Dear Dr Phil,
I felt so compelled to respnd to this show becuase it is a topic very serious to my husband and I. His son has been alienated from him starting many years ago before we were even married, in 2002. It's been a very painful procees to see happen and Iwe have prayed that the time would eventually come when it wouldn't hurt so much because it the monthly support reminders and missing out on the milestones would no longer be such issues to contend with. Since their divorce back in 1994, she has excluded him from his sonsactivities, scheduled visitation, and began having his son call his step dad, "daddo". Then came registering him in school under with her current husbands last namd and not listing his fathers name or contact info anywhere.. The big blow came when he was 11 years old when she infomed us that they wer moving out of state to Las Vegas, giving us 2 weeks notice, (which is a violation of the law). We hired an attotrney to fight for parental rights and she had a very rigid plan for my husband to see his son with us paying all travel expenses and increased child support as well. This was even though we had not had any change of income since the last chld support revision. We lost any custody issue and her relocation was granted with us to have the sumer month custody. During that month, she sabotaged us with multitudes of cellphone calls and many daily letters to his son. He would become withdrawn and angry following them. He shared all of our household informaion with her and during a court awarder three day visitation, she took him to her attorney to draw up a phony document. In the document, he claimed, abuse, drug use, neglect, claims that we were discussing our "open marriage" with him, etc... A guardian Ad litem sat down with the mother and child and determined that his mother was sharing adult legal matters with him that were innappropriate and that she was discussing his father in negative ways, also telling him it was OK for him to show his father disrespect and that he did not haveto listen to me or resect me at all. The disruption was so bad in our home, that we allowed him to return to Las Vegas with his mother. Many times we tried to get him to visit us in Washington, but his mother made other plans and interfered with our schedule. Luke would refuse to come out, even for nice vacations. We were informed 2 days prir to there move to Texas and only 3 months later that Luke would graduate a year behind in high school because his mother elected to move before having him finish the last 3 weeks of the Las Vegas semesteras trhe Texas counselor had suggested PRIOR to the move. At no time was his father ever involved in a decision regarding this plan, only in the decision to pay that extra year od child support. During that last year, Luke struggled to make it to classes and many not on time. He had 66 unexcused class absenses, was failing 4 classes at the time his mother brought forth a legal suit to seek post secondary support for us to pay college education. I'd also like to note that Luke has also been caught cheating on his spanish tests 3 times. He was only able to bring up his scores ebough to pass because the school made special provisions that colleges do not. The court did not even thouroughly review these documents or evidence. The support was awared to be paid 1/3 by the father, child, and mother. WE were just notified ( Sept 27th) that Luke was enrolled in community college the beginning of August and also a lease was signed for him to live 3 blocks from campus. His mother submitted a partial lease agreement that we found to be incomplete, showing rent of $800/month for Luke as the only resident. It was determined after some calls that Luke is splitting the rent of $675 with his cousin. His mother and he are trying to fraud us into paying more than what is ordered by the court. I also determined today that she enrolled him as out of district prior to Aug 18th. If a student can show that they are licing in district, which is where his current apartment is, by August 25th, they will then qualify as in district, which reduces the tuition by $1100 per semester, whcih is significant. She has sent us notice that he is registered as out of district but we have great reason tobelieve that she has changed this and only wants to gouge us for further money. Originally, she had asked the court to order us pay 82% of universiy rates even though he would never quailify to enter a university. We are on a very budgeted middle class income and have another child living at home attnding community collge that must work and utilize college loans. We assist as much as we can but are not rich. It just never seems like this woman will let go of causing pain to our family. She has already taken his son away, but that is not enough. Sometimes, especially lokking at the fraud she is willing to commit in this issue, what she would be willing to do once the support ends for good! Its been such a stress on our marriag and I know that is what she would untimately love to see, is the end of our marriage. That's not gonna happen, but Laws in this country need to change to protect these children and parents. My husban has tuly been a victim in this. He will never profess to be perfect. He's not gonna win father of the year, but he is a great step fatherand my children have awesome elationships with their father which he promotes with all his heart. Until the courts recognizeand listen, changes won't happen. Even the gusrdian ad litem made interesting coments that the judge didn't even address whatsoever! The judge aslo felt extra-curricular activities should take presidence over the fathers parental time. Hows that for promoting equal parenting? Simply sad. Parental alienation and abuse in this arena exists and is being ignored. This will come back to bite our system in the future, as these things that are ignore always seem to do!
Correen Jones
Washington State
(Original Air Date: 10/03/08) It’s being called the ultimate form of child abuse -- brainwashing your children against an ex-spouse to win custody. Could you be harming your child emotionally and not even know it? First up, Ken is a successful surgeon who says he’s the victim of parental alienation syndrome (PAS). He says he hasn’t seen his 14-year-old son since last October and claims his ex-wife destroyed what was once a loving father-son relationship. Mel Feit, director of the National Center for Men, says Ken’s situation is a classic case of kids being turned against their father, but family law attorney Liz Kates says PAS is a phony tactic used by some men to get out of paying child support. What does Dr. Phil think? Then, Karen lost custody of her children after she was accused of parental alienation syndrome by her ex-husband. Karen maintains her innocence, so why were her parental rights terminated when her daughters accused her ex of sexual abuse? Plus, 19-year-old Demi joins the show via Web cam and says her father verbally abused her mother during their divorce. Now, she fears that her 15-year-old sister is caught in the middle. Find out what you can do if you’re caught between sparring parents. And, meet a father so desperate to see his young children, he kidnapped them from his ex-wife and went on the lam for two years. Talk about the show here.
