Topic : 12/26 "Brainwashed by My Parents"

I get annoyed at Parents who fight over children. I get annoyed at Adults that only think about their own needs and emotions. My wonderful wife and I just lost our youngest son (in May). He had a disability from birth and if either my wife or myself had been half as self-centred as some parents he would have died even earlier. Children are a gift, both parents must always work unselfishly for the benefit of the children. Why are parents, especially well educated parents so determined to get their own way, even if that means destroying their child? Why can't people accept their situation? Why can't we learn to live and let live? If we did we might even solve big issues such as war.

Brain By Doctor My Parents Phil Wash. I was never never been brain wash in my life. See you on Friday-----

December 26th, 2008, Sincerley Your. Russell Vlaanderen.---------------------------------------------------------------

karen: i an going through the same thing as you.

i have been married for 40 years. the best thing i did was go for counseling to get my feelings straight.

my children are all adults in their late 30's. they have minds of their own.

 

stop beating yourself up is the best advice

Sadly PAS is being overused and mostly used against women.  I noticed one poster on here stated that a parent should never ever state a lie about the other parent to the child.  What is a parent to do when the child witnesses something with their own eyes, and that action is seomthing that makes the other parent bad?  Example:

 

The other parent is extremely domineering and phsyically abusive.  The child witnesses several acts of abuse, including the physical abuse.  The child then hears the other parent say degrading things about the abuse victim (the mother).  The abuse victim (generally the mother) then tells the child that the father (perp) is making bad chocies by victimizing the mother, by assaulting her.  The father is confronted by the child about his abuse and the father then claims that the abuse victim is now the perp.  What is her crime?  PAS.............

 

A parent should be free to explain to a child if questioned about the other parent's actions.  If the other parent IS abusive then the child should know. 

 

In case you are wondering, this is my story and the story of hundred of other moms.  Some of thes emoms are mentioned in the suit with the IACHR filed in May 2007.  You can view the petition here:

http://www.stopfamilyviolence.org/ocean/host.php?folder=133&page=468

 

These are WOMEN and one adult child whose lives have been destroyed by the PAS allegations.  Several of these mothers have not seen their child in years.  While there are only 9 moms (3 of whom are anonymous) in this petition, there are hundred more who are too scared to stand up and say, "This is happening to me too."  I have managed to retain placement of my child, but my ex is on a vendetta.  He constantly degrades me to our child, he lies to our child about events that happened a full decade before our marriage, and worse.  He also searches and makes up events in order to attempt to reverse custody on a daily basis.  If I was more courageous, I would contact Dr. Phil myself to let him know what my child and I have been through.  While I personally am strong enough to deal with the vendettas and nastiness towards me, it tears my heart apart to see the things my ex perpetrates against our child.

 

I am facing the loss of our house and my child will have a rather wimpy Christmas as far as material possessions go, but there will be one thing we both will have.  That hopefully will be a holiday free from abuse and the hope for a new year which will see changes made so we will finally have protection.  And the most important thing:

 

We both love each other and we both know that he is a lying mean spirited man who is out for nothing but himself.  My best friend said it best when she said this:

 

XXXX, he hates you more than he loves child.  How simplistic but how true.

And one last point in closing:  I could state that my ex is engaging in PAS, but he is not.  He is enagaging in abuse and poor parenting.  And not just poor parenting - simply put he is a bad dad.  And IMO, letting our child know that her father is not the best role model for a dad is not PAS, it is simply telling the truth.

My ex-husband did not need my help on pushing his son away. He did not want them and when I tried to push them on him he would not even show up to pick them up so I was made into the bad guy. When you try and nothing happens what are you todo. My oldest (who is 31) has a some what relaction ship with is dad but my youngest (who is now 28 ) has none. The man blames his children on this and not that he is just a bad father.

I don't know why parents do such horrible things but they do it all the time.

 

Trying to scare the children into loving them that is insane and that is a fact.

 

That is grown people acting like children because that is what children do to other children scare them into doing things like my twin sister used to do me all the of time and it worked for years.

 

It is really sad when adults try to scare the children from other loving people that are in their lives and that is a fact.

  My childrens,3sons,father is deceased now,he had heart problems&1999,passed away.Id see hell freeze over before Id made them disshonor their father,,&hed divorced me,he became very abusive,But,his Drs.had discoverd clots in the brain,&hed not remember any of the abuse.Thats why we Find Help,4 the safty of our loved ones.He was never denied his sons,/w/the Soc.Serv.,&Courts,they worked /w/us to keep them safe&be/w/their father.We did divorce,4safty reasons,but 2 use your child 4 your conviense is plain wrong.I know,been there,an only girl,3older brothers,dad a preacher,mom starts work when I started school@4yrs.old,1st.grade,parents never home,oh,except Sunday4Church.Sound Perfect?Damm I Wish it was,as Dr.Phils spoke,what goes on behind closed doors,look perfect 2 everyone,Shame,I know,what a big brother can do?Scar,the rest of the 3 kids,but remember,I was the only girl,from sexual,physical,mental,starvation,that hit all 3,Starve,beat,hay,but the lucky part,R-U-GOING-2-LIVE-OR-LEARN -BY-IT?I  PRAYED 2 DIE@CHURCH MORE THAN ONCE,&Where was daddy?work or drunk.My parents r both deceased,I was27,burried my mom,she drank herself2death,my dad,died2001,my lifes been damm sure  nightmare,but I Grad.@16yrs.old,worked in a furniture fact.,&had a baby boy same yr.&never had,nor would I ever,turn anychild against their parent.My2nd.husband just passed Nov.28h.&how many cases have u heard of a disabled mom/w/3children put on streets from their own home,lived in a motel,rented,now,I have my sons a home,&peace,&No,I couldnt turn them against their stepfather,he abused,alcholic,drugaddict,but yes I left,he beat my handicapped son,&NO ONE LIVES2GETHER LIKE THAT,My husband once said,what kind of man would b /w/a woman/w/a kid like him.Evadetly,damm sure he couldnt fill the shoes,but,he passed/w/no legs,[drugs&diabetes],heart,&he came to us,3months,prior2his death,he loved us&we did him,sad;see a young handicapped boy,whom not spoke in 1yr.,Look in a casket,Buster,Shanes Daddy;Heaven.So,tell me,do we have2not4give?I did,& I doupt;Dr.Phil,orRobin,would disagree,My son cant lie,he does not know how,Tell me;Do you think I Can replace all the lost loved ones?No,&I dont have that capabilitie.I Teach,love,&do everything4my sons&do Not regret 1min.,day,hr.People,Get Some Help,U Remind me of a big brother I [HAVE].Not around me though.Did I Make The Wrong Choices Dr.Phil?Robin?I was&face it,ABUSED,But I Use what happened2me,2 LEARN,NOT TO LIVE LIKE I WAS TREATED,&Im widowed,divorced,live on fixed income,but my sons R 1ST.,A HOME,HEALTH,&the care&love I Can provide/even/w/resorce4my son,Ill not give up

So, my daughter, grandson and I moved clear across the state in May so her and my grandson could live with her current boyfriend who is not my grandsons father.  I have my own place.  I cared for my grandson now and previously when she was attending college, working, etc.  When we moved she told me NOT to tell my grandsons father and family where we went, she wanted to erase him.  They broke up because he liked other women and was not responsible with money, etc.  Shortly after we moved here, my daughter confessed to me she did not like her current boyfriend, he was abusive in other forms, alcohol, verbal, emotional and abandonment, no physical that I know of.  Then my grandson, who is 3, started informing me of things and I would tell my daughter who would call my grandson a liar, etc.  Her treatment of my grandson changed for the worse, out of character for her.  The final incident occured when I found drug paraphenalia, etc. in the basement and confronted her with that, then she attacked me and the police were called.  DFS was involved, everything got covered up, her and her current boyfriend "played nice" for the workers, tried to say I wanted custody of my grandson which is not true, etc.  Her current boyfriends father has some political influence and noone got in trouble for the drugs.  In the meantime, I have not seen my daughter or grandson in 1 1/2 months.  I finally went and told my grandsons father and family where he is and what happened.  They don't have a lot of financial resources and are not quite sure what to do.  I can't say my grandsons father is a better person than my daughters current boyfriend but that they are both just as bad but in different ways.  The point would be is that he is the father, they are the grandparents too, plus all of the extended family.  My daughter called my sister and I last week telling me I need to follow the rules of their house, be a grandparent and she didn't know if she could trust me alone with my grandson besides denying half of the abuse I had seen or she had told me and my sister.  I am a good grandparent/mom and I wouldn't be if I had ignored all of that.  She knows that my grandson will talk about everything that has been going on to me which is why she doesn't want us alone.  Previous to all of this my daughter and I had a good relationship, as well as my grandson and I.  I asked her what she told my grandson about where I went, she said she said nothing bad about me just that I had said some things to hurt her and her boyfriends feelings.  She told my grandson that he and I couldnt see each other right now and it was okay for him to be sad and miss me.  THAT IS HORRIBLE!  He must be very confused since I have been around his entire life on a consistent basis and now because of his mommy and her boyfriend's actions, I'm gone too besides everyone else in his family.  Her boyfriends parents seem like they don't want to get involved, wont do anything about their son and are not helping at all.  My daughter is 23, her boyfriend 25, my grandson 3.  Sure they are "adults" but there is a child involved in this whole mess.  She quit work, cannot pay her bills to me that she owes, etc.  How is any of this right? 

I think for most part that allination is overused, and overrated by the parent who doesnt want to face the fact that they screwed up. And did something that cuased the child to not want to be around them.Like abuse the other parent (ect..) Children see more than you think and dont want to be around that. I listened when my kids said(  on there own) They didnt want to go home to dad. They where afraid of him. He drumed up lots of stories that i was lying and tried to redirect it to me. But thankfully the judge saw right through him.

I am sure that him and his family will say i have allianated them but i tried to arange a vistit with grandparnts and cusins the first year and they never showed. (they wanted it to be on their terms)

We have had no contact with them since 2000, And NO childsupport. Oh they call and threaten support enforcment officers every few years, And support enforcement calls to tell me to stay in hidding, (i cant go back to see my family or move back where i had better support and job as single parent)

They have showed only hostillity and abuse, I could NEVER trust them.

I have lots of friends and have heard bolth stories, But usully it is abusive men who just are trying to controll the sittuation and do what they acusse the mom of doing. Just to manipulate the situation.

OVERUSE and OVERRATD....And ABUSING  the whole allination bit.

 

       "Some of these people (non-custodial parents) have to take ownership for their own behavior and accept the fact that they just might be at fault."   That's a nicely vague phrase.  It is the kind of thing someone says because they do not have the nerve to say what they mean.  If they said "I am the most important element in the universe.   The kids have a mission in their lives to make me happy.  They have to tell me daily what a jerk their father is, was, and always shall be."