Topic : 12/26 "Brainwashed by My Parents"

I am writing here because my ex-husband and his family brainwashed my daughter into believing I was gay and that I did not love or care about her. Nothing could have been fruther from the truth. If anything it was the other way around. I my ex-husband use to go around and tell everybody that neither of our children where his because he was not home long enough to be there father. He was very mentaly and verbally abusived to me and it got around to being sexually abusived to me before I finnally got the streght to leave. Him and his family are very controlling so as long as things went his way to a point he was happy. In the house wiht him it was always " My way or the Highway" but you could not choose the highway because he would do whatever it took including lying to get his way. He so much as told my children that I said when the divorce was final that I would no longer be there mohter. Which by the way I never said, He had my daughter so scared to visit with me that having her brother with her on visits was not enough, She had to bring someone else along with her just so she did not have to have naything to do with me while I got to see my children for the only eight hours every other Saturday that I frist got for visitation. Somedays I regret that I did not have the means to Kidnapp my children just to get them a way form such an abusive and controling father and his family.

I do have to say that by the time my daught was fifteen in a  half she ended up coming to live with me. which by the separated my two children because that left my son to live with his father. Whom which when he was fifteen in a half ended up living with me because his father had been arrested for drugs and guns. So this was not my son choice to come live with me. I am still having trouble having a relationship with both of my children even thought  one is now 21 and the other is 19. I can at least can talk to my daughter even thought she got mad at me when I kicked his grilfriend out of my house after their father went to jail. the problem I now have is my son will not talk to me about anything. I am not sure what I can do to help him with what is going on inside of him.

My daughter goes to see her father on a regular basis and talks to him because when she is not away a school she lives with his mother ( her grandmother). Which by the way  along with most of my x's family whom have not had much to do with my son since he was sick as a baby. My son very rarely hears from his father or anybody on that side of his family. Which I no it bothers him but I can not get him to talk about it or anyhting else. I am not sure what to do the help him. Not to mention depression runs in my family. My son is doing thing that can effect him for the rest of his life. I do not know if he understands just how bad what he is doing can really effect him in hte long run.

There are those lunatics and anti-male misandrists who claim that parental alienation is "junk science" because it is not a diagnosis in the DSM manuals, especially those from radical women's groups.  Obviously they are not credible experts on the subject.  If parental alienation and PAS is "junk science", then we have to include "battered women's sydrome" as junk science because it fails to include "battered men's syndrome".  According to many statistical studies and government reports, battered men comprise over 40% of all domestic violence victims.  In NJ, homicides by domestic violence show that 1/3 of domestic violence homicides in 2006 (42) were men (14). First, this doesn't constitute an "epidemic" that the domestic violence industry would have everyone believe, especially since these figures comport with every other state.  Forty-two homicides as a result of domestic violence vs. 9 Million residents in NJ does not make an "epidemic".  It accounts for .0006 percent of the population--a statistical insignificance.  Yes, homicide is not insignificant, but statistically, in this case, it is.

Tourette's Syndrome was not considered a diagnosis for almost 100 years.  Would it be considered "junk science"?  How about fibromyalgia, which many in the medical and mental health community were dismissing in the past, but are now coming around to its reality.  Parental alienation and PTSD is like Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder and inflicted emotional distress.  It is real, even though it may be in a separate category than returning war veterans suffering PTSD.   One could consider it a form of PTSD caused by the court system that is anti-male.  It could be construed as "battered legal victim syndrome".

I suffered PA and PAS caused by my ex-wife's false accusation of domestic violence (which in West Virginia court studies on false allegations has declared that over 80 percent of DV accusations are false), which I found out she was advised by her attorney to file, and caused my children to be alienated from me.   I haven't spoken to my twin daughters (now 26) in over 14 year as a result of my bi-polar disordered ex-wife who has had 3 husbands.  Her recent boyfriend moved into her house 2 weeks after her 3rd husband died--kind of suspicious, don't you think?

If anyone would like to debate me on this subject, I would gladly put them in their place.

I absolutely agree with your opinion.  It's the children that are forgotten in this mess.  When they choose to protect themselves and refuse visitation - they're forced.  They're comments and feelings are ignored, in the name of fairness.  What about the emotional and physical health of these children.  As parents we are helpless, courts fail and lawyers are bound - my lawyer stated that even a crack addict would get every second weekend.

My daughter was too little to manipulate, being only one and a half when she started refusing.  Her very disturbing behavior after visitation was dismissed because it was thought that I was only being vindictive.  The investigation lasted approx 30hrs.  My daughters comments at 2y/o have been "we need a new mommy for daddy's house, you're not a good mommy" , and "when mommy dies we have to call the police" have all been dismissed.  Since then we have been on the offensive.  There has been 3 applications for sole custody in a year (which conveniently coincide with applications for disclosure or section 7's).  The affidavits I have received are nothing short of manure, I record all conversations, save all email and keep a daily diary.  Too which my lawyer stated that I probably would be in serious trouble if I hadn't.  No one to date has been an advocate for my daughter , except herself until now.  The new agreement between the lawyers is to force her to go (she's 3 now, very verbal and has refused since Xmas), play therapy, and counseling ( not  for her but myself and for the X)-  my lawyer wants me to comply with everything or I could loose custody.

These people only carry on their abuse through the courts and the lawyers.  The main focus isn't the children - it's winning.  To them winning is alienating the child and not parting with any of their money.

It's a shame that educated people in the Judaical system can't see this.

Where to begin.  When I met my husband, we had long talks about his children prior to my meeting them.  He spent ALOT of time with them and his ex.  I didnt believe he was ready to move passed his passed.  He took care of 3 children nearly everyday, they were "playing"  happy family in but 2 seperate homes. It all started when he and she both were 18 and in college, learned they were pregnant, and rushed to get married with the urging of both their parents.  They were helped with buying a home and settling down.  She wanted to be a stay at home mom, so he worked 2 sometimes 3 jobs to allow her to do that.  After 7 months of this, she went outside the marriage to find attention, and it got her pregnant with child #2.  My husband believing this was all his fault for working so much, he agreed to cut down working, if she would never tell this other man of the child.  And so they had 2 children and a home, he started back working 2-3 jobs because they could barely get by....but yet again, this landed her in the arms of yet another man, and a 3rd pregnancy.  My husband immediately filed for divorce and moved out.  When she was faced with this 3rd pregnancy alone and the father facing 25 years in prison, she begged my husband to move back to help her with the kids and pleaded with him to become this baby's daddy as well.  He spend 3-4 nights a week at her house, meanwhile she had a boyfriend whom stayed on opposite nights.  Let me insert here she never worked, and was seeking financial help from the system.  When I entered the picture and heard of all this, I ran for the hills!!!!!  He was a great guy with a big heart and didnt know up from down, I couldnt get involved in that mess!  But several months later he showed up on my door step telling me he figured it all out...proclaiming his love for me.  I didnt buy it and told him some things I  just could not accept in my life, and its his spending nights at her house "for the kids" which he told me was never going to happen again, nor him being the daddy to all 3 of these kids when only 2 of them are his on paper that he has any legal rights to (or had).  He would take all 3 kids on his visitation because he felt bad the little girl didnt have a daddy, she called him daddy.  I again removed myself from the picture.  Again, several weeks/months later he came back after he 'straightened things out'.  We dated regularly and I fell deeply in love with such a caring wonderful man.  This is when it got ugly for him, his ex learned of his relationship with me, and announced to him a 4th pregnancy with a then on again off again boyfriend and pleaded with my husband to take her back, she would abort the child if it ment he would come back, she would do ANYTHING to get him back.  He denied her offer and told her he wanted to marry me.  Here started the court battles.  He was at that moment never allowed to see his kids again.  He would show up to pick the kids up, they would be gone, he brought cops with him, they did nothing, he went to the courts and she appeared very pregnant pleading she was just trying to protect her kids from a man who has changed and is now abusing his children.  I stood in court with him, as tears flowed down his face as he tried to rebut all her accusations, but the judge sided with her and his visitation was suspended until he agreed to attend counseling WITH HER, ALONE.  He knew she was manipulating the courts, and she was trying to manipulate him, he pleaded with the judge to see through that, but the judge never backed down.  She married the 4th babys daddy just after we were married, and subsequently got divorced just 6 months later.  We were in court every 6-8 weeks pleading to re-instate visitation and in the mean time she had the kids in counseling and the kids were claiming we locked them in the basement, that we left them alone in the house and went out, that we had duct taped them.  All bogus lies, but the childrens counselor wrote an immediate letter to the courts removing any contact between the kids and my husband.  My husband was outraged and immediatly called this counselor and set up an appointment with her (we had no prior knowledge of this counselor).  She met with both of us, and then set up another meeting the next day with the children, my husband and myself, where the children would then sing a different story of how much fun they have with us, and how much the love us and me, and that their mom would be mad at them if they told her that.  The counselor appologized to my husband and wrote a letter to the courts retarcting their last letter and withdrawing from treating the children any further stating 'the dynamics of this family were beyond the scope of their ability to help' .  We then submitted an additonal letter to the courts with an attached copy of the withdrawal from the counselor with the P.A.S outlines that we had researched and urged the courts to overturn the ruling that suspend all visitation.  To no avail.  We had to make a decision for our lives, the lives of those children, and the future of our own daughter.  The more we continued to fight and fight for the visitation, the more the children seemed to suffer mentally and emotionally at the hands of their mother.  We never wanted to take them away from her, we only wanted to share with them our lives and also share in theirs.  We admitted defeat, and we hope and pray that one day the children will want to be a part of our lives, and have a voice that will allow them to do that.  In the mean time, we have moved and started a new life of our own, but not without a price.  My husband has a picture of his kids in our bedroom that he touches every day, he says his mind and his heart are always with them.  My husbands mother has visited with the boys and even allowed them to call us, however this has since ceased at the request of the childrens mother, but in that last phone call the children told us that they had moved in with a new boyfriend, but then he kicked them out and were now living with their mothers grandparents and were maybe going to be moving in with now a new boyfriend.  And that their mom told them that thier dad didnt love them anymore because we also moved and have a new baby.  Dr. Phil, we didnt move because we didnt love them, we moved because we did.  My husband was an emotional wreck having to drive passed their street on his way to and from work, knowing they were within reach but he couldnt reach them.  The legal battles and this fight spanned over 3-4 years, and we were beaten down, I hope we did the right thing, not for us, for them.  Their mother is their mother and we could never change that, the courts always seem to side with her, it was a losing battle for us, and therefore we threw up our white flag and surrendered.  Was this the right thing to do? Some say yes and understand our position to not want the children to pay the price for their parents fighting, others say no, and think we should still be there today, fighting until our last dying breath. We believe that was causing more harm by  continueing the fight, than the harm that is being caused by us not being in their lives?!?!?!?  We firmly believe we could provide them with a better more stable life, we built a home, with bedrooms for them should they ever be allowed to come visit.  Today we dont know where they are living, because she and the 4 kids have moved 5 times in the passed 3 years.

Help! It has been 4+ years since our divorce was finalized and my ex-husband is still as angry, bitter and revengeful as he was in the begining.. He can't get over it and continually puts the kids in the middle and will do anything to keep them from having a good relationship with me. He has few boundaries and truly believes that they are adults and has told them since they are adults they should be able to live whereever they want even though we have 50/50 custody and parenting time. A year ago they chose to live with him and my attorny has advised me to let them have this time without additional pressure from me. I keep taking the high road but I keep losing. Does anyone have any hope for me? Fortunately my oldest just left for college but my youngest has 4 more years of this. I never would have believed he was capable of  this.

this is for all the people that think alienation doesn't happen. IT DOES! My husband has a daughter to a ex girlfriend. He always has wanted to see her and have a relationship with her but her mother did everything in her power to prevent it. He would go to court to get visitation and she would say all kinds of things in there to try and have him not see her. The judge would always tell her she had to let him see her and she has actually told the judge she wouldn't. They told her she could be found in contempt of court but every time he had to go in and say she wouldn't let him see her they did nothing to her. She would move, change her number, not be home, not answer the door, got a viciouse dog to put out so he couldn't get to the door and if she was with us she would call and tell her to ask to come home so she could get ice cream or pizza or to see someone that was there. The only reason she didn't  take his rights away is because she wanted the child support from him. We spent thousands of dollars and he had seen her maybe a years worth of visitation in 16 years. She told his daughter all those years that he quit coming to get her and he didn't want to see her. We knew she wanted to see us because if we saw her in public she would wave to us (which she would get hit for by her mother) or if she was with her "stepdad" (he wasn't really) she could actually talk to us he would let her. But if her mom found out she would punish her for it.  When she was 16 I found her on myspace and we started talking. Her mom was mad and told her all kinds of lies and there was a time when she wasn't talking to us because of it. I told her I could get all the court orders and transcripts and she could read them herself and form her own opinions. She is now 18 and we have a pretty good relationship with her. We have found out that her mother has been hitting consistantly her since she was 15 and sporatically before that. And we had to take her to the police recently. Her mother has moved and she didn't go with her. She wants nothing to do with her mother right now. Her mom is really mad and has threatened to beat the s**t out of her once her baby is born and take the baby away from her. We are here for her and only now have things really started to come out. She always thought her dad didn't want to see her and that he never paid a dime in support for her. She was physically and mentally abused all those years.  In our case things have worked out somewhat and they have a relationship now. It could be better but with all that baggage it will take time. She sees us and her 2 brothers now. By the way one brother is her full brother (19) which her mom didn't want and never wanted to see.  The alienation really hurt everybody involved but in our case I think the mother is now the big loser and if she could have just tried to get along things could have been so much better.