Topic : 12/26 "Brainwashed by My Parents"

I do not get to watch Dr. Phil very often due to work and school hours but I am overjoyed that I was able to view the "Brainwashed By My Parents" episode. I do not know the whole story of each individual case on the stage, but after being forced to endure the psychological abuse of my child with the permission of the "Family Court System" who do not care about the welfare of my child or anything else that concerns my child, and listening to Mel Feit the director of the National Center for Men and the family law attorney Liz Kates, as well as the others, my belief that NO ONE gives a damn about the welfare of children in America is again confirmed. The attorneys representing father's rights do not care about the children. The attorneys representing the angry mothers do not care about the children. And most certainly the Family Court Judges, most of all, do not care about the children. Judges need to be held accountable for the psychological abuse of children more than anyone. ALL CHILD ABUSE ACCUSATIONS need to be taken seriously and investigated thoroughly by an impartial, rational, individual that has the children’s best interest in mind. Children are more damaged when they are taken out of a loving stable home environment. There are many ways visitation can take place without a legal kidnaping. If a child does not want to associate with the other parent, the courts (if they cared, but obviously the courts do not) would find out the real reason why. The platform for "Father's Rights" is being used to take children away from a mother who is raising them and give them to the biological father that does not want to, and in some cases refuse to, pay child support. NO ONE can force a biological parent to be a parent. In many cases, when a biological parent is forced to be a parent, child abuse occurs and it is not from "alienation of parental rights". For those parents who use their children as pons, you are mentally imbalanced and may deserve to have your children temporarily removed from your home IF the other parent is NOT abusing the children. If not temporarily removed from the home, at least have a third party check on the child daily at the home and at different locations where the child may be. I am sick and tired of this so called "Father's Rights" and "Parental Alienation" nonsense. Some Adults need to get their head out of their crack and start paying attention to children.

    It depends upon the state where you recide and which counselor that you are talking to. 

    I am a member of the First Wives Club, also.  My ex and I called it quits in 1997 after 20 years.  We had shared custody, and I was the custodial parent.  I confess, I have been known to call him a jerk.  (I'm not up for canonization)  Nevertheless, I believed that my two children deserved to have as fine a relationship with him as they could.  He spent weekends with his kids.  Everything went well.  I moved to another state, and the kids spent the entire summer vacation with him.  Everything was going well. 

   Enter the second wife.

    Rather than bore you with all the details, I will only confess that I lost custody of my children because I placed their interests first.  My children wanted to return home  to the state where my husband lived.  I could understand this.  

     He was granted full custody.  Truthfully, I did not give the judge much of a choice because I was not in court at the time.  I just couldn't do it.  Later, there was a restraining order preventing me from taking a weapon and shooting her.  I insisted the whole plot existed pretty much in her own mind.  "If it will give her any peace, go ahead and place the order.  I live two states away, and I never have owned fire arms,"

     This restraining order meant that I could no longer call my children on the telephone.  Plus, I had to have supervised visitations.  I declined.  It was just too painful.  That was in 2001.      

Hello,

As a loving father to my to sons with your story a lot of people is getting a half story. Even with you trying to shorten your story. I am going to tell you a summarized story and you will no if it fitted you or your husband, your son, your daughter oryour love one's pain.

My story starts when my son was born. I was 18 not knowing everthing about life, especially meeting his mom who was 3 years older than me at the time. I was a young man who just graduated from High School who was excited by dating an older girl. Well after 3 months dating she became pregnant with my son. Of course I was shocked but never once denied him like other guys have. I was proud of a baby being born, but I wasn't so proud of our relationship. And I told her I will take care of child, but we won't be together as a couple. So from day one of my son being born I had him daily feeding, cleaning and holding tell he was sleep. But I wanted to do more for him so I joined the Military so I know he would be totally cared for with more money and better doctor's help. But to really explain she never got over us not being together and once I entered the Military she started treating my side of the family bad. My sister who at the time didn't have no kids always tried to see my son on a daily basis and my mother used to be allowed to do things with him, but my son's mother put a stop to all that by moving from her residency to make sure my family didn't see my son. While serving in the war I never received a post card, letter or pictures of my son who I was thinking of constantly. Neither my mom or my sister could not update me about anything going on with my son due to his mom moving around enough even to elude my payments to take care of him. After 5 years has passed and returning from my Military work. I seen her and my son for the 2nd time after his birth month while getting on a city bus. And the 1st thing she said to my son looking at me with a strange look is "Lorenzo say hello to your father". 

I have personally never posted my opinion online but after watching your show.   I have a couple of things to say.  First of all,  kids are always the victims and divorce is not in the marriage plan.  I was married for 23 years and I won't go into my drama as I just wanted to say what I talked to my twins about.  When adult issues arose...I explained and said....this is an adult issue...what do 8 year olds need to worry about....Are they going to make a high school musical 3 and what are you having for dinner?    THey are 10 now and there dad just remarried but counseling might be needed but just listen to your kids....Keep your mouth shut and cry, laugh and just hug on them.  My older boys, 20 and 23 found out the real deal on their own.

Protect your childrens besdt interest and if you have to be the one to put ourself in time out....THEN DO IT!!!

Life is a journey and I am not perfect and say things that I shouldn't but....remember all kids in a divorce are the victims...

Good luck and seek someone to vent to...

I am the step mother to my husbands 3 children for whome we are going through a custody battle.

In the begining his ex and I could talk and got along alright, before I saw how she really was and before the kids and I got closer. As the kids and I got closer she did more and more to keep them away from me during the important times, like their half sisters first birthday and christening. My husband and I made sure they were there for her other babies birthday. (She slept with a man who she knew was married after lying about haveing her tubes tied became pregnant. At the time she was still legally married to my husband.) Over the past couple years it has become more and more appearant how she was only using them to get to us. When it got to inconvenient to care for them she gave them to us on a temp full physical custody stating that she would be the one to pick them up and bring them back and would pay $200 a month, also that she was going to go back to school to become a pharmtech. In the agreement she agreed that if she did not request the children back by August 1 2007 we could go to court and make the custody agreement permanant. We have been working for over a year to get it that way with nothing but grief from her. She curently sleeps on her sisters couch in a small three bedroom house that is on a busy highway, she seems to think she is going to take the kids back. She is currently over $6,000 behind on her support payments, my husband had them lowered to $200 from the $400 a month that was set by the state, to make it easier on her. She has the van that he bought and was awarded the house which she sold an blew through the money.

Last Christmas break she had the children and during that visit we agreed that she could keep the younges who is not in school to potty train her for 2 weeks until her next weekend, she kept her though wen we met her to get the kids after the 2 weeks she said that the 3 yo was not feeling too well, and with the weather being like it was that was understandable, so she did not get to finish the potty training, We told her that we absolutely wanted to have her back by the next visit. That did not happen and she told us that she had just been sleeping alot cause she was not feeling too well yet. We ended up having to go with the police to get her. She was in such bad shape the police officers told us to take her straight to the hospital. Her eyes were extremely dialated and not reacting. She did not even know who her own brother and sister were. She was pail white and her urine had such a stron odor it was sad. She is a lean built little girl as it was and when we got her she looked like an anorexic. We drove straight to the hospital and it was about 5 in the morning when we finally got in. My husbands ex was of course there and went back with the doctor as they were checking her. The doctor refused to hear what any one but she had to say since the child was with her and that was her mother. She flat lied to the doctors about everything including the meds doses and timing.( she had been giving this 30lb child 1 adult Zyrtec (that was perscribed by a doctor to this child) along with a cough suppressant every three hours and an alternatine dose of childrens tylenol and childrens motren every three hours.) The doctor failed to check her eyes or do a urine test since the mother said that her skin always looked like that and that she was just a thin child. The child weighed only 25 lbs when we took her to the hospital and with no way to get ahold of the pediatritian they just listened to the mother. This went on for about amonth before we could get the court order to get her with the police. With out the doctors to testify against her all that the poor child went through was in vein. It was until a few months ago that my husband and I had been doing most of the driving for the kids to get to see her, at the lack of appriciation and the fact that she told the courts that we had been making it difficult for her to see the kids we decided that we would not drive the kids to her any more. We have been going out of our way every other weekend to make sure that she was able to see the kids. She has several friends where she is at to help her by looking after her other daughter. I have no one here to do the same for me since my family is in Texas. We would cram all the kids into the car that my husband had to buy after she left him with nothing and he lost his job, and drive 4 hours as she only drove 45 minutes in the van. All this so she could see the kids.

The children have asked me several times why she lied to the doctors and the police. They were there when the police showed and they were already near tears when their own sister did not know who they were. While at the hospital several of the mothers friends got in my husbands and my face saying that she shold have taken the kids from him along time ago and that we are terrible parents. 2 of these were the pastor and his wife of the primative baptist church she attends on occasion. The other was her male friend, both of whom she often leaves the kids with to spend the night on her weekends. Some days when their father is at work and its just me and the oldest two and our youngest two are napping they tel me how, whoever it is they stayed with that weekend, has told them that their dad is a terrible father and that they need to tell the judge they want to live with their mommy instead. The ask me to promise I will not tell their mother or my husband that they have told me cause they are afraid that the mother will some how find out and punish them for letting us know what they are being told when they are there. They also tell me how she tels them that I am a bad person and that they should not be allowed to be around me with out their dad being there too since he is the one that got "custody". When she calls they don't want to talk to her especially the oldest. She does not like that her mother always tries to make them cry. Now even the youngest is getting to where she doesn't really want to talk to her.

This past spring I took the two youngest that are not in school to texas with me where I volenteer at a camp for kids and I thought the youngest would enjoy getting to be around some kids her age and play. This had been discussed and agreed upon more than a month prior. Then as I was headed down there she waited till I was nearly in Texas to tell her friends that I was trying to kidnap her daughter. The same friends that are helping her brainwash the children into thinking that their mother should be the one to have then and never get to see their dads side of the family. Nothing came of those tales except harassing messages on my husbands cellphone by her and her male friend.

On the 4th of July this year we stuffed ourselves into the car and made our way to Texas where my parents have a small farm. After a wonderful visit we had agreed to drop the kids off at their mothers on our way back home. When the kids found out about that they were in tears. The oldest begged me not to make them go. When we got there The oldest kid (she is 8) got down into the floorboard of my side of the car and begged me not to make her get out and stay.  With tears in her eyes and nearly the same in mine I had to tell her there was nothing I could do, that she had to go. I kissed her forehead and assured her that she will get to come back home in just a few weeks.

The children are so terrified that their mother is going to take them away and they will never get to see us again it is almost like a constant state or sadness when they know its nearly the dreaded weekend. they beg and plead for us not to make them go. We assure them they will get to come home. When we get them back she makes sure that she has at least one of them crying about how she misses them and so on. It is with out fail this happens. They as well tend to come back with the stench of cigarette smoke and a terrible cough. The occassion that that is not so is when they have been left with some one for themajority of her weekend.

When my brother and sister in law along with their two kids were leaving after their Thanksgiving vist, the oldest was so deep into worry and tears over the thought she would be taken away soon and never get to see them again she could not hardly breath. (we had a court date set for Dec. 16th, but it was canceled due to weather) I feel so bad that the kids are worried about these kinds of things rather than just being kids. They were worried that their mother was going to get them back and that would be it. She had been telling them since we started to get it underway for the agreement to be made permnant, that she was going to try to take them back. With all the ppl there, that have never been around my husband except the few that had met him for the first time when they were in his face at the hospital, telling the kids how she whould have never let them go to him in the first place and that she whould have divorced him a long time ago and taken the kids away from him for good, its no wonder they were scared of that.

When the kids come back from their visits they are always so hungry and when I ask them what they ate the answere is generally either some type of a granola bar or A folded peanut butter sandwich or A hot dog. The answer for the nights befores dinner is usually the same. The only times they are not as hungry is if the church has had a big lunch.

She has played the poor me card on all that surround her there tricking them into believing that my husband is out to get her and take the kids away when it was she that decided that it was too much for her to do. Now that she has ppl tricked into feeling sorry for her she is trying to get them back. They are nothing more than a status symbol for her. The poor mother of 4 whos husband left her and now she has to do it all on her own.

With our credit so shot from the credit cards and other bills she was supposed to pay still gaining intrest and mine the same from my ex we look to be stuck in a much out grown car as she lives the high life pawning the kids off on whoever she can to do what ever she wants. It breaks my heart to see the kids being treated this way as the investment of my emotion that has been put into them is much deeper than the required amount that goes along with being married to their father. There is nothing more I can do than sit at night and listen to the oldest cry in the middle of the night after a nightmare of what she fears may happen.

As a child, I definitely suffered from parental alienation syndrome.  My parents were divorced when I was 2 years old.  My mother never tried to keep me from my father, my father chose not to be around and to move to Texas after he got out of prison.  When I was 6, almost 7 years old, my mother was in a car accident and was unable to take care of my sister and I.  My father had told my mother that he would take care of me, but not my sister, temporarily while she recovered.  I flew to Texas and was happy to see my father for the first time in 5 years.  Instead of sending me back to my mom at the agreed upon date, my father and I got into his truck and moved to another part of Texas.  My father had told me that my mom no longer wanted me and that he was the only person that I could depend on.  He refused to send me to school and insisted on me learning how to be a "proper" wife.  This included; house cleaning for 6 people, cooking full meals and even babysitting my younger cousins.  During my abduction period I was beaten by my father and cousins and repeatedly raped my another one of my cousins.  I felt that I had to do all of these things because I was stuck with my father and had to make the best of a bad situation.  After 11 months of this hell, my mother found me and on the day that the state had made my father take me to school, my mom walked into my classroom.  She told me that I could leave with her but I would have to leave with only the clothes on my back.  I couldnt wait to leave with her despite what my father had told me about my mother.  We walked out of my classroom, got on a plane and flew back home to San Diego, CA.  When I returned home, my mother never said anything bad about my father until I was 14 years old and I had made the decision on my own, to not speak to my father.  She then told me about the abuse that she endured by the hands of my father.  As an adult, I am glad for the sacrifices that my mother had made including going to Texas to get me.  I do not know where my father is.  I am now a parent and can not even think in my head why my father did what he did.  I can understand some situations but in my situation the parental abduction was uncalled for.

I am glad that Melissa on your show had a situation that ended well however the majority of situations like mine and hers do not end so well.  I am involved in an organization "Take Root," that works towards ending parental abduction and offering children who are parentally abducted counseling.  I hope that parents who consider this option seriously think about the consequences of their actions, not just to themselves but to their children as well.