Topic : 12/26 "Brainwashed by My Parents"

My first marriage was to an abusive man who I had 2 children with. After 3 years (and finding out he had been cheating) he kicked me out of the house. With no money and no place to go, I was forced to use his lawyer for the divorce. What they read me was not what I signed. We were supposed to have joint custody, and share the children as cival parents, but I found out later he got full custody, child support, alimony and also made it impossible to see the children. He told the courts I beat them and told his family and friends that "I never wanted them". All false lies, but his family had connections and money and I didnt. The fights were horrible when I was able to see the children between my ex and I and I often ended up in the emergency room but the courts would only say "Well...if it happens again....we might help you"....but it was always "next time". The Children (a beautiful boy and girl) would have fun with me when I could see them, but we had to first break thru all the stuff told to them by their father. It got so bad that eventually I couldnt get the hate to stop. The last words I heard from my children (age 4 and 5 at the time) were "I hate you" and "Your a C_ _ T!"  Words that no child should even know at that age. I eventually had to move out of state and was not been allowed to see my children.

Now, 16 years later, my daughter contacted me and wanted to know "why I left".......I wrote a letter explaining that I never left, and how I couldnt take the abuse from their father anymore. I had written many times over the years and sent gifts (but she said she never got them). Her reply was unless I said I was lying that her dad ever hit me, and I had to tell her that her dad was a wonderful man, she wanted nothing to do with me. I had to wish her well and hope she has a nice life.

It took me too many years to get over the damage an abusive person does to you and I and others know what her dad did to me and I cannot come back now and say "Oh, he was a good man" when I have papers to show otherwise.

My Son, has been trying to contact me, but his attitude is "you need to buy me gifts to make up for all the birthdays you missed. An XBOX will show you love me"........I have tried to have him come out for a visit so we can get to know each other, but the times I have offered to send a plane ticket.....the response back is "Can you send money and I will visit another time".........it is about supporting him as a grown man so he can pay his bills, and not about getting to know me or reconnecting.

I was a good mom. I always wanted to be a mom. I was blessed with two beautiful children for a brief few years before their dad deceided I wasnt needed anymore.

His Mom helped him with the children, and prior to my being kicked out, she used to tell people they were her children. I am glad the children were taken care of by the grandparents and they helped their son raise the children. They turned out to be good people. I will never forgive what they did and said, nor will I understand WHY???? That is the hardest part when your children are taken away by someone who says they are doing it because THEY love the children...................the damage they do to not just hurt another person, but to the loss the children have from losing a set of grandparents, aunts, uncles, friends, and much more. That is what I will never understand.

 

 

The Lawyer on Dr. Phils show is a educated idiot! I have 4 grand kids that are in PAS  as of this moment. If she think thers is not such a thing then shes totally out of touch. $$$$$  is the lawyers  way of doing what they think if they think at all about ....emotions,bodily harm, anything that is harmful to a child..

We have 1 of the 5 in our custody ,she has been abused in all ways ALL...and the others are still there...my daughters life,love and heart has been fighting for over 7 years for her kids.

I CAN NOT TELLTHE DISCUSS I FELT WHEN LISTENING TO  THIS IDIOT! I WILL GET HER NAME  AND EMAIL HER! SUCH FOOLS IN THIS WORLD......  

OH AND  IT WAS A LAWYER THAT HAD HER SIGN PAPERS THAT SIGED HER KIDS AWAY YA...SHE THOUGHT IT WAS FOR 6 MONTHS !LIES ALL LIES....

HE LAWYER IS IN JAIL NOW FOR OTHER UNLAWFUL THINGS HE DID! KEN RYLEE JR..... KY DISBARED FROM BEING  A LAWYER!

 Thank you Dr Phil, I feel you are a brave man for taking this subject to national TV.  I am a counsellor in Australia and often help men on a free basis who are suffering terrible grief anf loss through not being able to see their children.  While this is not a gender issue, I see a lot of fathers who are broken because of false allegations, loss of income, home and family.  For the people who do not believe this is real, please go get educated and learn about the devastating effects PAS has on children.  This is not about the DSM, its about loving our children. 

i AGREE DUTCH GIRL.....THAT WOMAN WAS SOOOOOOOOO WRONG  WHERE THE  HECK HAS SHE BEEN ? iN A BOOK...NOT LOOKING AT THE REAL WORLD!

SAD VERY SAD.....

WELL WELL WELL HAVE A KNOW IT ALL ...IT MAY NOT BE  A SYNDROME ......BUT IT IS ALIENATION!

GO FIGURE ONE TINY WORD CAN  MAKE  A _SS OUT OF PEOPLE.....YA   ONLY IF THEY WOULD STOP LOOK AND LISTEN....

YOU HAVE TO WATCH OUT FOR THOSE STEP-MOTHERS ....THEY WANT TO KEEP THE KIDS FROM REAL MOMS....CONTROL IS WHAT IT IS...

 Sometimes people  tell you what they want you to know about themselves instead of the truth.  When you become involved in a relationship normally & humanly you want to see & believe that people are good.  I do take responsibility for my actions, although there are many that take no responsibility & the cycle continues to hurt others & there family because they usually end up being victims.  They don't know the truth...  Nor do they find out til there entangled in a situation with the person.  Yes, I did learn alot & because of my daughter I want her to be okay from all of this.  Its not that you can just stand up and shake it all off & pray that it comes off.  It is a process that will need to be grasped & understood & changed so that the victim can change there lives & does not have to live with the character that the monster created. 
It is sad that the victims are the ones to suffer.  A willing and acceptable heart can make a difference. 
Also, thank you for your support. 

My argument would not be that I didn't take responsibility...Because I did not allow my behavior to react to his actions.  My argument  would be that my child would be okay from this "monsterous & hateful behavior. " Your quote to me would almost make me believe that you may have the same type of mentality that he has?!!
Sometimes people  tell you what they want you to know about themselves instead of the truth.  When you become involved in a relationship normally & humanly you want to see & believe that people are good.  I do take responsibility for my actions, although there are many that take no responsibility & the cycle continues... to hurt others...because there are only more victims along the way.  They don't know the truth...  Nor do they find out til there entangled in a situation with the person.  Yes, I did learn alot & because of my daughter I want her to be okay from all of this.  Its not that you can just stand up and shake it all off & pray that it goes away.  It is a process that will need to be grasped & understood & changed so that the victim can change there lives & does not have to live with the character that this horror created. 
It is sad that the victims are the ones to suffer. 
A "VICTIM" knowing about & having a willing and acceptable heart can make a difference.  And the people and family that love & care about them can be adults about things & help them in a loving way.
Yes, the victimizer is in desperate need of help too. 

 

 To all of you who are bothered by making a "syndrome" out of parental alienation -- you have a point.  Americans love making syndromes and pathologizing behaviors.  But whether it's a syndrome or disorder or whatever, alienating a child from his parent can cause serious harm.  It is inflicting emotional abuse.   

The courts, however, have a long record of ignoring even the most egregious cases of emotional child abuse.  Proving such abuse is difficult they say, because emotional wounds are not visible and there're no photos to show a jury.  

Mental health professions don't help this situation; they drag out court-ordered reunification for years which actually keeps children and parents separated, and they may encourage false memories of abuse.  Even when therapists know there is parental alienation involved, they 1) refrain from advising the abusing parent to cut it out or risk losing custody, and 2) don't report this abuse to the court.

Alec Baldwin is right.  The system is corrupt and damaging.  The welfare of the child is certainly not being made the first priority.  Children are treated more as property.

If you doubt it how corrupt the system gets, check out the current issue of "The Liberator" to read about what may be the most extreme and clear-cut case of parental alienation imaginable.  It is the case of Dr. Maguire who has been separated from his three small children for over six years despite the fact that he has committed no crime and has shared in joint custody of the children. It appears the children's mother has, with the full cooperation of the justice and mental health systems, kept these children from their father and taught them to fear and hate their father.  What is demonstrably clear is that the father has had no hand in instilling that fear or hate.  He and his children had been allowed some supervised visits as part of a neverending reunification plan.  When the "reunification" ended, even the expensive supervised visits stopped, too. These children went from adoring their father, as pictures show, to writing notes about him being a monster they fear will cut them with a knife. 

So while Dr. Maguire can work as a physician with children, the justice and mental health systems will not trust him with his own children.  Nor are the children allowed to visit their paternal grandmother because of some insane belief in something the children's therapists call "facial recognition syndrome."  Yes, enough with the syndroming.  This is just plain abuse.

It doesn't matter what you call it, the truth is that only those of us who have had to live our lives without a relationship with our children know that PAS exists.  I haven't seen or heard from my daughter in 5 years because her Mother brainwashed her against me simply for divorcing her and "breaking up" the family.  Even while we were married, my ex dominated the effection for our children and brainwashed the children that they only needed her as a parent.  It's more obvious to me now than it was then as I was busy busting my hump to give my family everything they had.  It's an uphill battle.  Women have a lot of power in a marriage when it comes to the children and abusing that power is an easy thing for some people to do and there is no protection or rights for the other parent.  Unless you have physical abuse, any other kind of abuse is difficult to prove and allows people to get away with "emotional" crimes.  My experience in court going through the divorce process has left me with very little faith in our justice system and the courts ability to understand right from wrong and attempt to correct the complexities of family relationships.  As a result, it allows ex's to manipulate the system to get what they want, regardless of who gets hurt in the process.  How do you defend yourself against a women who is home all day and has endless amount of time to influence your children?  How do you defend against your kids living in a household of people that do nothing but talk bad things about you, simply because you were tired of being verbally abused and decided that you deserved better in life?  How do you fight a court system that will not impose counceling for your kids because they are old enough to speak for themselves (12 and 16)?  Since when does a 12 and 16 year old know whether they need counceling or not?  Marraige is a great thing if it works and a horrible thing if it doesn't.  It doesn't matter what you call it, but for all us Dad's (and an increasing number of Mom's) out there that love our children and have to live with a system that allows another human being to deny us our rights as parents, I sincerely hope that laws are changed to protect children in the future from being put in this position.