Topic : 12/26 "Brainwashed by My Parents"

Karen, you're correct; there has to be some ownership on both sides.  Every case is different, and not all cases prove to be Parental Alienation.  But it does exist and should not be ignored.  It's not a black and white issue and yes, some fathers may use it as a cop-out to their own shortcomings, but in many cases the fathers are backed in a corner with no one to help. 

 

R.

Hi my name is Melissa. my daughter is 13 years old.. She use to live with me since she was born , me and her father split up she was only 2 years old, i didnt want her to grow up in a family with anger, fights, jalousy, and her to see me crying all the time , so i choose to leave her father to have a better life for me and her, everything was going very good well kinda off ,, he was not helping us at all, he took evrything from us and left us in the street , he took my car and my furniture and gave it to his girlfriend and i was paying for it to, no child support and he was not helping at all moneywise to .. but we made it everything was ok until they had a baby, my daughter wanted to go live with her and at that time i was in a bad situation so the only thing i thought of is to let her go there for couple of months so that i can find a good place to stay and a good job. but something happen, i came home and the sherrif was at my house looking for me with court papers, My ex and his wife went to the court and said that i abanded my daughter there.. we (me and my ex) had agreed that our daughter would live there until i found a better place to stay . so what happen is i had no lawyer who could take my case cause i only had a week to find one , i couldnt defend myself  ive been force to sing those papers. I WAS DEVASTED, and my baby to, (the judge even told me that in my situation it would have been better to bring my daughter to my friends house or my family instead to bring her to HER FATHER,) i promised her one day i would fight in court to bring her back with me, but while she was there they started to pick on me, saying im a bad mother, i abanded her there, i never did anything for her etc... thank god my daughter knows better, i phoned him to talk about it , he got mad at me telling me very bad things, and said that my daughter was lying, and she got punished for that , 2 years ago i receive another court order saying i had to pay child support for my daughter ( wich is ok but..) he told the court i was making 80 000$ a year cause im in alberta and wanted me to pay 17 000$ in arrears, plus 685 $ in child support..., i wont put on this my income but trustme if i would had made that amount of money my baby would be here with me since day 1 she was gone.. he made me lost my drivers licence, my pass port, the justice wanted to take my car in auction ( i drive a 2002 kia spectra) , so he went to court without me knowing cause im not in the same province as them, told the judge all those lies, i did send the paper of my incomes after to the judge and he doesnt believe me, so for one years i lost everything, my daughter has been stuck in the middle of this since day 1, her dad and the new wife are trying to get rid of me, they told my daugther that i cant even supported her, ( i by all her close, her equipement for sports) they wont let me see her when i go visit her home , he said he hates me to her and her wife delete all the picture my daughter had of me and her in her computer cause she got mad at my daughter and punished her and told her that she is the one who took care of her and its supposed to be her  the mom not me , she even told my daughter that she rase her since she was a baby, and i never did anything for my baby and that im a bad mother, they wont let her go on msn so we can see each other with the web cams , she is not allowed to talk about me in front of them, everytime i call her they will ask question to my daughter so now we only talk when shes not there, they wont let her see my family now cause they say she goes there to call me and crie on the phone , well she does crie on the phone cause now my daughter wants to run away , she use to always ask me before why i was not with her dad anymore ,, trust me i didnt have to say anything i knew one day she would figure it out herself and thats what happen,, he still punish her and slap her , i am trying so hard to find a lawyer who would help me trought this but i dont really believe in laws and lawyers now . Parents who does that to the kids , where the hell is your  mind,, its not because you hate the other person that the kids has to deal with that, my daughter is so stress , she has to go in the shower to cry, she cant even have pictures of me, THAT IS WRONG PEOPLE,  when you split up , its not because you hate the other  person that you have to use the kid to get to the other one ,  cause trust me it does work ,but in an other way you are braking the kid in little pieces and you dont even realising it,im suffering since the day she is gone and her to, but see i never did it and he did horrible things to me but like i said before kids they grow up and they will know by themself whats going on , nobody is happy in those situation , i was happy to see the show on friday it gave me hope  i know its in the states and im in canada but at least i know somewhere there is people who understands me,,,, my daughter is so mad at her father now she even wants to bring him to court but she is scared cause he would kick her out of the house ,i told her i would do it  she doesnt have to do it , but him and his wife told my daughter that if she does come back to live with me they dont want to see her face there ever ... she wont be able to see her sister again ,, and we say kids dont know anything and they are just kids???? WHOS THE KID NOW?????

This subject is very close to my heart.  My granddaughter is four years old now and I haven't seen her in over 3 years.  The minute by son broke up with this women kidnapper, he has been threatened, told things by family members (she has 12 other siblings),they live in an unliveable trashed out trailer in the country. My son has not had the means to enter into the hell of the legal system, he has paid child support from day one(1/2 his paycheck) but to not be able to see his own daughter, breaks our hearts, my sons, sister would be the most wonderful Auntie. ( We can't believe this happens in our "free" United States of America where also aliens are allowed in and you have (natives of the US) sitting homeless in every city of the United States of America. (thought I stick in the other thing that breaks my heart, and I can't help because, I just got out of the dilemma of being homeless.  )  Anyway back to my first and biggest crack in my heart, my son can't afford an attorney and even tho he pays every paycheck there is NO VISITATION It should be 50/50 right out of that hospital room, where parentage is established.  I'm sorry I'm being so bold but I need therapy and I thought writing my thoughts into Dr. Phil, would make me feel a little better. Plus I go to community help groups. I need to remain in control of myself to be able to live with this, Oprahs and Dr. Phils have always helped me, (I own all Dr. Phils books, except this new one)  Well, I better cut this short, my life story is so much longer....... I'm divorced after 26 years of marriage, the ex abandoned me and his children??????? There is so much I have to do  or contribute to changing these laws, men are important parents to and to be able to do this just because they are the mother is unexceptable, I know there are a lot of deadbeat dads, but do you see why they become that way, no one is on the side for them (lies being told about them to the babies, that become children that become adolscents that become adults..have been being turned against them by some evil women for moms, they don't deserve the name mom, this chick has two other girls from 2 different dads besides my son)  I wanted to warn by son 5 years ago( the girl and him lived together for 3 years.) but you know how they don't like to listen to their moms (we don't know anything) anyway she has told people she hates me and I will never be able to see my grandgirl,, I can't believe I got thru this without crying,( the ex left me homeless when he just let our lake home foreclose.) brrrrrrr cold and crying in minnesota

i have not spoken to my 20 year old in almost 5 years.

i ma fighting to keep contact with my now 10 year old.  i am trying to gain an additional 3 hours per week with my 10 year old.  The NY courts have ruled that my rearraging of my work schedule so that I can spend more time with my daughter is not a material change and therefore they will not allow me to spend the time with my daughter.  my daughter spends these 3 hours with her alienating grandmother.

 

more of my story.

 

I have been divorced for about 8 years.  I was married for 13 years.  I first heard about PAS about 6 years ago.  Before that I was totally lost.  Looking back, I can see PAS tactics from the time my son was born.  I would say when my ex and I started to have difficulties (many as a result of PAS) the PAS tactics became more of a conscious effort on her and her family’s part, before that I can see that some of the same behaviors occurred but they might have been more of the sub-conscious nature.

 

My case might be non-traditional in that PAS was the cause of the divorce, rather than a result of the divorce.  I'm pretty sure that my ex-wife, her siblings and her father were also unknowing victims of PAS.  In a sense I'm a 2nd generation victim. My children are 3rd generation victims.   My ex's family did not come from a broken household, just a household in which the father was treated with constant and utter disrespect.  They were an immigrant family and I don't think anyone had the inclination or resources to understand the dynamics of what was happening.  The father certainly had his faults (everyone has faults), but looking back I can clearly see evidence of PAS and that some of his perceived faults were really uneducated responses to PAS.  The alienating parents seem to focus on and relish in the highlighting and emphasing of our minor or imagined or created faults to our young and impressionable children.

 

I have not spoken to my 20 year old son in 5 years.  The culmination of many years of his being taught to treat me with disrespect and more generally just constant bad faith.  The argument that led to break in contact was payment for his cell phone.  This was after many years of arguing about answering, returning, blocking, paying, etc. for phone calls.  I can assure you that neither I, nor my ex has any legitimate concern about the cost of phone calls.  I make large child support and maintenance payments every month.  There were many other manufactured reasons and bad faith causes for my son and me to disagree and argue. 

 

I have a good relationship with my 17 year old son and 10 year old daughter.  Those relationships however are always subject to the same bad faith attacks, especially for the 10 year old.  My oldest has been involved in blocking phone calls and probably some other alienation attempts with his siblings.  He clearly has taken up his mothers and her family’s cause.

 

The primary perpetrators are my ex wife, her mother and her 2 brothers.  They do attempt to ruin my reputation with my children and with others in our community and my children’s lives.  When I realized what was happening, I was able to reverse and block some of this.  Their only new success now comes with people that I don't know.  

 

PAS is a form of brain washing.  Learned at an early age, it is very difficult to reverse. 

 

 

As a targeted parent, it is my humble opinion we should have somewhat of

a CENTRAL REGISTRY  of people , ...children and parents BEING ABUSED with the help,

and sometimes, the encouragement of the LEGAL SYSTEM.

 

Man  OR  woman,.....

By IDENTIFYING and COMPILING  names of lawyers who may be systematically

using NEFARIOUS and DESTRUCTIVE tactics, as if fighting a war,.....

it will be easier to identify the SOCIALLY/MORALLY  CORRUPT divorce lawyers,

and then take criminal action against them.

 

Presently, it appears that :

-the alienated parent is devasted, worn out , resourceless, unaware,

 and too timid to do anything which may adversely harm the child / situation.

-the children,...they know not, of adult matters....

-the  lawyers  DIVIDE  and  CONQUER, shrouded  by the guise of "childrens privacy" ,

 the UNETHICAL LAWYERS will continue to RAPE and PILLAGE

 families, especially the adverserial party,....as if playing a game of chess.

 

Meanwhile, lives are PERMANENTLY DESTROYED, up to and including suicide,

family dramas etc.

 

In Montreal, there is small group, making some advances by publicizing those

divorce lawyers, building cases, and bringing them before their disciplinary

committees.................

 

Even though the initial reaction is to PROTECT THEIR OWN,....

and much like Lisa Kayes nefariously denys any exitence of  PAS,

even though she sees it clearly in front of her face,....

The legalists  tend to absolve their "confreres and consouers",...

HOWEVER,.....it is becoming  INCREASINGLY DIFFICULT for them to cover up,

and  the " LEGAL DISCPLINE" will come,....and the PRECEDENTS will  DETER

Lisa Kaye styled abuses.

 

There are some pretty interesting cases coming up in Montreal

( "Google"  BARREAU DISCIPLINE  ROLE )

 

Keep the faith,......share your pain, join a group , PUBLICIZE corruption,

and EVENTUALLY,..and may SOONER than  later,......

those who chose to CHASE  AMBULANCES as WELL AS ENTRAP FAMILIES

in their webs of  DECEIT and DESTRUCTION,   will be a rarity rather than commonplace.

 

ABOVE ALL , TAKE  CARE OF YOURSELF,,,,,,, as your  CHILDREN  WILL  ONE DAY DESPERATELY
NEED   YOU ! ! ! ! !

 

Sincerely and with my best regards,

 

Hank  S

Montreal  Canada

I have been divorced since 1999 and have been to court more times than I care to count. I get nasty notes from "my Ex" putting me and my new husband down. I would call my ex to let him know what was going on at our sons school and I got a letter telling me that I was not to contact them that they wanted the school to notify them. My ex husband took me to court over me getting our son braces, hair cuts and baptism. After time I was awarded full custody but my ex and his new wife think I need to go thru them for everthing. When I got remarried and my husband and I went to Hawaii for our honeymoon They told our son that we spend all our money on stupid stuff. 

My ex requested that the expenses of dr. and medical bills be spelled out.  After $$$ on my attorney he agreed but, I have to take him to small claims court to pay his share. My ex's new wife wrote to my husband and said she would not pay any bills unless it was a significant amount. Even though we have to pay upfront I have to take them to small calims to get what is owed.

My son has been promissed gifts if he keeps telling me that he wants to live with his dad. After his summer visit at his dads he is starting to see the truth for himself. People told me this day would come!!

The stress they cause me was affecting the way I acted after being around my ex and his wife. For my well being and my sons, I aviod them as much as possible. I had my son and myself in counceling for three years before I finnaly said enough is enough!! They win when they upset me and I am getting stronger every day!!! What comes around goes around!!

Your story is like so many others.

I see some of my life in your story.

Don't give up!!

Your children will see the light and in the end your ex will suffer.

My thoughts are with you.

Thanks for responding to my post.

I am sorry that you also were abused. Have you been able to "move on"

It takes a long time for us to heal.

How do you go forward when all of a sudden the past comes back to you unexpected. It has been so long since I had any contact with my sons birth father.

How is your boy doing now?

 

 

 

Thank you for responding to my post. I am so sorry that you were abused along with your children. The monster should suffer for what it did to the children. KARMA will come his its way.

How are your children today?

We were smart not to bad mouth our ex's.

 

I am having a hard time with a family member who forwarded a letter to my son. That is how this all got started. I just don't have the strength to mention this to the family member.  Would you bring it up to the person who forwarded the  letter to my son.  The timing of all of this could not be worse...