Topic : 12/26 "Brainwashed by My Parents"

 I feel really bad for you because as a step mom to 3 grown children living your life I know how horrible it is first hand.  My step children have been alienated from their father for nearly 40 years. Every few years one of them trys to establish some sort of relationship but once their mom finds out all heck breaks loose and its like they are 10 again. She has been remarried almost 30 years and she has done the same thing to cut her new husband off from his 4 kids. IT's like she wanted to make her kids and her new husband into a "Perfect" family and to forget that they have a dad out there . When my husband backed off to try and settle her down she just used that to tell the kids "your dad dosn't care about you".    I have reached the conclusion that there is no hope for them to ever know their dad.  He is ill and won't be around forever> I am so happy for you that you were able to get to know your dad before he passed on.  I have often said about my step children and grandchildren that they are losing the chance to know an incredible loving man and one day it won't be an option for them to get to know him. It makes me sad.

I commend you for being able to help

 your mom out even if she does not deserve it from you.  You are a good daughter and a strong ,caring individual.  Your mom is lucky!

I would love to talk with you.  I am a mother that sounds like I'm in the same position as your father.  And I just want to tell you that you have every right to contact and talk to your father!  Do not feel guilty!!  Love and be loved!  It is not your problem that your mother can not handle the relationship between you and your father, but it's not hers, it's YOURS. YOU choose what to do with it!! 

A LOVING ALIENATED MOM

I want to say that I experienced a parent trying to brainwash me. This IS a true thing happening.  There's no denying it. My father actually came and took me 10 hours away from my mother and siblings and began telling me all sorts of things about my mother, her past, and her responsibility for the separation that I never should have heard. 

The woman on the show is in HUGE denial who says this does not happen.  I had to listen to these things so much that at 11 years old I said that my mother was a wh_ _ _ while my mother was in the same room. Also, I actually really liked my mom's new boyfriend, but my dad had convinced me of how horrible he was too.  I heard it so much that I began to say similar things. 

Eventually, my dad was in such bad shape that he had a mental break down which was the only way I was able to get back home to live with my mom and siblings again. 

Unfortunately, my brothers and sisters were also eventually brainwashed by my dad and actually had nothing to do with my mother for a long period of time.

Here's the main point I want to make. My dad made himself look bad in the end. My mother never said anything about my dad. I gained more respect for her and LESS trust for him.

Also, whether there are things, true or not, which one parent has against the other parent, the child should not be hearing these things.

PARENTS---please don't be guilty of doing these things. It hurts your child and it hurts your credibilty as the child gets older. 

I was in an abusive marrige and had to leave while my husband was at work.. I took my 3 children who were 9,6 and 3 at the time and left the stte and went to my parents.  From the moment he found out i left he did everything in his power to get his son away from me.  He did not try to get the girls, he just wanted my son.  My son ws 6 years old t the time and had daily phone calls with his fther.  He was told to call dyfus and tell them all sorts of horrid things.  This little boy was only 6 and when the dyfus workers came to my parents home, they told me they were on their guard as soon as there was a divorce sitution.  Dyfus went to the childrens school and they were pulled out of their classrooms and interviewed.  We were court ordered to see a phycologist, whom my ex husband picked.  She told me after the fact that as soon as my ex opened his mouth she knew he was lying.

t our custody hearing my ex husbnds lawer stood up when the hearing was over, and he was clearly going to lose custody and said he was willing to take "the boy and let the ex wife have the girls".

I am the soon to be stepmother of two boys, age 13 and 11.  I have been dating my fiance for six years.  We have been engaged for two years.  While my fiance and his ex-wife, Rhonda, have a civil relationship most of the time, I seem to be the brunt of her residual anger for her ex-husband. 

Rhonda asked for the divorce, so I'm not sure I completely understand her continued anger, for him, and most definitely towards me. 

Upon the announcement of our engagement two years ago, I was accused of child abuse by the eldest son, allegations that while I do not believe were prompted directly by Rhonda, certainly the boys were responding to her upset, after years of being taught that any bad word about me brought immense pleasure to their mother.  The son recanted the allegatons in front of me and his father and apologized profusely, but any time Rhonda was around, he stuck to his guns that I had kicked him in the shin, punched him in the arm, and pushed him to the ground, each time while his father was in the shower.  The allegations were quite preposterous even to the teacher he reported it to, and the allegations were never reported. After some brief counseling, her pastor and a emergency intake therapist both diagnosed the eldest with transition disorder.  Eventually, all died down on this issue, but Rhonda continues to badmouth me to the children on a continual basis.

Any advice on how to deal with this?  I can control my actions, but I'm not sure how to address the children when they report their mother's behavior to me, or secondarily, how to address Rhonda when the instances occur.

I hear you. But in may case, it's my dad. 15 years later, he still has to tell me how bad my mom is and how good he was as a dad. It's so frustrating, I know. I can't talk to him for too long on the phone before he gets on the topic. It's sooo depressing. I am about to the point of confronting him. That may truly be the answer. I'll pray for you, you pray for me!

Dr. Phil my wife is a big fan and I went through this same situation and still going through it now. But I am not a father that can afford a lawyer to go to court and fight this. My ex got remarried and her new husband has told me he fights with her about talking down about me to my son. But if my son  tells me anything I cant go to court because of money for a lawyer or address her wih the situation because he gets in trouble and is threatened if he tells me anything. If  It goes to court a person like that is going to lie and the child is too scared to tell his version so he does not getting in trouble.