that children sometimes feel that school is a safe place and WILL share their thoughts or say things that would actually shock anyone.  As a teacher, I am to remain neutral to both parties.  I have to protect myself and avoid taking sides, even volunteering to testify, because then I could be subjected to personal lawsuit.  It really frustrates me that MY thoughts and observations are almost never known.  Lawyers are only fighting for two things:  their client and the win.  I wish that any battle dealing with children could be lawyer-free, and only a judge would be able to try the case with advocates for the child only!  That would be the day. 

I want to say one thing to the lawyer who spoke on the show.  I don't think I could ever look you in the eye.  You publically degraded the author of the book 'Unlawful Flight'.  You belittled his most powerful feelings and emotions of love for his children-- the GREATEST love a person could ever feel.  I don't know how you sleep with yourself at night.  You are not for children, and you should be ashamed of yourself for insulting that man's story.  He revealed some of his deepest feelings and all you could say with sarcasm was "That's a really sweet story, but..."  You have no heart.

To the author of 'Unlawful Flight', I just want you to know that although I am not a parent, I long to be one, and I heard your pain as well as your justifed feelings of love and the actions you took.  My heart goes out to you and your children.  Look at the outcome!  Your beautiful daughter is the result of everything you gave her.  Don't EVER feel unjustified of that.  I am going to read your book, and I will recommend it to the parents I deal with who have lived lives similar to yours.