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Topic : 12/26 "Brainwashed by My Parents"

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Created on : Friday, September 26, 2008, 02:43:44 pm

Author : DrPhilBoard3

(Original Air Date: 10/03/08) It’s being called the ultimate form of child abuse -- brainwashing your children against an ex-spouse to win custody. Could you be harming your child emotionally and not even know it? First up, Ken is a successful surgeon who says he’s the victim of parental alienation syndrome (PAS). He says he hasn’t seen his 14-year-old son since last October and claims his ex-wife destroyed what was once a loving father-son relationship. Mel Feit, director of the National Center for Men, says Ken’s situation is a classic case of kids being turned against their father, but family law attorney Liz Kates says PAS is a phony tactic used by some men to get out of paying child support. What does Dr. Phil think? Then, Karen lost custody of her children after she was accused of parental alienation syndrome by her ex-husband. Karen maintains her innocence, so why were her parental rights terminated when her daughters accused her ex of sexual abuse? Plus, 19-year-old Demi joins the show via Web cam and says her father verbally abused her mother during their divorce. Now, she fears that her 15-year-old sister is caught in the middle. Find out what you can do if you’re caught between sparring parents. And, meet a father so desperate to see his young children, he kidnapped them from his ex-wife and went on the lam for two years. Talk about the show here.

Find out what happened on the show.

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edwardciv

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October 6, 2008, 6:02 pm PDT

10/03 "Brainwashed by My Parents"

Quote From: lefty23

Karen, you're correct; there has to be some ownership on both sides. Every case is different, and not all cases prove to be Parental Alienation. But it does exist and should not be ignored. It's not a black and white issue and yes, some fathers may use it as a cop-out to their own shortcomings, but in many cases the fathers are backed in a corner with no one to help.

i also agree with you. There is never a perfect answer and when children are @ a certain age they do make their own decisions; right or wrong.

When children are young and are still very impressionable is when the courts can and should enforce equal/shared parenting unless there is real evidence that one parent is doing real harm to the children. Equal/shared parenting would give both parents the opportuninty to show their love to the child with less risk of intentional alienation by the other parent.

Our current system empowers and encourages a number alienators to alienate.

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pasisreal

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October 6, 2008, 6:13 pm PDT

PAS is Very Real

My husband and his four children have been the victims of PAS for the past 10 years. His ex has worked diligently to destroy any feelings his children have for him, although my older children describe him as the type of father every child dreams of having. He is loving, giving, pays large amounts of child support and alimony timely and contributes greatly to other needs of the children, he prioritizes them in his life, provides with with interesting life experiences, and is just all around wonderful as a father. In return for this, he has suffered through false accusations of physical abuse to her during the marriage and to the children - including two that we have had to fight in court - both of which were dismissed. His two oldest sons haven't been to our home in three years, and act as though they hate their father. It is so very sad to see the way she manipulates and uses her own children as a weapon of revenge against their father. She seems to act under the assumption that any love they may feel for their father takes away from the love they can feel for her - and as an extreme narcissist, she demands all of their love. For the past 2.5 years we have been fighting a court battle to hold her in contempt for her actions. We have been in court ordered counseling for the past year with the two younger girls, but the mother is still trying to sabotage that, and prevented the older boys from participating even against the judge's wishes. We have our final court date coming up and pray something will be done to control her actions, or he will lose contact with his daughters as well. These are sad, sick situations, with the alienator behaving much like a cult leader. This subject definitely deserves more attention and one day will be treated in the courtroom like the child abuse it is.

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granof3

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October 6, 2008, 7:24 pm PDT

grandchildren

Quote From: weckert

I am embroiled in a case of PAS to the extreme, The two parents involved have 7 children between them. They have done everything they can to turn the children not only against the other parents but grandparents as well. If anyone dares to speak out against them they are on their list. I as one of the grandparents are given strict boundries and rules if I wish to see my grandchildren. If I go against them I will not get to see the kids. Some of my rules are that I am not allowed to talk to ex spouses and their familes, Often times their offer of letting me see the kids come with strings attached like a loan of money (never returned). The children are grilled as to what anyone says to them.

The other grandparents are also in the same situation. They constantly tell the children that we did not come to their birthday parties or other occasions when we were not allowed to go or not told about it. I have had my grand children ask me why I do not want to see them anymore or why was I mean to Mom or try to get them in trouble.

They blame all the problems they have on other family members. We all have to be so careful on what we say or do as we do not want to lose contact with these kids. Now they are being observed by family services and we are all to blame for that as well. The children have learned not to trust anyone and seemed to be very wary of everyone.

They constantly try to play all parties against each other and basically hold the kids for ransom. Even though we have all finally been able to know that we are all in the same situation it does help what is happening to the kids. I can only hope that these parents get serious help before they ruin the kids completely. These kids need all the love they can get, and should not have to feel that if they espress love for their other parents or family they will be punished and made to feel they have upset the parents.

I too am a grandparent of 2 and and was not allowed to visit or have communication with my grandchildren as I have had many confrontations with their father and he has threatened to kill me. He has abused those kids in so many ways as well as my daughter. Last year I had to get a restraining order on him and now was told I had to have it lifted if I want to visit with my grandchildren which he has kept away from me for over a year. I know they miss me as much as I miss them as my grandson asked me to lift it so that he and his sister could come see us. I put in the form to have it lifted and am now able to visit with them. I did ask my daughter what would happen if the judge does not lift it as they do a background check and he has many issues and she said since we tried the visitations will continue. I sure hope so. My granddaughter who is only 5 asked me to ignore her dad's comments so that they can continue to come to my house. I will do what it takes to keep the communication open with the kids so that they see not all people are like his father and his family.

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devoted4ever

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October 6, 2008, 8:49 pm PDT

Sister in PAS

Quote From: newandimproved

Your story is like so many others.

I see some of my life in your story.

Don't give up!!

Your children will see the light and in the end your ex will suffer.

My thoughts are with you.

My children and I are going through this trauma as well. the powerlessness drives me to my knees often. so there is a place of omnipotent power and peace.
My children and I have been kept away from one another entirely the past year. They have been living with a severe obsessed alienating father for almost 5 years as I am almost at the end of this severe PAS crime against me and my children. Miracles are unfolding for us and countless others within the next 2 months, a savvy evaluator, a wise compassionate judge, a big-hearted attorney, and a devoted4ever Mom who has persisted, prayed, walked tall, and created a Rescue plan with much thought and guidance for healing for me and our 3 children. Pray that the Judge agrees with my drastic plan required for such a severe, sadistic case of abuse/alienation against my children and me.
Thanks!
Healing and Restoration way beyond anything we could have asked or imagined is on its way to me and my 3 children who have been through hell.It's a crime of the cruelest nature against one's spouse and children.
Laws are changing.. God is on our side! freedom for our young captives is on its way. He has a special plan of action for freedom for young minds that have been cruelly vicitmized and punishment for such criminals who are supposed to love, nurture, and protect and cherish them, teach them to love and honor their mother and father. these very sick socipathic alienating parents need our prayers too.

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edpfamilly

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October 6, 2008, 9:02 pm PDT

PAS is legitimate!!!!

Quote From: pasisreal

My husband and his four children have been the victims of PAS for the past 10 years. His ex has worked diligently to destroy any feelings his children have for him, although my older children describe him as the type of father every child dreams of having. He is loving, giving, pays large amounts of child support and alimony timely and contributes greatly to other needs of the children, he prioritizes them in his life, provides with with interesting life experiences, and is just all around wonderful as a father. In return for this, he has suffered through false accusations of physical abuse to her during the marriage and to the children - including two that we have had to fight in court - both of which were dismissed. His two oldest sons haven't been to our home in three years, and act as though they hate their father. It is so very sad to see the way she manipulates and uses her own children as a weapon of revenge against their father. She seems to act under the assumption that any love they may feel for their father takes away from the love they can feel for her - and as an extreme narcissist, she demands all of their love. For the past 2.5 years we have been fighting a court battle to hold her in contempt for her actions. We have been in court ordered counseling for the past year with the two younger girls, but the mother is still trying to sabotage that, and prevented the older boys from participating even against the judge's wishes. We have our final court date coming up and pray something will be done to control her actions, or he will lose contact with his daughters as well. These are sad, sick situations, with the alienator behaving much like a cult leader. This subject definitely deserves more attention and one day will be treated in the courtroom like the child abuse it is.

I can totally understand how yall feel!!! I will keep yall in my prayers!!!!
It seems seems like when you are a mother, you want the best for your kids NO MATTER what that is. For the life of me I dont understand how a mother becomes a wild, crazy, Lunitic that has lost all her sense of what is right for the kids!!!! My husb ex wife always seemed to be so focused on her son and seemed to want to do what was the best for him.. Well, I learned that she wanted to do the best as long as she could hurt his father and consistently take my husb back to court for this and that.
You know, that lady atty and that mom whose children were taken away from her were totally crazy. The lady attorney jumped in when Dr Phil was describing how 1 parent will try to sabotage another parent by using the kids during the divorce, and the atty jumped in and said something like "When does that happen". Man she is a joke.. That other woman Karen, I'll bet you money that there is MUCH more to her story and I dont believe her for a MOMENT!!!!..
Anyhow, I just wanted to weigh in on how mean, spiteful, deceitful and just plain contemptous an ex spouse can be.. You guys take care and I hope you all win a relationship with the girls.. We completely lost our son. The last time we saw him was about 1.5 yrs ago at church. We, quite by accident, ran into he and his mom face to face and I called his name. My husb was walking w/o looking around and I called him back and said look Honey here is JXXX. The boy was at that time 18 yrs old. JXXX turned around and looked at him mom, looked at me, then at his dad and walked away... I had spoked to his mom about 6 mo. prior to that incident and asked her if JXXX could call My husb and My daughter. She has always loved her brother and they have always treated each other like brother and sister instead of the Step brother-sister thing. JXXX seemed to really love his sister and I know our daughter loved him without a doubt. After he discontinued contact with us, she would cry and have nightmares at night cuz she missed him sooooo much. He was 18 and she was 8. Oh yeah, one of the things that JXXX's mom hung over his head was that he told us that she told him she would NOT pay for his college if he chose to have a relationship with us... Can you imaging such a hateful person????

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devoted4ever

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October 6, 2008, 9:02 pm PDT

United Voice-God is 4 US! TGD I love you!

Quote From: kimgene

I totally agree with 'Natesmom4ever'......... We have been battling a bitter bio-mom for 12 years now.

Dr. Phil's "5 mistakes parents make" ........ she's done/doing all 5

My question for Dr. Phil (are you listening ?) is ----- what can we do to help a child who has been put in this situation ? We can all recite our horror stories, but later today, when he's home from school, what can we do to help him ?

I am so grateful to Mom's like you and to Dr.Amy Baker, Dr. Michael Bone, Dr. Jayne Major, Dr. Doug Darnell, splitntwo.com, for being the voice behind the sorrowfilled hearts but persistent steps of targeted parents and anguished grandparents who are in motion to rescue our children from this horrific crime against our precious children who just want love and safety and freedom to think and be free and themselves with both parents and beloved grandparents. their future is being inscribed on their minds by their severely mentally abusive parent, but this is changing in our family and IN OUR STATE AND OUR NATION! Thank YOU DR.PHIL
Breakthrough in Pennsylvania on its way in November!

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devoted4ever

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October 6, 2008, 9:24 pm PDT

Get Truth Out-Judges and Custody Evaluators Need to Know the Pathology underneath severe PAS

All i can say Dr. Phil is KEEP GOING in your momentum in creating the awareness(c'mon you are famous enough to get legislative changes going, Dr. PHIL-we are talking about KIDS!) Our children are being savagely kept from the healthier loving parent and beloved grandparents and all my extended family and literally brainwashed into hating me and fearing me. We have yet to see the long-term psychological consequences of this horrific crime to children but just imagine growing up in a "laboratory run by a sociopath who is a cult leader with ONLY followers- who dare u to be an independent healthy free-thinking human being-u become erased or squashed under the Narcissistic control of these horrific abusers! COURTS DON'T UNDERSTAND! Please have on Dr. Michael Bone from Overcoming Parental Alienation, Dr. Jayne Major from Breakthrough Parenting,Dr. Amy Baker of book Adult Children of Parental Alienation Syndrome, Dr. Doug Darnell, Dr. Richard Warshak, Dr Randy and Deidre Rand-THIS IS SEVERE UNDERLYING PATHOLOGY OF PARENTS WHO DUE THIS HATEFUL EVIL CRIME OF THE WORST KIND(Judge Gomery from Canada wisely described PAS) UPON THEIR OWN SPOUSE AND CHILDREN!
PLEASE! time is on the alienators's side. Our children are at severe risk for developing the personality disorders they are living in the breeding ground of hate of PAS. LAWS CHANGE WHEN PEOPLE LIKE YOU SPEAK AND MOVE MOUNTAINS!
Thank you.
Devoted4ever

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dbbkmp

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October 7, 2008, 4:51 am PDT

How Could You??

Quote From: bopie122

I gave up custody of my children. I could not fight for them. I live less than 1 mile from them and my daughter attends the high school where I teach. She and I go to a from school together everyday. We argued this morning and I said things I had not said before. I hurt her feelings and I wish I could begin the day all over again. My ex-husband has poisoned them against me. I have no fight left in me...and no matter how hard I try to talk tomy ex-husband. His anger is so profound that he does not see what he is doing. My daughter is slippping away. My son does not even want to talk to me...A friend of mine shared a sad story with me. She worked at a cemetary office many years ago. On one particular occassion she observed a couple crying and holding each-other...that was not unusual. What was is the fact that they were divorced...they were locked in a horrible custody battle. The irony...they spent so much time fighting over her only to bury her after she was killed in an accident. Now, neither one will have her. I cannot get that out of my head. My ex-husband asked me to give them space, time, let them come to me. I am still alone...and today was worse than most. My daughter cried this morning, I argued with my ex...my daughter cried so much this morning...I called my ex-husband and asked him to watch the show. Whether he is or isn't, I do not know. All I know is that I love my children. I know that I want them to know how much both of their parents love them...Why is this all so ugly, why? I am 40 years old. Call me stupid...all I want to know is why?

WHEN I READ YOUR BLOG TODAY, I JUST HAD TO RESPOND!! THERE ARE ALOT OF US THAT GO THROUGH DIVORCES, AND KEEP OUR KIDS! iN 1979--1980, I DID SO ON A SALARY OF $4.11/HR AS AN ER NURSE!! THERE WAS NO WHINING & CRYING ABOUT MY SITUATION, & I DEFINITELY NEVER SO MUCH AS DREAMED OF GIVING UP MY CUSTODY OF MY 2 LITTLE CHILDREN...3 & 1 YRS OLD!! SO KNOCK IT OFF AND MAYBE YOU STILL HAVE A SLIGHT CHANCE WITH YOUR KIDS.

DEB KEMP

MICHIGAN

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hankscmkjv

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October 7, 2008, 4:59 am PDT

PS . . .oh yes,..narcissist, child abuser liar (sic) Liz Kates NEEDS to be JAILED

Quote From: hankscmkjv

That 's right, ...yet another self- centered,..."let the children suffer abuse all their lives, under the care of an abusive narcissist",......and the loving , normal parent should just shut up and pretend his childs abuse doesn't exist,...... that is some pitiful,...sickening opinion you have,... SHAME on you ! ! !

nuff said !

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gayle16

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October 7, 2008, 5:53 am PDT

No Doubt

No doubt where old Dr. Phil got this show's idea! I've written to him numerous times regarding my 13 year old grandson, asking for advice and he has never acknowledged that I wrote him!!! About my 13 yr. old grandson: He was living with his alcoholic father and my daughter and I were trying to get him back. He was overly brainwashing the boy. Child Protective Services wouldn't do anything. I even asked Dr. Phil to investigate CPS in my city. NO REPLY From DR. PHIL!! Anyway the father told me in front of the (Then 12 yr. old) that "He knows his momma ain't nothing but a Fat F------ B---- who does nothing but F--- N------ and Mexicans". And if that ain't "brainwashing", tell me what is!

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