Topic : 12/26 "Brainwashed by My Parents"

I am actually dealing with the "aftermath" of being brainwashed by parents right now. My mom and dad got divorced when I was very young and it was mainly my mom's fault, well she definitely didn't want me knowing that.

For about 18 1/2 years I was unknowingly brainwashed by my mother. She had convinced me that it was my dad, stepmother, and grandparents that were brainwashing me when really it was her. Now after SO long, I am now 19, I am having to deal with the effects of it. I have been very emotionally abused through all of it and I'm having to build up my relationships with my Dad's side of the family that I never had and never wanted to have. Its hard to believe parents can be so kniving and evil towards their own CHILDREN for their own good...

 

I dont wish this upon anyone.

I could have easily been a "brainwashing parent", but I chose not to.  I have three sons who had a father who was on drugs, and abusive to myself and my children.  I finally got tired of having to hide my bill money and then fight to keep him from it and left.  He broke in my mother's house and tried to drag me out and subsequently he is deceased.  My sons are now 21, 22, and 24, and I have never said a negative thing about him to any of them.  Even though he is deceased, he still should not be badmouthed to his kids, and if we could not get along, it is not the business or concern of the kids.

Now I have 5 stepchildren whose mother is a drug addict.  They have been here 4 years (this time) and she hasn't sent a birthday card, or a Christmas gift in all of that time.  I never say anything bad about her, as tempting as it may be, and I have to stop their father from doing so.  He doesn't understand that even if she is a terrible parent, she is still their mother. 

Involving the kids in whatever misunderstanding you are having with their other parent is never a good idea.  And talking bad about them only makes things worse and makes you look like a fool when they are old enough to understand "adult" situations.

D

the courts order i could have contact with my child and social service conveniantly failed to put me on the list to talk to her even though it was court ordered that i could talk with her, but convenantly the bio father whos rigths i terminated in 1997 is on the list how am i supposed to get my daughter the help she needs when a failed system wont give me the bio mother who has the rights the time  of day but they will give her brainwasher whos buying her 1000s of dollars the time of day  when does it end and when will i get any help here

I too share your pain!  MI doesn't care, they care about the $$$ they're raking in at our painful expense! I am a mom who fled state because of domestic violence in 2000.  Livingston County Court is assisting my ex in his campaign to alienate the children as I refuse back to move back there as I fear for my life!...........It happens to moms too!  They told me if I want a relationship with my kids, I need to move back to the state.  This was my home, where I was born!  My family, friends, roots are in MI....If I move back, they might as well write my obituary.....This man is out for blood.

 

I have had my fill of the justice system........there is no justice!  My kids cannot love me, visit me all because of an abuser......My children are not allowed to love me, call me, see me, share nothing with me..

 

I flew every 3-4 months since divorce in 2002 to see my kids & every time 99% I had to petition court to enforce!  April 2008 was my final time was phone conference......I have had it!  My kids lost!  I have worked 3 jobs just to fly & see my kids.......I pay child support & my income has decreased in the last 2 years & they raised it by a $100--------They know ex is alienating kids against me..........who do they strip? ME.......they do nothing to him for repeated violation of court order!

 

I provided court with my stay in domestic violence shelter, my medical chart noting that I talked to doc about ex-husbands violent tendencies, restraining order.......etc.........they suppressed/dismissed it.....didn't even take it into consideration..........also during divorce trial judge said she didn't care if some physical abuse was proven or not, she was not going to uproot the children........she looked very sturn at me & I quote: " Don't make me have to choose"  She has retired...........

 

Stayed in state for almost 6 weeks last year as I pushed to have psychological evals......court appointed psychologist in Ann Arbor........Interviewed me for almost 4 1/2 hours of Q & A. I was very honest told him everything............interviewed my children for an hour, interviewed my ex for approximately 2 hours..........suspected ex to have alienated children in past but found no proof it exhists now however behavior of children contradicts his findings,  charged me $600 cash total up front & he made his recommendations to strip/limit my contact with children even though he found me to be a fit parent!  Hmmmmmmmmmm...........I represented myself in court for the past 4 years, spent countless of $$$$$$, It is a long & painful nightmare........to be stripped & told that if my husband was not in picture, I wouldnt be going through this.......I told the mediator I am done, I am not going through this anymore.........mediator did interview children & even put in his report that ex went home & told kids that I lied in court!  However, suspended my CA visitation indefinitely based on PACK OF LIES AGAINST MY HUSBAND.............when all the other tricks didn't work including phony police report of my husband grabbing my son, letter from my kids addressed to the court on how they do not want to see me etc.......the list goes on.........ex refusing me contact with my kids in front of mediator & GAL in court last year?????? Need I say more about MI court system!  I have all the proof & would gladly share my story with Dr. Phil! 

 

This just does not happen to Dads.......it happens to moms too!  I was a stay at home mom, a prisoner in my own home.......also, I have an older son whom this man abused, my son is now 18 & he remembers everything..........btw.......my family, my son has no contact with my 2 other children unless I am with them.......they are not allowed to call or have any contact, not by any order, by the captor!  I have addressed this many times in court, they do nothing..........my childrens relationship was severed...I admit my mistakes, I married an abuser.........I did what I thought was right, to get far away.....I am paying the consequences.  Also, my children have only called me once in 8 years & that happened this past Mother's Day of 2008 after I called my daughter & she called me back within 15 minutes.  My children are 14 & 11 & are being alienated...........also ex was involved with his former babysitter/girlfriend, moved her into our home & within 3 months she moved out as he was starting to abuse her.  My former neighbor moved her out after he left for work!  I moved out while he was at work too!  Former neighbor told me this when I went to home to take pics of the 5 foot high tall grass he let grow around the house!  I was put in contact with former GF/Babysitter & she found the Lacasa card I left in bathroom cabinet!  

 

My kids are being held captive & dad is the captor!  My kids have not told me they loved me in 4 years, not in his presence, nor will they talk to me...

 

I feel your pain as a parent!  I have been on both sides......I did not have these issues with my first ex husband.........we remained friends & even wrote letter on my behalf.......

 

MI Courts do not care, they just want the $$$..........

 

Sincerely,

Heartbroken Mom Living IN CA

  I too am in your same boat.  I have been divorced since 2002.  We have had at least 28 separate issues filed with the court during our divorce.  Even now - 2 years with me being remarried things are in constant turmoil.  My middle son who is 18 will not even speak to me - his dad has worked on him since the age of 12 to alienate him from me.  Now my 11 year old is showing the same signs.  I am fighting with all I have to keep this from happening.  Why cant someone see what is happening to these innocent children?  I am tired of my children paying the price to make thier dad feel better.  They didnt choose this - therefore they should'nt pay the price.  Not only has my ex alienated me from my sons lifes - but my extended family as well.  How can you tell a child that part of him is bad?  How can people do this.  It baffles me.  I have shed many many a tear over this and have tried to look over things and do my absolute best by my kids.   I hope the counselers and the court systems out there - keep an open mind and try to do what they are supposed to do - and protect these precious innocent children.  Dont let them keep paying the price of thier biased parent.

 

Japholloway

I did not get a chance to watch your show just caught the highlights on the Internet... I know the story already it has been my life for the last three years going on four. i can't begin to describe the emptiness and helplessness that i have felt on my journey threw the court system and so called therapy session's that I had attended.  I have not received one ounce of support through anyone that  actually acknowledge that this was a case PAS.. My therapy sessions have ended because of my son's age and his not wanting to attend them anymore. I have been totally left in the dark I had son I have a son I don't know I miss him terribly my heart aches every minute of everyday . I am glad that you did the show on PAS it is so good to have it brought out in the publics eye we now just need it to get to the court system and  to the counseling and therapy  field. I am willing to do all I can to help anyone not have to go through this ... Keep on going bring more people on there are a lot of us  we are all willing to do what we can and more...           Elizabeth

I like to Thankyou for your letter/responce to my quote/letter.  My ex has just moved in with about her 20th guy (in 11 years) recently and our son moved with her about 40 times in 11 years. I just hope we can help change the court system about children and the parents. I know there is alot of false and true accusations that they got to investigate and I know they are overwhelmed with false accusations so they take it out on the innocent people(kids) just so they can say they work hard to get the bad(good) parents out of the child(ren)'s lives.

I just watched this show, and it hits home.  My brothers and I lived this, we still live this in our adult years.
My mother left my father when I was a baby, I have never heard her say anything positive about him, I had never been allowed to meet him.  She would tell me things that should never be said to a kid, when I was probably 8 or 9, she told me "Your Dad used to put my pantyhose on and sit in the corner and masterbate". She would tell us he was supposed to come to visit, and leave us waiting, excited, then tell us he wouldnt be coming.  Now that I am an adult I realize the things she said were insane, when we were waiting and she would say he called to say he wasnt coming, why didnt the phone ring?
I saw my Dad in 1989, I had no idea it was him! We were visiting my Grandma and a man came to the door, my mom started screaming and made us go to the basement.  I had no idea it was my Dad until I was 18yrs old.
When I was 18 I had my daughter, for some reason I felt I needed to meet my dad, at least just to tell him how horrid our lives were and how it was his fault because he left us.  When my Mom found out that I had found, and called him, she went NUTS! She did not speak to me for months, and when she did start talking to me again, every convo was about how awful my father had been, and the gross things he did. 
My Father was not the beast she made him out to be, though I am bitter with him for not fighting for us. He had been contacted more than once by SRS because we were in a very abusive situation.  He chose to ignore it to avoid the conflict.
 In the end, my Mother is paying the price for hiding us, and making us think that my father was a perverted beast that should be avoided at all cost. My Father is living with the guilt of knowing because he chose to pay child support (which of course my mom said he never did) and carry insurance on us, pretty much do what the court ordered and no more, we suffered a VERY abusive childhood.

I am now 30, my brothers are 31, and 33. Of the 3 of us, I am the only one with without a record, my oldest brother is clinicly insane, the other is in and out of prison for violence and drugs.  My saving grace was I was removed from my mothers custody in 6th grade for 2 years and saw that what we were living was not normal.  My brothers were not as lucky.

If you are doing this to your kids, I hope you shut up with your excuses and take time and think about what your bitterness is doing to your childs life.  You are taking your childs childhood from them, and possibly taking their future too.

my x has obtained a false restraining order and put all kinds of restrictions on me...i am not allowed to go to her school visitation only on alternate weekends...no overnights...alcohol testing before and after i pick my daughter and drop her off at a 'safe exchange' facility.  all this is being done so that she could remove me from our daughter's life and relocate wherever her 'fast moving' career takes her.  my relationship with our 5 year old daughter is very fragile and she most of the time does not even want to talk to me on the phone...my x has falsely accused me of rape, dv, alcoholism...etc and the courts seem to dance to her tune as if words from her mouth were from GOD.  why are us men treated so badly by these family courts? i am great father and love our daughter more than anything in this world.  i am slowly being bankrupted financially, emotionally, physically, and mentally.  what can i do to get my daughter back...PLEASE HELP..