Topic : 12/26 "Brainwashed by My Parents"

Hey "Phoctor Dill"...  It certainly looks like you struck a nerve with this show. A follow-up is needed, for sure.

After watching.... reading...  and posting my own experience... (and that forced me to revisit some painful places I thought I'd never have to go back to)...  but at the time, I had kept a journel of everything that happened, in my experience...  and I went back, and read through it. Man... not to boast or anything... but my ex, and the whole experience was about a month's-worth of Dr. Phill shows. (No kidding).

Ya know... I'm not at all convinced that it's a male/female, man/woman, wife/husband. mother/father issue, cause, result, or answer, because it seems that both genders are guilty, and victims. From my experience in my case.... and, sitting through the proceedings of many others while waiting for my case to be called, for numerous court dates...  I really think the breakdown falls squarely on the shoulders of the judges. I can't tell you how many times I witnessed a judge completely disregard something that was such an incredibly large, and all-important factor...  and all too often, the judge won't even let the facts be heard.

Certainly, the child/children loose. Their entire lives are affected, and it can change who they are, and what kind of person they grow up to be. That's bad enough. But- there's the 'injustice' of it all... as well as the damage inflicted on the other members of the family, as well. And don't forget about the parent who has given their 'all'... everything they are, and they still get trampled on. And at the end of the day, the judge takes off his or her robes, goes home to enjoy a fine evening... and evidently, they believe they've done their job to the best of their ability.

Certainly, the law makers have some blame. They tend to over-correct when legislating, and go from one extreme, to another...  but never seem to find 'that sweet spot', where balance and common sense rules. Between the law makers and the judges... we citizens are screwed... unless, of course, we have lots-O-money, and a killer lawyer (could be a literal term)(I dunno). Tell me again why it's such a great idea that judges don't have to be accountable to anyone. That seems to be part of the job description of God.

No... I realize that if judges were held accountable, the legal biz would be even more constipated than it already is. (Hell... I've been waiting for my disability hearing for.... well... I forgot.... I filed in 2004!). In any case...  would it not be the job of the judge to act in the best interest of the child... and to find out what that is, all relevant facts must be heard? Call me kookie.

Dr. Phil frequently speaks of 'common sense making a comeback'.... hell, if I were the next President, one of the first things I'd do of form the "Department of Common Sense", which would be over EVERY other department of Federal, State, and Local governments. (It almost sounds good on paper)(and... evidently, I just don't drink enough).

I would like Ms Kates to tell me to my face that what happened to me is phony. My father is guilty of brainwashing my brother and I against my mother for only one reason, his ego. My parents divorced when I was nine and from the moment my mother left (custody with dad), the brainwashing began. From your mother doesn't love you, to you're not allowed to have a relationship with your mother, to she's not your mother anymore, my father was so bitter at her leaving him that he would do anything to make her pay.

I wish that this story could have a happy ending. But to this day, he still "punishes" me for choosing to have a relationship with her. I'm 37 years old and almost 30 years have passed . He still can't let it go. PAS is very real and should not be taken lightly. My mother quietly waited for us to grow up knowing in her heart that we (the kids) would know the truth and eventually come around. While I did, it doesn't erase the years of abuse that I endured at the hand of my bitter angry father.

The sad truth about PAS is that it doesn't end with just the kids. My children also have to pay the price for my father's actions. When he won't attend Christmas dinner, attend a sports event, or make an appearance at a birthday party, it breaks my heart to have to explain to them that it isn't their fault. When they ask why grandpa doesn't love them, I have to explain the unexplainable. I dare Ms Kates to tell them that what they are feeling is phony. 

This happens so often and their is nothing you can do about it legally. He was finally tired of all the public episodes and lying she was doing to keep his daughter from ever knowing him. Her motive was to embarrass him enough and give him the run around every time he called or showed up for his visitations; to where he would finally say enough is enough and just quit seeing her. In her mind it would have been perfect if she could collect a check and not have to share her child. She has another 15 year old daughter out of wedlock that has no contact with her father and is told she will not be able to go on the shopping trips, be in cheerleading or go on dates if she has any contact with her father. That child has been spoiled beyond repair and the mother has very little control besides bribery. I can see how the man on the show feels helpless and how he feels the child has turned against him without him even doing anything. I also believe the child need to be taken out of his mothers home for at least a couple months without contact with the mother. I believe that is the best way to allow the child to see how his father is not what the mother has portrayed him to be. To conclude my story after going to court for a year and a half we were given custody. This mother was only using this child to get back at her ex (my husband) since she did not care to show up for court over 10 times to keep her child. The courts gave this mother too many second chances since she missed visitations time after time and thought ignoring the courts and getting away with it would make us feel helpless. Even though it was frustrating when she had custody it didn't stop as soon as we got custody. Even a year of the girl living in our home and visiting her mother she was still trying to go back and live with her mother and sabotage our marriage. Within the last couple months thing have dramatically improved since she knows we don't put her in the middle. We don't make her lye or ask anything that goes on at the other house she sees our house as the fair and peaceful place to live.

 sorry but i did not title my paragraph the whole truth i don' t know who did.  my title was i just want to say

 that is true there are always to sides to a disagreement.  Been there done that as I was divorced too and had many custody battles.  so if i offended you i apologize.  but Melissa did a stand up job.

I take this matter very seriously and as a woman we can be very vindictive if hurt. I have sat back and watched my step children suffer needlessly because there mom hates there dad. They have said things to me like mom likes you better than dad and my grandma don't like you and hates daddy. These children are not encouraged at all to have a relation ship with there father. It is sad and we just tell them it is okay but we don't hate there mom or grandma. We refuse to say any thing negative about them in front of the kids. One day his son was telling me about a snake they killed in the yard and how mama was cutting its head off and laughing saying look its daddy tell me that ain't trying to alienate a child's affection for a parent. Alienating children is very real and serious mental abuse in my opinion. I think courts need to sit back and spend a little more time listening to what is really going on before they make all these snap judgments about our children's lives. Even though I judge has heard our case for 4 years and would recognize us if we walked past I don't think he really understood the seriousness of what the social worker said and he made us hire her. She was not at all happy with the way the kids were being handled mentally by there mom. But hey what can we do courts and lawyers have sucked us dry. People need to learn to handle their lives in an orderly manner which means stop plying games with your kids minds so you hate your spouse do you hate the part of your child that id like your spouse get over it go on with your lives and help your kids be mentally healthy happy adults who can cope with the truth and reality.